Sweet as honey • James Maguire

1,2• A French man in England, Or an English man in france?

I ran in late to assembly, to be welcomed by an awful rendition of I feel it in my fingers, sung by everyone's favourite, Jenny Joyce. Wriggling my way in between Erin and Orla, somehow going unnoticed by the nuns, Erin leaned over to me. "How the hell are you late to assembly? Caoimhe? We came to school together?" Erin asked, half annoyed at the fact some students where now looking towards us because of my tardiness. "doesn't matter Erin, I must've lost track of time" I replied, not wanting to get into depths with it.

Truth was, I was talking to David again. Not taking him back or anything, just smoothing things over, one could say... although to be fair, I don't feel like that would involve some shared kissing. It's not my fault! He's just so cute and handsome, although we're not getting back together, he knows that, besides, I may or may not have my eye on someone else.

It was coming to the end of the awful rendition that made me want to pull my hair out, when Orla pulled her lighter out. "Orla no, you can't have that out here" I whispered to her, while slowly taking her finger off the press and lowering it down out of sight. The awful singing came to a finish, with Orla being the only one to clap for them. I didn't put a stop to it, figuring there was no point to stop something she couldn't get in trouble for. Sister Micheal then went on about the Year 13s who were facing their maths resit for a little while, much to Michelle's disgust, before she got to the news everyone had been waiting for.

"Notice from Mr Macaulay. This years destination for the Euro Trotters trip will be, dramatic pause.." Sister Michael paused awkwardly. I was silently begging for it to be somewhere warm and free... basically the opposite of Derry. "Did you actually want me to do the dramatic pause?" The nun questioned Mr Macaulay, to receive a nod in return. "Interesting. Paris, it's going to be Paris." She announced, uninterested. "Fuck yes" I whispered overjoyed, "exactly what I wanted."

"If you want anymore information, there is a stall in the foyer. Sadly I am unable to come on this one, as I despise the french. In the name of the father, the son, and the Holy Spirit." She finished off in prayer. This just keeps getting better... SHES NOT EVEN COMING!

We walked out the hall, me clinging on to Michelle and James, my arms wrapped around their shoulders, listening to Clare go on about what she wants to do in France. "There's so much I want to do. The Champs-Élysées, the Arc de Triomphe, the Louvre." Only to be interrupted by Michelle. "A french fella, that's what I want to do." She said, looking at me before continuing "Nation of rides, my fannys going funny just thinking about it" Michelle finished off. "Ach could you not use that word Michelle" Erin asked. Michelle shot her a confused look, "what? Fanny?" She wondered. "Why do you always have to be so course?" Clare butted in. "Ach whats the big deal? We all have one" Michelle argued back, only to be replied to by James "I don't."
"You are one" she finished. I stopped the conversation, interrupting with my own thoughts on France "aye Michelle I heard that there's a load of absolute rides there too, although I can't decide if I'd rather ride a French man in England, or an English man in France" I said while turning and winking at James before moving myself next to Orla, with just enough time to dodge Michelle's badly aimed punch and watch James turn red.

Collectively the group decided to ignore my comment, well, apart from James, who was flustered to the nth degree. "Of course Beckett lived in Paris, and if anybody's influenced my writing, it is..." Erin tried to move the conversation on, only to be interrupted by Michelle, "what, Brenda Beckett from 12A?" . Erin looked insulted by that idea. "No! Not Brenda Beckett. Beckett Beckett." Erin finalised. "If we go to Paris, I'd like to meet Nicole." Orla said, while pulling a hair off her sweet dummy. "Aye same Orla, I heard she's class" I told her. "Who's Nicole?" James questioned. I opened my mouth to respond before being interrupted by Erin "For Gods sake. How many times? It's just an ad. She's not a real person, neither is PaPa." Erin said rather rudely, although it went unnoticed by Orla. "Be good conversation practice as-well, you know? For the orals" James stated his thoughts, making Clare nod along with him, as if she hadn't thought of that before. "Which will be the only oral that you-" Michelle started, only to be cut off "yeah, okay, Michelle." James half shouted back. "You didn't let me finish" the dark haired girl continued. "Well, I sensed where you were going" the boy cute her off again, causing the girl to whisper a quiet "blowjobs" in Clares ear. "Don't worry James, it's not true, I'd totally-" I started to say, before having my ear grabbed by Michelle. "I swear to God Caoimhe, you finish that sentence and I will end you" she said looking me dead in the eye. "Ok Michelle OW, just let me go" I said half pleading with her, forcing her to let me go.