Lost & Insecure

Eleven - She's Finding Me Out

Katie had to finally admit to herself that she wanted Dana. Ever since they first met, Katie couldn't get Dana out of her head, and that drove her crazy. Katie could have sworn that there were little moments they shared when no one else was around. Katie could feel a tension between the two of them that drove her wild. Katie couldn't handle the dreams that carried ideas into her waking life. Katie told herself that she had to kiss Dana; she had to know. She had to know for sure that it wasn't just in her head. But Katie didn't think it through. She kissed Dana, and at that moment in time everything was perfect and right. But she knew that couldn't last. She believed that's not how life works. Not in Katie's world.

Katie realized almost immediately that kissing Dana was the worst thing she could have done. She was completely content silently fawning over Dana in the background while the rest of the world saw her with Jesse. Now, even if her and Dana's relationship didn't go anywhere, Dana still knew that Katie liked girls. Seventeen years of lying to herself and the rest of the world, and all of that was about to be flushed down the toilet because of one stupid little kiss. Maybe it'll blow over. Katie constantly told herself. Maybe I was just delusional and curious. Katie refused to completely admit to herself that she was not straight. She refused to allow her urge to kiss Dana to be sufficient evidence that she liked girls. Katie didn't know what to do with herself. She had managed to lock herself in her room and ignore her phone for the remainder of the weekend, but knew she couldn't escape school.

Contrary to Katie's biggest fear, Dana hadn't said anything to anyone about their little moment in the rain. She understood what Katie must've been going through, and she was okay with all of it. Dana was surprised by the kiss. She wasn't surprised that Katie liked girls, that much was obvious to her, but Katie actually making a move shocked Dana in the best way possible. And Dana could only imagine what must have been going through Katie's head after the kiss. So Dana didn't say a word. Besides, it wasn't like her to kiss and tell anyway.

Katie had impressively managed to avoid Dana for the first few days of school, despite them having multiple classes together, lockers right next to each other, and the same group of friends. Dana had seen Katie in class and around their friends but she always managed to disappear as soon as Dana got too close. Dana wasn't entirely hurt by the ordeal, but it did cross her mind that she must've done something wrong to scare Katie away.

It was fourth period Wednesday when Dana finally caught Katie looking at her from across the room. Of course, as soon as Katie saw Dana turn around, she looked away. Dana was okay with being avoided. She understood, and decided that if Katie wanted to avoid her, then she'd let Katie avoid her. Even when their science teacher announced that everyone in the class had to pair up, Katie managed to find an underclassman and snag them before the options for partners dwindled down. Dana was the last person standing, and Katie felt guilty, but Dana didn't take it too personally.

Dana was looking forward to other things to take her mind off of Katie. That afternoon, Dana was finally going to make it to a photo club meeting. She had been in contact with Zach since the first week of school, and had joined the photography group chat that the club had, but somehow Dana hadn't met everyone in the club yet. She was surprised with how small the school was that she couldn't manage to put a face to a lot of the names. Katie continued to avoid Dana throughout the school day, but Dana seemed to be counting down the minutes until the club meeting. Although she wasn't always enthusiastic or involved at her old school, Dana saw Ridgeway as an opportunity to start fresh and try new things. Besides, in her mind she had a choice to either be bored or to make friends by doing a hobby she loved. She figured the latter was the better option.

Dana sat beside Zach during the club meeting and kept mostly to herself. She occasionally would chuckle at Zach's eagerness to participate and contribute outrageous ideas. Zach enjoyed having Dana around to support his scheme proposals and act as his personal hype person. Halfway through the meeting, the president of the club suggested that everyone take a fifteen-minute break. Zach's head perked up at the suggestion and bolted out of the room, leaving Dana in his dust.