Erin walked over the Hogwarts grounds, her hands tucked deeply into her pockets. It was six in the morning, but she couldn't sleep anymore, so she had decided to go on a little walk to clear her head. She had spent the entire afternoon yesterday reading Oliver's letters. It had left her a broken mess, so she skipped supper and went to bed very early, causing her to wake up at dawn. She didn't mind though. She could use the time to think.
She sat down on one of the stone benches along the path to Hagrid's hut and pulled her knees up. The sun was rising over the hills, throwing an orange blanket over the wet grass. It was still foggy, creating a calm atmosphere.
She took out Oliver's third letter. She had kept it with her since she had read it. The first two letters were messy and panicky, asking Erin to please talk to him and telling her that he couldn't lose her. But for the third letter, he had sat down and really put the effort in. It was composed, honest and everything Erin loved about him. She opened up the piece of parchment and read it for the fifth time.
Dear Erin
I'm sorry about my last two letters. They were terrible and I should just explain what I'm thinking because this is not getting us anywhere. I don't know if you'll read this letter, I would understand if you didn't, but I just need to get it off my chest and I would never forgive myself if I didn't do anything possible to reach out to you.
So, let me tell you what happened. I'm not going to make any excuses, because I know that what I did was terrible and that it's genuinely all my fault, but I know that you interpreted the situation a lot differently than it was (which I completely understand) and I don't want you to feel sad for the wrong reasons.
I didn't cheat on you and I would never, ever cheat on you. I love you more than anything in the world and there's no one on the planet that I'd ever prefer over you. I don't like Marlo like that at all. I thought she was cool, a bit arrogant sometimes, but an okay friend, but I really don't have feelings for her. You're the only girl I ever had and ever will have feelings for.
So, I didn't sleep with her. Half the team stayed over at my house after we celebrated our win, but they all slept in the guest bedroom or on the couch. No one slept in my room, I promise. Marlo was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. She came into my room to wake me up and noticed the mirror.
I'm sorry I didn't stay away from Marlo even though you told me you didn't like her. If I had just cut her out of my life this never would've happened (the misunderstanding at least) and maybe then things would have been different. I just thought it'd be easier to be nice to her because I see her every single day during practice and I didn't want to ruin the team spirit. But I see now where that got me and I promise I'll never speak to her again, I promise.
I just re-read what I wrote and it seems like I'm minimizing the situation and that's not what I want. I wasn't there for you when you needed me. I had one opportunity to see you again and I wasn't there. You have no idea how much I hate myself for that.
I'm so ashamed. I didn't not show up because I didn't want to, really, I looked forward to it so much, you have no idea. I couldn't wait to hold you again, to kiss you again and to hear your laugh again. I miss you so much.
But I got drunk, embarrassingly drunk. I really didn't mean to, I wasn't planning on it to happen. But I guess I underestimated the adrenaline and the cheerful atmosphere and I definitely overestimated my ability to handle alcohol. I passed out as soon as I got home and didn't think of setting an alarm. And I missed our date.
Erin, please believe me when I say that I'm so terribly sorry. If I could turn back time, I really would, I'd do anything to do that, but I can't. Just know that I love you more than anything in the world and I really hope that somewhere deep inside, you still love me a little bit as well. I know I messed up so many times and I can't promise you I won't hurt you anymore ever again, but I will promise you that I'll try my absolute best.
I know you deserve better and it's really selfish, but I can't live without you. So I need you to please, please not give up on us. Don't give up on me. I love you so much and I really hope I can see you again.
x Oliver
Her heart broke every time she saw that closing. Oliver, he had written. He would normally always end his letters with "your Captain", but he felt like he had lost the right to do so. He wasn't her Captain anymore, he thought.
But Erin didn't think so at all. He'd always be her Captain.
She wiped away her tears and pretty much ran to the Owlery. She needed to deliver her response as soon as possible.
She had spent an hour trying to find a response last night, but she couldn't think of anything. She had so much to say to him, yet nothing at all. She needed to see him in order to find the words, but Christmas break was still three weeks away. So she had settled on three simple words and she hoped they'd be enough.
Dear Captain
I forgive you.
Erin
She searched for a well-rested owl and put the letter in its beak. She patted its little head before it flew off.
She did forgive him. She was never one to hold grudges and now she knew exactly what happened, her mind could comprehend it. She could give it a place and find peace. He won his first match, that was a huge deal. It caused him to drink more than he normally would. Oliver rarely even consumed alcohol at Hogwarts, always afraid it'd mess with his quidditch game. He made a small mistake that had big repercussions. She forgave him for that.
But that didn't mean she'd forget. She was afraid that it'd take a long time for her to forget about it. She was afraid that it'd take a long time for her to start trusting him again. She was afraid that it'd never really be the same anymore between them. She was afraid.
That's why she still didn't know what to do at Christmas break. She forgave him, but did she also want to get back together with him? She wanted to, she really just wanted to act like nothing happened and be his girlfriend again, but was that really a smart idea?
