Chapter 9: Madness shared a secret with me. It told me to care too much and not to care at all. Now I'm trapped hahaha it won't stop haha break me break me now break me
"Rezel?"
"Fuck..."
"What the fuck is going on? How the heck are you flying?!"
Retiring to my room for the night, I had quite a sight waiting for me outside my window. Rezel's curly blonde hair fell onto his eyes and he shook his head to clear his sight, giving me a crooked smile.
"Hey, my storyteller."
My heart was racing with joy.
His voice, which I hadn't heard for almost two months now, sounded much deeper than I remembered. His curly blonde mess of hair was even longer and his face seemed more defined now. He appeared to have changed so dramatically...
"How have you been?" He tilted his head, grinning at me and I almost forget my question.
"How the heck are you flying?!"
We were quite the distance from the ground and Rezel was carefreely floating in the air. It was such an unreal sight; someone was literally levitating.
He bounced a rock in his palm, catching it loosely. "It's this one." It was an orange-golden-ish manastone. That is seriously so cool... I want like a million. "Only for a bit though," he added. "It breaks once it runs out of mana."
My eyes almost popped out of my head at that. "What if it breaks when you're in the air?"
With that lopsided grin of his, he cocked his head.
"Then I fall."
I gasped and immediately reached out to the twisted boy, leaning far out even though it was scary, and grabbed his hand. I pulled him hard, into my room and he stumbled through the window.
"No more flying for you!" I glared at him. "It's dangerous!"
He rubbed the back of his head, messing up further his messy hair. "What about it?" he grumbled but my frown was already a smile. I reached out towards him and wrapped him in a hug. And immediately smelled the alcohol. I furrowed my brows moving back. "Are you drunk?"
For some reason, it made him chuckle. It was a deep, throaty sound. Then he looked into my eyes and I was sure. Rezel had been drinking. "What's going on, Rezel?"
"What isn't going on, storyteller?" He moved beside me, walking towards the couch. "What isn't going on? No matter what I do, this world won't fucking be done with it." His voice seemed bright, but there was something wrong. I moved towards him.
"Hey, tell me," I asked, grabbing his arm softly and he stopped. Turning his body around half-way, he looked at me quietly. There was something in his eyes... I couldn't understand it but I suddenly felt strange. Goosebumps ran over the back of my neck and I immediately averted my gaze, but I didn't let go. It felt like I had been looking into flames... and they were looking right back at me. "What happened, Rezel?" I asked again, a bit more firmly, though I was shaken. Rezel looked so different. It looked like in the past two months, he had suddenly grown by ages.
"Too much," He muttered. "Too much is going on, but I fucking missed you. Missed you all this time and today..." Suddenly, a beast-like smile tore through his lips, as he whispered it to me. "Today, I ran away." As if a little boy was proudly confessing his sins, he leaned forward to me with devilish intoxicated eyes. "And I came to take you with me."
My hand that was holding onto him was suddenly captured and his fingers overcame mine. "Come with me, storyteller."
I was just stood there, trying to take in the intensity of this situation. "You want to run away?" I parroted him, sounding a little dumb. "What the fuck happened, love?"
"Are you coming?" He asked me and what could I say? Telling myself this is Rezel; he'd always been like this, this fucker. He comes flying outside my window, drunk and depressed and now he's saying he wants to run away with me. Honestly, the fuck am I supposed to say to this jerk? My heart is racing, and my hand are trembling with excitement. It's been a while since I've gone out in secret like this. Promising to be back by morning before Avea catches me, I turned my wrist and held his hand back as I grinned, letting myself go with his momentum.
"What are you waiting for, you selfish bastard?"
The warped grin on his face widened as he tightened his grip on me. "Only you get to call me that, you know that?" Then he leaned in and whispered into my ear. "Anyone else would have their head chopped off, but you get a reward, storyteller."
Then just as I'd done before, he wrapped his arm around me and a wind surrounded us before we disappeared from the estate.
