"Where's Emery?" I asked my brother as he entered the infirmary.
"Asleep," He sighed heavily. "She wore herself trying to find a way to heal you."
"She shouldn't be. If she could have healed me, it would have happened."
"That won't stop her."
"I know," I muttered guilty.
It was unbecoming to throw oneself a pity party, but I couldn't prevent the unyielding guilt that chipped away at my insides.
It festered like a plague as I watched those I cared most for run themselves mad trying to find a way to fix me.
But what if I couldn't be fixed? More specifically, what if I couldn't be fixed for the long run?
My focus shifted back to the pitch black sea outside. Only catching glimpses of the dark water as the light from the lighthouse spun and reflected its light off the waves.
Once my heart stopped aching, Aiden scooped me up and raced to the infirmary. He had Dr. Adler, from Thane's pack, on the phone in no time while Dr. Nazra checked up on me.
Now Aiden was interrogating them both on what could be done and how quick we could do it.
Plan B wasn't discussed before, as we were all betting on Emery to heal me. A simple solution to a complex situation.
I should have known it wouldn't have worked.
Yet, I had hope.
And now I felt empty.
Like a hollow tree trunk.
Withering and drained of life.
Or like autumn leaves falling from from the branches as their dead shells drifted to the ground.
"We can put her on some medication, see if that will slow down her accelerated decline in health," Dr. Adler suggested over the phone.
"But that wouldn't be a solution, just a short term treatment," Dr. Nazra added.
"Then what do we do?" Aiden asked, agitated as he paced near the phone.
"She'll need a pacemaker," Dr. Nazra said. "It's a small device that sends electrical signals to your heart to help control your heart rate."
"That sounds like a good solution," I piped in.
It actually sounds like a much better solution than being drugged up on meds for who knows how long.
Dr. Nazra gave me a sad smile before she explained further, "It won't be that simple, the pacemaker has to be surgically implanted under your skin."
Aiden's feet stopped abruptly which almost made him fall before he caught himself.
I could see the colour draining from his face as he shook his head, "Not unless there's a high success rate."
"Pacemakers are a common procedure and it has a high success rate. It's usually the main solution to bradycardia as it regulates the heart rate to a normal pace," Dr. Nazra answered before a troubled expression crossed her face. "I've never had the need to perform an operation of that nature...given our species."
"Dr. Adler?" Aiden questioned.
The old man sighed over the telephone line, "I'm afraid I haven't either. Cardiology wasn't my strongest area, but I know who the top cardiologist is in the country."
His blue eyes found mine, clouded with desperation, "Would it be safe for him to operate on her? Given her DNA?"
"Doctor-patient confidentiality would prevent him from speaking of Tate's case, but I don't know if it will be enough to stop him from divulging the information, or taking test samples."
Aiden slammed his fist into one of the steel medical tables, creating a crater the size of his fist.
"Aiden," I whispered, pained to see this torturing him.
He turned to me instantly and I stretched my hand out to him, beckoning him to where I sat on the exam table.
Like a moth to a flame, he drew closer to me, resting his forehead against my own as he entwined our fingers together.
Breathing in his scent, I allowed myself to be comforted by him and he took comfort in me. The warmth of his skin soothed my skin, the sound of his deep breathing was in tandem with mine - sharing one breath.
Thane didn't growl or hit his chest in an act of brotherly protection, and for that, I was grateful.
Gleaming blue eyes, like those of a thunderous sky, met mine with determination.
"Mermaid blood," He whispered to me as he found a sacred treasure. "We'll ask the mermaids to help."
I straightened my spin as I pulled my head away from his.
"No," I admonished with finality.
"Tate," Aiden warned. "It's the only thing that may be able to cure you."
"At their expense," I countered. "I won't ask them to give me their blood when they need all their energy to protect themselves from the vampires."
"Technically," Dr. Nazra inserted, "they'd only have to give a pint, which won't make a big difference in how they feel or operate. People donate blood everyday."
"Not mermaids," I pointed out.
"I think we should hear them out Tay," Thane said. "They have a point."
Aiden nodded appreciatively to my brother while I shook my head vehemently. Not was so not the time for them to finally be in cahoots.
"If we use the blood, we'll also be able to test whether or not the mermaid blood works," Aiden went on.
"Seems like a solid option to me," Thane agreed.
