Penguins of Madagascar: Moving Situations

Chapter Twenty-Six

Skipper
The ring on the doorbell nearly makes me jump out of skin. I glance up from rereading the letter for the hundredth time. I hear Rico say he'll get it so I don't move, glancing at Kowalski's still unresponsive form. Failure. I am nothing but a fucking failure. How could I make any of my team – especially brilliant Kowalski – want to leave? I reach over and move his untidy dark hair from his eyes again. Still too warm. There's a knock on the door and Rico comes in with who I am assuming is the doctor.
"Will Kowalski be okay?" I demand, not paying attention to the fact that he hasn't checked him over yet.
"Let's find out," the doctor replies. I watch in worry as he checks over Kowalski and sorts out the cut, gaining some relief when he says it isn't as bad as it looks. Once he finishes though he does look concerned.

"He will be okay," the doctor informs me and I feel at least some of the panic ebb away. "He is absolutely exhausted though – it appears he hasn't been sleeping and has been overworking. It also seems like stress may be a major contributor." I look at Kowalski again: he does look very tired, the shadows under his eyes dark and prominent. How did I not notice sooner? "I would recommend steering him well away from any strenuous exercise for a few weeks: if he doesn't rest his condition could only worsen and this would likely occur again."
"Understood," I say, swallowing. No training for a few weeks, I'm taking over his chores and most importantly I am getting out of him what the heck is going on for him to be this exhausted. "Anything else I can do to help him?"
"He does seem to be dehydrated and appears he hasn't been eating enough for the amount of exercise he has been doing given how low his blood sugar is." I nod again. Kowalski's appetite has been lacking lately but I hadn't thought anything of it. So much for being a good leader and friend.

He lives after a while, recommending Kowalski takes painkillers for his head. Once he is gone I adjust the blanket again, wondering if he is going to hate me for all this. I would hate me – despise me, even – if I was Kowalski right now. I look at the note again. I need to have a serious word with Gale: he said the comments would help build Kowalski up, not tear him apart. If he legitimately believes he is useless or a burden... Why did I think that was a good thing to say? Kowalski was lacking confidence to begin with! I rub the crease between my brows. I need to fix this: there has to be some way to fix it!

I keep reading when a slight murmur gets my attention. My head snaps to the side so quickly it hurts but it is worth it. Kowalski shifts slightly and his eyes flutter open. Thank God...
"Skipper?" he mumbles, blinking at me with a perplexed expression.
"Hey," I say with a small smile. "How you feeling?"
"Fine," he says but I don't miss the wince as he sits up. For how long has he been saying he's fine when he isn't? "How did I get here...? Why am I here?"
"You fainted," I tell him, watching as recollection crosses his features.
"Right. Sorry..."
"Sor-" I begin to echo, but stop myself from being too judgmental. "Kowalski, you have nothing to apologise for..."
"Right," he huffs, looking away from me, staring blankly into the distance. I decide now is as good of a time to discuss what I found out.

"I...In your room I found out you were planning on leaving," I admit. "I wasn't snooping: when you fainted I was originally going to...The point is...why?"
"The note made that pretty clear, I think," he said, still not making eye contact. I try to put a comforting hand on his shoulder but he flinches, drawing away from me. Right, I went and shattered any idea of trust between us for a long while.
"Kowalski... Nothing in that note was true," I say, moving so we can make eye contact despite how doubtful he looks. "You are not useless, you are not pathetic and you have never – not once – inconvenienced us."
"Liar," he snaps, looking away from me, crossing his arms.
"Wh- Kowalski, I am not lying!"
"Then why did you say all that stuff?!" he snaps, angry tears pricking his eyes.

I resist the urge to cry too. His expression is shattered and the spark in his eyes are lacking their usual gleam.
"Kowalski-"
"Save it, Skipper," he mutters. "I'm leaving: it doesn't matter..."
"It does matter," I say, desperate to make him see sense. "Look...I understand if you want to leave but please give me a few weeks to convince you to stay. Please?" He noticeably hesitates. "Please, Kowalski. I know I messed up but I never meant for things to go this far."
"A few weeks?" he repeats with a doubtful expression. I nod. He sighs. "Fine but if I keep screwing things up...or feeling this bad then I am leaving."
"Understood," I murmur. "But you are not messing things up! I am. I am meant to help you, not break you apart..."

Kowalski doesn't say anything and I decide to change the subject before he lingers on this too much and changes his mind.
"What do you want to eat?" I ask.
"Not hungry," he mutters.
"Kowalski, you need to eat," I argue. "Noodles?" He shrugs. "I'll order in some noodles then. Oh. No training for a few weeks." That ought to cheer him up! His expression shifts into one of dismay, confusing me.
"I need to train!" he protests, glaring at me. "I need to be not weak!"
"Absolutely not. We had a doctor here and he said you need several weeks off." Kowalski doesn't look convinced. "And you are not weak. Okay, I'll admit it, you aren't physically strong but you are fast and an absolute genius."
"Liar."

Even with that – the blatant obvious – he doesn't believe me. For a long while I have been the absolute worst so what did I expect? Him to immediately believe it when I am nice isn't going to happen and I need to understand that. Still, at least I have a few weeks to convince him to stay.

Kowalski
Stupid, pathetic, useless idiot! I had to faint now of all times! Now Skipper is treating me that I am made of glass and could shatter at any second. It isn't fair. Now leaving has been delayed, I will keep being Gale's personal punch bag, and I can't even train. What is the point on having me here if I can't be a little bit useful? No matter, I'll just carry on training in secret. He hasn't noticed yet so hopefully he won't notice now.

"I'd better head back to my own room," I say, wanting to be alone. I can't take anymore fake pity. If this hadn't happened then I doubt Skipper would be pretending to care as much as he is.
"Okay. Rest up. Let me know if you need anything," I nod but I know I won't. As I head through the corridor Gale shoots me a glare – what I have done now, I don't know – but I thankfully make it to my room without instance. It is no longer freezing which I suppose is okay for a nap. As soon as its actual bedtime though and everyone is asleep I m training whether Skipper wants me to or not.

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At midnight I begin my usual training circuit, ignoring how the dizziness hits me again. Need to push through, especially if I am not training with the others anymore. Some times goes on – my head aches too much to think how long though – when suddenly the door swings open. I nearly jump out of my skin as my eyes meet the disapproving expression across Skipper's face.
"This is why you have been so tired..." he almost whispers, guilt filling his features again. I shrug. "Kowalski...How much have you been sleeping?"
"Enough," I lie, stepping off the cross trainer and nearly falling. I go and sit on one of the benches, hoping the fog in my head clears a little. Skipper sits by me.
"Kowalski. How long has this been going on?" he asks me.
"A while," I almost whisper, feeling the urge to start crying again. I push it down. I can't be weaker than I already am. It's Skipper's expression which really makes me feel like I could break down. He looks on the verge of crying and the guilt across his face... "Skipper, I'm fine. Really."

"No you aren't and its all my fault," he whispers. Eh, no. Also Gale's. Although I would rather get beaten up by Gale than deal with Skipper's comments of late.
"Don't take so much credit," I mutter. "You were probably sick of me messing thi-"
"No," Skipper says, taking me a little by surprised. "Someone said it would help you get better at training, I didn't want it to ever upset you."

Someone? I frown but don't say anything, waiting for Skipper's explanation. It had better be good.