new year, same old mistakes

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   Coming with my family and I to King's Cross Station today is Louis. I keep on telling myself that I need to stop using Louis to make Draco jealous but I haven't brought myself to break things off with him. My father is obsessed with Louis. He thinks he's like French royalty and my mother keeps on giving me "judgy eyes" whenever Louis comes over. It's pretty fucked up that I'm using a guy who clearly likes me but I don't know how to break up with someone. The good thing about Louis being older is that he will be studying at Ilvermorny so I don't have to deal with all year.

    I thought that being with someone else in front with Draco was going to be good enough for him to tell me that he loves me. He made me feel so guilty for not "not loving back" which is false because I did love him, I was just afraid to say it. If he wanted to hear it so badly, why didn't he be the first person to say it? Why did I have to be the one? I shouldn't have to feel pressured to tell someone that I love them. Even Theo never did that to me and I'm pretty sure the feelings I had for him wasn't love, it was just a strong attraction.

    "Focus on your studies, school application, and N.E.W.T.s this year, Stella", my father said hugging me and giving me a kiss on top of my head.

    "Yes, daddy. I know"

    "I love you, Stella"

    "Love you too, daddy"

    "Oh, come here", my mother sighed opening her arms. I let go of my father and walked into my mother's arms. "I can't believe year seven is already here", she said with a crack in her voice.

    "Mummy, you're not crying, are you?", I asked with my cheek pressed against her shoulder.

    "It just makes me so emotionally seeing you here for the last time"

    "I'm coming home in four months"

    "I know, I know", she said kissing my cheek. I let go of her and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

    "Promise me you will send me owls", Louis chuckled.

    "Of course I will", I said throwing my arms around his shoulders. Louis wrapped his arms around my waist and gave me a sweet kiss. "I'll write to you when I need help with my Transfiguration homework"

    "And I will respond within seconds. Unless you send me them during quidditch practice hours, of course"

    "Send me your schedule. I'm sure Stass and I can sneak out for one day to see you and Adrian play"

    "I don't want you to get in trouble"

    "Who's going to stop me? I'm prefect so I can get away with pretty much anything. Although, I have no idea who's Head Boy and Girl"

    "I'm going to miss you, Stella"

    "Me too, Louis"

    Ew, I can't believe I'm being THAT girl right now.

    "But I'll see you soon", I said giving him one last kiss.

    Once Louis and I parted ways, I waved to my parents before boarding onto the Hogwarts Express.

    Yesterday, I got an owl from the new Head Boy and Girl to meet them in the prefect compartment to talk about the new school year instead of meeting in the carriages. They didn't sign their names so I have no idea who they are. I hope it't not Hermione, she can be so fucking bossy and annoying.

    Upon entering the prefect compartment, I saw Harry and Hermione sitting with their large Head Boy and Girl badges pinned on their shirts. The only open seat on the train was the one next to Draco. He was sitting by the window with enough space between him and Hannah Abbott. I looked around the compartment, trying to find another seat. Draco scooted over next to Hannah, offering me the window seat.

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