~~Lingering~~
Xavier might actually be getting tired of hearing Hidden on the radio.
Not that he hated the song, in the beginning, he loved listening to it. When he was alone he hummed along to Aaliyah's mezzo-soprano whenever he heard it, but if he was being honest it was becoming incredibly overplayed and kind of overshadowed Four walls, which he thought was a better song. Maybe it was his minor inferiority complex telling him that the work he put in Hidden with Aaliyah wasn't all that compared to Four walls, which was a song already written by her.
Or maybe it was because Four walls just felt a little more like Aaliyah to him. In all the songs they created together, there was always a piece of her in it and Hidden was no exception, but her older songs which had a slight echo of loneliness and macabre that he saw a peak of in Aaliyah when she thought no one was looking, the darkness that lurked behind her pretty hazel eyes. Something about it was attractive to him, though he supposed that, that probably would be something his therapist once warded him away from before he stopped seeing him as per his hospital mandated ninety-hour therapy session demanded. He probably should go back to see him in all honesty.
Halfway through the song playing softly from his car radio, it cut off and a loud obnoxious ring blared through the speakers. And he swore underneath his breath before looking to the caller ID on the stereo only for it to say UNKNOWN in bright orange lights. Xavier scowled, it was only seven AM and winter was still at full force so sunrise was barely breaking through the night. He pressed the answer button and sighed. "Who is it?" He called out slowing down before he reached a stoplight.
There was no answer, which aggravated him a little more. This was the fifth time this was happening to him and it was starting to get ridiculous. At first, he thought it was just like some type of crazed stalker fan. He had, had one of those before when he was sixteen when he was still in the center of media attention. He was still pretty popular being one of Hip-Hop's biggest sons, but his year-long hiatus had taken the spotlight off him a little. He didn't get stopped in the street as much as he used to before, which he supposed was an upside, and as disturbing as it was to have a stalker, he was able to mostly brush it off with a witty comment on his Twitter feed like he did with most of the crazy shit his fame attracted. But he couldn't lie that it wasn't annoying. He thought about calling the police about it, but Xavier had been taught by experience and his mother a long time ago that the police weren't to be trusted. So he thought he'd just weather the storm, it couldn't be that bad. "Hello."
The heavy breathing continued as the stoplight switched to green again. He continued down the street, rolling his eyes. "Continue with this bullshit and you'll regret it," He said aloud, shooting the dash above the glovebox a look, "That's a threat, not a warning." He said and then he hung up the call continuing the drive over to the label.
Of course, his mind found its way back to Aaliyah. As it usually did, to be honest. Hidden was coming to a close and the radio host continued with their usual overwhelmingly excessive content and Xavier found himself tuning into what was being said.
"Well, that was again hidden sung and produced by New York's controversial rising artist, Lia Garcia."
Xavier grimaced at the word 'controversial.' They hadn't ever called Aaliyah that before Weekly Hot Topic's cover release on Monday. Aaliyah was probably the most unproblematic person, he knew, and sure she definitely had her own flaws, but she didn't deserve any of the fire she'd been under because of this cover. Xavier had seen a lot of hateful tweets and posts on Instagram. Gossip sites were ruthless, and if he was being honest it was the people who came to Aaliyah's defense that made him the most nauseous.
He managed to get Aaliyah to open up a little about how she was feeling about it and did his best to be there for her. It was hard, despite being able to understand. He'd been in this industry since he was a kid. He knew about the prejudice and the controversy and the media's two-dimensional view of his character. Xavier Adams could only ever be one thing. He could never be an honest man or a complex being with feelings and thoughts and awareness. He couldn't believe how the world responded when news broke out about his arrest in the twenty-seventeen. They were making memes and jokes on Twitter about him being abused and drunk and then sent to Juvie. It was horrible and after seeing an awful joke about dropping the soap, he threw his phone into a wall, breaking it. But no one would ever know that, because the public no matter how much they're told could never be able to see beyond someone's status or fame. Never be able to see celebrities as more as a product they use for their pleasure. He had to deal with it, but now Aaliyah had to, and he hated it. But Xavier would make sure that as his mother was there for him, he would be there for Aaliyah.
Maybe Malcolm would be there for her too. Earlier in the week, after Aaliyah had gone on a break to see Jenny, Malcolm came to the Red Room to see him.
Xavier had still been a little frustrated with Malcolm too, but he was a lot better than Aaliyah at keeping his anger in check. "Hey Malcolm," He said in a cool voice. Not really looking at him and focusing on his soundboard, "Need anything?"
"Just advice," He said in a weary voice, and when Xavier looked over his shoulder at Malcolm taking a seat on the sofa behind him, he saw his anxiety rolling off of his power suit in waves.
