Demons are Hot (bxb)

Chapter Eleven

Theo's POV

I was drilled on everything from my ability to become a cyclone of fire to the amount of sexual partners I'd had.

"I need to make sure you're not a fuckboy," Carlos stated sternly when I'd glared. When I said seven, he glared even harder.

I was suspecting that Carlos did not desire to worship me. He clutched rosary beads in his hand whenever I spoke.

"Are you an only child?" Blue blurted out. Just when I'd thought the questioning was over.

"No. I am one of seven," I said, grimacing at the thought of my older siblings. They always wanted to take me on fun adventures, like torturing lost souls or slaying hellbeasts.

Blue gasped and launched backwards. "And yet you're the antichrist?! Are you the most evil?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Have you not read the book of John? We are all antichrists."

Carlos nodded firmly and held his rosary closer to me. Apparently he'd read it.

Jax hummed. "Only seven and Lucifer's been around for how long? Guy might be Satan himself, but that is some loyal condom usage."

My jaw clenched. "Now the questions are over."

"Can we meet a demon?" Cyrus asked. I glared at him. I truly thought my human was the most intelligent one.

"I am a demon."

"No, you're an angel. Hey, do you have wings?" Cyrus asked, head tilted and beautiful eyes dancing with excitement. "You said Lucifer has them but they aren't always visible."

I looked down, trying not to blush. "Eventually they will come in, if ever.. I may not get them."

My siblings all had theirs. But I was the baby of the family. You'll grow up to be big and strong, I could imagine my oldest sister saying. Just give it a few hundred years.

Cyrus leaned in, eyes sparkling. "I keep forgetting that you're a baby demon!"

This boy was the worst.

"I may be a baby demon," I snarled, making all of Cyrus' friends give me adoring looks. Even Carlos, a little. "However. I am going to set fire to this world and take the place of Jesus during the second coming. You will be my wise counsel of humans, except for Carlos. And Cyrus, you will be my equal and my partner."

Cyrus chuckled awkwardly. "Except we might, uh, have different codes of morality."

I nodded gravely. "Yours will change, I'm sure."

"Why not me?!" Carlos snapped, flinging his rosary beads around with an irritated gesture.

I pointed to them. "Those are disgusting to me, as are you."

Carlos blinked. Cyrus hit my arm. "Thee! Be nice!"

I shrugged. I did not care if I hurt the small human's feelings. I was getting irritated, answering all of their questions. They only reminded me that I was here to serve a greater purpose to the world. I was not here to play Mario Kart and make out with a handsome human.

Although I would never be so masochistic as to discontinue doing both.

We played Mario Kart, and I lost horribly. Carlos enjoyed that I lost horribly, I could tell by the smug look on his God-worshipping face. Carlos was a very frustrating human. Before leaving, Carlos walked upstairs to get pizza from the fridge. I followed, stating that I wanted to learn what pizza was.

I did not actually care about Jesus-loving pizza.

"Why are you stalking me?" Carlos snapped. "Are you planning on eating my skin or something? There's no way you were telling the truth back then. You can probably turn into an ugly ball of slime and eat children for breakfast."

"Do you have romantic feelings for Cyrus?" I wondered. "I have been trying to understand why you forcefully resist your natural human urge to worship me, but it has been difficult. Is it because of Cyrus? Do you wish he was yours?"

Carlos flinched. "How do you not realize that I might just not like your personality?"

I scratched my head. That seemed a less likely situation.

"Alright, idiot human," I sighed. "Deny it. But I'll have you know, Cyrus is mine. Demons are a very possessive type. I have taken a liking to Cyrus, and you cannot have him."

"Did I hear the word possession? You CAN'T possess me, I told you that already!" a new voice snapped. I turned to see my handsome Cyrus glaring at me. "We're going home. I only came up because I honestly thought you disliked the pizza and went for Carlos' innocent blood instead."

I sniffed Carlos' cheek. "Yes, he is virginal. Good nose, Cyrus. You are learning."

Cyrus and Carlos made eye contact. I did not understand the look they gave each other, but seconds later Cyrus was dragging me by the arm out of the house.

"Tell Blue I'll get her back next week! I'm the true Mario Kart champion," Cyrus yelled to Carlos as we left.

"That was not an enjoyable experience," I grumbled. "I dislike spending so much time with humans who refuse to sacrifice animals in my honor, or at least sing me a satanic ritual chant once and a while."

Cyrus spaced out for a few seconds before refocusing. "I'm never going to throw you a birthday party. I just had the worst mental image."

My human was so bizarre.

We strolled along, with Cyrus repeatedly insisting that he did not want me to carry him again, until a celestial portal appeared in front of us.

"AHH, FIRE!" Cyrus screamed, launching backwards and turning to run. He wouldn't get far, with supernatural creatures being the ones he was running from.

My eldest sister appeared before me, dropping to a knee from the impact. "Fuck you, Jesus!" she exclaimed. "These portals are getting more difficult to use these days."

Cyrus was cowering behind a mailbox. I pretended like I did not know him.

"Empusa," I growled, using her chosen name. The demonic ones were always such a pain when humans were present. They would make the most confused faces. "What are you doing here?"

My sister gave a wicked grin. This was going to be a pain in the ass to explain to my Cyrus.