Betrayal

Chapter 19

The day after

It was late afternoon when I finally woke. Waking to what must of been the worst nightmare of my life but no it wasn't a nightmare the ordeal really happened I was raped. I ran to the toilet I had to be sick, things like this don't happen in real life.I mean you read about it and see it on the news but you never think it will happen to you. I started to run the bath but no amount of cleaning will ever make me feel clean I felt so dirty.
"Charlie are you alright" I heard Nathan shout through the bathroom door.
"Yes I'm just getting a bath" I shouted back
"Ok I'll be just here if you need me" he called
I'm not sure how our relationship will survive this i don't think I'll ever be able to be intimate with another boy again.
I striped off to get in the bath but I couldn't do it I fell to the floor and broke, tears were streaming, my whole body shaking how am I ever going to recover from this.
"Charlie open the door" Nathan called
"Charlie I can hear you crying please open the door" he called again
"Charlie please" he called again
"Casey come here quick" I heard Nathan shout
I could hear the sound of feet running
"What's wrong" Casey asked
"Charlie's crying but she won't open the door" Nathan told him sounding very concerned
"Hi princess it's me Casey. Nathan's worried about you please open the door so he knows your alright" he said behind the door with such the sweetest voice.
"I can't" I cried
"Please baby I just want to know your alright" Nathan spoke in such a broken voice
"Please Charlie he's really worried" Casey said
"I'll only open to you Casey please tell Nathan to go" I cried even more.
"I'll go I guess it isn't me she needs" I heard Nathan tell Casey
Knock knock I heard on the door.
"It's me princess Nathan's gone" Casey informed me
I opened the door and in walked Casey and I just fell into his arms crying like a baby. Casey was so good with me I really feel safe when he is around. He held me tightly he wasn't even bothered I had no clothes on he didn't look at my body once all he wanted to do was comfort me.

We must've been sat on the floor for at least half an hour before Casey motioned me to get up. He put some more hot water in the bath for me and helped me. I just sat in the bath not saying a word. Casey wasn't pushing me to speak he was sat on the toilet.
The silence was suffocating and I didn't like it one bit but I wasn't sure what to say. Does he want me to speak about the attack, the meltdown I've just had or my feelings.
" was Nathan upset that I didn't want him here" I asked
"Yes as much as it hurts me to say he really loves you"he said looking a bit disappointed
"He won't love me now I'm damaged" I cried
"Your not damaged Charlie, is that why you didn't want him here because you think he won't love you because you was attacked"he asked
"How can he love me when I don't even love myself, I can't even look at myself in the mirror, that bastard has taken everything from me, I'm not even me anymore I don't fucking know who I am anymore"I cried
"Nathan does love you nothing as changed that and you are the same person Charlie you just need to find a way to get through it and find yourself. Just remember your not alone you have Nathan and you have me. We're not going anyway. You really need to speak to Nathan he's hurting so much and I promise he doesn't see you any different then what he did yesterday that guy loves you so much"
He told me
"How do you know he doesn't feel any different he must think of me differently he must" I snapped
"He doesn't and I know because I don't feel any differently towards you. When you love someone you love them no matter what, just speak to Nathan" he said

Casey was right I need to speak to Nathan but how do I start. It's different speaking to Casey he isn't the one I've been sleeping with and may never sleep with again Nathan and I had something special that might not be the same again.
"Casey can you get Nathan for me I don't want to leave this bedroom in case I bump into lee" I asked
"You won't bump into him he isn't here, Kalvin, Victoria and Noah took him back, when you fell asleep last night Nathan went looking for him he was so mad luckily lee had already gone"Casey informed me
"I'll go and get Nathan" he said and exited the bedroom
I was just sat wondering what I would say to Nathan. How could I explain to him something I don't understand myself. Just then he walked in.
"Hi baby are you ok Casey said you wanted me" he asked with a very sad tone
"Yes I just wanted to explain why I wanted Casey earlier and not you it's just .. I was stopped by Nathan who suddenly broke down crying

"I'm so sorry i wasn't there for you to protect you, I let you down.I'll never forgive myself for this ever. Seeing you in that state and knowing I wasn't the one to rescue you hurts me. That bastard hurt you he fucking hurt you and you was shouting and shouting and I never heard you. I know why you wanted Casey he saved you and even after when I couldn't move he took care of you I'm just so sorry I let you down. Please baby forgive me I love you" he sobbed

"You think I blame you for this, it wasn't your fault none of it was your fault. I love you Nathan I really love you. I didn't want Casey because he saved me although I'll be forever grateful to him, I wanted him because I was scared of losing you. That you would look at me different, that you would think I was damaged. Casey wouldn't look at me like that because we haven't been sexually involved. I don't know when I'll be ready if I'll ever be ready for any sexual interaction again. I'm sorry Nathan I'll understand if you don't want to be with me anymore" I sobbed

"Don't want to be with you Charlie I love you nothing is ever going to change that. I'll never rush you or force you to do anything you aren't comfortable doing and if that means no sex then I'm ok with that, just as long as I have you I'm happy" he said and gave me a small smile while wiping his face.
I love this guy so much I didn't want to lose him. I got up from the bed and walked over to him and placed my hands on his face and lifted his head.
"I love you Nathan" I said and placed my lips on his he was taken back and wasn't sure if to kiss me back. I pulled away and whispered it was ok to kiss me. I then placed my lips on his again this time his kissed me back.

I will get through this I won't let that guy win. I won't let him ruin my life I won't let him take anything else from me. With the loving support of my boyfriend, Casey, Victoria and my sister who seems to be really hurting over this I know I can get over it that I can move on. I am a survivor.