Xavier cocked a brow spinning around in his chair to face Malcolm. "You want advice from me?" He asked in a dubious voice.
Malcolm let out a low chuckle. "That's not too hard to believe, right?" He asked with a small, tired smile, "You are quite smart, Xavier, regardless of what the tabloids have to say. And I know that out of everyone, Aaliyah would talk to you about anything."
This was the second time Xavier was hearing something like this. First from Blair and now from Malcolm. He wondered what it was everyone was seeing between them. As far as Xavier knew, they were just songwriting partners. He cared about Aaliyah definitely, more than he did most people, but he didn't think Aaliyah felt the same way, not when she had people like Jacks and Blair in her life. But apparently, he was wrong.
"So this is about Lia?"
Malcolm nodded slowly, his expression grave. "I've barely seen her this week since the incident," He started, his voice concerned, "Blair hasn't talked to her either. She's avoiding the both of us, and I know that it's my fault, but I've been seeing how social media has been treating her this week and they haven't been too kind to her. I just want to know if she's okay."
Xavier sighed. "She's a lot worse than she's making it out to be," He started, trying to be as honest as possible, "She's hurting. She showed me some of her DMs and people are giving her hell for what's going on? She doesn't know what to do about it. I think I saw her about to cry, but she'd never admit to that—"
"This is awful," Malcolm groaned, running a hand down his face in a regretful tone.
"Yes," Xavier said in a low voice avoiding Malcolm's eyes, "It is."
"I've been wanting to talk to her, but I wouldn't even know where to begin," Malcolm said rambling on, "She's in this problem because of a decision she had no part of, and I treated it like it was nothing. She told us all that this was bad, but it was like we had a wall up to hearing any of it. And she called us family, I just feel so terrible for her—"
"I think," Xavier started in a slow voice, raising his gaze to Malcolm's slowly starting to get irritated by his continuous rambling, "That if you really want to make it up to her that instead of dwelling on all the ways that it's your fault and making it all about you, that you actually listen to what she has to say," He continued in a firm voice, and he shrugged, "That's actually a problem a lot of us have with you. Your inability to listen and instead, taking the problem and making it all about you and your guilt."
"Xavier—"
"With all due respect, Malcolm, she doesn't need your pity. She wants your understanding," He explained, "She was explaining how she felt about this on Monday and the first thing you did was gaslight her by calling the problem superficial. Someone's image is not superficial. The way the world sees us especially for black folk is one of the most important things to someone trying to make a name for themselves. We're already rejected by the public as soon as we're on camera. Our journey to fame isn't as easy as our white counterparts, we have to first prove that we're not those stereotypes reinforced through blackface or unflattering characters on TV before the world can actually listen and appreciate what we bring to the table. By photoshopping her skin, you basically shoved her and others like her into a box filled with those unflattering stereotypes and put a lid on it. You told her that no one would ever accept her because of things out of her control and that to be someone in this life she can't claim the part of herself, she's learned to embrace despite how the world views it. It's a lonely feeling, and people like her and I have been dealing with that feeling for as long as we've been in the spotlight, we don't need to be spoon-fed that feeling from the people in our personal lives either."
Malcolm hadn't said much after that except a thank you and a slow nod before leaving his studio. Xavier wondered what he was thinking, he had a faraway look in his eyes when he left, like he was thinking about something from years ago. He seemed almost sad too.
Now, Xavier was walking down the balcony catwalk that led to the Red Room where he heard the music first.
He already knew who it was, he recognized the melody, and for a second he wondered what Aaliyah would be doing in the Red Room so early in the morning. She did have a weird habit of just showing up unplanned and at the weirdest times, and most times it was welcome though he rarely let her think he thought so. He made a point to appear a little bothered by her presence even if he did show up for her when he thought she needed someone like last week. He made sure to check in with her throughout the week whenever he saw a particularly cruel comment on the socials. He knew she wouldn't be open about it, but he thought she at least deserved to know that she had someone. Even if it was someone like him.
He pushed open the door at the end of the hallway further so that he could slide through undetected as she continued playing the piece he always heard her playing but never talked about it whenever they were taking a break. After a while, he figured out the piece she was playing; La Vie En Rose. He was surprised when he learned that, it wasn't the type of music she usually had an interest in, but regardless it didn't take much observing to know how much that song meant to her. So he learned the song, sometimes he even played it with her. He remembered the first time he played it with her, the shock in her gaze as though he was realizing something new about him.
