Warnings: Swearing and slight angst
Word Count: 4,922 words
Note: I'm not exactly sure if this is fluff or angst. Also, it's like slightly edited but I knew if I didn't post it now; I never would. This from when Keishin Ukai (Now Coach Ukai) was in high school and reader is also in high school. Okay, I hope you enjoy.
There's a sequel to this. It's "An Ocean Away" which is posted in this fic.
EDITED: 10/2/2021
*****
Y/N always glided down the court as if he could fly, and everyone always watched him in awe. The way he played was beautiful, because he made everyone else feel so alive that they couldn't help but also want to grow as players. Some even joined volleyball just to watch him. The ace should do that though, he should motivate others to thrive.
"Give it to me, Koichi-san!" Y/N called out, and Koichi set it perfectly to where Y/N seemed to be flying. The ball smashed into the court, no blockers being able to touch it, and Y/N grinned over at Koichi. "Hell yeah!"
Keishin watched from the sideline in awe, like he always did. The boy who flew around the court was something Keishin wished he could have. Whether it be in volleyball or in friendship or possibly even love, he wished he could have him. Y/N's smile was able to brighten up the court and motivate everyone to do their best.
"I wish I could just play in one game so I can know what it's like to play with L/N-san," Takinoue said, and several players around him nodded.
"He forces everyone to play harder though," Tamura said with a slight sigh. "It could be kind of exhausting trying to keep up with him."
"Wouldn't that be the thrill of it all?" Takinoue asked, and excitement danced in his voice. "You get to see how hard you can actually fight, because he will make you fight."
Even though Keishin remained quiet, he agreed with Takinoue. Y/N forced people to fight on his level, because when everyone was with him; Karasuno was unstoppable. He had heard his grandfather say how it was almost like a miracle to get Y/N, because no one else flew like he did.
"Don't give up now!" Y/N scream at a player that Keishin couldn't distinguish. There were five other people besides Y/N on the court, so it was hard to figure out who was being scolded. "When we win, then you can give up, okay?"
For a second year, Y/N acted more like the captain than the actual captain did. When Y/N looked over at the sidelines, e/c eyes caught Keishin's brown ones, and Keishin felt a chill run down his spine. That look in Y/N's eyes could nearly be considered murderous.
Sometimes everyone wondered if Y/N would murder someone to win, and Coach Ukai once said it showed that at least someone was dedicated. Even if people knew that Y/N could possibly snap one day, they still wanted to play next to him just to feel the adrenaline he gave.
*****
It was a Friday in May when Y/N sought out Keishin during lunch. His hands were on his knees as he panted, and he was acting like he had just ran a marathon. When he looked up at Keishin, Keishin was certain he would never forget the look in Y/N's eyes; desperate and hungry. Keishin didn't know what Y/N was desperate and hungry for, and it would take time for him to fully understand.
"Set to me," Y/N said, and he stood up to look Keishin in the eyes. "I want to see how high I can fly with you."
Keishin had been working hard, had even been complimented by his grandfather (who had once said that the only thing he hated was his grandson) and everyone had been seeking him out to practice with. He just hadn't expected for Y/N to run to him and be so determined to get him to practice as well.
"What if I'm not as good as Fujii-san?" Keishin asked, and Y/N chuckled as he shook his head.
"I don't care who's better. I care who makes it feel right."
Ukai had been a spiker once, because he had to be, but it had never appealed to him. He didn't have the same rush spiking compared to the rush he got when he saw someone perfectly spike a ball he set.
He noticed how Y/N's eyes shined as if he had won the lottery every time he spiked one of Keishin's sets. His smile was always so big and contagious that Keishin found himself smiling too.
"Again," Y/N demanded, and Keishin had learned that was something he did a lot. "Make me fly higher, Keishin."
"Okay, L/N-san," he said, and his cheeks were bright red. Y/N grinned at him as if he had been invited to be on the National Men's Volleyball Team.
