I Don't Understand you ||Tsuk...

sexy_crouton által

1.1M 56.4K 51.7K

Cover by @spicysuzy I have no words to describe this book. Started May 2020 Ended: December 2020 *I do not ow... Több

Brontosaurus
My pimp
Not the hamster
Daddy long legs
Gum and juice
Kinda evil
Ugly gerbil
Vinegar
Witchcraft
Dino shoes
Frosting
I don't know what to name this chapter
Leave me in the tub
Smack em like whores
Shut up
I hate you
Borderline Therapist
Pretty boy
Don't die on my bed
Ew
I-
See you tomorrow loser
I love blackberries tbh
What even is this?
Your mom's a hoe
I love problematic characters
I eat little kids for brunch
I cut my finger on my mom's ring I hope I can still dance
Carol Baskins
Pov your dying at the theater kids house and he starts performing 'Heathers'
Pov I tell you that you remind me of a piece of lint I found in my left croc
A demonic Starbucks napkin stole my goldfish crackers
L̵l̷a̵m̷a̷s̸ ̴e̷a̷t̷ ̵s̸e̸x̷y̶ ̴p̸a̷p̵e̸r̶ ̵c̶l̶i̴p̷s̴
Every day a grape licks a friendly cow
6+9=?
Hee hee
Eat kids, get bitches, simple.
My neck, my back
<bih BIUOvawosubda
I'll eat all the coat hangers
Eat my crippled ass
Glow in the dark Clorox wipes
I really really really really want some gushers
I'm joining the navy seals, and I'm jumping your mom
I eat little babies ice cream, it keeps me young
I'm going to overdose on my inhaler
Burning trash
I hate this chapter
I snorted your Sangwoo's ashes with your mom
Happy Canada day I guess
🐬 🎀 𝐼'𝓂 𝟤𝟫 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑒𝒶𝓇𝓈 o𝓁𝒹---𝐻𝒾𝑔𝒽 𝓈𝒽❁🌞𝓁 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒷𝓊𝓁𝓁𝒾𝑒𝓈 🎀 🐬
I told my cat that I'm going to turn her into sausages.
I thought it was one cat
Stream Boku no pico
sjgsgjsthgjdhnfnsrth
I used to want to be a hacker so now I know a lot about hacking
I'm supposed to be packing right now
Why are my eyebrows falling out? Serious question.
Pov: I'm singing Never met while I extract a baby dill pickle from your ear
in the past 3 days i've only eaten kiwis
I lost my bescherelle
😌📻❤️😃🙌😈👑🍠😹🤩👀✌️😔🔫💀🥰👌🦕🚪✨🤛🤠😎💅😏🎷🥳🤜🦖
If hamburger makes a meatloaf does laziness make me-a-loaf?
Not even a fraction of my notes
Can't wait till I'm 18 and my record gets erased🧎🏻‍♂️🏌🏼
Suck mirandas nubs now or suffer
You can only bake snow if it's made of marbles
Face reveal!!!
If I ate a pickle would my mom stop snorting coke?
I accidentally got lasagna in my phone, no joke.
Fourth wall? We don't know her
What if we all had twinkies as toes? Suddenly I'm buying feet pics.
I got STDs
two carrots got stuck in my nostrils today
Suck my wiggly jiggly doughnut before I pump your guts full of lead
Kinda important
I think we should take a break
I used to deforst frozen fries in water, in the bathroom then eat them
Don't hmu, only real ones know
A poorly written re-cap, brought to you by Crouton
Pov you're reading this chap and then Dr. Oz starts force-feeding you vitamins
pov you slap Bj Alex with a goldfish and he starts beating me with his textbook
Blended clams served with a side of boiled chicken strips
That's why yo momma dead, I hate you, you hate me lets team up and kill barney
Animal crackers in my soup uh... fuck
It can have a name later
I need a pharmacist
Pov I slapped your mom because she was being a hoe, and now I'm marrying her
la la la la, la la la la
Pov I slap you with a rotten tomato than Kouichi beats you up for fun
POV I ate a mouldy piece of bread and now I am a piece of broccoli
YCTGVUBIHjncwdh!!!!
What up, Adrian lover
Peek-a-boo!
🍋Too many feelings and not enough dino chicky nuggs🍋
After I graduate post-secondary I wanna move to Toronto
Salle de bain salle de bain je dois faire pipi
I wanna see them fancy user names, I must see them, please.
Pov I slap you with my shoe and then Kiyoko steps on you,
Pov Kenma slaps you with his sock and then Kuroo gets jealous and beats you
Why yes, I am at school
I don't read much fanfiction, surprising right? I much prefer real books.
Pov you slap Kiyoko's ass then Tanaka kills you with his glizzy
Pov I throw you in a pot of boiling tomato soup, then I serve it to Kenma
This is classic comedy
Sike
I hope y'all are sad lol
Stream 100 gecs
69
Pov i make all of you sad while i laugh 😹😹😹
I hate school, but what is new?
I do not accept Oikawa slander, hate on him, expect hate from me
pov this clown licks in between your toes as I play the harmonica
.... --- .-.. .-
-Meanwhile at Karasuno-
I just missed Oikawa
I'm a bad bitch, nickname Hermosa
Don't dox me
I don't like Kageyama
I'm at school hoes, and I still miss Oikawa
I love Oikawa so much
Arson and Tax fraud are daily tasks, so the FBI can't find me 😎
I have to write four more paragraphs for my essay still
Big dick Issei supremacy
🕳🐀👨🏽‍🦯
I hate writing about volleyball games
Look at this glizzy I found
Pov i update again because i have no impulse control
Yeah, I think doctor-assisted suicide is justifiable
I'm engaged to Oikawa as of now
Pov I use a long mower to destroy everyone's ass
I support teen drinking
I am no longer failing science
https://discord.gg/GHZ4Wj
I hate writing in third person smh
Bitch you thought, lol
Pray to me, for I am the one and Only Glizzy Gobbler
Kinda important
It is now December, no questions asked
Stream black pink
yeah it's really short, but it's fine
Fuck me sideways with a piece of corn
Pov Tanaka bits off your left toe and gives it to Kiyoko
Poor *silence* spice pussy
Ima lazy hoe
pastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadogpastadog
Since y'all wanted that damm camp to be over
roasted toenails served with a side of boiled organs
I ain't never liked all of my siblings at the same time,
You thought
Someone just asked me if I know what a Crouton is, bruh
🍋Wholesome chapter🍋
🧍
Shit-ling pt.2
Pov I was snorting coke then Kenma told me that is was heroin and I die
I've got another midterm tomorrow lol
I finished my last midterm on Tuesday cuz I'm a baddie
I'm done being mad lol, but ive still got more chaps in my drafts
🦧
Follow my tik tok, ima post somthing real good
Notice me senpai
This is OFFICIALLY a Kageyama hate page
https://vm.tiktok.com/ZSb2bBYW/
Sex talk pt.1
Sex talk pt.2
CUM -Paulina
What if I made Y/n and Tsuki get in a Lil fight Lmao
34+35
Pov I suck a glizzy while I beat you with my pogo stick
Sex talk, not as good as the one I wrote for Y/n
She's not dead yet
I love Oikawa so much like I can't even
The letter I spoke of
Kei won't know about the 'surprise' until new years
Pov its a heist
I am a mental illness
Pov Kuroo eats your toes because you enraged Kenma
Slob on mi knob
I'm almost at the chapter limit, fuck me with a wrench
Have I ever mentioned how much I love Oikawa?
CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother. AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
So I had a stroke at the beginning of this chapter, sorry.
I will live in thy heart, die in thy lap, and beburied in thy eyes -BENEDICK
Only fifteen left before part two
Damm, I've been watching so many good movies lately.
⛤⛧⛥⸸✪⍟
"I love my pubescent voice cracks"-the discord
If you add lol or Lmao to the end of a sentence its not offensive
I hate Christmas more than I hate Kageyama
Pov dr. Phil stick his pen in your eye to extract a glizzy
Pickles in a car of coconut oil
Where's Alexis Texas
Pov you fail math
Pov I'm passing all my classes and you're not
ASDFGHJK
These are my lovely tags on my friends server
Me and my homies hate da holidays
So the next chapter will be the last of pt. 1, then I'll have to start up pt. 2.
The note at the end is important so please read it