He wanted to ask what it was, but anxiety kept him from asking. He liked making those types of gestures for her. One's they never really talked about, but knew it bonded them together. It was why he bought her the skateboard for her birthday. Though their relationship wasn't particularly conventional, like hers was with Blair or even Jacks, it meant something to him, and to her. Or at least he hoped it was for her. Jacks did have an annoying tendency to ruin the moments he thought she might have felt something more—
Outside of that, he never wanted to seem like he cared. It was a nice piece, lovely even. But this time, there was a melancholic note to it that wasn't usually there. It tugged at his heartstrings and resonated with him. Or maybe it wasn't the piece itself, but the emotion behind it. He could almost choke on the sadness and loneliness the piece evoked in him, the same kind of sadness he felt when he listened to Four walls, it was like a peek behind a duplicitous curtain of scary nonchalance and ease. That same kind of sadness he tried to channel into a rage so that he didn't spiral into a sea of his own depression. He couldn't afford to spiral, he had people counting on him.
But Aaliyah didn't spiral. She was the calmest and most level-headed person he knew, even when he knew he was close to pissing her off. He didn't think that it could aggravate him more, how calm she always was when she responded to his halfway cruel jabs, but at the same time, he didn't think he knew anyone that was as sad as Aaliyah either. There were things he noticed that no one ever really did, the way her smile never really reached her eyes, the way her laughs always seemed to be half-full, the way her mind always seemed to travel far away from her. She was never fully present and Xavier might be the only one to notice.
He was noticing it now. As he leaned against the door frame, hearing the depth of sadness in the minor chords she played, he couldn't see her face but he could almost sense the disconnect between Aaliyah and her body. He could almost sense that she wasn't entirely there. Like she was lost in her music and the depths of her mind.
The music stopped abruptly, and Xavier heard Aaliyah's sharp gasp of surprise fill the space. He was caught, he realized momentarily, as he met her gaze in the glass of the recording booth. He pulled a smirk, crossing his arms over his chest as she turned around on his seat to meet his gaze properly. Her eyes were wide and hazel like polished topaz flecked with green. "What are you doing here?"
"It's my studio, I can be here when I want to be," Xavier responded smugly, schooling his expression into mock. He cocked a brow, "I could ask you the same question though. We don't have a session scheduled till later."
Aaliyah bit down hard on her bottom lip, her brows furrowed in thought. "Yeah, I know. But I didn't realize you'd be here so early, sorry," She said in a low voice, avoiding his gaze. She stood up to her feet stepping away quickly from the chair grabbing her bag from the floor as she did so in a swift quick motion before heading towards the door to leave when by some weird impulse he stepped in front of her blocking her from leaving.
He heard her draw in a sharp breath as she lifted her gaze to his, and he realized how close he was to her, and he took all of her in, her dark curls packed into a bun with only a few wisps curlings against her bared neck that almost taunted him, her smooth dark skin, perfectly contrasted against the glossy shine of her hazel-colored eyes, the cupid's bow of her full mouth and the realization hit him of how he only needed to stoop down a few inches and their lips would touch...
He swallowed clearing his thoughts. "That's not what I asked," He said, a teasing smile curling along the corner of his mouth as he stared down into her hazel eyes, a shocking shade of amber now with bursts of green threading and spiraling through like the aurora borealis. It was beautiful, and Xavier liked to look at them sometimes, they changed color a lot, never seemed to stay constant, danced like twin flames. Like Aaliyah.
The corner of her mouth twitched in agitation. It had become a look he was well accustomed to, but her expression remained fairly blank.
"I didn't feel all that welcome at the Waters' this morning. So I decided to do them all a favor and make myself scarce," Aaliyah said, her tone a little sharper than it had been a minute ago, and he knew he had gotten under her skin.
Xavier tried not to grimace. Spending time with Aaliyah made him aware of how much weight she put on trust, so he knew that whatever she felt towards the Waters at the moment couldn't have been great. She was betrayed by the ones she trusted most. And though, he knew that Malcolm was remorseful and that Blair was overly worried about her well-being. She knew it would take a lot for Aaliyah to get back to where they were before. Especially knowing that Blair probably didn't understand a thing. She was like her mother in that respect.
Blair had tried talking to him about her, but he wasn't sure he wanted to listen. Knowing her she'd just complain about Aaliyah overreacting and that she should get over herself. And for some reason aside from the ignorance, anyone talking shit about Aaliyah got on his nerves. Maybe he could figure out why today. "So you thought you'd come and bother me?" He asked eyebrows raised.
Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "Well, I was trying to leave but—" she cut herself off gesturing between them, her gaze averted, though Xavier tried to find it despite himself.
"First, you're trying to escape Willa's kitchen hell, and now it's the entire family," He said with a snort crossing an arm over her chest, "Though over the past week I'm sure she's tried to poison your cereal at least once."