"Call me Y/N. It's only fair right?"
"Yeah, it's only fair," Keishin breathed out, and he felt dizzy. He felt so dizzy. "Let's make you fly higher, Y/N."
*****
Keishin wasn't the person who normally setting to Y/N outside of their personal practices. Y/N had been paired up with Fujii since their first year, because they could do attacks Keishin could only dream of doing. When he became more constant in Y/N's volleyball life, they became unstoppable.
He'd watch Y/N stare at his red palm after a particularly strong spike before clenching his fist and looking up at Keishin. His eyes were so desperate and hungry, just like the first time he had asked Keishin to set to him. The way Y/N looked filled Keishin with so much pride that he never wanted any of it to end. He wanted to stay on the court with Y/N. He wanted to stay next to him.
"You give Koichi-san a run for his money sometimes," Y/N said during a break, and Keishin stared at him confused. That wasn't true. Keishin wasn't that good and never would be. Y/N chuckled slightly and took a drink from his water bottle. "Don't look at me like that and just take the compliment."
Coach Ukai noticed their obvious connection and moved Keishin to be a starter who would switch in and out with Fujii in games. It was always very strategic, but Fujii always glared at Keishin, and Keishin understood. Everyone wanted to fight alongside Y/N, even if they never said it or refused to admit it.
"Don't try to make a move on him," Fujii said, and it was just him and Keishin in the empty club room. Keishin didn't really understand what he meant by the statement. "It's easy to get caught up in the way he acts when you're both on the court, but he doesn't give a damn off of it."
"Why do you care what I do and don't do?" Keishin asked, and he stared at Fujii, who rolled his eyes.
"Everyone keeps getting their hearts broken by him," Fujii said, and he ruffled his own hair slightly. "Everyone gets their hearts broken without even realizing they were in love with him."
Keishin froze, because he wasn't in love with Y/N. Sure, he admired Y/N, but admiration and love were two separate things. He wasn't in love with Y/N, he just wasn't.
The silence ended with Fujii chuckling. "Don't worry, you'll realize it soon enough." He patted Keishin's shoulder firmly. "You never know, he could fall in love with you too. He's quite unpredictable."
Keishin didn't really process that Fujii had left the club room and he was now all alone. He stared at his cubby with a frightened expression, because he wasn't in love with Y/N. He couldn't be in love with Y/N, because he was straight; they were both straight.
He tried to forget the feeling he got in his stomach when they shared smiles after a good spike. Or the way his heart clenched whenever Y/N showed up at his classroom to eat lunch with him. He tried to ignore the way it felt when he sat next to Y/N on the roof because it was "the best place to eat obviously."
Keishin wasn't in love with Y/N, so Y/N wasn't going to be able to break his heart.
*****
Keishin got taken out of the game during a practice match, but this time it wasn't like the temporary switch outs they had been doing. His grandfather had a stern look on his face, one Keishin had only ever seen him give to other people when he gently scolded them.
"Keishin," his grandfather started, and the manager next to him looked scared. "What's wrong with you today?"
"What do you mean?" Keishin asked, because he really didn't know what his grandfather meant. He felt fine, and all of his sets had been fairly solid.
"You're not keeping up with L/N," Coach Ukai said calmly, which made Keishin freaked out. "He demands his setter to reach his breaking point after he reaches his. You're too close to your breaking point and we're barely halfway through the first set, so you started to falter."
His grandfather could be right, probably actually was, but Keishin had no idea. Maybe he had started to be more cautious because Y/N had been feeling good today. When Y/N felt good, the entire team was required to feel good too; it was how they won.
"Sorry, sir."
"You're out for the rest of the match," Coach Ukai said, and Keishin grinded his teeth at the statement. "Go watch how Fujii is able to keep up with L/N and not reach his breaking point."
When he went to where the rest of the benchwarmers were, they all looked at him so confused. He always sat on the bench next to their coach and manager when he was pulled out. They moved though, so he could get behind them, and watched as he crouched down and screamed into his hands.
