Jacob's p.o.v
I am exhausted...
And my current gloomy and somber mood was caused by none other than the guy sitting right in front of me, Deshaun. Why in the world wouldn't you know the simplest thing in math, all you have to do is count. Either with your fingers or something else, maybe your toes if it gets too much, but just count.
I have to be at my job in an hour and here we still are in the corner of a small cafe discussing math problems, again. His head is buried inside his notebook as I watch him scribble with my hands crossed over my chest and dark circles under my eyes.
He's trying, he's working very hard towards the exams that will be starting the day after tomorrow and I truly admire that about him. The bully and class clown not too long ago is now a very intelligent student on the right track trying to graduate.
Now come to think of it, I haven't seen him with his other bully friends lately, I haven't seen Dean at all. Not ever since he ran out of the toilet after their fight a long time ago. Hopefully everything is okay with him, because he surely isn't at the hospital or the school would've informed us.
"You still don't get it?" I sneer for the millionth time waiting for an answer and he sits up with a curious look on his face as he fiddles the pen around between his two fingers.
"What" I snap squinting my eyes at him and he chuckles.
"I don't know" he shrugs squinting his eyes as well, "what's up with you."
"There's nothing up with me, now can we finish so I can leave?" I ask feeling agitated and exasperated because there's so many other stuff that I have to do.
"You've been huffing, groaning, telling me how I'm wasting your time and how slow I am when it comes to math since we came in here. I know I'm slow, but you ain't gotta make me feel bad about myself, damn. The Jake I know doesn't do that shit so what's up. You're being mean right now" he states leaning against his seat and I close my eyes and take a deep breath.
"I'm not" I regretfully deny it and look away awkwardly. I haven't even realized that I was being mean, now I'm feeling extremely guilty because he has been nothing but nice to me since we came here.
"Yes, you are. Wanna talk about it?" he questions nicely and I open my mouth to say something, but absolutely nothing comes out.
"I just...." I start but stop abruptly when I realize that what I'm going through is rather too personal, "no, I don't."
The truth is, I haven't been taking my pills, like at all. I only stare at the bottle when I go to bed and throw it back into my nightstand. I haven't been myself since Arthur called and hung up leaving me with questions I don't even have answers to. I just don't feel the need to take them anymore and now I feel as if all of my hard work for the past three months have gone to waste, because of some guy that doesn't even care enough to come back to me.
After the phonecall, I sat down on the floor and stared into the corner of my room for almost an hour and then I went to bed and cried my eyes out. I even forgot that Dea came to visit until she came to my room to console me and I accidently snapped and told her that everything was her fault, which is a lie, but she didn't take it lightly.
We started arguing out of nowhere about the situation and I can remember myself saying something along the lines of, 'I shouldn't have listened to you because you've never had anyone anyway'. It all came sputtering out of my mouth out of anger and I tried to tell her that I never meant what I said, but the hurtful expression on her face said it all and it made me feel so culpable.
I haven't changed or become someone I'm not, but the constant feeling of everyone leaving and hating you might do that to you. So now instead of walking away by themselves, I unconsciously shove them into a dark corner as if they meant nothing in the first place and cry after. Maybe my father was right, being nice and a crybaby won't bring me anywhere. It's better to be feared instead, that way no one will dare to hurt me in any way. Now I'm lonely again. No best friend, just work and Deshaun to help with math.
I swiftly pull my hand away that I placed on the table when I was lost in thoughts when Deshaun touches it to get my attention and I look him in the eyes.
"You're crying" he lets me know and I swiftly touch my wet cheeks in embarrassment. He hands me a tissue and I take it with my head down to wipe my tears. "Are you okay?"
"Y-yes" I sniffle softly.
"You ain't the only one going through things, you know" he lets out nodding his head and I look up at him. He has a very serious look on his face. "Do you think I'm working my ass of trynna understand math because I want to? Naah, I just don't have a choice. I don't wanna end up like my dad who's been shot right in the middle of the street just because of his sexuality or my brother who's in jail now cause some godforsaken plan he had failed. So I need to graduate to get out of here."
"Oh" I whisper feeling guilt in the pit of my stomach at his sudden outburst and he shakes his head, "I'm sorry, I..just...you know, I never thought that your life was like that."
"It's cool, you don't have to feel sorry. I'm just telling you so you know that problems are a part of life and you gotta keep up with them....plus I want you to be comfortable around me cause you're still flinching when I lift up my hand."
"That's because you're huge" I remind him and he flexes his biceps with a cocky look on his face.
"Bigger than Arthur?" he asks with knitted eyebrows and I quickly shake my head.
"Not a chance."
"What's up with you two anyways..." he asks sipping his drink and I blink feeling caught of guard by his question so I fire one back.
"What's up with you and Dean."
"Touche, you got me there" he laughs putting his drink back on the table and I smile. I haven't seen him so open before, he's always been so angry at everything and this part of him is nice. "What makes you think there's something up between us" he questions tilting his head aside as his greenish eyes pierce through mine.