Aaliyah looked uncertain. He didn't blame her, he rarely smiled at her unless it was a smirk, let alone laugh. Still, eventually, a grim smile settled along her lips and she shrugged, wringing her hands together. "Close," She started, "She made scrambled eggs yesterday morning, I hate eggs period. I mean, it wouldn't have mattered much if it wasn't already the bajillionth time I told her this."
Xavier chuckled shaking his head. "What did you do to piss her off?"
Aaliyah shrugged, in a defeated motion. "Exist I guess, she's had it out for me since the first day," She said, and after a brief moment of silence, she seemed to collect herself standing straighter, crossing her arms over her chest defiantly jutting her chin out as she shored up walls around herself. "Which I guess is all it takes. Considering everyone here hates me."
"Not everyone," Said Xavier, a tinny smile curling along the edge of his mouth, "Blair doesn't." He said with a shrug.
Aaliyah glowered. "Blair and I aren't on the best terms right now," She muttered with a frown before shaking her head quickly, "Let's also not forget Madison, who's hated me since the first day, the majority of my following right now, Uriah, the whole board, really, you—"
"I don't hate you."
Aaliyah rolled her eyes. "You do, a little bit." She replied making a pinching gesture with her fingers squinting her eyes, a grin spread across her mouth that made his heart a little warmer. Despite the weirdness he felt in his stomach when she made it clear that she thought he hated her, which if he was being honest was probably a good thing, it meant she'd keep her distance, but for some reason, the idea irritated him.
"You're weird," Xavier replied with a cocked brow.
Aaliyah stared at him like he was crazy. "And you're a psychopath," She said and she stepped to the side trying to sidle past him, but again Xavier blocked her past. Still wasn't entirely sure why. "Let me by, please. I've got school in a half-hour."
"Why do you care? You're a performer, you don't need a diploma for your career." He asked, his expression unchanged, only a brow raised. He was curious, not able to help it. He and Aaliyah had been partners in creating music since she got here and though he may not know much about her, he did know how much she loved music, how much at home she was when she was sitting by him playing her soul on his keyboard, how it rang out in her mezzo-soprano voice. Music was her life, that much he knew. So why was she so focused on her school life?
Aaliyah scoffed, looking away from him. "I'm not a performer yet." She said, with a pause, "and everyone needs a backup plan."
Xavier cocked his head to his side his eyes never leaving her face, aware of how uncomfortable he was making her. He hadn't ever tried to pry into her life, her thoughts before, and it had become the repertoire between them and to be honest, he didn't know why he was being so insistent. "But I don't think you want a back-up." He suggested peering at her annoyed expression, "To me, it looks like this is it for you."
"Doesn't mean that's how it'll play out." Aaliyah blew out exasperatedly and frowned, staring back at him with narrowed suspicious eyes. "What is it to you anyway? Why are you trying to keep me here?"
Xavier didn't really know, but he persisted anyway. "You're talented, Lia, probably one of the most talented artists I've known," Xavier said ignoring her latter question. He bored his gaze into hers, and almost cracked a smile at her shocked expression. "The only reason why wouldn't make it is if you don't believe you will."
Aaliyah's cheeks tinted pink under her brown skin and she crossed her arms over her chest, trying to school her expression into one of calm. Xavier watched her as she flushed, her loose curls falling into her doe eyes, they seemed almost glassy, and they caught the light like melted gold shining wildly, betraying her cool, calm persona. Pretty... he thought briefly. "I— uh..." She stammered, at a loss for words before she made a soft noise under her breath ducking her head away from his gaze. "Do you want to work on the piece, then?" She asked in a meek voice gesturing to the room behind her.
Xavier made a contemplative look, before crossing his arms over his chest. "No," He said and he caught a look that flashed quickly across her expression; disappointment, hurt?
She settled with confusion, the crease between her brows deepening as she pursued her lips. "So what the hell are you doing—?"
"It's been over a week and we haven't come up with shit for the bridge." He cut in, and she fell quiet staring at him with confusion sparkling in her eyes. He lifted his shoulders in a shrug. "The studio, as much as I hate to admit, just isn't giving us enough inspiration."
Aaliyah cocked a brow. "So what do you suggest?"
A wicked grin split across his lips without his volition. By the look on Aaliyah's face, it was safe to say that she was more than startled by his more open personality this morning. He didn't blame her, he was too. "We go find some."
"Where are we going?" Aaliyah asked for the fifth time that morning.
In all fairness, Xavier had told her that he was going to take her on a tour of the city considering the fact that in the six months she had lived in the city no one had bothered to take her to see any of the attractions outside of Manhattan, but he hadn't told her more than that.