If they'd get back together at Christmas break, they would again be confronted with 6 months of not seeing each other, one single Hogsmeade trip in the middle. They're relationship (if there still was one) was so fragile. Could it take that? Or was it better to wait until after graduation? She didn't know. She genuinely didn't know.
"Erin, what are you doing up so early?"
Erin looked up confused, noticing the twins standing at the entrance of the Owlery. Erin quickly wiped the tears away and forced a smile onto her face.
"Sending letters", she stated. George chuckled and walked up to her, giving his letter to a brown barn owl.
"Thought you had a family owl?" Erin frowned.
"Errol? Yeah we do, but the odds of him actually delivering the letter are very, very low", George chuckled, sitting down in the window sill. Fred waved at her awkwardly and then left.
"He feels really bad about yesterday", George said, watching Fred make his way to the castle. "So he might act a bit weird the next couple of days." Erin shrugged, listening to the early morning sounds.
"It's not even seven in the morning. What are you doing up already?" Erin asked after a while. "And since when do you send letters?" George grinned.
"They're not letters, darling. Fred and I have much more important stuff going on. Which is why we wake up early." Erin's heart skipped a beat at the sudden nickname, causing her throat to go all dry.
"What are you doing up?" Erin couldn't hide her feelings from George. He had been there through it all and he supported her.
"Couldn't sleep. Lots on my mind lately", she said. She sat down next to him, staring out of the window.
"I'm sorry about yesterday, by the way. It must've been hard", George sighed, referring to the love potion fiasco.
"It was, but it also made me think. It made me open my letters."
"Oh, and what did he say?"
"It wasn't really what he said", Erin chuckled. "Marlo sent me a letter, explaining the situation."
"Marlo? Marlo Deverill, the girl he slept with?" George asked, confused.
"They didn't actually sleep together. They got drunk and half the team stayed over at his house. She was just in his bedroom to wake him up and he didn't show up because he got too drunk."
It was quiet for a while. It sounded so weird.
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I don't know", Erin shrugged. "It's less bad than I thought it was and he really regrets it, but it still hurts, you know?" George nodded.
"Those hours that I sat there in the snow, waiting for someone who wasn't going to show up. That really hurt. But I know he didn't mean to."
"Well", George said after a while. "Oliver is a really good guy. I genuinely do think he never meant to hurt you. It's just this bad because it happened on that one day that you were supposed to hang out." Erin nodded. If he had gotten drunk on any other day, she'd probably find it amusing, but why did it have to be on that particular day?
"But, if you look at it this way," George continued, "he got really drunk and was still extremely loyal to you. That's a really good sign."
Erin sighed, rubbing her face.
"Men getting drunk and not cheating on their girlfriends seems like a basic necessity to me, not a good sign."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that", George swallowed. "You're totally right, I just meant-"
"It's okay", Erin sighed. "I knew what you meant. It's just that I've been catching myself finding excuses a lot these past hours and I know I shouldn't."
"You're right." An awkward silence rose again, making Erin sad. George was so kind to her, but she didn't quite know how to handle it. She just wanted to hug him, for him to tell her that everything was going to be okay, but she didn't want to lead him on when she wasn't sure about what she was feeling. Sure, she could see herself falling for George, most definitely, but then there was Oliver ... Everything was so much more complicated with Oliver, but those feelings were so much more intense. She didn't know what to do.
"Thank you, George", Erin whispered, forcing a sad smile.
"For what? I didn't do anything." Erin raised an eyebrow. He didn't do anything?
"Oh, I don't know, you helped me with my panic attacks, stayed with me for hours, letting me ruin your sweater with tears, you somehow knew exactly what to say to calm me down, you kept my mind off of the situation for weeks and even now you try to help me, even though I'm not sure if I would help myself."
George smiled sadly, looking down.
"For you to still talk so highly about Oliver, that means so much to me, George", Erin whispered. The man had feelings for her. For months, he had liked her, but his own feelings were never his priority. He pushed it all aside to make sure Erin was okay. He took Oliver's and Erin's feelings more into consideration than his own.
"Sometimes you have to put yourself first, you know?" Erin said. George shrugged, as if it wasn't a big deal, but it was. Fred was always just a bit more out there, causing him to get most of the recognition. He had six other siblings that he'd give his life for, that he prioritised and even though he was in love with Erin, he'd still much rather see her with Oliver if that would make her happier. But when was it time for his happiness to come first?
"I'm okay, Erin. I don't like seeing my friends get hurt, so helping them makes me happy. I'm content."
"And when are you truly happy?" George thought of that for a while.
"When I'm working with Fred on ideas for the jokes shop. Then I'm genuinely happy. My biggest dream is that some day, we'll be able to open a shop in Diagon Alley."
Erin smiled brightly at that dream. She could see it in her mind, it had to happen.
"But I'm afraid we'll have to sell a lot more Puking Pastilles if we want that to become reality", he sighed.
"Well, where do I buy some?"