Since he wants me to be comfortable around him, then here goes nothing. "Remember when you threatened me and asked me all those questions when I didn't even know Art in the restroom and Dean suddenly barged in feeling sick? Yeah, that whole scene makes me think that way because you were so concerned about him and vice versa. Not that I'm assuming that you're gay so don't.....hit me, okay?"
"As I said, it's cool, Jake. We're having a normal conversation here" he repeats again and I nod understandingly and dumbfoundedly by the fact that he just called me by my nickname. "And to answer your question; we did have a thing, but he doesn't live here anymore so it doesn't really matter now."
"He doesn't? That's why I haven't been seeing him lately" I mostly tell myself in a whisper thinking about all the times I've seen him and gasp loudly when it finally hits me that Deshaun just said that they had a thing. "A thing? Like a rela-.."
"Yeah, like a relationship. You know, since we're almost at the end of the schoolyear and we're good now, I don't think it will hurt anyone if I tell you that I'm pansexual. I was a little confused at first, but I looked it all up and realized that I'm pan" he shrugs with an unbothered look while I gape at him like a fish. "So yeah, I liked him and he wanted to tell me why he was leaving when his mother wanted to take him away, but he caught me at a fucked-up time and he just left with his secret."
"Wow" is the only thing I can come up with, "wow...that's so, I never would've guessed, but I should've know when you tried to do, you know get with... I c-can't say it" I quit and place my head on the table with my lips pressed together.
"When I tried to fuck you in my car? Yeah I was tripping for real" he chuckles and I blush at the thought of that. "You know what? It's getting kinda late, I think we should go."
"Oh no, no, I can help you with the last one. It's okay and I'm sorry for being mean, I'm having a hard time right now, but I'll uhm...I'll learn to keep up with life like you said" I state seriously and he smirks.
"Yeah, you should" he agrees a he clears up the table and put everything into his backpack, "I'mma finish this at home, I think I got the hang of it a little."
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, a hundred. You want a ride home?" he asks and I shake my head. My apartment isn't far from here and plus I have to be at work in thirty minutes. No one knows that I've been thrown out and I'd like to keep it that way.
"It's cool, I'll drop you home" he insists.
"No, I'm okay, really" I say throwing my backpack over my shoulders and he gives me a look before he nods and gets up.
"Aight."
"Aight" I repeat with a smile and get up as well.
"A hug?" he asks with opened arms and I walk in. I squeeze him around the middle for some mere seconds and pull back staring up at him.
"Bye, Shaun" I wave at him.
"Bye, Jake" he waves back with a smile on his face and walks backwards towards the door. I sigh in relief when he walks out and close the door behind him.
Time for work.
~~
Just like every other day, I make my way towards the other end of the building and check the time on my phone. I'm right on time. I clutch my backpack with one hand and walk into the building with red dimmed lights and loud club music playing in every corner.
I move out of the way when a very tall Asian man in a suit makes his way pass me and walks out of the door. I guess he must be important, because people don't normally go through the backdoor unless they work here.
With a troubled and annoyed sigh, I go up the stairs to find Candy so she knows that I'm here. Just when I was about to climb the last stare, I crash into someone and if I wasn't holding on the railing with my eyes closed, I would've tumbled over and hit my head at the bottom of the stairs.
"S-sorry" a timid voice says first and I open my eyes to get a clear look of the person and it's a woman, no a girl older than me with pretty black hair and a very soft voice. She doesn't really seem like she belongs here compared to the other girls I've seen walking around. She also seems very shy like me and her dress is short, but not revealing like the dresses usually are.
"It's okay" I smile and move out of the way, but all she does is stare at me as if she has seen me before. "A-are you okay?" I ask nervously when we stand there for a moment without saying anything at all and she flinches.
"You're a boy?" she states in a questioning way and I nod. I believe I am a boy.
"Yes, I am?" I answer unsurely and confused.
"Are you h-here for a good time?" she suddenly asks and I move away from her in fright when she starts trailing her fingers from my waist to my shoulder. What is going on.
"N-no, I work here" I quickly say trying to pry her hands off and she stops.
"Work? Oh" she responds in surprise and tuck her hair behind her ears with an awkward look. I thought I was skinny, but she really takes the cake. "I never knew boys worked on the second floor. Do you also have a room to play?"
"No, I d-don't play. I change the sheets in the rooms every 45 minutes" I let her know with my thought on the fact that she constantly keeps talking about playing in the rooms. I clean them so I know that there isn't anything to play in there with.
"Hmm okay, because I was a little confused" she says scratching her head, "hey, what's your name?" she questions me and I ponder in my head of how to answer the question. Should I give her my name? She doesn't seem harmful to me, so I guess I should.
"Jacob."
"Nice, I'm Liza. Short for Elizabeth" she shrugs and we smile at each other, "I'm new here so I'm trying to make friends as much as I can to get more comfortable. Do you want to be friends?" she asks giving me her hand and I shake it.
"Sure" I respond and she pulls her hand back.
"Elizabeth, time for work" someone exclaims behind us and we both turn around. It's Candy, "don't make him wait" she says in a threatening way and Liza nods rapidly, but she doesn't move.