"I love the Waters', obvious misgivings and all, but they think Manhattan is New York," Xavier said as they left the building earlier heading towards his car parked on the sidewalk, "Jen still has never been to the Botanical gardens before and Blair has this staunch belief that the anywhere outside Manhattan doesn't count as New York."
Aaliyah made a face at that. "She actually said that."
Over the roof of his car, Xavier raised his head to look at her with a curious look. "Not in so many words," He replied, "But either way, she's wrong. New York is one the most diverse cities in the country and you'd be insane to not explore it."
Now they were pulling into a parking lot nearby the waterfront. The skies were bulletproof and grey filled with what looked like stormy clouds. She didn't recall seeing any sign of rain on her weather app before she left this morning. She didn't have an umbrella or a hoodie with her leaving her hair completely unprotected. Anxiety started to seep into her chest along with the weight of her curls as though they were reeling at the idea of getting wet in the rain too.
She checked the time on her phone as she clambered out of his car following Xavier who left ignoring her question. She scowled at him as she hurried after him to catch up with his long strides. It was just after eight. By now, she was about to be late for her first period, which only racked on her nerves. She hadn't ever skipped a class for reasons outside of her career before let alone a whole school day. She tried to reassure herself that this was pretty much a rite of passage for any teenager and that the worst that could happen was detention, which she hadn't actually gotten before either. She tried to channel Blair and her nonchalance towards everything in life that didn't involve herself, but it was hard, especially when she was still a little sore about her.
"Relax Lia," Xavier replied nudging her gently. She lifted her gaze to him as they walked towards the crowd around the waterfront. He was staring at her with a knowing look, a brow cocked as though sensing the anxiety that probably oozed from her pores. The corner of his mouth lifted upwards a little, his twists falling in his face unabashedly, "Living a little recklessly can be fun if you let it."
Aaliyah snorted averting her eyes her gaze honed in on the crowd. "How do you let it?"
"You stop thinking, you just do," Xavier replied. Aaliyah didn't reply, but she breathed out deeply trying to take his advice and empty her brain.
They reached the crowd and managed to get past everyone ignoring all the stares and hushed whispers around them. She realized with a start when she caught bits of different conversations that they were being recognized. A rush of adrenaline filled her veins and she tried to keep her eyes off of other people as she followed Xavier through the crowd as he bought the pair of them ferry tickets. She wondered if Xavier noticed the attention, or if he had just grown oblivious to it being in the public eye for so long.
"We're going on a ferry?" She asked with a cocked brow as he left the line with Aaliyah in tow heading over to the railing by the waterfront watching as different ferries lined up against the wall started pulling away.
Xavier waved the tickets in his hand as he leaned against the railing. "I didn't buy us ferry tickets because I like to spend money." He replied, his tone sarcastic making Aaliyah scowl at him.
She crossed her arms over her chest. "Xavier, where are we going?" She demanded, firmly this time.
A tiny smirk curled along the edges of his mouth this time. He opened his mouth to reply when two girls approached the pair of them. They were two black girls, maybe a few years younger than them, one with a silk press and the other girl with braids and braces. "You're Xavier Adams and Lia Garcia." The girl with the braces demanded first taking Aaliyah aback, she blinked rapidly trying not to exchange looks with Xavier and come off patronizing.
"Last time I checked, I was," Xavier replied looking down at himself as though to double-check that he was in fact who she said he was. Aaliyah resisted the urge to laugh.
They both appeared stunned and Aaliyah didn't know how to break the starstruck shock they clearly had. She didn't know how she felt, this was her first time being recognized in public, it was a mix between bewilderment and delight. "Oh wow," The girl with the silk press finally said breaking the silence a grin breaking out across her face, "I used to idolize you as a twelve-year-old," She said staring at Xavier with wide eyes, "Like I know the lyrics to all your songs."
Xavier nodded with a pleasant smile. How quickly he turned on his charm was almost eerie, Aaliyah thought to herself as she watched as he straightened up, his dark eyes shining, "And I definitely appreciate the twists." The girl with braces said flashing the metal in her mouth as she smiled, "Maybe you should try dreads."
Aaliyah snorted. She wanted to make the joke that doing dreads required a commitment that of which, Xavier had none, but she doubted that that was what the fangirls wanted to hear from her. Xavier cast her a side glance, and just by the laughing look in his eyes, she knew he knew what she was thinking. The girls both looked at Aaliyah as though she popped back into existence. "And I loved your new songs, they were so amazing," The girl with the silk press said, but then made a face, "And I was definitely going to stan you until that horrible cover of Weekly Hot Topics came out two weeks ago."
