A whole month passed and Will was true to his word; he did not speak to me even once. He did not even so much as look at me. In class, Will would completely ignore me, and at home, he pretended as if I did not even live there. Although I was the one who had told him to never speak to me again, I couldn't deny that the fact that he had actually listened to me, bothered me. I hated how Will could just pretend as if I didn't exist, even though I knew that I had brought this upon myself.
In a weird and unexpected way, it felt odd not to be speaking to Will. Over the years, no matter how much we would fight, he and I would always still speak to each other. Even when we would have yelling matches with one another and even when we would push each other around on the football field, we would always still talk even if it meant still being rude to one another. Will had never ignored my presence, even if I had wanted him to, and now it felt -- wrong almost. For all of my life, I had been prepared to face his wrath and rude remarks and now that it was gone, some part of me felt gone as well. It seemed as if fighting with Will was apart of me.
But he was apart of me in a much deeper way though, wasn't he? Will was the person who I had experienced the most traumatic event of my life with. It pained me to admit this but it was true; Will was much more than just my enemy. Will, whether I liked it or not, was the person who understood me in a way no other person would or could. I knew that he had been correct that day when I had told him to never speak to me again; he knew me like no one else ever would. The thought unsettled me, but also lit up something within me, that I did not have a name for.
I tried not to think about our kiss but I never succeeded. Every night when I closed my eyes, I was back in that bathroom with Will and his lips were on mine. I didn't know what it meant and I didn't want to know.
"Tessa? Are you even listening?"
I snapped out of my deep thoughts at the sound of Cecily's voice. I was sat in a restaurant with her, Gabriel and Rupert. The four of us had all decided to go for dinner tonight, since it was Friday.
"Sorry, Cecy, what did you say?" I echoed.
"I said that you and Rupert should come with Gabriel and I to this bar, tomorrow night." Cecily chirped happily. "Jace is bringing his girlfriend too."
"Tessa and I will definitely be there." Rupert smiled down at me.
I returned his wide smile; Rupert had proved to be a good boyfriend. We went out quite a bit and sometimes he spent nights with me at mine and Cecily's house. I hadn't had sex with Rupert nor done anything close to it, and sometimes I wondered what always seemed to be holding me back. I liked Rupert, there was no denying that, but sometimes something felt as if it was missing. I had always wanted someone to complete me, and I hated to admit that sometimes it felt like Rupert didn't.
"Yeah that sounds fun." I replied and then I hesitated. "But is Will--"
"No, Will is not going to be there." Cecily told me before I could even get out the question.
"Thank God for that." Rupert spoke and then shot Cecily an apologetic smile. "Sorry, Cecily. I just hate the way he makes comments about Tessa and I."
I shifted uncomfortably as Cecily glanced over at me. I had never ended up telling Rupert about the fact that I had kissed Will and I never planned on it. Rupert was right though, I also hated the way Will made rude comments about our relationship. I never understood why he did it and annoyance ran through my veins at the thought. I never said anything about him and Tatiana, so why did he care so much about Rupert and I?
"It's alright." Cecily sighed. "I know how difficult Will is. He always has been since we were kids."
"You and Will used to fight so much." Gabriel looked at me then, amused. "Sometimes I used to think that you and him would just kill each other one day."
An image of Will kissing me in the bathroom came to me then, and I winced. "Yeah, we never liked each other."
Cecily changed the subject then and I was glad; I didn't want to have to think about Will any longer. We all left the restaurant late that night and Cecily went home with Gabriel, as she was going to stay the night at Rupert and Gabriel's flat. I, however, decided to go home since I had homework I needed to finish in the morning. Rupert kissed me goodbye, driving me to my house, and then I walked inside. It was nearing midnight and the house was quiet and dark. Charlotte was spending the night with Henry at his flat, and I swallowed knowing that it was just Will and I in the house.
When I walked past his bedroom, his lights were off and his door was closed; I was relieved to see that he was already sleeping. Not that he would have even acknowledged me anyways, however. I changed into my pyjamas, which was shorts and a tank top, and got into bed. Like always, I fell asleep with the thought of mine and Will's kiss on my mind.
_________
I was jolted out of my sleep, in the middle of the night, to someone yelling. I sat up at once, and listened, my heart beating nearly out of my chest.
"No!"
The voice called out and right away I knew that it was Will; I would recognize that voice anywhere. He was having a nightmare, I realized, and it surprised me. I had never heard Will have a nightmare before tonight, and I didn't think that he was afraid of anything. I felt myself get out of my bed and walk out into the hallway. I had no idea what I was doing when I found myself standing outside of Will's door, and I was even more shocked when I entered his room and closed the door behind me.