"Great, then we'll get a mermaid in here now."
I grabbed Aiden's forearm and yanked him back to me with fire in my eyes and heat in my voice, "No."
He opened his mouth to offer a rebuttal but I cut him off.
"You said the merfolk are fragile creatures. My life is nothing compared to ensuring their species survive," I stated. "I'm not going to be the one to risk even one life of a mermaid."
His eyes softened and the crease between his eyebrows smoothened out as he looked me as if with new eyes. There was a clarity about his expression that made my breath catch in my throat as this curiosity in his eyes assessed me. As if looking for something or maybe now seeing something that hadn't seen there before.
The beat of silence between us seemed to break the high tension that had settled in the room when we entered.
And ever so slowly, the corner of his lips tilted as his long eyelashes fluttered over his blue eyes that seemed to shift between shades every time I looked at them.
"You're real stubborn, you know that," His voice held amusement as the corner of his crinkled and he slowly shook his head.
"You say that as if it's a bad thing."
"It's not."
"Then I guess I win this argument."
He shook his head as all traces of amusement vanquished from his eyes.
"Stubborn doesn't equate to being right in this situation, Tate," His neck strained with a simmering anger as I once again tried to refute him.
"You can't-"
But he cut me off with a searing statement that left my skin feeling blistered and tore at my heart.
"I refuse to dig another grave for someone that's important to me," His voice was grave, like a bleak gray sky over a casket of flowers. "I won't go through that again...no matter the expense. Do you understand me?"
The way he held my eyes made it seem as if he was asking something much deeper. Something more profound that he hadn't put into words. But, he was also pleading with me to listen so that he won't have to experience the immeasurable pain of losing someone he cared for.
And for that I couldn't fault him. Not now and never again.
I squeezed my eyes shut as Aiden's pain from the past that still lingered today like a fresh wound, passed through me. With a gentle nod of my head, I heard him release a breath that he's been holding.
It was shaky and very unlike Aiden.
How could I have ever called him Alpha Dickhead was beyond me.
"We can try," I enunciated as I peeled my eyes open.
Aiden didn't hesitate as his eyes moved to the good doctor.
"We can have a merfolk give her blood now?" He asked.
Dr. Nazra nodded with certainty as she and Aiden immediately went in search of blood donor.
"Don't move a muscle," He said sternly before he rushed after her.
I rolled my eyes at his back as Dr. Adler's voice carried through the phone line, "Hello? What do you mean by merfolk?"
I turned to Thane, who immediately grabbed the phone.
"I'll call you back, Adler. In the mean time, I would like your complete discretion and not a word to my family."
"Of course, Alpha," Dr. Adler responded at once before Thane hung up the phone.
Dr. Adler was a honest man and a loyal pack member to the Blackwood pack and his Alpha. Which is why I trust that he'd keep on his word and not share our secret.
However, while Dr. Adler posed no threat to divulging the merfolk secret, I had two questions weighing heavily on my shoulders.
One: What if it doesn't work?
Two: What if it does work?
Both questions had terrible outcomes. Neither I was ready to face.
"Tate? What's wrong?" Thane asked with concern as he sat beside me on the exam table.
"Nothing," I shook my head and he gave me an unbelieving look.
"You don't think it will work?" He questioned.
I offered a shrug, "I don't know."
His eyes, the ones that were just like my own, squinted as he assessed me. His expression was troubled as if he couldn't come to a conclusion.
"Stop staring at me doofus," I pinched his arm.
He winced at my action, "Ouch!"
"You know what?" I said with a grin. "That mad me feel much better, can I do it again."
"Hell no," He said in a high pitched voice as I did it again. "Jesus, Tate!"
I snorted, "How did you not see that coming?"
"I... you know what, good point," He frowned. "It hasn't been that long since you've been home and I'm already losing my touch."
"What touch? You've always been the loser in our sibling rivalry."
He flipped me the bird before he shook his head, "I missed you kid. We all do."
Nodding, I swallowed the lump in throat, "I miss you all too, mom especially."
After a pause he finally turned to me, "Why didn't you want the mermaid blood?"
"Because it's not right," I clarified.
"It's just a bit of blood, they'll be fine within the next day," He said before pressing me. "Tell me the real reason."
