Don't Talk To Me | BOOK 3

thirty two

Riley Murphy

2048

I ended up back on the shoreline where Paxton and I were moments ago.

It's only 10 minutes from our house and a cruise-y walk. 

But the lake is where I go to take my mind off things. It's where I think and not be myself for a while. 

I could tell winter was coming by the way the wind changed as soon as the skies turned grey. 

My shoes were getting dirty as I kicked through the rocks and shells that littered the muddy sand. It was kind of therapeutic though, watching it get washed over from the waves.

I licked my lips, tasting the salt as the ocean spray directed itself toward me.

"France." A voice suddenly said.

I jumped, my heart racing as I turned around.

"What?" I said, placing a hand over my erratic heartbeat as I stared wide eyed at a smirking Dakota. She had her hands on her hips.

"France. What do you think about France?" She asked me again.

I blinked, "I've never been to France."  

She shrugged, "Me either. But it would be cool to visit."

"It would take us like 4 years to get there." I said to her.

She rolled her eyes, "At least 8 days." She announced.

I looked at her again, "By boat. I'm not sure how long by car though. You're probably right about the 4 years theory. If we were to drive by car, it would take rouglhy-"

"Why are you here?" I cut her off, sitting down on the side of the road, staring out along the flat waterfront.

She sat next to me, "Because I'm talking to you about France." She said dumbfoundly.

"Seriously." I asked.

Dakota sighed, taking my hand in hers and kissing my bruised knuckles, "Because." She paused, "I'm worried about you." 

I looked at our conjoint hands before feeling the warmth that her slender fingers brought to mine, "Why? I'm perfectly fine." I shrugged, lying through my teeth.

"Don't lie to me." She said strictly.

"I'm not lying to you." 

"You are. You nose twitches when you lie, and I don't appreciate liars." Dakota huffed, standing up abruptly.

I hear her feet scrape against the gravel road before I follow her.

"Dee wait-"

She spins around, arms crossed.

"I'm sorry, okay? But what do you want me to say?"

"I want you to talk to me." Her voice is raw, "Tell me how you're feeling. I want to help you." She walks closer to me.

"You can't!" I raise my voice, "I-I don't need your help."

"You don't want my help. There's a difference, Riley."

I paused, she's right, I know that. 

But if I tell her everything I'm feeling, we'll be here for years.

"We're stuck with each other, Riles. So you better start opening up now or you're in for a lifetime of being unhappy. And none of us want that for you."

* * * 

The house was silent as I crept back up to my room.

My window was still in broken shards on the floor as I began to pack up my things.

Alex and the others had found us a house and we were moving it all tomorrow. 

My hands trembled as I shoved pieces of clothing into a bag. Dakota's words replayed in my mind. She's right, and I don't want to admit it!

You're in for a lifetime of being unhappy... thanks for the reminder!

Once the essentials like clothes, shoes and bedding was in a pile by my bedroom door, I walked down the hall into the shared bathroom. 

I opened the mirror and pulled out the first-aid kit, spare toothpaste, that sort of stuff. I even organised it neatly.

"You're distracting yourself." 

I sighed, "Maybe I am."

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and then soft lips placed themselves onto my neck, "Come on." 

Dakota took the box out of my hand and placed it on the sink before she took my hand and led me into her room.

I stood with my arms crossed while she closed the door.

Her room was plain. The walls that had her maps, ripped out pages from books and drawings were now bare. 

Her floor that was usually scattered in pencils and paper was now clean and neat.

"Your room looks weird." Dee smiled, "I know. There's a lot more... space now." She said, looking around before lifting her arms to my biceps.

We sat down on her squeaky bed. And neither of us spoke. 

"I'm not going to push you, but I want you- I- I need you to know that-"

Before she could continue I brushed a strand of hair from her face and placed my lips on hers, indicating that I didn't want to talk.

She gasped, before kissing my back. I felt my heart race before it stopped completely. Dakota pushed me off and smiled sympathetically.

"As much as I want too-"

"I don't want to talk about me. Please, we can even talk about France. But not me."

"But why not?" Dakota said, flopping back onto her bed, defeated.

"Because. I don't like me, Dee. I hate me." I said angrily, standing up.

She sat up, meeting my eyes.

"I don't feel like myself, anymore. I don't sleep I don't eat. I can't even look in the mirror without wanting to-"

My voice broke and Dakota stood up, tears brimming her eyes.

"How am I supposed to feel okay when my own family hates me?" I choked, "They don't hate you." She shook her head.

"We're moving house tomorrow, and Elle left a note on my door saying I have to pack. She didn't even tell me in person." I paused, "She wrote me a fucking note." 

I didn't want to cry but sometimes it just gets too hard, "I don't know what to do anymore. Gage hates me and he's my best friend." I sniffed, "Alex doesn't even look at me I-"

Dakota pulled me into her arms as we sat on the floor. My head was on her shoulder.

I felt vulnerable, weak.

I hate feeling like this.

* * *

hi guys!

not gonna lie, I cried writing this chapter!

but before I say anything else, I know this chapter was really sad and all deep n personal. but I wanted to quickly touch base on Riley's mental health.

I just wanted to say that if any of u are struggling or want to talk, please don't hesitate to flick me a message. I'd love to chat with u!

mental health is so important, u are all so important! especially after the year we've had.

love u all so much 

xxx