• Luca •
I ran into my room, slamming the door shut with tears streaming down my face. Angela and mami hadn't talked to me for days now and apparently, Jess was the one who told people that Tyler and I were together. I didn't know who to trust anymore. Everything was falling apart, and all the effort from Dickson and Fatima seemed to not be working at all. I just kept falling deeper into this fucking mess.
Nobody cared about me anymore and I knew Fatima and Dickson were getting tired of trying to cheer me up. Nothing was working.
I had fallen back into my bad habits and once I had fallen I couldn't come back. The box under my bed was no longer something that was in the past.
I pulled it out, flipping it open, my eyes staring at the small metallic objects inside. It helped. It helped me focus the chaos going on inside my head into physical pain. I knew it was bad, I knew I shouldn't be ruining my body like this, but the only reason I had stopped was because there were people who wanted me safe. But now, the people who used to care about me seemed to hate me.
Everyone left me. Everyone left me because I selfishly chose something I knew I couldn't have. I not only hurt my family but I was forced to hurt Tyler in the process too. He didn't deserve to be treated the way I treated him. He deserved to be with someone who could openly love him and themselves.
He deserved better than me.
Everyone deserved better someone than me.
I pressed the cold object against my skin, biting my lip until I could feel the metallic taste fill my mouth.
"Luca!" Angela yelled, and my gaze immediately shifted to her, the blade dropping from my hand on instinct. "Luca, what-what are you-" she asked her voice cracking painfully and I flinched, shifting my gaze away from her disappointed face. I did it again. I disappointed her again. "You-you promised,"
Tears slipped down my face as I pulled my knees up to my chest burying my face in my hands. She couldn't look at me like this.
"Luca, I-I'm sorry," she said, softly having strayed to cry. I didn't dare look at her face, it would make feel even more guilty than I already was feeling. "Luca, look at me," she cried, shaking me and I just cried harder.
"I'm sorry," I mumbled, repeatedly in between sobs. "I'm sorry,"
"No, stop apologizing," she said, her hands knowing wrapping around my curled up body. "I'm sorry, I didn't-I'm a horrible person. I should have known. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, Luca."
"It's okay, you were right. I am abnormal," I whispered, gasping slightly for my breath. "I'm sorry, for hurting you an-and mami,"
"Luca, don't-don't say that," she said, pulling my face from my hands. "Show me,"
I shook my head, trying to pull my hands away from her but it didn't work. She grabbed my hands her breath hitching as she looked my wrists, once again littered with scars and cuts. "It's okay," I pressed, prying my hands away from her grasp.
"I'm so sorry, hermano," she said, looking at me with guilt clouding her face. "I was wrong. I-I wanted to try to make you understand that it was wrong but I realized, I couldn't-this is-this is just how you are and-and that's okay and I have to be okay with it. I'm sorry, I was-I was being selfish," Tears were streaming down her face.
I sobbed, pulling her into a hug, burying my head into her shoulder. "I like him so much and I don't know what to do, Angela. I don't-I won't be able to see him again,"
"I'm sorry, Luca," she whispered, rubbing soothing circles on my back. "I have to tell mami about this,"
"No, no please," I begged, pulling away from her, my eyes widening in plea. "You can't tell her,"
"Luca, she'll never understand how much she's hurting you by doing this to you if you don't tell her," Angela said, caressing my face in her hands. "We have to tell her,"
I bit my lip hesitantly but nodded. She shot me a sad smile before pulling me off the floor and towards the living her room her fingers entwined with mine. "Mami," She said, and I flinched looking at the floor. "Look what we've done," she pulled my hands and showed my wrists to mami, I couldn't look at them and I couldn't stop crying.
"Luca?" I heard mami ask, and I could hear the pain in her voice. I felt her hands grip mine, pulling me towards her. "What-what have you done?"
"I'm sorry," I sobbed, looking away from her.
I let out a small gasp as I felt mami throw her hands around me, pulling me into a hug. She was crying. After my initial shock, I wrapped my arms around her too. "Why did you do this?"
"I'm sorry," I mumbled into her shoulder, my tears soaking her shirt.
"I'm sorry, Luca. I'm sorry that I made you do this. I'm sorry that I made you feel like doing this to yourself," she said. "I'm sorry that I couldn't accept you. I'm sorry that I hurt you,"
"It's okay, mami," I mumbled and her arms tightened around me.
"I would rather have you alive and with that boy than have you dead and with a girl you will never like," she said and I broke down, collapsing into her arms, shaking with sobs. "It's okay, papito. It's okay," she pulled away from me a small smile replacing her features as she wiped my face with her sleeve. "Don't cry, papito,"
I looked up at with a small smile. Everything felt like it was going to be okay again and the feeling felt surreal. "Do you want to talk to that boy?" She asked, and my eyes widened in surprise at her offer.
She shot me a sad smile and I nodded in reply after a while. "Then go," mami said, tears still rolling down her cheeks. "Talk to him,"
I looked back and forth between mami and Angela wondering if I was dreaming. It all felt too surreal. "I'll drive you," Angela said, and I broke down again, but this time it was because I was so fucking happy and relieved. It felt like this massive weight had been lifted off my chest, I felt like I could breathe again.
And the thought of seeing Tyler made the feeling a whole lot better. I nodded again with a grin covering my face as I tried to wipe away my tears.
So we left, Angela and I drove in silence but it wasn't cold like how had been recently. It felt normal again.
As soon as we reached she shot me a look of encouragement and I smiled at her. "Thank you," I whispered, and she nodded, gesturing for me to go.
His driveway was filled with a thick white blanket of snow, the cold air stinging my cheeks as I jogged towards the front door, rubbing my hands together.
Tyler's sister opened the door and shot me a look I couldn't quite comprehend before she called out to Tyler. She shot me a look of sympathy before walking away.
I saw Tyler walk up to the front door and I felt my heart pound in my chest. I had missed him so fucking much. His stupid blond hair, his gorgeous eyes, his smile and just him.
"What are you doing here Lu-" I interrupted him by pressing my lips against his, desperately, at first he didn't kiss back and I swear I felt my heart stop but after a moment of shock I felt his arm snake around my waist pulling me closer to him as he kissed me back.
I allowed my hands to get entangled in his hair as our lips moved against each other. We both pulled away gasping for breath, his signature dorky grin covering his face. Even with the cold weather, I felt warm.
I know that sounds fucking cheesy but holy shit that's how it felt.
"I'm sorry," I said, placing my hands against his face. "I'm so sorry,"
He shushed me with a smile. "Are they okay with it?" He asked, hopefulness filling his voice.
"Yeah," I breathed, with a small laugh and a large grin took over his face as he pulled me into a hug.
"I missed you," he said, and I couldn't stop the enormous smile that had taken over my face.
"I missed you, too,"
• • •
:,)
The final chapter is already up too, so you can read it right now. This is fucking crazy.
I'm gonna miss them so fucking much.