IMPERMANENCE

chapter thirty five - the ring

Dagger never wanted to be her enemy.

Besides, weren't you supposed to hate your enemies? Shouldn't you feel something? Spite. Resentment. Malice. Hostility. Hatred. Something. Anything.

The very fact that he felt none of those thing made his head spin, his heart slow.

He'd always remember how to spell his own name, should he ever need to. He knew how to spell her name now, too. He'd spell it a thousand times over if he could, just so he would never forget the way it sounded, the way the letters connected with one another to form her name.

Soon they'd enter the Emperor's palace, and they would no longer be required to help or protect each other. Really, all the contract required of them was to refrain from murdering each other. But who's to know that? They certainly didn't. Dagger would soon turn his back on Alessia, from Lennox, Zane, Thea, Ivan, gods even Naomi.

Soon they'd all be nothing but a distant memory. Soon, the terms of Dagger and Alessia contract would cease.

And once they reached those gates, he wouldn't have to feel so guilty for caring about her anymore. And the sooner all that happened, the sooner Dagger could get the hell away from her before he did anything incredibly stupid.

As if he hadn't already. But who's to know that?

It was ironic to him, really. That he'd been suffering for so long and moving wearily about in his life, looking for something to finally fight for. To live for. He thought for so long that devouring himself in the revenge that was promised to him by Zedo would relieve him, but he never thought about what he'd do after that.

He'd felt so relieved in the past few weeks. He slept, he ate, he bathed in warm water. He was caught, not once, but twice over. He was offered a choice, a path to take in his life.

And here he was, still feeling guilty for wanting to stay in the place that had taken everything from him. The sun shined so much brighter there, the proof was on his skin. He touched his fingers to his swollen lips, he was smothered in her scent. No matter how many times he'd bathe, he couldn't shake her off of him.

Dagger was like a sailor who had been drawn to the voice of a siren's song; he had drowned in the clear waters of her sea. Dagger knew how to swim, he had learned when he was a child. He learned of the stories of sirens from his brother and was always warned never to swim out to a voice too perfect to be true, or he would find himself dead. He knew all of this yet had chosen to stay in the water, gazing up at the distorted surface. Every day he fell deeper and deeper. And the worst part was, he liked the way his lungs and heart burned from her waters once he grew to accept this undeniable fact. Dagger felt more alive now than he ever had. Captivated. Drowning. He rather liked the feeling.

Was life always going to be this cruel to him? Or was he only cruel to himself?

His brother's pendant was all that remained across his bare chest. The more he thought about it, the more he could feel it. He had rarely thought about his brother's pendant, he hardly noticed it was there. He just remembered it being the only remaining piece left of Ronan. He'd had it for six years now and still never claimed it as his own. It would always be his brother's pendant and never his. It was never supposed to be passed down to him.

The stone had no clear cut or shape. It was a dull rock, with hints of grey and deep purples hidden beneath. The stone was wrapped vertically and held around his neck with cheap wiring. He never knew its origins, he only knew it belonged to Ronan and possibly his birth family.

The more he thought of the pendant, the more it burned through his skin. And when he thought of the burning sensation, it physically made him jump. The tips of his fingers reached up to graze across the rough stone. The sensation of the rock tingled under any skin it came in contact with. He had lied to Zachariah about his ownership of the pendant and wondered what significance it held to the supernatural and the answers it bore.