Aaliyah grimaced. That was not a reminder she was looking for today, though she supposed it was expected, all things considered, she had received worse responses to the cover than this. "It was a mistake," She said trying to keep the petulance out of her voice. She wished she could say what she really wanted to say instead of having to sensor herself to keep a lawsuit Soul Fusion couldn't afford out of the label's doors, "Shouldn't have happened and won't happen again. I'm just trying to move past that now."
The girl with braces smiled kindly. "We both saw your statement and your video, and we could tell how censored that shit was. You're not the best actress, but we both with you, girl," She said dropping a wink in her direction, and Aaliyah couldn't help but smile back. She couldn't say anything in that respect, but she was secretly gracious with the hope that maybe the whole world didn't hate her, "We know there's more at stake than it seems. I have family in the industry, so I have an idea of what it's like."
Aaliyah swallowed hard, trying to force back tears. This past week had been mostly her wallowing in her sadness, and anger, and frustration alone. There was no one she had that could really understand her position that she could talk to except Xavier, but she had her own reservations about opening up to him. And on top of all of that, the whole country seemed to have it out for her, her DMs and Twitter feed were a testament to that. She never thought that there were people out in the world who understood, even if just a little, it was a good feeling, she realized, a sort of warmth thawing out the ice in her blood, reminding her that she wasn't as alone as she felt.
"Can we get a picture with the both of you?" The girl with the silk press chimed in suddenly, looking between her and Xavier. Aaliyah raised her gaze quickly trying to hide how emotional she was becoming, "Would love to show my followers how right I was about OTP-ing you two rather than you and Jacks?" She said waving a dismissive hand.
Aaliyah stammered over her words exchanging looks with Xavier, who stared at the girls with a raised brow. "Um, sure..." He said and the girls jumped at the 'go' and stood in front of them pulling a phone out and angling it so they could take a few selfies. Aaliyah managed to recover quickly enough that she was able to pull a smile and not look like a whole wildebeest.
The girls said their thanks and then flounced off just as a horn blew through the speakers behind them followed by an announcement Aaliyah could barely comprehend but somehow Xavier was able to hear perfectly. He took her by the hand and hauled her away over to the docks. "Come on, the ferry's boarding now." He said, and Aaliyah had no other choice but to follow helplessly, still a little surprised by everything that just happened.
Xavier took her to see the Statue of Liberty.
She supposed she should have guessed fairly quickly once she realized they were taking a ferry, and Xavier had gone out of his way to tease her about it. Aaliyah tried to ignore him as she took pictures of the statue from the distance they were from the Ferry, and even managed to hassle Xavier into taking silly selfies with her with Liberty standing in the back in her noncommittal stature.
Once the ferry had docked at liberty island and the Aaliyah could only stare up at it in open-mouthed with a mix of emotions rushing to the surface at the same time; wonder, fascination, subdued by the glory that was the Roman goddess of liberty, her face set in cold command as she held up a gold torch in her right hand.
She was disturbingly intimidating in her glory and looked a little more like a bringer of terror under the steel thunder clouds surrounded by tiny, insignificant onlookers just like Aaliyah and Xavier, though Aaliyah recognized a work of art wherever she went and this was just that. Art. A symbol at best, a symbol of what could be, but it was not real.
Nevertheless, her fascination and admiration for beauty such as this surged in her fueling her blood with energy and in her excitement, she grabbed Xavier by the hand rushing up to the top of the statue, who was more just amused by her eagerness like a fond parent watching as their child tore through their Christmas presents.
From the crown of Lady Liberty, Aaliyah could see all of New York, the separate islands that made up the state, she could even see New Jersey separated by an expanse of conjoined rivers all under a sky she felt as though she could reach out from under the crown and knock. It loomed over her, but Aaliyah was breath taken by the sight of the city she loved. The air was brisk and reached under her coat, striped cropped sweater paired with straight-leg jeans, but the cold was almost welcoming this time despite Aaliyah being a West Coast girl through and through. Aaliyah wondered if this was what freedom felt like; cold and brutal, and unyielding to any force but her own.
Aaliyah heard the snap of a camera phone and half-thinking that it was just an emboldened fan, she chose to ignore it leaning over the railing a little more to see the ground that she was just on when she heard a familiar voice. "You know," He drawled sidling up to the railing beside her, pocketing his phone, "Jumping off the crown of Lady Liberty may not be the smartest career move."
Aaliyah raised her head with a frown casting Xavier a side glance. "I'm sure someone has said that dying is probably the smartest move a famous person can make."
"Maybe, but not for an almost famous person," Xavier replied with a smirk. Aaliyah only rolled her eyes looking away back to the view with a deep breath.