I glared at his untimely observational skills as I formed my thoughts into coherent sentences.
In the end, I could only mutter one thing,
"I'm scared."
Thane seemed perplexed by my statement, "Of what?"
"The results!" I exclaimed. "Don't you see? If it doesn't work then I'm as good as dead...but if it does work, then the merfolk are as good as dead."
For once in his life, my brother was speechless.
Not a word left him as he sat there in the aftermath of my words.
"The vampires will come after them anyways," He whispered after his prolonged silence.
"And we'll have nothing to stop them with. No proof or evidence. My being alive would give them all the proof they need that it does work."
"How? They don't know you're sick," He said, but when I didn't offer a reply, he grabbed my shoulder and shook me. "They don't know that you are sick, right?"
I shook my head slowly, "We meet one of them in the human town up the coast. He could sniff out my dying heart like a dog with a bone."
"Shit!" He swore as his went eyes turned to steel. "Then if it works you can come back home with us, just for the time being. They won't know you're alive."
"No," I jumped off the bench and felt a bit woozy as my legs wobbled.
"Tate," Thane held onto my elbow to keep me upright, but I ripped my arm away and padded closer to the window.
I made sure to enunciate my words with as much finality as I could muster, "I'm not leaving here. If it works or if it doesn't, you can't make me leave and I won't leave."
"Fine," He gave in easily. "But answer me this, if it doesn't work, how are you so sure you'll find your evidence? Aiden said himself that he's been searching for years."
I didn't answer him.
How am I sure we'll find any proof?
"You think he'll blame you if it doesn't work," He whispered behind me.
I spun around to refute his statement but something inside of me acknowledged that what he said was true.
My eyes fell to floor and my eyebrows pulled together. It may be an irrational fear, but was it not an acceptable assumption?
"I don't have a relationship like Emery and you. I can't just woo him with promises of a future and my charm. This isn't some romance novel where everything will end perfectly."
"Sister," He shook his head protest, "I'm not for romance novels, but I can tell when a man is in love."
My eyes shot up to his as I threaded cautiously, "W-what do you mean?"
"He loves you," Thane grinned.
I shook my head vehemently, which only made my head spin, "You don't know him."
"You're right, I don't. But I have seen the way he looks at you, the way he was gripped with fear when Emery couldn't heal you. I think you've stolen the poor man's heart."
I glared at his shit-eating grin, while my insides knotted together in excitement and horror.
Excited at the prospect of being loved and horrified that my bad health would end the situation in a tragedy.
"You're not angry?" I asked instead, recalling my brother's over-the-top protectiveness earlier.
He seem to think on it before he answered, "No. Quite frankly, he's earned my respect after I heard what his pack has been through. What he's been through. He has to be a strong Alpha to keep his pack surviving to this day."
"I'm shocked you admitted that," I said in surprise but he lifted his hand.
"I'm not done," He stated as he rose to his feet. "Mostly, Aiden has earned my respect for taking care of you. Not as an Alpha, but as your mate. As he should. Defying his own rules to keep you safe."
"His rules?"
"I imagine his vow to protect the merfolk includes him not asking them for their blood. So, yes, he's breaking his rules for you."
As a lost for words, I shook my head at my elder brother, baffled.
"Since when did you become wise?"
He gave me a sad smile, "Almost losing a mate and child can do that to a person."
I grabbed him in a hug, not realizing until now how much I needed my family at this time. Especially my older brother.
"Thank you," I said to him, but it felt to weird so I ended with, "idiot."
He chuckled just as the door to the infirmary opened and my mate stepped in with a merman trailing behind him.
Aiden's eyes held concern as he spotted us.
"What happened? Are you alright?" He rounded the tables in a flash to get to me.
"I'm fine, much better now," I assured him.
His troubles were not eased as he guided me back to the table, "You shouldn't be standing. If you need something, tell me."
"What if I need to stand?"
I saw the smile pulling at the corner of his lips as I sat down.
"Then stand when I'm around to catch you."
His eyes sizzled with an under current that seemed as strong as a riptide. Catching me unknowingly and dragging me out to sea.
I felt the blood rush to my cheeks, especially with Thane's words ringing in my head.
He loves you.
Swiftly, I turned my attention to Dr. Nazra to save myself from Aiden's curious eyes.