"This is..."
Rezel slowly took his arms away from me and I looked around with wide eyes. "This is..."
We were stood in an alley of a familiar place of Ilaria. It was a food district that Akira, Avea and I often visited. I turned towards Rezel with a questioning gaze and he suddenly took my hand. I let him, though I was surprised. I realized he was surprisingly clingy when he got drunk. He muttered as we walked into the orange and brightly lit street full of various stalls. "We're meeting after so long, storyteller... I don't wanna be drunk anymore. Let's get something to eat."
The fact that he or any of us both were saying such a thing, I don't wanna be drunk anymore. My eyes almost popped out of my head. I couldn't believe or relate to that at all. I'd get drunk with him in a heartbeat. That's what I thought but...
To think we were meeting after almost two months when back in the capital we used to hang out every week or other... Fuck, I missed this boy. What took you so long? I almost asked him as we walked towards the closest food stall to us and Rezel looked at me to ask if I wanted some. I shook my head and he got some for himself. He let go of my hand to eat the chicken skewers and I finally parted my lips.
"What took you so long?"
For barely a second, he looked caught off-guard. But then he continued to chew, not looking at me, almost like he didn't hear me in the loud hustle and bustle of the crowd around us, which was huge because of the weekend. I spoke again. "I waited for you, you know? You said you'd be able to find me, but that's just you. What about me? How can I call you, Rezel?" Do you think it was easy for me, these past two months? Do you think just because I found a family now, I don't need you?
He clearly heard me, but he was quiet. His skewers were done and he sighed. "I... There's- I'm- I don't know. I don't know, so can we go- Let me tell you once we've eaten something. There's somewhere I wanna take you."
Huh...? I stopped myself from furrowing my brows. Rezel seemed a little... Ah...
"I want that." I pointed towards another stall and looked back at Rezel, who seemed a little surprised at my sudden turn. "You'll have to buy it for me, though. I didn't have enough time to get any money." I shrugged and watched as Rezel spurted out a laugh.
"Oh, storyteller..." He chuckled, taking my hand in his as he smiled at me. "I'll buy you this entire village, if you wished so."
I scrunched up my nose. "Were you not listening? I want food, not a village." And I smiled as well, feeling the warmth of his hand after so long. And then I mumbled, a little softly. "You have so much to tell me. And you're not even ready to hear all that I have to tell you."
"What do you want?" He asked me and after I pointed it out, he ordered two so we could eat together. I munched on some delicious Ilarian street food and he replied to me. "I wanna hear it all. Unless it's boring." At my frown he teased me. "But my storyteller is rarely ever boring, is she?" he raised his eyebrows proudly and I nudged my elbow into his ribcage.
"Who are you trying to flatter? I'm still mad at you, but I've just decided to wait for now. Don't get too ahead of yourself," I warned him and he pretended to surrender. Then he reached down towards me and I suddenly felt a finger by my lip. It was a gentle touch, almost a brush. Rezel never really touched my face, did he? My eyes widened and I watched as he licked the sauce off his thumb. Then he made a face.
"Mine was definitely tastier."
I tried to kick his ankle and he laughed, effortlessly avoiding me. "What? It's true. You wanna try it?" He jokingly held his Ilarian skewer towards me and you know what? I bit into it before he could take it back; I bit into it and pulled off all of it into my mouth. I chewed on it smugly, my cheeks full, as Rezel made a horrified face. "Storyteller, you-"
"What? You told me to try it!" I spoke with a satisfied shrug, with my mouth still full as I couldn't wait till I was done to retort to this jerk. But the next thing I knew, he grabbed onto my wrist and pulled my hand towards his lips. I watched as he swiftly bit into my half-eaten dessert, and he made sure to look defiantly into my eyes as he did it. He licked it clean and I was mortified. "You... you... jerkface stone-handler! Stingy!"
"You literally ate mine first!" he retorted and I just made an incredulous face right back at him.
"I was getting back at you!"