"I feel like I should take this experience with a grain of salt," Aaliyah said looking out to the rest of the city with a grimace, though from the corner of her eyes she could see Xavier look at her curiously, and she sighed realizing that she was going to have to put her muddle of conflicting emotions into words, "I mean, I guess after the last week the whole idea of liberty and independence seems like a figment of my imagination."
Aaliyah had always related New York and her time here as freedom from her old life back in San Diego. She supposed living in a really well-decorated cage like some sort of twisted version of cinderella makes her within her rights to have that type of perspective, but maybe she did see life here through rose-colored glasses. Her life was far from perfect here, and the last week was a steaming reminder of that fact and she supposed that she was feeling a little trapped in a box her followers and critics put her in. And it was more than that.
"You never talked about this mess, like it was bothering you this much," Xavier observed in a low voice cocking his head to the side a little in thought.
Aaliyah pulled a wry smile and raised her shoulders noncommittally. "You know by now that I don't always talk about what's on my mind," She replied a little taunt in her tone as though to lighten the subject, "And I didn't think I should talk about it with you. My experiences with racism wouldn't be the same, I haven't had to deal with it as you have. I didn't think you would appreciate it coming from me."
Xavier rolled his eyes. "So you would push away probably the only person you know who might understand your position," He said sarcastically, and Aaliyah felt herself flush looking away from him. Xavier chuckled, "And for someone who basically dealt with 'The Valley GIrl' your whole life, I find it hard to believe that you haven't had to deal with your fair share of ignorant folk."
Aaliyah shrugged not wanting to talk about why that is, and she grinned. "I was homeschooled mostly, and a little antisocial so I had the pleasure of not really meeting Valley Girls," She said with a grimace, "I mean obviously, I've had some not-so-pleasant encounters with some people that came into the music store I worked at. I've been profiled by the police—"
"You fit the description of another black girl in a nice neighborhood?" Xavier asked with a cocked brow.
Aaliyah looked at him, and despite the light tone to his voice, she knew he took this seriously. There was a particular haunt in his eyes, and she remembered what she read about him being stopped and beat up by cops whilst he was drunk. He defended himself, and he ended up in Juvie. She remembered looking up the hashtag on Twitter and reading all the horrible things people said about him, how he should have complied, how it was his fault that he was drunk driving, how his soft ass wasn't going to last five minutes in Juvie. Aaliyah felt sick reading them, at the dark memes posted about it. Of course, there were some sympathizers, some supportive posts from his fans, and some suggestions about how we can hold the cops that hurt Xavier accountable, but they were mostly drowned out by the racism and the excuses. And Xavier been only seventeen, she couldn't imagine how awful that time had been for him, to deal with it all alone too.
She pulled a tight-lipped smile, turning her gaze away and looking back out across the city through a distant gaze, starting to feel suffocated by her past. "My foster parents were pretty prominent members of the community, but I wasn't. Sometimes I wondered if people even knew that they had a kid," She started with a sigh, frowning deeply as she thought about her half-life in San Diego, "I was riding my skateboard up and down the street outside the house. My foster parents were out, and it was pretty dark out, so maybe that was on me for being reckless. Cops saw me riding my skateboard with a hoodie on, and they stopped me. I tried telling them, who I was, not that they would really listen. And I was like fifteen at the time, and my parents didn't believe all that much in "the talk" so I didn't really know what to do with the cops when they approached me. Suffice to say, they put me in handcuffs about to take me to their precinct when my foster parents came back and cleared everything up."
She chose not to mention the part when her foster parents refused to feed for the next three days because she had the audacity to leave the house and embarrass them, but she supposed the situation was bad enough without mentioning that.
Xavier seemed agitated, but he was quiet, not saying much. She supposed there wasn't much you could say, these types of things happened every day to people, and a lot of time people don't come out of those situations alive. There wasn't much, normal people could do when it came to things like this, you need power and influence. And right now, Aaliyah didn't have much of either.
"Fuck twelve," He grumbled, after a long silence, and despite herself and the dark turn this conversation took, she smiled, shaking her head trying to mute her laugh. Xavier looked at her incredulously, "Are you laughing?"
Aaliyah covered her face in her hands. "I don't know, sometimes things just feel weird," She said shrugging as she cast Xavier a side look, "When I catch myself getting along with you more than I do anyone else, I can't help but laugh."
"I find it hard to believe that you're from the West Coast," Xavier said with a weird look, his gaze dubious and slightly worried, but she didn't miss the slight smile tilting his mouth upwards.
Aaliyah pulled a crooked smile. "There isn't a lot you know about me, Xavier."