She was instructing the merman to sit while handing him a juice box. The steel-colour hair man grumbled as he snatched the drink from her and plopped down into the chair she pointed at.
"Aiden?" I asked. "He his doing this of his free ill, right?"
Nothing in his expression changed as he nodded in affirmation. But I wasn't sure if he was telling the truth given that the merman seemed annoyed to be here.
"I don't think-"
"He'll be fine," My mate assured me as he wrapped my cold hand in his larger, warmer ones. "We're not sure if your blood type has to be matched with the merfolk, and he's one of the only two with O negative."
"Who's the other?" I asked.
His expression shifted to annoyance as he said, "Jenny."
"The merman will do," I chirped, happy that it won't be Jenny's blood flowing through my veins.
"Aiden, why don't you get Tate something to much on to keep up her energy," Dr. Nazra said.
Aiden seemed unwilling to leave the room again, but he dutifully moved to get me something before Thane stopped him.
"Don't worry, I'll get it."
Aiden nodded in appreciation before pulling Dr. Nazra's office chair closer to me and taking a seat.
"Your hands are cold," He noted as he rubbed them between his hands. "Scared?"
"Of the blood? No, I've never been frightened of needles."
"Not the needles. Of what happens after," He clarified.
"Are you?"
"No."
My eyebrows lifted in bewilderment.
"How can you not be?"
"Because if you're healed then I know that I can face anything with you at my side."
"I wish I had as much faith," I admitted.
"Do you not think it will work?" He asked, confounded.
I shook my head, "I don't want it to work."
I listened as he inhaled a shaky breath, "You'd rather leave me than having the blood work?"
With all my might, I forced a glare at him, "I'd rather die than give the vampires a reason to come after the merfolk."
His hands dropped mine and cupped my face, "And I rather die than have you fade in front of me."
My heart beat erratically in my chest at his confession. At his wild blue eyes on me and the earnest truth painted on his face
With a shaky breath I said, "If I promise you something, will you give me a promise of your own?"
Surprise marred his featured from the unexpected shift in our conversation. I could see his hesitation weighing down on him heavily.
But I needed his word.
With a curt nod from him, I said, "I'll promise you that I'll try. I'll try my hardest to stay alive and do as I must to heal my heart...but only if you promise that you'll not worry about me."
His eyes went colder than a glacier as he bit out a sharp, "No."
"Please," I begged, "just promise me that you'll focus on keeping the pack safe and let me worry about me."
"I can't and won't give you a false promise. That's not who I am," He said as he pulled away from me.
"Then be as honest as you can be," I said grabbing his hand again, refusing to lose his touch. "You have enough on your plate and I refuse to burden you."
"Burden me?" He scoffed loud enough to draw the merman's attention to us, but Aiden ignored him and Dr. Nazra's presence. "God, Tate, don't you get it?"
Baffled by his pained words, I went quiet.
"I care for you, more than I want to admit at this time," His confession stole the breathe from my very lungs and the heart from my very chest. "So, I can't promise you that I won't worry, but I'll promise that I won't smother you."
I wanted to his pull him by the material of his t-shirt and kiss him, but he leaned closer to me and kissed my forehead.
Heat blossomed over my forehead at his actions and I couldn't help but fall a little further for him.
He loves you.
Thane came with a glass in his hand and an annoyed expression on his face as Dylan strolled in behind him with a tray of food.
He must have found Dylan in the kitchen and knowing how assertive, or pushy, the Gamma can be, I'm sure he grabbed the tray and piled it with food.
Leaving my brother, an Alpha, brewing in anger.
"Tate," Dylan said with a disapproving shake of his head, "why exactly didn't you tell me that you were undergoing a blood transfusion? You know I'd be here to support you."
Aiden grabbed the tray from him set it down beside me as he began assembling a sandwich with the cutlets on the tray.
"It was...a spur of the moment decision," I clarified with a smile as I accepted the sandwich from my mate and the glass of soda from Thane.
"Nevertheless, you know if you've told the entire pack, we'd all be here to support you," He said with a stern expression.
"You shouldn't be here," Thane cut in. "The last thing my sister needs is to be crowded right now."
"It's fine, really, I don't mind the company."
"Eat," Aiden instructed, giving Thane and Dylan a warning glare.
