Building Attachment

Chapter 32

POV: Ahsoka Tano

A silence grew in the small space of the cave as Anakin and I sat opposite from each other against its rocky walls. I paid no attention to my own expression as I studied the look of pure shock that occupied his face at the realization of our sudden and impulsive display of affection.

I turned away from his eyes as I pondered a way to break the silence. What was there even left for me to say after I gave in to a moment of weakness as strong as the kiss was? I couldn't take it back now and I also knew that there was no one else to blame for it but me. I had missed the sensation of his lips pressing against mine, the feeling of his raw and unfiltered emotion pouring against the metal shields of our weakened bond as his arms wrapped around me.

Nothing could have stopped me from reclaiming his lips after everything that he had said and forced me to acknowledge. He was right. I loved him and I never stopped loving him, regardless of how hard I tried. What was the point of trying to deny this now when the likelihood of our future was so uncertain?

By the time I finally looked back up to Anakin's face, he had already turned away. I opened my mouth to say something and then closed it again as I hesitated. "I- I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me," I lied as tears began to well up in the corners of my eyes.

He looked up at me again, trapping me in an intense and emotional state that I couldn't break away from. Nothing was said for a moment as I felt him press against our reopened bond in search of my true emotions, only for me to strengthen my shields and push him back out. It had been months since either of us had attempted to reopen the bond that had once been so strong between us and I didn't know how to feel.

Seconds later, Anakin gave up his attempt and looked back down at the ground once more as a sigh of defeat left his lips. "Listen Ahsoka," he paused. "I know your words have made it very clear as to where you stand on whatever this is between us. I'm sorry for pressuring you into something you obviously didn't want," he told me, seeming to have lost all of the confidence he had before I kissed him. I soon realized that he must not have fully trusted the memory he saw if he still doubted my feelings for him. The sadness that was visible in his eyes as he looked back into mine was enough to cause my breath to hitch. 

"Don't look at me like that Ahsoka," he whispered after a few minutes as he closed his eyes.

I swallowed the lump that had started to form in my throat before responding. "Like what," I rasped.

"Like you pity me or feel anything for me at all..." he trailed on softly. "You know that I'll never move on," he whispered, "but I won't ever try to stop you from doing so, I promise. Just tell me you never want to see again and I'll-"

"Stop it," I interrupted in a whisper as I squinted my eyes shut in a useless attempt to suppress my tears. Everything came crashing down as I succumbed to heavy tears and crawled to close the short distance between us and crash myself against his chest as I tightly wrapped my arms around him and sobbed into his shoulder.

I could feel his body tense against mine and a gasp leave his throat in response to my sudden breakdown which he seemed not to know how to handle. "Ahsoka?" he whispered cautiously. His surprise was evident in the force as his arms remained unmoving at his sides, but I didn't care. I couldn't stay away from him any longer only to carry the weight of the galaxy on my shoulders. As selfish as that was, I needed him as much as I now knew he needed me.

I was careful around the injuries that covered his midsection as I clenched his robe in my hands and he finally snapped out of his trance and closed his arms around me to lift me securely onto his lap. 

His nose found its way between my lekku and neck as he gave in to the comforting embrace and rubbed soft circles onto my back. "Shh," he gently whispered against my skin. "Shh, you're alright." And in that moment, safe and back in his loving arms, I wanted to believe him.