They were back on the ferry within the hour, and by that point, it had started raining. Thankfully the ferry had come with little tourist shops where she could buy a twenty-dollar "I heart New York" headscarf and wrap around her hair to keep the rain from drowning it.
Besides the bag of bagels, Xavier had bought for them on the way to Battery Park, she hadn't eaten anything and her stomach was starting to grumble again with complaints about it so she was thankful when Xavier took the chance to go hunt down a place to buy food to eat whilst she went to go find somewhere to sit.
It was coming to ten when she turned on her phone to see a list of notifications from Jacks; texts and phone calls alike some asking where she was, others seeming a little panicky. Aaliyah tried not to roll her eyes. She knew he was just worried and considering the fact that they hadn't spoken since Saturday at Central Park he had his reasons to be, but she didn't feel like having to deal with him right now. To have to deal with his patronizing remarks about not telling him where she was all the time or him worrying that she was with someone else doing God knows what. Dealing with him when he was worried was exhausting and she was finally starting to think that spending the day outdoors doing things aside from work or school was a good idea, almost therapeutic. She didn't want to ruin it.
The sound of a trumpet blew into the air from the other end of the inside deck of the ferry, a man with a bucket hat and a goatee with a trumpet case by his feet. Aaliyah followed the sound like the beat of her own heart and felt herself relax into her seat pocketing her phone watching as he played tunes as familiar to her as Lauryn Hill to Lionel Richie. Aaliyah hummed along to the tune, rattling her nails against the round table she was at as ideas started to float into her head.
She made a mental note to write them down when Xavier returned from wherever he was with coffee cups and a tray of donuts.
"Do you get Louis Armstrong vibes from the trumpeter?" Aaliyah asked taking the coffee cup from Xavier as he took a seat across from her on the table with his own cup. Aaliyah gestured to the man in the bucket hat behind him by the side of the boat outside surrounded by spectators tossing spare change into his open case by his feet.
Xavier looked over his shoulder to the trumpeter and sniffed looking back. "Louis Armstrong was to jazz what Michael Jackson was to dance. He shaped an entire genre, he influenced all types of styles and music. You'd rarely find a jazz artist worth his salt without a hint of him in it, and you hear it in pop culture too, from Beyoncé's Lemonade album to even your music."
Aaliyah nodded taking a sip of her coffee cup leaning back in her seat as she continued to observe the trumpeter as he played as though being led by the sound blowing out the brass. "Do you think anyone like us could shape a generation of music as they did?" She asked in a soft voice looking to Xavier with a raised brow, "Have an impact so huge that the next generations pay homage to them in all their art."
Xavier looked at Aaliyah for a long moment, his gaze squinted as he cocked his head to the side. Aaliyah stared back at him evenly fiddling with her new keychain she attached to her rucksack. Despite the noise that blew by them, the wind and rain slicing past the side of her face from the outside deck, and the whispers around the pair as everyone pointed them out upon recognition, Aaliyah couldn't help but feel comfortable. Maybe it was just because Xavier was the one person she knew understood her music.
She remembered a book she read when she was thirteen, one of the protagonists, who was half Chinese always mentioned a saying that meant a bond deeper than friendship but literally meant "understanding the music." Aaliyah thought that that was the perfect idiom to describe her relationship with Xavier. She had never been so bold to refer to him as her friend, but he was someone she confided in like she didn't with anyone else. He was the only one she was sure knew what she needed when she needed it. And even though, Xavier wasn't nearly as open with her as she was with him, she knew that to some degree she gave him the same sense of grounding he gave her. Blair once told her that Xavier smiled more around her and that he was more himself when she was around, but Aaliyah would never know the difference.
Zhi Yin, the phrase echoed in her mind and she smiled unable to help it, and Xavier shot her an odd look before the corner of his mouth lifted mirroring her smile. "Some lives burn brighter than most," He said thoughtfully, "For sure. But I don't think it's just the music that makes such an impact. It's our drive, our work, and who we are as people. People were drawn to artists like Beyoncé and Michael Jackson because of who they were as people. I think that if you're honest with who you are to the people you reach, you could be like them. It's impossible not to be drawn to you, even in the midst of all of this bullshit, people still want.
Aaliyah cocked a brow and then lyrics started floating about in her head, and she felt like a child reaching out for fireflies with a jam jar. A frown furrowed between her brows as she thought. "I'm like a moth to your flame, drawn to the light you call your life, you burn the brightest in the sky of my universe, and you're in my every verse."
Xavier nodded, his smile still hadn't left his mouth. "I told you we needed a change in scenery," He replied, taking his phone out of his pocket, "I'll write it down." He said his fingers swiping across the touchscreen.
Aaliyah watched as he did so wondering if he knew just how brightly he burned.