Moonlight was shining brightly into Will's bedroom and I swallowed at the sight before me. Will was sitting up in his bed, his chest heaving up and down, and he was shirtless. I couldn't stop myself from running my eyes over his lean and toned chest, and I felt my cheeks heat uncontrollably. I had never seen Will work out before but it was clear that he did as I looked at him. Will glanced up in surprise at my appearance, his blue eyes wild with panic from the nightmare.
"Tessa?" He breathed. "What are you doing in here?"
There was no malice or annoyance in his voice and it jolted something within me; the last time I had heard him speak like this had been when we had kissed at the party.
"I heard you." I replied, my voice sounding odd to my own ears.
I then -- and I have no idea why I did it -- walked over to Will's bed and gingerly sat down on it. Will only watched me with wide blue eyes and I forced myself to look up at him. My face was only a little ways away from his own.
"Are you okay?" I asked in a quiet voice.
Will only nodded, his breathing now slowing.
"What was the nightmare about?" I pressed gently.
He clenched his jaw and looked away from me. "You know what it was about."
My breath hitched momentarily and pity washed through me; Will had had a nightmare about what had happened that night. Some part of me felt shocked as I had always believed that what had happened never bothered Will, and that he never thought about it. But here he was now, his blue eyes wild with panic and worry, his breath still uneven. It jolted me, in some way, to see Will in his most vulnerable state. He had never let me see him like this before.
"I get them too." I told him softly. "When I moved away to New York, I had them every night for nearly a year."
Will met my eyes then, his eyes desperate with something. "In my dream, it was you, Tess. It was you who almost died and I--"
He broke off, tearing his eyes away from me once more, seeming to not be able to look at me. I could only watch Will with wide eyes, shock coursing through me at his words. The thought of me dying had shaken him that much? He had nightmares about me getting hurt? This wasn't the Will I had ever known and something in my heart twisted to see him so upset. I thought back to that poor old woman's life who we had almost taken; Will had dreamt that it was me instead of her?
"I'm right here, Will." I whispered softly then. "You didn't hurt me."
He looked back over at me and I wasn't prepared for the intensity of his gaze. It felt as if Will was looking straight into my soul and I swallowed hard. My body felt jittery and I was suddenly very conscious of how close he was to me. Will's expression was soft and I had never recalled him looking at me like this ever before. When he looked like this, it was hard for me to remember how terrible he was to me. It was too much, the way he was looking at me.
"I should go." I spoke hastily then, moving to stand up.
Will's hand shot out and grabbed at my wrist, gently pulling me to stay sitting. I looked back over at Will, surprised at the action, and I tried not to think about how it felt to have him touch me once again. His blue eyes were stripped raw and they held nothing of the usual Will that I knew.
"Stay with me." He murmured then.
Shock coursed through my body and my heart stopped at his words. Will looked at little shocked at the request himself and he was staring up at me, the moonlight hitting his blue eyes and making them burn bright. My heart was nearly beating out of my chest and I didn't know what to say. I was dating Rupert but it also wasn't as if Will had asked me to do anything bad with him; we were only going to sleep in the same bed.
"Okay." I breathed, my voice weak.
Will moved aside, to make room for me, and I shakily crawled into the bed beside him. We both laid there for a moment, both on our backs, not touching each other. My heart was beating so fast that it felt like I could hardly breathe, and I was too aware of Will's body next to me. He then shifted so he was on his side, his head propped up on his elbow, looking down at me.
"You're the only person who understands me." Will spoke in a low voice. "The only one who knows my pain."
I glanced up at him, entranced by his deep blue eyes. "I understand it because I carry the same pain."
His eyes fluttered shut, as if I had hurt him, and he laid back down on his back. His breathing seemed uneven once more, and just the simple sight of Will in a bed next to me sent my heart racing again.
"Sleep, Tessa." Will told me then, his voice a bit rough.
I didn't reply -- no words would leave my mouth. I now understood why Will had asked me to stay with him, however. This was what we shared with one another and having me with him would remind him that he wasn't alone. Will fell asleep not long after that, and I found myself turning onto my side, studying him. He was still laying on his back, his eyes gently closed, his chest falling up and down lightly. No matter how much it felt like I hated him, I couldn't deny that he was beautiful. That he looked like an angel when he was sleeping even though I knew that he was anything but. Something in my heart twisted at the sight of him; I absentmindedly reached out and pushed back his black hair from his forehead.
I couldn't be sure how long I stayed like that.