Cacophony (PAUSED FOR EDITING AND UPDATES)

14: out o f t i m e

With eyes of blood and bitter blue...how I feel for you, I feel for you.

  As the band closed their circuit of the US, approaching their show at the historic Whiskey- a Go- Go. Last minute they decided to cancel their quick trip to Tijuana, Mexico, and seize the opportunity to show what they had in front of the LA music industry. The first night, Chris appeared on stage in duct taped shorts. He had spent a restless hour taping them up, hoping that it would discourage eager concert-goers from trying to remove his pants from his body when he crowd surfed.
  Chris put everything he had into those performances, as did the rest of the guys. Sydney worked double time to ensure that each of the instruments, from Matt's drums to Chris's vocals and everything in between, were as ready to go as could be. All instruments, equipment and backups were ready, and the shows went off seamlessly. At least, for the band it went off seamlessly. Chris had done some serious damage to his sunburst Les Paul after he smashed into the drum riser and then tossed it behind his head before walking off stage. Sydney had cringed, later telling him off for adding so much work to her already extensive list.
  After their last show in San Fransisco, the lot of them made their way leisurely back home. They were mostly all eager to be there, aside from Chris and Sydney. Chris had a whole lot of nothing waiting for him at home, while Sydney had a whole lot of things that she wasn't ready to face waiting for her. Adam had been polite in their conversations that were stolen from pay phone after pay phone, but Sydney knew that his unhappiness was brewing hot under the surface. She picked little gifts out from every stop they made, hoping that Adam would be happy when she came home and showed him that she was thinking of him in each town they visited.
  He had scoffed at most of her gifts, telling her that it was all junk that was cluttering their apartment. He had also smelled suspiciously of perfume when she had arrived home ahead of schedule. He had explained it away as a patient who wore so much perfume that it made him gag, and she believed him... at least for awhile.
  Just before Christmas, Adam was in the shower and his pager went off for the third time. She moved from where she was attempting to make spaghetti, and looked at the number that had popped up numerous times. It wasn't a hospital number, that she knew for certain. Grabbing the landline, she dialed the number. A woman answered.
"Took you long enough."
  Her heart dropped as the woman giggled, and she instantly felt her hands shaking.
"Who is this?"
"Oh, um... this is Brittany. Who is this?"
"Sydney. Adam's girlfriend."
"Uh, hi."
  There was no anger or surprise on the other end of the phone. This Brittany, whoever... she knew who Sydney was.
"Adam's in the shower. Is there something I can help you with?"
  She wasn't sure how to deal with this. Should she yell? Cry? Be angry with this woman? All she felt was numb.
"Oh, um... no. No that's okay. I'll just talk to him when I see him."
Click
  She had hung up. Sydney stood there frozen to the spot. Adam was seeing another woman. This woman knew about Sydney yet was still seeing her boyfriend. Humiliation colored her cheeks. Did they laugh about her when they were together? Had they had sex in her and Adam's bed?
  A loud popping noise drew her attention back to the dinner that she was cooking. She returned to the stove and turned off the burner, grabbing the pot of noodles and pouring them into the strainer that was waiting in the sink. Her shaking hands slipped, and the scalding water splashed over her fingers.
"Ow! Fuck!" She exclaimed, dropping the pot into the sink.
  Turning the faucet on cold, she let it run over her burned fingers.
"Are you alright?" Adam called from the bathroom where the shower had just turned off.
"Um, yeah. Just burned myself a little."
"You should try being more careful next time. You're always messing up something."
  He was laughing at her, and her eyes began to water. How could he cheat on her? This didn't seem like a one time thing either... it sounded like they had been sleeping together for at least a little while. Wetting a kitchen towel with cold water, she wrapped it around her burned hand so that she could finish dinner. She mixed the meat, noodles, and the store bought sauce into a large serving bowl, praying that it tasted okay. Bringing that and the salad she had prepared to the counter of the kitchen island, she set them in front of Adam as he sat on a barstool. Not looking him in the eye, she dished up his plate for him then turned around to pour them both a glass of wine.
"Ugh. This so fucking disgusting. How did you make this taste so bad?"
"I-I'm sorry." She whispered, not facing him.
"What? Speak up when you talk. Maybe even try to look at me?"
  Slowly she turned, meeting his eyes with great effort. She could feel herself falling apart inside.
"I said I was sorry." She repeated.
"Sorry for wasting my time? Or my money? Because this is fucking garbage."
  He got up, throwing the plate into the sink so hard that it broke. Sydney jumped, gripping her wine glass until her knuckles were white. He rounded on her, leaning in close.
"Burned meat, undercooked noodles, and as bland as this fucking relationship."
  He started to walk away, but Sydney couldn't hold it in anymore.
"Brittany paged you a few times."
  Halting in his tracks, he turned around slowly. Sydney couldn't believe it when she saw a smile playing over his lips, his demeanor calm.
"Is she a patient of yours?" Sydney challenged, daring him to lie.
"Something like that." His smile grew and he took a few steps toward her.
"How long have you been sleeping with her, Adam?"
  She wasn't going to play games with him. They were both grown adults and he was caught. Though, he didn't act they way she expected someone to act when caught cheating. He seemed almost entertained, and it made her blood boil.
"Does it matter?" He asked, looking down his nose at her.
