I woke up dreaming about you again, 5:25 am. in the morning, being hit with the reality that you're no longer here with me. Falling in love with someone else, most likely.
But I didn't sleep last night thinking about you, though.
I was thinking about how happy I was that my bestfriend sent me a video of her playing piano of NF's Chasing. The extent of some people would go to make me happy.
But I can't stop thinking, why am I still dreaming about you?
I don't really remember the details of that dream, but it wasn't a nightmare. I remember the feeling; it was happy, oddly happy that my own mind decided to pull itself out of that dream because it knows that bullshit is not true anymore. Not even my own mind can trick itself into having some rest in my sleep. Truly, now more than ever, there is no rest for the wicked.
And I might just go crazy, someday.
I want to stop dreaming about you. It's an assumption, but to me it is an indicator that subconsciously (or unconsciously), I still love you and I still have that hope that things just might go back to the way it was. I know it's impossible and wrong, and my conscious self is trying to bury that belief ten feet under, but it keeps on resurfacing in places I want to take refuge in; my solitude, my rationale and now, my dreams.
They're the only places left for me to feel safe. And now I don't.
She won't come back, Hakim.
Please, please, please understand that and please realize that she's moving on, and you should too.
Allah, please remove her from my heart. Release me from this pain. Make it so I can be happy again. I beg of you, Allah.
Let this love disappear so I can be at peace in my sleep.