Keishin deserved to be on the court, even if he apparently couldn't keep up with Y/N. He would fight harder if it meant he could be on the same court as Y/N. He'd do anything.
"Hey, you okay dude?" Takinoue asked as he approached him, and it seemed like he was the only one confident enough to do so.
"I've been taken out for the entire game," Keishin said, and his voice sounded calm and collected, but he was tense and looked ready to fight. Takinoue nodded and he looked like he really understood.
"You won't be fighting next to L/N-san," he said softly. "You're used to being by his side and watching him hit every set you do."
Keishin didn't make a comment, because he didn't know what to say. It was true, and it fucking sucked to not be playing alongside Y/N, but it was more than that at the same time. He had started to work so hard to keep up, in volleyball and school, because he wanted to stay on the court. Was that what he was supposed to say? Was he supposed to admit that he wanted to be next to Y/N so badly it killed him to have to sit out?
"Koichi, stop throwing the ball so fucking high!" Y/N screamed, and everyone looked over to see that he had gotten into Fujii's face. "Just do it how Keishin does it, because I can actually hit it."
"You hit that one though!" Koichi screamed back, and it was obvious he wasn't scared when he got into Y/N's face. "So, stop acting like you can't!"
Coach Ukai had to call for a timeout, and Y/N refused to calm down. He screamed about how tired he was of Koichi trying to dictate how every spiker should play when they all weren't the same person.
"Stop bitching and just hit the damn ball," Koichi snapped, and Y/N looked over at him with that murderous expression Keishin had accidentally received once.
"Be glad we're in a match right now, because I would've fucking decked you already if we weren't."
"Calm down right now, you two!" Coach Ukai yelled, and they immediately fell silent. "Do I need to bench you, L/N? Or are you going to behave?"
Y/N looked down at the ground before back to Coach Ukai. His eyes held anger, resentment, and something else that Keishin couldn't exactly figure out. He knew that Y/N just wanted to play; just wanted to win. He had told him that, confessed how he knew what he wanted on the court, and would fight until he no longer had to. He'd fight until they had reached the top.
"No, sir," Y/N said softly. "I'll calm down."
Y/N had put his anger and preferences aside so he could stay on the court; so he could keep fighting. When the timeout was over, Y/N became a different person on the court. He encouraged Koichi and the rest of the players with a bright smile.
Keishin watched the team seem to be reborn in a way and sighed.
Y/N just wanted to stay on the court and fight, and he was willing to do anything to achieve that.
*****
Y/N practiced in the gym, alone, every night after practice. Keishin was always sent in there to kick Y/N out of the gym, because everyone said he was able to make Y/N listen. Keishin didn't mind getting Y/N, but no one realized that.
Keishin's brown eyes followed Y/N as Y/N did jump serves. All Y/N had been talking about recently was how badly he wanted to make those service aces, because then Karasuno would be closer to being unstoppable. He just kept growing as a player, and Keishin wondered if he'd ever stop. Part of him couldn't actually comprehend the idea of Y/N not being able to improve anymore when all he ever saw was him improving.
"Oh, Keishin, it must be time for me to leave if you're here," Y/N said, and he sighed as a nervous smile made its way onto his face. He had never acted like this before, so what was going on?
"I can give you a couple more minutes if you'd like," Keishin said, and he leaned against the gym wall. "I'd join you, but I'm pretty exhausted after today's practice."
They had run up the mountain near the school, because their endurance wasn't good enough according to his grandfather. Somehow Y/N didn't seem to be tired in the slightest. He rarely got tired, and Keishin was jealous of that. He was jealous of the amount of energy Y/N had.
"Don't worry, I'm done," Y/N said, and he put up the volleyball he was using. "It must be annoying for you to have to come get me every night."