Theres some whores in this house

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sexy_crouton által

Y/n's pov

"Did you and Tsukishima fight or something?" Suga asks.

"Nah we're good," I say.

"Then is there a reason you keep on stealing his water and drinking it before he even gets a chance to have some?" he asks.

I glance over to Kei who just so happens to be dying as we near the end of practice.

"I was just thirsty," I say.

"And you threatened ever else that if you gave him water you'd beat them," Kageyama says.

"I did not," I say. "I didn't threaten Yachi or Yams,"

But then again I don't need to. And I'm not trying to traumatize them, it's enough that they have to deal with me on a daily.

"Aren't you supposed help out with the beauty pageant?" Yamaguchi asks.

"I'm not allowed to go," I say. "Apparently my input is not needed,"

"No surprise there," Kei stands up, looks like he won't be dying tonight.

"I thought you were going to actually die," Hinata says.

"As if I'd die," he rolls his eyes. "Your so stupid,"

"Heres your water peasant," I throw the bottle at him.

I want intently as I watch him take a big gulp.

"God what is that?" he cringes.

"Its water," I smile.

"It doesn't smell like water from here," Daichi says.

"Its vinegar pussy," I say.

"Language," Suga gasps.

"Everyone go home," Ukai says. "I don't want to have to be a witness to your guy's trouble-making,"

"Are you gonna drink that or?" I ask.

"Obviously I'm not gonna drink this crap," he hands me the bottle. "Your going insane,"

"It's your own fault," we start walking out of the gym. "Your the one who suggested that stupid magical girl cafe, this was all part of your evil plan,"

"Well maybe you should stop sleeping in class," he snickers. "Then maybe it would be something different,"

"You are despicable," I say. "And I bet you planned the pageant shit too. This is terrible, i'm gonna be sweating my tits off in whatever they stuff me in,"

"The pageant wasn't my doing," he says. "You got picked cause you're pretty,"

"I refuse to believe that you just uttered those words," I cover my ears. "I must remain a bad bitch who remains unaffected by your antics,"

"My antics?" he scoffs.

