Thoughts... (2)

Quote 31

THANK YOU TO EVERY ONE WHO IS READING THIS AS BECAUSE OF YOU ONLY THIS BOOK HAS REACHED IN THE  #100's IN NON-FICTION!

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Dear Diary,

I understood one more thing today.

When you don't know the feeling of having friends, you don't acknowledge it; you don't give any credit to it. You seem to think that it's not as important as people say. You haven't felt it now, so you don't want or need to feel it. You think you can live your whole life without having friends. And when you see people being so clingy to their friends or always being in or forming groups, you feel kind of weird, pathetic and funny. Kind of mixed emotions, you can say. You think these people are stupid. You think that these people are too dependent on their friends. You think that when in future, these friends will break apart, they'll face wraith and will suffer too much. And, as you don't want that for yourself, you simply ignore it and feels and consider it unimportant in your lives.

To you, it's not like if you don't have friends then you would be missing a big part of your life. Nor you are not having fun. Nor it is like you do not socialize or don't talk to anyone. It's none of the above things.

You talk to people, but you don't make them that much close to you that you have to start considering them as friends. No, you don't let yourself or them to cross any further lines from acquaintances.

Yeah, that's what you call them, keep them and make them as. Nothing more. 'Never wanted to and never will', you used to think or so you thought it was the best.

But, it wasn't and isn't true.

Cause' without you knowing, at some point you make friends but not intentionally. They just come across your life at some point and you became happy, a little more than you had expected you could ever be and had been. Happier than you used to be, as you weren't living a carefree, tension-free life before.

You had some problems as every teenager faces, some rare problems while others were family problems. You maybe had and still continued to have trust issues, inner-confidence issues and so many other problems. And, it's not like it had just started. They maybe were from the starting and increased now or had started a few days ago but you just ignored them. Now, they've become unbearable, but then too you try to ignore them.

So, in the middle of all of this, you become friends with some people, you like having company of.

You don't sit alone now, which you realized what you used to feel before: loneliness.  You now have started understanding the true meaning of friendship and understand why you used to ignore it before. You have, now, found the actual, true reason behind it.

It was something related to trust, confidence, fear, inner self consciousness and issues, and problems of your life.

But, now, both they and you have broken some inner walls.

What you used to ignore it before, you worship it now. You give them the most credit you can give them for making you happy. You respect friendship and you keep it above everything in your life. You are now yourself dependent too on your friends. They are the only source of your happiness. You start opening your secrets with them and they do the same with you too.

Later on, you have one or two friends whom you completely trust and with whom you can share anything, even something about their own friends. And, they do the same.

Now, you don't sit alone in the class at lunch and mostly have someone with you to talk to, to share something with. You don't face as many problems as you used to before in school. You don't feel that much low of yourself as used to.

A lot of negativities that used to invade your mind are going away day by day. First, you just made them your acquaintances, but now they are your friends. You don't know how, but they managed to break down your walls, and you somehow accepted them.

It is maybe because you were tired of being alone. Or maybe, because you wanted a distraction from what was happening in your life. Or maybe, it was because of you every day watching everyone sitting with their friends and laughing, and on the other side, it was you sitting alone with no one sitting by your side. And this was just because of the reason that some thought you didn't deserve to sit with anyone, some didn't know you, some didn't like you from the start and had ignored you like you were a corpse, and others couldn't sit with you because their friends told them so or from things they've heard from others.

It was just something new to you and you liked it. Something you haven't ever experienced and, therefore thought to find out more about it and see where it leads you in your life.

But, just this once, you didn't ignore it. You didn't find the need to ignore it.

You just liked it and accepted it fully.

So, though I thought that friendship is nothing but darkness. It proved me wrong, as it made my life even more colourful than it had been and ever could be.

~Oh god that was lengthy, and that's why I didn't update it in one go. I'm sorry for not updating regularly, but I have my finals coming around in 2 weeks. So, cooperate with me. I hope you got what I wanted to say through this diary entry. These all are my personal diary entries from my journal, so all of them contains what I wrote from my heart and what I felt at that time. 

The next one might be somewhat an opposite of this one. It's about the time where you realizes what all miseries and hardships and pain and hurt friendship has brought to you.

Dedicated to @harryslilkitten1314 for being there for me each and everytime.