So I did while watching the blood of the merman be extracted by a needle in his arm. From where I sat I could see the merman grinding his molars, squeezing his eyes shut and inhaling ragged breaths.
The merfolk weren't built like werewolves, so I expected he was neither accustomed to pain nor had a tolerance for it. And with a large needle in your arm, I imagine it would hurt a bit.
About ten minutes later, Dr. Nazra was carefully extracting the needle from the merman's arm and covering the spot with a pressure bandage.
She immediately placed the pint of blood in a cooler of ice before getting another juice box for the merman and some fruits from my tray.
"You might feel slightly dizzy, so you should eat something and remain sitting in that chair until I say you can move," She instructed before turning to me. "Luna, are you ready?"
"As I'll ever be," I answered as she pointed to a medical chair for me to sit in.
She reclined my chair back before she started prepping for the blood transfusion.
Aiden pulled his chair next to me and kept my right palm between both of his. Worry lines were set into features with a pucker between his brows. I could practically hear how fast his heart was beating.
"I'll be okay," I assured him.
His lips were in a flat, troubled line as he gave me no response but a comforting squeeze to my hand.
My brother's expression was also troubled as Dr. Nazra removed the blood from the ice and hooked it up to an intravenous line. She inserted the needle into the crook of my arm, directly into my blood vessel.
"Does it pain at all?" She asked.
I shook my head in response as she began running through protocol by monitoring my blood pressure, temperature and heart rate. She also ensured that I told her if I was experiencing any of the symptoms that she listed.
I didn't know if it was hyperactive imagination or not, but I could feel the blood of the merman flow into my bloodstream. Thick, warm blood rushing into the red lake of my body.
It was agonising process. The waiting. The building of my anxiety. Watching Aiden struggle to keep his patience in check.
The constant questions from him and Thane.
Are you feeling okay? Just fine.
How are you feeling now? Still fine.
'Fine' being my synonym for 'exactly the same'.
But I remembered my promise to Aiden. To try. To give it my all.
So with every ounce of faith in me, I prayed and hoped. This had to work, I was betting everything on it. For Aiden.
This blood had to be the key to putting me together again.
Two agonizing hours later, the last drops of blood entered my system.
And Dr. Nazra's heart monitor remained unchanged. Slow beeps echoed through the room, signalling my slow heart rate.
No one said a word as she removed the intravenous needle from my arm, a bruise surrounded the area where the needle was but Dr. Nazra assured me before that it was common and would disappear quickly.
But as the bruise remained, I knew for certain that the blood didn't work. For if it did, my werewolf ability would have healed it faster.
While she bandaged my arm, Dylan was the first to ask the doomed question.
"So doc, did it work?" His voice was filled with curiosity.
Her sad eyes turned to me, "No, it didn't."
A lump formed in my throat as I nodded my head curtly. My eyes were wet but I refused to shed a tear for myself. This wasn't the end, it was just the last magical solution.
There were other means to which I would be able to live for years to come. Maybe never as a werewolf, but I'll still be alive.
But would be alive mean I'll still be me? Still be living?
For what's a werewolf without her wolf? It's like a human without her soul or a mermaid without her tail.
A dark, festering crack was spreading inside of me. Dragging me into forbidden thoughts of a dreary life.
Aiden's tight grip on my hand reeled me back into the infirmary as he spoke between clenched teeth, "Did you do everything correctly."
"Of course, Alpha," She replied seriously. "I would never takes risks with our pack's Luna."
"Then why didn't it work?" He snapped angrily.
I squeezed his hand, "The same reason it doesn't work for the vampires. It's all a myth."
"But the human," Dylan pipped in with confusion. "How was he healed then?"
I shrugged, "What does it matter, he's dead now."
And I might be soon enough.
"Should we discuss a potential cardiac pacemaker?" Dr. Nazra asked after she patched me up.
I was drained of all of energy. After putting all my faith in one thing, I had little life in me left to clutch onto a false future.
"No," Aiden said firmly as he got to his feet. "Tomorrow we can talk, but right now Tate needs to rest."
Thane was quick to help my exhausted body up, but Aiden kept his grip on me firmly.
I knew his mind was probably in a restless state with my results and so I didn't push him away with my words, even though I wanted to. I wanted to tell him to I was fine on my own so he'd save himself from worrying over me...even though I desperately craved his nearness.
Some very contradicting feelings.