"Well, you wouldn't be our ace if you didn't practice like you do." Keishin paused as he looked from the floor to Y/N, who seemed to be paying very close attention to him. "Also, I don't find it annoying. I'd make someone else come get you if I did."
"Then why have you been acting like you no longer want to be on the same court as me?" Y/N asked, and he tilted his head slightly. "You even got yourself benched in the last practice match. Do you miss being a bench warmer?"
Keishin didn't move or speak, because he didn't think Y/N would've read so much into this. It made sense for him too though, because Y/N had always been the person who could somehow read people fairly well, but still let them have their secrets. Keishin wondered if maybe Y/N knew he was starting to fall for him. He wondered if he knew why, because Keishin didn't.
He had always been told that love was beautiful and falling in love followed that as well. He didn't have a beautiful explanation as to why he loved Y/N. He just knew that it felt good to be near him and he loved how Y/N laughed at Keishin's and his own jokes.
"Is it true you keep breaking our teammates' hearts?" Keishin asked, and it had been on his mind for weeks. Fujii's words had clung to him as if they were clothes soaked by the rain, and maybe Y/N's answer would allow him to finally take them off.
"I wasn't aware of doing that, so it must be unintentional if I was doing it," Y/N said, and his voice was light and casual, but he looked scared. He looked scared that Keishin would run away. "Only one person has confessed to me, so I guess I'll take credit for that one. Is there a reason as to why you're asking?"
"Someone warned me you're too different off the court to actually fall in love," Keishin said, and Y/N's eyes trailed along his face, as if searching for honesty in his features.
"I guess you could say I'm two different people on and off the court, but you need to be when it comes to sports," Y/N said, and he sighed. Keishin could tell that Y/N hated this conversation, but neither of them changed the topic.
"What do you mean?"
"Well, on the court, I know what I want and how I'm going to get it, but off the court it's different. Life isn't made up of certain plays and combo attacks, so it's harder to figure out how to get what you want." Y/N walked over to Keishin and leaned on the wall next to him. "I also don't demand attention like I do on the court. I don't want to be seen unless there's a volleyball in my hands."
"Is that why you break hearts? You don't know what you want off the court, so you don't know if you want them or not?" Keishin asked, and he turned to face Y/N. There was very little space between them, maybe a foot, but it seemed so small when Y/N was next to him.
"I imagine I break hearts because I don't want them," Y/N said as he chuckled softly. "I know what I want, Keishin, but I just don't have a play on how to get him to really notice me. It's different when someone sees me as who I am; on and off the court."
Him.
"You shouldn't need a play to get him to notice you. You are kind of hard to miss."
Y/N pouted as he pushed Keishin's shoulder slightly. Keishin watched as blush covered Y/N's face and he wanted to laugh. He wanted to laugh, because Fujii had probably wanted this at some point, but he never got it. Or he never got it as far as Keishin was aware.
"Are you insulting me," Keishin?" Y/N asked, and his pout only kept growing.
"No, it's a compliment, dumbass," Keishin said, and Y/N shoved his shoulder again because of the nickname. "Sorry, let me say it again; it's a compliment."
"Well, if you keep complimenting me, then I'm going to fall more in love with you." Keishin choked slightly at the comment. This was actually unexpected. Keishin never thought Y/N could ever say that. "Sorry, that was a bit forward. I guess this is a confession, even though you most likely don't like me the same."
"No, I do like you," Keishin said as he scratched his neck and looked away from Y/N. He wasn't sure what to say, and he was afraid to say something stupid. "It's just kind of weird liking guys, since you're the first one I've ever liked."
"That's okay, I'd never force you to do anything you don't want to," Y/N said, and Keishin nodded, even though he didn't know if he believed him.
Y/N always forced him to his limit every time they played together. He forced everyone to play as hard as he does, even though it felt impossible at times. Keishin wondered if Y/N really knew how much attention he demanded when he was on the court.
"Fujii-san told me I'm useless to you now because I was taken out of the game," Keishin said, and he looked back at Y/N. "He told me that it was just heartbreak waiting to happen."