"Jacob" Candy greets me when she makes her way towards us and stops right in front of Liza. I didn't want to interrupt or gawk at them, but I couldn't help but stare when Candy opened Liza's mouth and forcefully pushed something inside it. Liza gulped helplessly when Candy closed her mouth and strolled away right after.
"Room five" is the only thing Candy says when she turns towards me and she doesn't have to tell me twice before I quickly make my way into the storage to retrieve the cleaning products and a new sheet.
After cleaning up and changing sheets, I wander to the side of the hall where Candy usually stands to talk to people who are downstairs. I'm burning with curiosity to know what it is exactly that they do down there and I have 45 minutes to find out. I attentively look around before tiptoeing to the end of the hall and standing on my tip toes to have a better view and when I say the view is shocking, I really mean it.
The place is dark with purple lighting, the same poles that are on the corner of the rooms are down there, but way higher and the women that are attached to them seem to be walking on air naked while some men are cheering through the loud music and throwing money. I definitely wouldn't be allowed to come in here if I wasn't working here.
I take some steps back when I see Candy with her arm around a man making their way to the same stairs I climbed to come up here and I rapidly run down the hall and into the room where I wait for her to call me when I'm needed. I sigh tiredly and throw my head back staring at the ceiling thinking about all the weird things I've seen so far, even Elizabeth. Some times later I yawn and before I could prevent myself from falling asleep, I slept.
"I know the job is easy, but the no sleeping on the job rule still applies to to this one, you know" a voice says and I stretch my hand and rub my eyes to get rid of the sleepiness. I shrink when I open my eyes and see Candy closely staring at me.
"S-sorry" I apologize and try to stand up, but she pushes me by my shoulder back on the chair. "I was a little tired."
"Tired you say?" she asks nicely and sits on the chair right beside me.
"Y-yes, my exams are almost here and I've been studying every night" I ramble on and take a peek of her face and it's seems as if she's listening to me.
"I totally know the feeling. Back when I was in high school, I detested that the most, you know. Studying and homework weren't really my cup of tea and when I quit school, everyone thought I was done for especially when I got pregnant. But look at me now, I'm winning and I proved them wrong" she states so fiercely with her head high and I give her an awkward smile.
"That's...." I try to come up with something as her eyes make a hole on my forehead, "very nice" I finally add and she nods in agreement.
"I know it is and you can be like that too" she nudges my shoulder, "you're gorgeous for a boy, you know that?"
"T-thank you" I whisper embarrassingly looking everywhere but at her.
"No, I mean it and your looks can make you a lot of money" she explains and a frown appears on my face. I don't even know where she's going with this conversation.
"What do you mean" I question her stupidly and she laughs before standing up. I start playing with my fingers out of nervousness when she starts playing with my hair.
"Do you want a full-time job here after you graduate or are you planning to go to college?" she asks me so boldly as I bite my inner cheeks thinking about my options. I haven't put much thought into college now that I'm living alone because I know it will be impossible for me since I don't have anyone to support me financially.
"You could get a full-time job here and you could also move in. There are rooms on the third floor for rent, but if you agree to work here, it'll be rent-free for you. What do you say" she tells me excitedly and places her hands on my shoulders.
"I'll uhm t-think about it" I respond and a cold feeling runs down my spine when her smile turns upside down and a weird look appears on her face.
"Free room, room service, an easy job. Is there anything else to think about?" she points out and rolls her eyes.
"I g-guess not" I agree with her now that she's starting to terrify me. There's something about her that's very cunning, but I can't really point a finger to it and disagreeing with her is something I rather not do.
"Good, then it's settled" she claps her hands and I gulp anxiously at her behavior. This isn't about me being shy and scared when I say that she's super terrifying and I never agreed to her decision. I don't ever want to come live here, not after what I just witnessed and the loud music that seemingly never ends.
"To make sure you'll come back, open up. Have some candy" she smiles brightly and squeezes my cheeks to make me open my mouth, "aa, aa, aa" she whispers as if I'm a baby and I stick my tongue out.
"There we go, now swallow" she pats my cheek and I swallow whatever she just put in my mouth. "You can sit for another 20 minutes then it's time to clean room 3. I don't usually make you clean the pole, but this time you have to. Don't forget" she informs me and I bob my head indicating a 'yes'.
Relief washes over me when she walks out of the room and closes the door behind her. 'What just happened and what did I just swallow', I mentally question myself. I'm pretty sure it isn't a bad thing, because that's the same thing she offered to Liza a while back so I close my eyes and exhale sharply.
Moments later I turn my head in circles feeling a little too lightheaded and the exhaustion I was feeling the whole day just disappeared. How long have I slept? Candy told me that I had to wait for another 20 minutes, that means not for long but I'm surely not tired anymore.
To make matters more confusing, I want to dance and have some fun. I press my hand over my mouth when a sudden giggle leaves my mouth and I sit up straight.
Did I just giggle?
Out of nowhere?
I think I'm going crazy....
****
Who remembers Candy? I mentioned her in one of the previous chapters and now she's here....doing idk what. What you think she gave my baby😫
What are your thoughts on
Jake?
Candy?
Deshaun?