“What if the guy you fell in love with is a poor missionary?” Brian refuses to drop the question.
“Like I said, I never thought about it.”
“What if the love of your life proposes to you with a small diamond ring?”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he would do that.”
“I’m saying, what if?”
“If I love the guy, of course I want to marry him. I’ll just tell him that I don’t need that ring, so he can keep it.”
“What!?”
“When he can afford to buy the ring that would look nice on my finger, he can get it for me then. I can wait.”
“What if he can’t ever afford the ring you want? You won’t wear the ring?”
“No. I love the guy, not the ring. My fingers will just have to be lonely—forever.”
Brian lets out a long, loud sigh and grumbles, “All girls are crazy.”
I respond, “All guys are dumb. Especially you, for rejecting my love.”
“You always make me the bad guy, but I don’t think you’re being fair.”
“Why?”
“Ask your best guy friend what he would have done if a hot girl, notorious for dating all these old, rich guys, suddenly approaches him at a rooftop party and drops the ‘I love you’ bomb? I didn’t know anything about you, we had just met, and you told me you wanted to be my girlfriend.”
“I think he would say, ‘I hit the jackpot.’”
“Not if he knew she’d been using guys to dine at fancy restaurants like Per Se and Jean George. There are a lot of hungry, pretty girls like that in the city. You’ve heard of the phrase, fashion meets finance? I also don’t like it when you subtly compare me to other guys you’ve dated. They are like ten years older than me, and they are supposed to be more successful.”
“That was three years ago. I’m reformed! Plus, I will have my own career. I’m not a gold-digger.”
“What’s scary is that you are a gold-digger—with a brain.”
Ouch, ouch ouch! To be fair, Brian does have a point. I’m guilty as convicted. I just don’t want to admit what an obnoxious narcissist I actually am. I was in denial and I probably still am. I have an overly charitable view of myself and yes, I did go out with guys I didn’t care about; I loved their passion, their attention, their money—and their stupidity. Instead of feeling guilty, I felt proud. I’m young only once. And beauty is power, so why not put it to good use while I still have it? Frankly, I didn’t think there was anything wrong with this attitude. That is, until I met Brian.
When we first talked, he sounded like he came from another planet. He was—how should I put this—too wholesome. He talked about things like purity, chastity, and sanctity of marriage. He was also as boring, wise, and steady as a thousand-year-old oak tree. He encouraged me to grow out of my self-absorbed existence and work on my “inner beauty.” All of his friends told me he is not the type to date casually. True to his words, despite hitting a lot of clubs, he was still a virgin for God’s sake!
But still, his words sting. He speaks the truth and I know that’s what I need, but it still hurts. So I decide to strike back. “If you think I’m such a horrible person, why do you keep calling me?”
“The funny thing about you is that while you’re extremely shallow, you’re also extremely deep. When you talk about spirituality, politics, or philanthropy, I get surprised by how thoughtful you are. You have a warm heart—I can see that. But, when you put on a sexy outfit, you turn into a spoiled girl with serious entitlement issues. I don’t know which one is real you. I want to love you, but I can’t.”
“Look, I know I’m really flawed. I’m probably cattier and more insecure than most girls. I’m also emotional and I get easily seduced by all the glamour of the world. Would you be happy if I wrote a book about all my flaws and called it Millennial’s Monologue?
“You’re not a typical millennial. What about Yuppie’s Monologue? Or Flawed Millennial’s Monologue?”
“I disagree. You see, I think people are more alike than we realize. Details of how we live our lives may be vastly different but the deeper we go, the more similar we actually are. I think we all have secret wounds and we want to repair our inner worlds. I don’t know if I will ever feel whole and at peace with myself, but I want to eventually get there and I want to chronicle my upward journey.”
"Give me your elevator pitch."
"I want to write the kind of book I can't write unless I'm drunk. Shockingly honest, dark, despondent, and enlightening."
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NOTE: Can you let me know which one of these essays you'd be most interested in reading? (1) Do you believe in love at first sight? (2) What's wrong with narcissism? (3) Why are some girls crazy? (4) Why are most guys dumb? (5) What actually was on my wishlist? (6) What is a millennial generation? I'm not sure which essay I should post next, so I need your help! Thanks!
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Millennial's Monologue: Secret Dramas in Our Hearts & Souls
Non-FictionREAL LIFE STORY: I was a stereotypical high achiever in an Ivy League school who got suspended for plagiarism; April was a sweet girl who worked in a high-end prostitution ring. We were both in our early twenties when we became friends. A perfect...