However, I knew he hadn't promised to stop worrying over me, I held onto his arm a little too tightly as I shook my brother off.
"We'll be fine, you should go be with Emery," I assured him.
At my mention of his mate, he didn't fight me, knowing that I needed my mate right now.
"I'll see you tomorrow," He said instead before leaving us.
"Come on, I'll help you to bed," Aiden said gently as he wrapped an arm around my waist and supported most of my weight.
Despite having fresh blood in my veins, I felt drained.
As we hobbled out of the infirmary, I turned to thank the merman, but only just noticed that he was already gone.
I couldn't find any words in me to say to Aiden. None to comfort him or myself. So our journey up the stairs and to my room was deadly silent.
As we reached my door, I realised how desperately I wanted to stay in his room again. The comfort of his soft sheets against my skin, the sea-washed mahogany and fresh waterfall scent lingering in the air and gentle sound of crashing waves outside lulling me to sleep.
But as he opened the door and led me to my bed, I torched the idea.
I barely registered him asking if I was feeling okay and if I needed anything... only nodding and shaking my head until he stepped towards the door.
"Goodnight, Tate," He whispered painfully as he walked out the door.
A sob tore me at that point. Traitorous tears spilling over my eyelids like an overflowing dam. Like a ceaseless torrent of rain during a storm.
The weight of all the hope I had put into the mer blood working came crashing down in full force. It was a hard pill to swallow after counting on it to work.
Now I was left with was a dying body and empty promises.
The thought of the pain I was going to put everyone I cared about through caused another cry to pass from my lips.
Emptiness blossomed inside of me like a well, dark and seemingly endless.
My door slammed open and I watched as the light from the hallway spilled in through my teary eyed vision.
I quickly wiped my tears away as I watched a determined Aiden stalk back inside.
He didn't ask another question as he scooped me off the bed bridal style.
"Aiden?" I questioned alarmed.
"Fuck the promise," He growled. "I can't stop my feelings for you and if ensuring you're safe and happy and is me smothering you, then so be it."
I couldn't stop the small bubble of laughter that arose to my lips as he marched us towards room. Pressing my nose to the crook of his neck, I inhaled his comforting scent, feeling at ease.
He was gently with me as he laid me on his bed and turned off the lights before sitting next to me.
"Tell me what to do, Tate. Tell me how to make this better," He pleaded in anguish as he brushed a fresh tear away from my cheek.
I shook my head, unable to come up with a solution to ease both of our pains.
"Just lay with me," I whispered as I shuffled around to make space for him.
"Are you sure?" He asked.
"It's all I need right now."
Nodding, he pulled off both of our shoes before laying down beside me, ensuring he didn't cross any invisible boundary.
But there weren't any on my part, so I lifted my hand to touch him, and when he didn't pull away, I shifted closer to him. He wrapped his arm around my waist and pulled me even closer.
I had not realised just how cold my skin was until I was pressed against his werewolf heat. My lack of blood of an efficient blood circulation stealing my natural warmth from my skin.
I could tell he wanted to ask more...say more, but he held off.
How do I tell him that I don't feel like myself? That I haven't been feeling like myself for awhile now. How do I say that I feel like a shell of my former self?
Instead, I ask something that's been rattling at the back of my head.
"Why haven't you suggested that I go home with my brother?"
His arm tightened around my waist as he let out a small growl, "One, this is your home now and secondly, why the hell would I do that?"
"So I won't get it the way. The vampires are enough of a problem."
"Precisely, they're problem and you're my mate. I don't know how I can make that any clearer to you. I don't care if you're in perfect health or not, you're still my mate and I'm not going to just shrug of that fact."
"Good, because I already told my brother that I'm never leaving," I admitted and I felt a chuckle of relief reverberate through him.
"Rest, Cupcake. Tomorrow is a new day," He whispered as he rubbed my back and lulled me to sleep.
A/N
Well...hehehe isn't this a welcomed surprise of an update. How the heck have yall been????
I really am sorry that I keep being a flake on you guys :( But I'm hoping 2021 brings great things including frequent updates!
However...turns out that mer blood doesn't work... 👀
I saw one accurate guess so far on an element in the story. Hoping to see more theories!
Song: Lewis Ross - Signs of Life
I hoped you enjoyed the chapter!
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