Wolf Soul

Chapter 12

I knew my name was being called but I wanted desperately not to hear it. My eyes wouldn't obey and when I finally did get them open the world was hazy. Something hit my chest and I bolted upright. I rubbed my eyes blinking repeatedly. Grandmother was staring down at me, her impatience written in the lines of her face.

"Get up." She said. I almost protested but held my tongue at her piercing stare. Yet that wasn't enough. "Get up." She hit me with her staff again.

Achingly I got to my feet, rubbing my eyes once more. "I feel as though I've hardly slept."

"You haven't."

"How would you know?" I stared longingly at the bear fur I'd just been roused from; the welt already rising on my skin.

"I haven't slept at all." She threw my coverings at me, "Get dressed."

I obeyed, saying good bye to my hopes of sleep, grabbed my pack and bow then followed her out the door. Curiously my pack was heavier than I remembered.

"I added today's necessities." She looked back at me, "Come along now."

Her eagerness surprised me. Where are we going?"

"You'll see when we get there." She paused. "There are many things I want to discuss with you. Time has a way of tricking us. Doesn't it? Sometimes I get so lost looking through time I notice not it's passing until moments like this." Grandmother said. "Although I never thought I'd be the one telling you."

"Tell me what?"

"What every young one on the cusp of adulthood must know." Her staff speared the soaked earth. "I fear she'll regret not being the one to have the honor...well you have to be told."

"Is Mama angry with me?" Grandmother didn't answer. I thought she might not have heard but when I opened my mouth once more she spoke.

"Yes." She sighed. "You have to understand that this is not our way."

I puzzled over her words. Lately I have been hearing a lot about our way. How could my actions suddenly be wrong when they're all I've known?

"She's convinced that if you went to where males of our kind were that you could lead a normal life."

I didn't want to be angry but I felt my life was normal. "Grandmother?"

"Yes."

"Why am I not good enough?"

She stopped walking, her shoulders sagging slightly before she turned back toward me. "Antonia." She whispered. "This is not your doing." Her grey brows knitted together. "When your Papa died... it was like we died as a family. Doing what you loved became your purpose and you kept us alive. I wish I could have done more, for a while I was lost as well; consumed by my son's death just as your mother had been. I let you down and for that I am sorry."

She cleared her throat and her voice grew stronger. "You're just like him you know," She placed her hand over my heart. "Both as green as the forest; strong, fierce hunters. He was one to this as well." Her arms opened, motioning to the forest. "Only his love for your Mother and you kept him rooted."

"I don't want to leave here." My words nearly stuck in my throat.

"I fear for you, but, the future is only what we make it." Her eyes sparkled with power. "As you've been so fervent to point out. Now, shall we continue on?"

I smiled and nodded, leaping over a muddied hole.

***

My skin felt tight under the thick layer of clay covering my entire body. Grandmother had mixed herbs she'd packed with the river clay then smoothed it over my skin. "It's a great ordeal pulling a spirit from you; this will help heal your soul faster." She had said.

I could hear her soft snoring close by. I'd drifted in and out of consciousness as well but it was hard to remain asleep when you weren't allowed to move. The sun's heat poured down on me, turning the wet clay hard and brittle. "Grandmother." I opened my eyes in narrow slits, feeling bits of the dried matter cracking. Her snoring continued. "Grandmother!"

"Yes?"

"Is it time?"

She padded toward me, blocking out the sun as she leaned forward. "Go ahead."

I rolled into the stream. The water shocked my heated exterior, immediately softening, turning from buff to rich brown in color. I wiped away slick muck, underneath my skin felt renewed; I marveled at its softness. I watched as the murky waters were swept on with the gentle stream.

"Come child." Grandmother waved from the bank. Naked I emerged feeling like a new person. The tightness in my chest had loosened and been pulled from me. Silently I wondered what became of the lost spirit as I tied the linen around my breasts. I watched as she pulled out a small water tight pouch and a comb made from the jaw of a bear.

She loosened the plaits in my hair then worked the oil from the pouch through my hair. I winced when she pulled on the knots.

"Why are you doing this?"
"Because you need it."

I doubted that very much. I winced again and shrunk back at the pulling in my scalp.

"Perhaps if you didn't behave as a wild beast this wouldn't have to happen." Grandmother scolded.

I busied my hands with the making of a spear. The outer bark stripped away revealing a cool smooth interior. Grandmother spoke of our traditions. Of all the things I hadn't been raised to do. Under normal circumstances I would have had to travel to meet my intended if he wasn't in our village. Our families would learn of each other and there would be several celebrations. I had to bite my lip to keep from snickering repeatedly. Grandmother had already hit me once for doing so.

My memories surfaced from long ago, a celebration of my cousin Seeva's marriage. "Why did we only attend one celebration for Seeva?"

Grandmother moved to sit beside me. "We attended three, do you not remember?"

"No." I searched my memories for more but I only remembered the one.

"You complained the entire journey there and during the stay."

"Hmm." I didn't remember that. I'd finished with my spear and we moved farther upstream for our meal. Wading in until the water kissed just below my knees.

"I've seen Marcus' future." Grandmother said lowly.

"What of it?" My heart sped and with all the resistance I could muster I kept my eyes trained on the water.

"There are two outcomes for him. The first is black, that's death. The second was much more confusing. There's great struggle for him."

"Stop." I whispered. "All that matters is that he can live."

We were both quiet for some time. Grandmother left me be as she began making our fire. I thought about last night and wondered if Nathanial's return was what had changed Marcus' future. I wondered how I could convince Marcus of his cousin's true nature. Would he truly kill his own kin as he said?

I had to do something. If Marcus successfully gave up his wolf he'd lose the only defenses he knew against Nathanial.

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