"Well, so was I!"
"Oh, so you-"
"Excuse me," an unknown voice interrupted our banter. He was a man looking at us without any expression. I realized it's cause we were in his way and before I could move aside for him, Rezel clicked his tongue and reached out, grabbing my wrist. The next thing I knew, we had disappeared from the street and the man was left gaping at the empty spot we were just standing in.
"Mighty stone-handler, wasn't he?" The stall-vendor quipped from behind his stove. "Didn't have to prepare, nothin'. Disappeared like poof!"
"Do you know that boy?" The man asked, a little impatiently and the stall-vendor raised his eyebrows. "Never seen him around before," the stall-vendor replied with a shrug. "His lover seems familiar though..."
"How much?" Asked the man, getting out his pouch of coins and the stall-vendor's eyes widened. Meanwhile, Rezel and I had teleported into what seemed to be a... forest?
The bright light of the full moon fell in strands through the branches, the leaves swaying to and fro, almost like they were dancing to the sounds of the robins and nightingales they were sheltering, as they added their own instruments into their songs; the music of the forest trees rustling. I spotted fairy rings on the ground, bright red toadstools that I passed as I held onto Rezel. "Where are we?" I asked him and he hushed me softly, speaking in a whisper.
"The tree sprites and willow maidens are sleeping. The last time I woke them up, they wouldn't shut up for ages, those noisy, annoying creatures."
I gaped at him. "Tree... sprites?"
I remembered a certain scene from the novel when the heroine had encountered the forest creatures. They had, of course, immediately fallen for her charms. But of course, tragedy and drama follows the protagonist and by the time Aurelia left the forest, it was as she was escaping the enemies, who ended up burning the forest. The sprites bravely sacrificed themselves for the heroine, deciding to protect her and sent their young warrior willow maiden to guard and guide her out. That was how it was shown how precious Aurelia really was, and also how she got a warrior sprite in her team.
Remembering this now, I subconsciously tightened my grip around Rezel's arm as he led us out. Anything that was on the heroine's side... would obviously be against me. Because according to this world I am the villain.
Never to be accepted... huh. Well, it's not like I'm not used to this. It's a personality trait at this point. As I thought this, a sudden crunch of a twig in a distance made me jump and squeal weakly. My eyes snapped towards the sound when I felt something come over my eyes.
"Don't look, storyteller." His voice sounded from right beside my ear and I sucked in a breath. "It's a damn wisp. Tch. Maybe I should just destroy it..."
Uh... what? Excuse me? A frickin' wisp? Why are you saying that so casually? And destroy it...? How are you even looking at it-!
"Don't look, Rezel!" I reached my hand out to his face, so that I could cover his eyes. As I blindly searched his face, my fingers brushed against a strong jaw, sliding across his smooth skin; I felt his cheeks under my tips and found the bridge of his nose. I tilted my head as I successfully placed my fingers on his eyes. It was strange... He's a young boy but why does his face feel... a bit longer? More defined? Just now, when my fingers accidentally brushed against his lips... they felt a lot fuller... and his nose felt more... steeper? More defined? It wasn't how I imagined at all. Not that I really imagined it until now, when I felt it strange. Suddenly, Rezel let out a scoff-like laugh. He sounded almost bitterly amused.
"Storyteller, you... What do I do with you?"
"Let's just quickly teleport away from here," I hissed at him. "There are wisps here!" Now he scoffed for real.
"You think a little wisp could harm you when I'm here?" He slid his fingers across my arms, reaching towards my fingers. He rested his fingertips on mine, but didn't yet pull my hand away from his eyes. I felt him lean down a little as he spoke. "You don't even know who's the most dangerous here. It's funny when I think of it."
"Are you done acting arrogant?" I hissed at him. "Why did you even bring us here? I'm scared of the things and creatures here! It's not funny."
