Luna arrived late to the intimate concert Alex and Alexandra were having. She felt terrible for not being there earlier but she promised herself and him, through the many apologetic texts she had sent, that she would make it up to him.
The interview had ran long and Luna did not have enough words to describe how it felt to feel her heart plummet when she realised she was late.
Alex prolonged the concert, something in him hoped he would see her blue eyes staring back at him but they never did. After a while, he embarrassingly gave them the go ahead and they got on stage.
"She'll be here." Alexandra comforted him. He nodded but he was mortified that his girlfriend had stood him up. His heart ached as he put the guitar over his body and got into position. Alexandra winked at him before holding the microphone in front of her face.
As she entered the club, she could hear a solo guitar a low hum of a voice. They had already started. She pushed the curtains of the doorway aside and stepped in, looking around for a familiar face.
Alex was so into his guitar playing, he didn't notice when she entered. He was trying so hard to compliment Alexandra's voice with his playing, swaying his hips along with the melody.
Luna watched him with nothing but love in her eyes, she sat at an empty table at the back and watched from afar. She loved how much Alex got into his music, it was one thing she would never get tired of.
One thing she could get tired of, was the way Alex looked at Alexandra. Every time he looked up, he looked at her. Of course, he didn't know Luna was in the crowd yet so who else would he look at but it wasn't the fact that he wasn't looking at her; it was the fact that he was looking at Alexandra as if she was the most spectacular being he had ever seen. It killed Luna.
She had never felt this way before. Waves of insane jealousy ripples through her. Her jaw clenched as the impending doom settled into her heart. It hurt so much to watch him look at her like that but yet she couldn't take her eyes off it. It was like a car crash but the accident was her relationship.
Alexandra had never been a threat before, she had been that young beautiful girl that Alex worked with. Now, she sparked something in Luna that she really did not like. It made her itch with anger and her chest tighten.
Finally, his eyes met hers. She gave him a supportive smile but got nothing back. He was angry and hurt that she was late and she knew that which is why when he ripped their eye contact away so he could look at Alexandra again, it hurt even more.
It was like a knife was constantly stabbing her, over and over again, knocking the wind out of her at every blink. She looked around, seeing if anyone else was seeing this monstrosity but everyone was grinning at the pair as if they looked beautiful together. From across the room she saw Miles, his arm slung around a tall blonde. The blonde kept whispering in his ear and he was grinning up at Alex his lovable smile.
Luna had never felt so alone. Alex avoided her eyes throughout the whole concert. It got worse when he started to do small dance moves, making the crowd chuckle. The sudden laughs made her jump and brought tears to her eyes.
It was the last song, Alex had calmed down a bit now. He didn't feel as mad towards Luna as he had at the beginning of the concert. He strummed his guitar once and nodded towards Alexandra.
"Hopelessly showbiz
So she is
She's got friends you haven't met
They smoke menthol cigarettes
Bogus psychosis
She floats on in
And she ain't never anywhere
So you're lucky that she's here"
Alex looked up finally at Luna but noticed she was wiping a tear from her eye. His face dropped, it wasn't a happy tear and he knew that from her demeanour. He wanted nothing more than to run over there and comfort her but had to finish this song.
"Talk about Hollywood problems
She's got 'em
She's always looking for a wilder ride
And she'll be fuckin' with her phone all night
She calls me 'Girlie'"
Alex strummed and floated in and out of the song. This was one of his favourites they had written. His hips swayed as Alexandra's voice glided through his ears. She really was a great singer.
The song finished and the audience started to clap. Alex drew his eyes back to Luna, who wasn't looking at the front. He took his guitar off and watched as she was clearly crying significantly more than before.
"Well done." Alexandra touched his arm, sending chills throughout his body.
"You too. I'll be back in a minute." He put his guitar down and stepped off the stage. Alexandra followed where he was going and saw Luna at the back of the club. It made sense.
Luna didn't see him coming until it was too late. He was already in front of her as she stood up to leave.
"Luna." He said, his eyes ran across her face in panic. Luna now felt guilty, she had ruined his night.
"I have to go, I'll call you." She mumbled, picking up her coat and turning around. Alex grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
"Woah woah, no. You can't just turn up late and then leave early. What's the matter with you?" He asked, slightly aggressively. His tone turned a few heads which Luna noticed.
"Please don't let me ruin your night, Al. We can talk about this at home." The words were cutting her throat they hurt so much to say. Alex's eyes looked disappointed and sad.
He grabbed her arm, pulled her down a long hallway and into what appeared to be a large cloakroom. They stood far away from each other ready for a stand off.
"What's wrong?" He asked seriously. Luna looked at the door to her right and considered what to say. She didn't know what to say, there was too much going on in her mind. "Look at me." He growled. She turned her head and met his eyes, it didn't make it any better.
"Alex...I can't..." she stumbled on her words, the tears were edging up her ducts.
"You don't want to speak? Fine, I'll go first." He was angry and it shocked her a little bit. "This was my night, Lu, to show you and all our friends why I've been having all these late nights at the studio and why I've been pulling my hair out for the past few months. The least you could've done was sit with Miles at the front and pretend you are supportive." He shouted, making her jump.