Keishin had partly agreed with Fujii, because Y/N had always seemed like the kind of player who refused to play with someone who wasn't valuable to the team. He had acted like that with Keishin for the last year and a half, making him feel like he was invisible, so why wouldn't he act like that again?
"Koichi's just mad I rejected him as a setter and a boyfriend, so don't listen to him," Y/N said, and he tilted his head to touch the gym wall. "Tell me, what do you want to do? About this, not anything else because this is the topic at hand."
Keishin chuckled at how Y/N clarified things, because it was clear he was nervous. It felt nice that Y/N was nervous too, not just Keishin. Although, he wasn't sure if he had ever seen Y/N nervous before, because Y/N was always confident in everything he was doing. Or that was what Keishin had seen. Y/N always gave his all and it made him seem like he was overflowing with confidence.
"I'm not sure," Keishin said softly. "What are our options?"
"Well, there's dating or just being friends. I'm fine with either. Whatever makes you comfortable."
Keishin knew who Y/N was off the court. They had eaten lunch with each other every day for two months, so he was learning more and more every day. As they stood in the gym, it was just so clear that Y/N on and off the court were two different people, Fujii hadn't been lying about that. Y/N had always been forceful when he wanted something, but now he was gently smiling at Keishin and letting things be his choice.
"We can date," Keishin said slowly. "I just don't know if I want to be public about it."
Y/N reached out and touched his shoulder as he smiled, and it comforted Keishin more than Y/N probably knew.
"That's fine," he said, and his smile was so soft that Keishin could feel it as if a feather had touched him so delicately. "We can work up to it, okay?"
"Okay."
Y/N dropped his hand and walked away before he turned back around and clapped his hands. He grabbed the ball cart with an expectant look. Keishin chuckled with a small smile and walked over to help him pick everything up.
"Let's leave now," Y/N said, and Keishin nodded before he grabbed Y/N's hand. It was warm and comforting, and Keishin wanted to revel in how nice it felt to feel more connected, but instead he dropped Y/N's hand. "Alright, let's head out."
Keishin looked over at him and smiled. He was dating the ace of Karasuno, and it was kind of crazy to him.
*****
It was 5am when Keishin's phone woke him up. He grumbled slightly, until he saw the caller ID, and ran a hand through his bleach hair. He hadn't seen that name in years, besides in texts between friends in the neighborhood association, and he answered it after he realized it wouldn't answer itself.
"Hello," he said, and his voice was groggy and rough from being woken up. There was rustling on the other side of the line.
"Shit, I woke you up, didn't?"
"Yeah, but it's okay. I needed to wake up soon anyways," Keishin said, and he wished he could see the man calling him. It had been years since they had seen each other, and Keishin missed him. He probably missed him way too much.
"If you say so. Just know I didn't mean to. I always forget how Japan and the United Kingdom have different time zones." The man on the other end chuckled, and it filled Keishin's ear. "I do have a reason why I called though, but I can call later if you'd like."
Part of Keishin wanted to tell him to call him later, because that would mean he'd get to hear his voice even more than he would if he didn't. That was stupid though, because he imagined the other had things to do most likely.
"No, it's okay, Y/N," Keishin said, and the name felt weird to say aloud since it had been so long.
"I found out through Yukinari that you're the new coach for Karasuno," Y/N said, and his voice seemed awkward, but it was probably because he lived in London now. "Were you planning on never telling me?"
I was conned into it by the brat players," Keishin said, and he knew that he was starting to love coaching Karasuno, but he wouldn't admit it. "You never told me you finally published your novel."
"My novel doesn't mean shit compared to Karasuno going to nationals." More rustling on Y/N's side, making Keishin wonder what he was doing. "So, that first years' quick attack is fucking insane."
"You've seen our matches?" Keishin asked, and he didn't even try to hide the shock in his voice. Y/N laughed slightly.
