Aisles

Chapter 11

Sunday October 27th

Remus knew what he was supposed to do when faced with a difficult situation, or when things started to get 'bad' again. He usually didn't do it, though. The idea of talking about his emotions, or seeming 'vulnerable', with anyone made him physically sick. Remus? Dramatic? No...

However, this usual method of bottling up his feelings until he exploded and had a breakdown was drastically different from what had happened at the costume party. Remus had actually cried in front of someone (that he was very attracted to, no less). His face burned with embarrassment at the very memory.

But... It had felt good. The small rubs of Sirius' hands on his shoulders, the smell of his cologne when they hugged, the comforting guiding arm...

And so, Remus woke up the day after with the resolute thought that things were going to be different. He was going to break away from his usual methods of dealing with emotion - not too far, mind, but still out of his comfort zone.

Ergo, Remus was curled up on Mary's bed, holding a mug of steaming green tea and preparing himself to divulge his worries.

"Remus, you've been sat in silence for ten minutes now," Mary clicked her tongue impatiently. Remus shushed her with a vague wave of his arm. After a moment, he began to speak:

"You know, Sirius?"

"Yes, I know Sirius..." Mary replied slowly. "Your colleague, saw him at that house party, black hair?"

Remus nodded.

"Well, turns out I am very much attracted to him," Remus said matter-of-factly. Mary's eyes widened.

"Can't blame you, to be honest," She said finally.

"Last night, there was an engagement party thrown by other colleague," Remus started.

"Yes, I saw the pictures on Instagram,"

"I accidentally, kind of, maybe, told him a little bit about... you know. My 'problem'," Remus looked up at Mary, waiting for her reply.

"Is that such a bad thing?" She said after a moment.

"What? Of course. I mean, I haven't really known him for long, the guy is nice to me for like a month and now he'll think I'm like this fragile piece of china,"

"But if you want to date him, he will know eventually. I mean, it will show that you trust him!"

"But it's too soon... Besides. He'd never date me. I mean, he does like men but look at him. And look at me," Remus said, sighing. Mary swatted him with her arm.

"Remus! Don't you dare think negatively about yourself," She scolded. "You are very funny, dependable, attractive-" Remus rolled his eyes. "-and Sirius would be lucky to even have the opportunity to go out with you," She finished.

"Yeah, yeah, you have to say that," Remus replied curtly.

"But I mean it! I really do, Remus. You mustn't sell yourself short. Now, what's the plan?" She said definitively.

"Plan?"

"Yes, plan. To get Sirius to go out with you,"

"Oh for fuck sake..."

Remus had decided that concocting some sort of 'plan' would definitely make things worse. It would make things too... real. Although the revelation about Sirius' sexuality had been somewhat welcome ("well he certainly can't be homophobic now") it, too, made things too real.

It also would make rejection even worse. Hearing that Sirius was straight would be acceptable. Hearing that Sirius wasn't straight, but still didn't like Remus, would be very, very painful.