"Yup," I nod my head. "I will not turn into baby bitch, I will remain hardcore,"

"Says the one who he gets carried around while she eats her children's snacks," he says.

"No, I've left that lifestyle behind, no piggybacks rides or kid foods for me," I continue to walk. "If I want to grow taller I've got to act like it, I'll act tall,"

"That doesn't even make any sense," he says. "How do you act tall?"

"Behold my blank expression," I say. "And how I'm matching your strides, just like a tall person. Think tall, act tall, and be tall,"

"How does one act tall? Enlighten me oh wise one," he says in a sarcastic voice.

"Who shoved a stick up your ass?" I ask. "I bet you did it yourself,"

"That's gross," he says. "Your gross,"

"Anyways... I've been studying all of you tall folk,"

"If anything you growing taller will dull you out," he says.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I question. "It won't dull me out,"

"If you get taller you'll have to start acting your height, no more acting a fool," he says.

"Your tall, and you act a fool," I point out.

"I've always been tall so it doesn't matter," he says.

"There are no perks in you getting taller," he says. "But you'll be closer to Jesus,"

"Jesus and I are on decent terms, and I heard that he stole the dino's form hell. So I want to go to heaven, actually, I wanna be reincarnated as some celebrities baby," I say. "But like one that isn't canceled,"

"If you grow taller you'll become all lanky," he says.

"Just because your tall doesn't mean you'll become lanky, your not even that lanky," I say.

"I bet you'll lose your ass," he says.

"That's it, I give up," I say. "I don't want to be tall, tall people suck,"

"You so kind," he rolls his eyes.

"I'm just kidding, obviously Wakatoshi doesn't suck," I say. "But everyone sucks a little,"

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"Well basically I'm climbing onto this bench so I can jump on top of you," I say. "And since your full or reasons on why being tall is just as good as finding some used earplugs. You must prevent me from growing taller,"

"I don't want to carry you," he says.

"If I break my neck falling onto the pavement... Actually that could make a cool video," I say. "Make sure you get this on video,"

"Are you serious?" he asks slightly concerned.

"Should I attempt a backflip or just go for a swan dive?" I ask. "I'd go for a belly flop but that's a little bit basic for my taste,"

"Of course your serious," he shakes his head.

"Get your phone out you goon," I say. "If I'm gonna break my neck I at least want some clout,"

"I don't want to have to grab you, it's getting dark out so it'll look like I'm kidnapping you," he says. "And that's the last thing I need,"

"So it would be pretty bad if I just yelled, STRANG-!" I start but he covers my mouth.

"I swear to whatever God you pray to I will give you away," he says.

"Which type of giving away? The hamster kind perhaps?" I mumble.

"I'll give you a way to the Karen who's hair takes up two whole bus seats," he says.

"Ew," I cringe. "Guess my neck won't be breaking today,"

-

"So basically I just need you to write a note and sign it saying that I'm allergic to strawberries," I say.

He sits there looking at me, very confused.

"But your eating some right now," he says.

"Well next week I'll be allergic," I say. "I just need you to do this,"

"Okay," he nods his head. "I'll do it,"

"Great," I smile. "My life has been saved,"

"So how was school?" he asks.

"Oh, it was a tragedy," I say. "So there doing this culture festival, and I was sleeping in class,"

"Was I supposed to be surprised?" he asks. "That sounds like a normal day for you,"

"I'm not to the tragedy part yet," I say. "All was going good until my teacher woke me and informed me that our class was doing a magical girl cafe,"

"So are you going to be baking?" he asks.

"I wish I was, believe me, I do. But unfortunately, Kei told the teacher that I'd want to be on the serving crew, so now I have to be a magical girl,"

"..." he stares blankly. "Your gonna wear a dress?"

"Yup," I nod my head. "Unfortunately,"

"You... in an actual dress," he says. "I can't imagine it,"

"And get this," I say. "I'm representing the class in the beauty pageant, and that means another dress,"

"Are they bribing you or something?" he asks.

"Yeah basically," I nod my head. "I get a dino basket, and its gonna gave some stuff in it,"

"That makes sense," he nods his head. "Also I need to talk to you tomorrow after school,"

"Is everything all right? Do you need recommendations on cocktails or something?" I ask.

"No, it's nothing like that," he gets up from the table.

"Is it important?" I ask.

"Yes it is very important," he says seriously.

"Uh... Am I in trouble or something?" I ask. "I'm kinda getting paranoid,"

"You're not in trouble," he says. "But it's still important,"

"Okay," I nod my head, still confused about what it could be about.

"I'll get you after school," he says.

"Okay," I nod my head again.

I don't believe him, I've got to be in trouble or something. But maybe he's just making it seem more serious then it is. What if it's nothing, but what if its something?


That moment when your somehow mistaken for your mother and get shoved into a police car forcefully for no reason at all. 🙂✌️ ACAB. And then you find out that she's not even going to get time in prison. Yes I'm fine.

-Crouton

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