Dancing in the Dark ✓

26 | theo

Christmas was my favourite time of the year. 

Sure, Canadian winters were overwhelming, so all the more it contrasted and brought out the festive decorations, hot drinks and jolly vibe. My neighbours usually took turns to host Christmas dinners, and this year, it was my family's turn to host it, so all of us were up at the crack of dawn. 

"You're joining Sasha for lunch, right, Theo?" My mom clarified gleefully, for the umpteenth time. 

"Yeah, I've got the presents ready." 

"Don't disappear for too long!" Noelle reminded. "We need all hands on deck for tonight. Even dad's firefighter team are popping over before their shift." 

"You could bring Sasha over after if she wants to help," my mom suggested. 

"Will do," I replied cheerily. I gathered the presents and was about to step outside when I caught sight of my older sister looking grave. I frowned, suddenly worried. "Hey, Willow, you good?" 

My mom glanced at her, too. "Was your call shift last night really rough?"

Willow shook her head. "For Christmas Eve, it was pretty decent."

"Why the glum look?" Noelle asked.

"I don't want to ruin the mood."

"You might as well get it off your chest." 

Willow looked at all of us and sighed. "Don't get mad."

We paused straight away and turned all our attention to her. 

"Willow, don't scare us like that," my mom warned. "What happened?"

She pinched the bridge of her nose. "I'll just say it as it is, or else you all will get mad if I do it without telling you. I'm signing up to become a firefighter."

Pin-drop silence. 

I blinked slowly. "You. A firefighter." 

Willow nodded sternly. "Just like dad." 

Noelle cleared her throat. "I thought you were happy with your job?"

Willow smiled bitterly. "I only took it up because we needed money, Ellie. I've lost count of the number of times I felt so helpless, just being on the phone, behind a screen. I need to... do something."

"But you already are helping," Noelle protested. "Emergency Operators are so important."

"Willow," my mom said quietly, "You know that even if you're on the scene, you can't save everyone, right? Your dad came home many times feeling helpless, too, feeling like he could've done something more, even though he couldn't have. Rushing onto the front lines... it doesn't solve feeling useless." 

"But I never wanted to be stuck behind a desk," Willow pointed out. 

"It's dangerous." 

"I know the risks, mom. Everyday is dangerous -- I could walk home from the Call Operating Centre and -- God forbid -- get run over by a car. God forbid as well, I could go out now, slip and break my neck. But if I die on duty, at least I know I made a difference." 

Noelle shook her head. "We've already lost dad. We can't lose you."  

"Dad lost his life in a house fire. He didn't have equipment, nor a team," Willow said quietly. "He went back in there for me. I'm eternally grateful for him giving me a second chance to live, so I promise I won't do anything reckless on the job. Also, there'll always be people watching my back." 

"But what about us?" Noelle rebuked. 

Willow sighed. "I've always been thinking of you all, as the eldest. I'll always think of you all. But please, let me do something for myself, for once?"