Now I felt his fingers intertwine from the back with mine and I felt strange at the contact. It felt new and as he pulled away my hand, he slid his fingers away from my eyes, and down the skin of my face, resting them on my cheek. He leaned down towards me. I felt strange. I felt very strange at the look on his face. A curve twisted at the corner of his lips as he spoke to me.
"It's very funny, storyteller," he murmured, and now his fingers moved lower, gripping my chin, as if he was making sure I wouldn't look away from his strange... eyes...
"That you could be scared of anything when you're in my presence."
Immediately, a strong wind blew around us, as if it was encircling us. A strange blue glow appeared and I could see Rezel watching me clearly now. His curls waved in the wind but he didn't even blink. It was just us two in this circle of wind and light as we looked at each other. It lasted for but a few moments and once it had vanished, so had the sounds from the forest. Not even the leaves rustled anymore and no birdsong was heard.
"What..." I spoke, almost scared to. "What did you do...?"
He shrugged, finally moving back from me and then he stretched. "You said you were afraid." Then he lazily looked down at me. "So I emptied the forest."
"What...?" I couldn't believe what he was saying. Was this some prank? "How the heck can you do that, Rezel? No..." It was true. Not a single bird was heard, and even the wind was gone. The trees were frozen still, not dancing anymore and the atmosphere... the feeling of life that previously existed here... it had vanished.
I moved back from him, for the first time understanding the range of his power. "What the fuck are you?" The only sound now was of my voice and the sound of the crunching of forest dirt beneath me. "How the fuck could you do that?"
At my reaction, Rezel raised his eyebrows. "Oh... I see." His voice was amused. He smiled a little as he took a step towards me. "Are you afraid, storyteller?" He cocked his head, mockingly questioningly. "Why is that, storyteller?"
"I don't know, Rezel." I snapped. I didn't know what to think. "Does it make sense that a mere stone-handler can do this? It's like you've stopped time!" I remembered the moment our hands accidentally brushed for a moment back in the capital. I remembered the intense buzz of energy I had felt then. That probably wasn't even a small percentage of all his power. "Does it make sense?"
"Why not?" He shrugged. "I've always been more powerful than others."
"This much?" I questioned. "This much stronger? This much power? For a mere stone-handler? How? How do you have this much power?"
Now he took another step towards me first, and it was me stepping back as I watched him. I noticed his lips twitch at this. Almost like he was enjoying this.
"Now, storyteller. You know one doesn't control the strength of the powers they own. You know that too well, in fact. Don't you?" He shrugged again, helplessly raising his brows and bending his lips, but his tone made it clear it was mocking. "I didn't choose to be born this strong." Then his lips finally twisted to reveal his teeth in warped grin. "Really... what a curse."
I furrowed my brows, taking another step back but he took a step closer to me.
"The way you're moving away from me... it could only be a curse, to have caused this."
He cocked his head and before I could move further away, he quickly grabbed my arm, pulling me towards him. "What is it? You're afraid of my strength now?"
"Rezel," I warned him, though I didn't fight as his arms wrapped around me, so that I wouldn't escape. I wasn't trying to anyway. I was going to hear to the end of this.
"What? You're not going to run?" He mumbled to me. "Aren't you good at that? You're always playing that game with Risor in that garden of yours."
My eyes widened at the mention of Risor. Why is he talking about him? And in that manner?
"Tell me, Rezel. I'm seriously annoyed right now." I glared at him.
"Oh, storyteller..." He chuckled. "I don't even know why but... I'm really pissed right now. Tell me, is it that easy for you to just leave?" His grip on my arm tightened, but not painfully. "If I tell you something you don't want to hear... will you just leave me now?"
I furrowed my brows. What the fuck is he saying?
"Seeing the way you were moving away from me... it must be so, right? Hey..." He muttered into my ear. "What is it to you, the friendship you spoke of? If you'll leave me so easily, were you even my friend? Or were you just a liar?"
"Shut the fuck up," I growled at him. "It's precisely why I'm giving you a chance to explain right now. If I didn't give a fuck about you, I'd have left the moment you-"
The moment you did something so fucking over-powered like some fucking main character.