"What? Of course it matters! How could you do that?"
"How could I? How couldn't I, Sydney? It's not that hard, even you should be able to understand it. You're gone all the time. You're probably fucking at least one of those guys. You're lucky you even have a home to come to on the off chance you even remember that I exist."
"I have never been unfaithful to you." Lie. "Not like that." Partial lie.
  The kiss had been a bad choice. Her true feelings for Chris were what was really unfair to Adam, but nobody knew about that. That was a secret that she was prepared to take to her grave in order to keep her friendship with him safe. Relationships ruined everything.
"Sure, like I'm supposed to believe that." Adam scoffed.
"I won't live like this Adam!" Sydney said, sounding braver than she felt.
"Seems to me like you don't have a god damn choice, doesn't it?" He gloated.
"I mean it! It's over, Adam. I'm not the kind of girl that will wait at home for you while your out doing god knows what with god knows who-"
  She was blinded as his fist met her face. Her wine glass crashed to the floor as she fell, but Adam caught her shoulders. He landed another fist into her stomach before shoving her hard. She bounced off of the counter, the edge biting into her ribs painfully. Once she hit the floor she scrambled around to look at him, cupping her cheek and not noticing the tiny shards of glass that left cuts along her skin as she did so.
"What? Think that's the worst I could do?"
  He knelt down, grabbing fistfuls of her sweatshirt and bring her face to his. She braced herself against his chest, pushing herself away from him.
"You underestimate me, Sydney. I have friends in many places. Go to the hospital and they'll tell you what a promising future you will have with me. Go to the police, tell my dad I said hi. Whatever side you think you're on, it's the wrong side."
"I don't want to go to the police. I just want this to be over, Adam. Us... we aren't working."
  He slammed her back, smacking her head into the cupboards.
"You are mine, do you understand me? I won't let anyone else have you. And if you want to keep your stupid job, you will understand that I'm a man with needs. Needs that you obviously can't fulfill. Really you should be thanking me. We're both getting something we want. You get to keep living your childish dream and I get a reliable lay. It's really a win win. But I will not stand to see you with anyone else. I made you who you are, and I can take it away faster than you can blink."
  Her ears were ringing, her head throbbing. How had she gotten here? How had she allowed her life to become this? He was right. Nobody would believe her. Everyone loved Adam. He was charming, successful, smart.
  As he straightened up, she shrank away from him. Smoothing out his hair, he smirked down at her.
"I'll be out all night, and I have an early shift tomorrow. Stay here, appreciate the life I'm giving you. Don't do anything stupid, or you'll see exactly what I'm capable of."
"Y-you can't make me stay here." She forced herself to say.
  She was trembling with fear, but she wasn't going to go down without a fight.
"Oh? Maybe not. But let me ask you something... do your rockstar best friends all check their lug nuts on their tires before they get in their cars? Do they always ensure that all their windows are locked? It would be a shame if the police came knocking on their doors one day with a search warrant and found drugs stashed in the bottom drawer of their dresser... wouldn't it?"
  Her eyes got wide as she understood his threat. It wasn't just herself that was in danger of what Adam could do. He had connections that she couldn't even imagine. She didn't doubt for a moment that he was capable of all of those things, and it filled her heart with a paralyzing fear.
"Think about that, before you go trying anything stupid. The ball is in your court now, Sydney. I advise playing your move wisely."
  She took a deep breath, nodding at him.
"I understand." She agreed, wiping away a tear that escaped her eye and wincing as she pressed against what would surely be a bruise tomorrow.
"Good. If that's enough dramatics for one evening, I have to go. I'm running late, and now I have to find something edible for dinner thanks to you. I'll see you tomorrow night."
  She said nothing, staying still on the floor and watching him wearily as he grabbed his wallet and his keys. He paused a moment after he opened the door to leave, turning to her and flashing her a dazzling smile.
"I love you."
"I-I love you too." She whispered.
"Good girl."
  When the door shut, Sydney still didn't move. Her brain was still processing what had just happened, taking in all the places that hurt. Her cheek, her back, her ribs, hand and legs. She didn't think anything was broken, so she slowly rose to a stand. She stumbled as she took a few steps toward the bed, cutting her foot on glass again, but then stopped. Brittany. She knew somewhere inside of her that the girl had been with Adam in that bed, and she couldn't bring herself to go near it. Her heart began to race, the world spun, and her chest squeezed so tightly that she stumbled to the floor gasping for breath. Tears streamed from her face and into the old carpet as she tried to control herself, failing miserably. Her eyes were fixed on the street lamp outside the window, her insides feeling as if they were breaking apart one by one.
"Why?!" She cried out to no one, desperately seeking an answer.
  Memories of her father swam before her watery eyes. He may not have had a lot of great qualities, but he wouldn't have stood for this. He wouldn't have given a shit about Adam's connections. He would have told her to get the fuck off the floor and take care of her business. Yet, she couldn't. It wasn't just her that could be in the path of Adam's wrath anymore. Her friends, her brothers... Chris. Oh, Chris. If Adam ever laid a hand on him she would never forgive herself.
"I have to protect him." She called out into the empty apartment again. "I have to keep him safe."