"Of course I have. Makoto downloads the recordings they take at the tournaments and emails them to me." More rustling and a sigh. "Katherine, I'm on the phone. Stop rolling around on my bed. Sorry, my roommate is annoying."
So, the rustling had been from Y/N's roommate. Keishin smiled and remembered how annoyed Y/N would get whenever Keishin got on his bed. Y/N always made a big deal when explaining that his bed was a place for sleep and homework, not moving all over the place.
"No worries. So, you like our freak duo? Anything else the beloved ace likes from Karasuno's nationals qualifying team?"
"Your ace, I think his name is Asahi, is crazy powerful. I wish I had been powerful like him. Also, that captain of yours holds the ground down so well, your grandfather would've loved him on his team. He would've loved all of them, especially your libero."
Keishin wanted to say how it was the team that would've been able to keep up with Y/N. It would've been the team he deserved.
He wanted to tell Y/N how he had been so much more powerful than Asahi may ever be, but Y/N would only ever deny that. He denied every compliment after his ACL injury that took him out of the second half of finals at Interhigh and for the rest of the year.
They lost and while Y/N blamed himself, Keishin's grandfather blamed everyone else for not having the same drive and fire to compete when Y/N wasn't on the court with them.
"I'm coming to nationals," Y/N said, and Keishin choked on his own saliva. Y/N hadn't been in Japan for nearly 10 years now after he moved to the United Kingdom to study abroad and then never came back. "Is that okay?"
"Of course!" Keishin said a little too loudly and with a little too much excitement. "Maybe you could show them a couple things."
"I can always try, but I'm really rusty. I'll be in Japan for two weeks though, so I can get work done when I'm there too." Y/N chuckled softly and Keishin could basically see him shaking his head. "I'll also get to see you, so that's a plus."
Even after their breakup at the beginning of their third year, Y/N was still always flirty and somewhat affectionate with him. Keishin assumed it was because Y/N didn't want to actually break up, but it had been too hard to be with someone who was still in volleyball when Y/N no longer was. Guilt had consumed Y/N so much that he didn't think he was worthy enough to play anymore.
It didn't matter that they had broken up, because Y/N was still around Keishin a lot. They were still friends, and Y/N made Keishin read everything he wrote. When Y/N decided to study abroad, Keishin had supported him, but he had really wanted to tell him not to go.
"It'll be nice to see you," Keishin admitted with a sigh. "You'll have to talk to everyone we went to high school with though."
Y/N groaned, and Keishin smiled because of course Y/N was still the same in that regard. He was still the same in the way he hated talking to people.
"There was something else I wanted to tell you, still volleyball related, but not nationals," Y/N said, and Keishin wondered if he was trying to avoid talking about who would be at nationals. "Your freak duo, Kageyama Tobio and Hinata Shouyou, right? I can't remember who plays what position though."
"Yeah, Kageyama is the setter and Hinata is a middle blocker, but mainly a spiker," Keishin said, and he didn't know what Y/N was going to say. "Why?"
"In a way I was like Kageyama, and you were like Hinata, also Koichi was definitely Kageyama." A laugh that wasn't Y/N was heard on the other line, which Keishin assumed was Katherine. "Anyways, I controlled the court like Kageyama, but you were freer like Hinata. We really did make an amazing team."
"No, you're both of them, and you'll understand that when you come see them play at nationals."
Y/N chuckled slightly before he let out an irritated sigh. There was muffled talking and then a groan. "Sorry, babe, I have to go. Katherine is complaining about being hungry. See you soon, okay?"
Keishin's heart fluttered at the pet name he hadn't heard in years. He felt so stupid still being affected by someone he hadn't had any contact with in so long.
"I can't wait."
"Me neither."
The call ended and Keishin laid on his back as he stared at the ceiling. He let out a deep breath and grinned. This was the most awake he'd ever felt.
Y/N was coming back to Japan, and he was going to come see Keishin.