"What are you?" I asked him again. "Are you even really a stone-handler? Or some other creature?"
Or...
But no. That can't fucking be.
Rezel watched me for a moment. It was too quiet, in this forest of just us two. Then he sighed.
"I am a stone-handler, you blathering fool," he muttered, letting go of me. His arm slid away from my back and his fingers no longer gripped my wrist. A sudden chill overcame me at the sudden lack of his warmth. "I work for the emperor. Of course I'm more skilled and my stones are more precious." He showed me his palm and suddenly glowing rocks appeared out of thin air. They looked magical and mystical, glowing in such an ethereal manner. It was mesmerizing, this sight. A strange pull almost drew my fingers towards them. I was almost falling into a daze, when Rezel closed his hand, the stones disappearing. "And it's also true that I'm stronger anyway. It's why they fuckin' hired me."
He took a step away from me and shrugged. "I hate him but I work for him. Fucked up irony, right?"
Hearing this... I couldn't help but let out a sigh. It was of relief and I loosely shook my head.
It was possible. Just because he wasn't mentioned in the book, doesn't mean he didn't exist in this world. There were many more creatures, and many additional events that weren't mentioned in the book but I've seen them now. And he works for the emperor... no wonder he's so over-powered. Azriel is probably the strongest person in this book, of course his people would be strong too. I held back a shiver at the thought of Azriel and looked towards Rezel.
"Damn. Why didn't you just say all this before?" I gave him a look, and then added. "Dumbass."
At this, his eyes widened and he burst into laughter. "Damn... storyteller." I waked towards him and he made space between his arm and torso for me to lock my arm with his. "I don't know why, storyteller... but somehow you're really fucking annoying. I can feel it in my chest. I'm so annoyed at you right now, and I don't even know why."
"Oh," I made a face at him. "You think it's only you? Damn loser, you had me scared a moment ago. Bastard. Annoying." I relieved myself of the curses I was gathering in my own beating chest for him and for some reason, he only snickered back at me.
"You're the dumbass for being scared. Damn."
"No, but for real... what magic did you do? The birds are gone and not a leaf is trembling."
"What, you liked those?"
"Of course. It's the forest experience. Though I'm still scared of the creatures, though..."
"Tch," he rolled his eyes. "I can't believe you're scared of those-"
"Not everyone is as strong as you, jerkface," I butted in and he raised his eyebrows at me.
"What's that about my face? And here I was thinking of making you stronger..."
"Duuuuuudeeee," I cried with disbelief. "What'd you just say?"
He snapped his fingers and for a moment, it was hard to breathe. But in just a moment, my body adjusted to the change of the atmosphere of the forest. I could feel it again... the life coming back. I could hear the leaves rustling again as the trees waltzed with the wind, and the birdsong was an instrument accompanying them. In the air, I could smell an earthly scent, the allure of the tree sprites and willow maidens and creatures of enchantment. The mystical beings of the forests of this world.
As we stood, our arms intertwined, Rezel leaned down towards my ear and murmured these words.
"Don't dare be afraid of anything in my presence ever again."
A flower floated down from higher up, almost as if a tree had sent a gift down to us. It glowed vividly, brilliantly as it reached us and Rezel waited for it to land in his palm. He then looked towards me with a smile and his fingers moved towards my hair. I stood in wonder as he placed this flower into my hair. His fingers fell back and he tilted his head, watching me. "It annoys me to see you scared," he murmured. "But if I'm the reason, it drives me crazy."
"So, storyteller," he held his hand out towards me, his palm facing up. I watched him quietly, listening to his every word.
"Stop driving me crazy."
I don't even know why. A laugh escaped my lips, bubbling out my throat and into the night air of this forest. It wasn't a moment of a wait. I placed my hand in his and shook my head.
"I'm the one who's crazy."
Do you think I'll so easily let go of one of my only friends in this world?
I try not to think of it...