"I am supportive!" She shouted back.
"How is being late to something important and then sitting there looking miserable being supportive?" He questioned. Luna bit her lip, trying not to cry.
"I'm sorry I was late. I texted you a million times explaining that the interview overran but I got no reply." She excused. "Nonetheless, I am sorry that is my fault." She added.
"Do you know how it feels to have to postpone the show for twenty minutes just so you can be there for you to not show up until two songs in?" He was hurt, he was allowed to express that but she was also hurt and wanted him to know.
"Do you know how it feels to sit there feeling like a shit girlfriend and then having your boyfriend look at another girl as if she's the next best thing since sliced fucking bread?" She yelled. Alex's eyes widened but his expression became bitter.
"Are you jealous?" He asked in disbelief.
"No! It just hurts to see you look at her the way every girl wants to be looked at." She expressed.
Alex bit his lip and slowed down his breathing. It became apparent to him that this was bigger than her being late for his show. She was crying at the back of the club because her heart was breaking at the sight of him. He repressed his anger but his voice was all shaky when he replied.
"I...don't." Was all he could manage.
He saw it, again. Her heart shattered through her eyes and there was nothing he could do about it. He didn't know how he looked at Alexandra, he couldn't help it but he knew he wanted Luna over her.
"It's okay if you have feelings for her. It's not your fault, you can't control how you feel sometimes. I know you love me but Alexander I can't just sit back and watch you pine for her and pretend to be okay with it." She explained. Alex was gobsmacked.
"How long have you felt like this?" He asked, waiting before he defended himself. "Have you had doubts about my loyalty?" His heart cracked slightly, Luna looked unfamiliar to him in this moment.
"Not about you. I know you say you do but then she always seems to come first." Luna had had a lot of time during the show to overthink this. "And we'd never had any problems until you met her. You'd never snapped at me or told me to fuck off before you met her." She compiled all the evidence and threw it at him.
"I'm sorry. I love you, Luna. Not her." He said firmly but Luna didn't believe him.
"No, I'm sorry Alex. After seeing what I just saw I think I need some time to think about this." She couldn't believe what she was saying, neither could Alex, but she knew it's what she had to do. Every time he looked at her, all she could see was the way he looked at Alexandra.
"What? You want time? I don't understand. What did I do?" He seemed frantic at what she was implying.
"Nothing, Alex." She assured him. "I think it'll be good for us to take a step back and think about what we want."
"I want you." He stepped forwards.
"I don't think you do." She snapped back. His eyebrows raised.
"Oh because I looked at Alexandra? My friend, who I care about and am proud of after what we just created together." He was becoming defensive now. "What about what you want? The reason you weren't here tonight was because you were trying to further your career. I could've easily told you to reschedule your interview just in case it ran over but I knew you wanted to go to further your career. Where was that support when you were rambling on about yourself meanwhile I'm waiting for you!" He snapped.
"I said I was sorry! I've owned up to my mistakes meanwhile you're eye fucking some twenty year old" She shouted. Alex took some deep breathed, knowing if he kept yelling they wouldn't get anywhere. He needed to speak some sense into her before her imagination ran wild.
"Luna, I have spent so much fucking time with her recently, writing a very intimate album. Of course I love her, I know her inside and out. I love Miles too, I know him better than I know myself because of all the writing we do together. But, I'm in love with you, Luna." He fought desperately to get it into her head. She looked down at the floor and burst into tears.
"I'm sorry." She cried. "You didn't see it. I just can't get it out of my head." She sounded weak now.
"Luna, why are you being so pathetic about this?" His patience with her emotions had run out. She looked up at him and tried to read his eyes.
"I can't help how I feel" she pointed out.
"I'm reassuring you how I feel, shouldn't that be enough. Isn't that what you're worried about?" He asked, not understanding.
"I don't think you know how you feel. Seeing you look at her like that ripped my heart out of my chest! You don't get that!" There were tears streaming. Alex didn't understand why they were fighting anymore.
"Well I'm sorry. I won't do it again." He licked his lips and tried to compose himself. Luna took a deep breath.
"You know, Alex? Just because we have a history together doesn't mean I'm the one. It's okay for you to want someone else. I'm just trying to tell you that." She said calmly.
Alex stared at her. Now he was questioning how she feels about him. How could she say that? If seeing him so much as look at another girl tore her to pieces then surely the last thing she would do would be to tell him he could want someone else and that would be okay.
"You know what, Luna?" He stood tall, overpoweringly tall. "I think you want out. You don't understand my life, you never had and it's too hard to say you don't want it because you love me. I know you love me and I know I love you but if this isn't the life you want you could at least grow a pair of balls and tell me. Don't drag Alexandra into this and don't you dare blame it on me and how I apparently look at someone. Just fuck off if you don't want to be with me."
He was hurt, the words had come from a place of hurt and Luna could see that. That didn't mean they didn't cut her any less. Alex's face was hard, he knew he had just told her to fuck off and in that moment he really wanted her to.
They stood staring at each other for a few minutes before Alex walked out and slammed the door behind him. Luna stood in the cloakroom with red eyes and a heavy heart. She had fucked up.
——————————————
Does this make sense? I don't even know anymore :/