Forever & Always - (One Direction, Narry)

Chapter 14: Apologies, Tea, & Accidents

- Harry -

I fucked everything up.

I always do.

Of course, it's always my fault. I'm a douchebag and everyone knows it.

Louis is gone because I was being a complete idiot and only caring about myself. Sure, this fake-dating was going to affect me, but the other lads were just as into this as I was. Stupid Harold, only thinking about myself. Sometimes I get tired of my own bullshit. Sometimes I wish my mum was around more so she could put me in line.

The worst part is, I miss Louis. I miss our bromance and the way he was always the first to know if something was wrong with me. He'd also be the first to suggest going out to grab a few drinks to calm me down if I was mad. Louis was always there when I tried to get in with a random girl when I was drunk. He was always there, no matter what.

He isn't anymore. That kills me inside.

And Niall. I even said that he was the cute one, no one ever wanted to see him hurt because he was too fragile. Niall was too innocent for this, for me. The poor guy doesn't diserve any of this. He doesn't need me yelling at him only because I was angry at myself. Niall diserves more than me giving him lip because I was upset about Louis. None of this was his fault.

Niall diserves better than me.

"I'll go make some tea," Liam informed us after a long, awkward silence. He pushed himself up from the sofa, sighed tiredly, and headed to the kitchen.

Liam diserves better, too. If anything, he only tries to help me and fix everything. All I do is push him away and tell him I don't need him or his help. He tries his hardest to make me see the bright side of everything, but I choose to stay in the shadows.

Zayn glared at me, then decided to follow Liam. "I'll help him." He popped his hood over his jet-black hair and scurried along into the kitchen, letting the swinging doors slide past him.

An uncomfortable silence settled over Niall and I. In any other time, we would have bursted out laughing. We would've joked about Zayn trying to be "gangster" in his hood and laughed about Liam's constant need for tea. Niall and I would be rolling on the ground, clutching our stomachs from laughing so hard. Sometimes we would even feel six-packs coming on. Then we'd go raid the pantry for sweets while the smell of tea filled the air.

But I ruin everything.

And Niall and I didn't laugh. We didn't call Zayn a ganster or joke about Liam and his tea. We weren't rolling on the carpet like idiots and holding our stomachs tightly. Niall and I didn't feel six-packs forming and we certainly didn't go find Sour Patch Kids or Skittles in the pantry while the smell of tea engulfed us.

We sat there, in a painful silence. After a while, Niall got up and headed for the staircase that led to our individual rooms. "I'm, uh, gonna go shower."

"Wait Niall." The words escaped my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. He turned and those fresh blue eyes met mine. He raised his eyebrows expectantly. I cleared my throat, not really knowing what to say next.

I had too much to say. Too much to apologize for.

"Erm." I stood up, awkwardly scratching the back of my neck. Niall took a defensive step back; I didn't blame him. "Listen, I know you're really, uh, defensive towards me now. I just wanted to, you know, apologize."

Niall blinked. "For?"

"Everything," I explained, shaking out my curls. "For ignoring you on the plane, snapping at you at the hotel." I paused for a moment, thinking of what to say next. "For being a complete and utter dick. Seriously Niall, I am so sorry for everything and I really hope we can go back to being best mates again."