...But no matter what reason you gave me... I'd want to accept it with my eyes closed. I don't want to let go of you. Don't you see, Rezel...?
How starved I am.
"Do you even know what you're worth?" I asked him and he furrowed his brows, genuinely not expecting this reaction. How cute.
"Hey..." I tilted my head, stepping closer to the boy aglow under the moonlight. "You should push me away before I get greedy."
A friendship... a mutual need. Two people depending on each other...
Hey... push me away... before I get more greedy.
A single red rose blooming in a burning garden.
"Are you the only greedy one?" He asked me. "You are a fool if you believe that. You are a fool if you believe all I'll do is give."
You can't expect broken things to work perfectly. You can't expect broken things to work as the perfect, or even good ones do. They can be fixed, yes.
They can be fixed. Yes.
...Yes.
Haha...
I should fix myself... yes.
...Yes
I should...
Hahaha...!
Oh...
You expect too much from me.
Under the moondance of the forest, I watched the boy who was as broken and as twisted and as selfish as me. Oh gosh, we were imperfect. We were full of hatred and suffering and an ungratefulness towards life. He watched me too.
And in this place of darkness, we were comfortable. After all, you can't judge someone who's just like you.
Drown me in this.
It would be nice.
***
A little note.
Or just some things I'd like to address.
It ended up being kinda long omg sorry
1. About Alair's psychopathy... I am not at all whatsoever trying to romanticize or glorify any personality disorder or psychopathy. The hilarious thing is that Alair wasn't even going to be one of the main leads, he was supposed to be an actual villain until I introduced him and asgjdk and I laugh everytime I think of it, of how much everyone actually liked him and I was like "...oh shit." So after that chapter, I didn't update for like a week so that I could research psychopaths and develop his character more, and ended up buying a whole book by Kevin Dutton and reading a whole lot of psychology articles to see if it was possible to actually love and be 'loved' by a psychopath. I found lots of varying answers, as psychopathy isn't the same for everyone, so I still can't understand if Alair is a full-blown psychopath or if he just has psychopathic traits, y'know, like many CEOs are told to have. It seems he does have some empathy, even if low-grade, seeing how he was attached to his mother and cried as he killed his father. That doesn't exactly mean he can fall in love though; and as I am not a psychopath, I unfortunately might make mistakes in his character. Though I am going to try my best for him, as wtf I'm attached to this guy now, I myself don't know how he's so smooth? Like whaaaat
2. Their ages!!! I feel so awkward about their ages all the time. In my head, they're all around 20 as is the case in the actual novel. The reason they're so young is because I wanted to give Nora the best amount of time so that she could grow with them and become stronger to be able to survive all the stuff that's gonna happen before the academy that starts when they're 18, but 14-15 IS SO DAMN YOUNG ugh I can't, I wanna change it immediately, this is a romance novel and Rose is so much older. I'm gonna edit it sooner or later, just wanted to make this clear and apologize if you felt uncomfortable, it literally slipped my mind, cause in my head they're so much older and hotter, i mean my ideal and oof wow.
And... I wanted to thank everyone. I'm sorry I don't reply... I know it comes off as arrogant maybe but I swear it's not that. I read your comments whenever I'm feeling down and I swear they make me so hopeful, and I can't even convey what a big impact they have on me, like any comment, any vote, it makes me feel validated and that I'm doing something right maybe finally. I swear it's because I just... I can't do anything, I just freeze up so it's really so hard for me to reply, it's not because your words don't matter it's because of me and I'm sorry and I'm so grateful to you; with depression I'm so numb most of the time but there are times your words have made me so damn emotional and it makes me glad I got to do this. Thank you so much, you don't even know how much you're worth to me because of how crap I am at expressing it. Sorry and thank you if you're still reading. I don't even know anymore, I might delete this note later, but I do mean it.
And also this chapter is a mess, i rewrote it like thrice fr i had writer's block TT sorry sorry
I love you. Thank you. Again.