Our relationship was chaos.
Perfect chaos. I didn't know there was such a thing until I met my mates. I relationship was complicated and messy, confusing and indecisive, but we love each other and that makes it worth it.
We all slept in the same bed yet we weren't officially a couple. I held Ryker close every night, yet I never kissed him or showed any verbal affection. Keagan loved us both while still trying to mend Ryker's and I relationship back together. We cared for each other with soft touches and had passionate nights but wouldn't dare speak of it.
I tried to push Ryker away even though I held him close all night. Ryker tried to respect my choices and only confused himself. The more we tried to push each other away the closer we seemed to get. All while Keagan was trying to care for us both while we played a losing game of love. You know how they say make love not war, well we make both.
Tempest once told me that love was the strongest emotion. No matter what else we felt love always won. Now love can be twisted, but it is and always will be the strongest. He had insisted that. Tempest said that since love was the strongest thing you could use it to do and make the most amazing things.
Like when you go to a restaurant with master chefs, but the food still doesn't taste as good as your moms. They say it's made with love, maybe just maybe that's true.
Because I know that if we didn't love each other like we did we wouldn't be able to make it through this. We managed to get angry at each other to the max, but in the end we loved each other more. Ryker and I were our greatest enemies, fighting a battle against each other that we couldn't win. We helped each other by showing love but refusing to admit it.
Each time I ignored Ryker and tried to pretend not to care I just ended up holding him closer at night. It was a useless fight I continued to force myself to take part in, but I loved him and that's why I must do this.
But no matter how hard I tried it was a never winning battle. Me trying to push Ryker away hurts me more than it could ever hurt him. I'm my own greatest enemy and I'm not even sure why.
My resolve and constraint is unraveling rapidly. My sense is on vacation and my reasoning has run off with Ryker somewhere. Now it's just his beautiful face and my vain attempts at pushing it away.
Poor Keagan is trying to make things less fucked up and adapt to a new world. I had to teach him what a phone was last Tuesday, and he almost had a heart attack when he got in my car.
So to sum this up, it's chaos. Beautiful chaos. The kinda chaos I would never give up but still pisted me off. Then again it's me we're talking about.
At this point I'm exhausted with it. With everything. I have been running around all week, doing Forsaken work, getting Keagan set up here and teaching him what a microwave is, trying to not fuck Ryker's brains out. I wouldn't give it up for the world, but that doesn't make it easy but still, my mates help.
There's nothing I can't do while at there side. No matter what we do we do it together.
I was laying on our bed staring at the ceiling, finally escaping a lecture about not tracking blood in the house from my mother. My family apologized for their behavior and said they were just surprised. Also apparently Tempest was behind me doing some pretty fucked up things with his powers.
If you wanna see horrified you should see my mothers face when she sees that there is blood on her floor.
Suddenly the door was opening and Ryker was walking in. I didn't look up afraid that the sliver of self control I had would yeet itself out the window.
I smelt him when he opened the door and felt his hip agaisnt mine as he fell onto the bed with a sigh. He closed his eyes, his face facing mine. We were only inches apart.
He looked to be about asleep. I'm really not surprised; his Alpha work has been kicking his ass. The other night I had to carry him to bed because he decided to stay up until two A.M. working on paperwork.
Keagan has been adjusting to a new world and mourning his losses. I don't believe you ever get over something like that. He has lost a lot, his family, his friends, his home, and his century.
We were all going through shit and quite frankly exhausted from it, but we supported each other and to see my mates happy it was worth it.
Ryker let out a content sigh and snuggled into my arm. I allowed him to do so, letting his touch relax me. I could never sleep before, now it was just natural with my mates next to me.
We aften did things like this, cuddled, hugged, layed together. We just did them, no words. Words would complicate it, make it difficult and real. Reality would have to be faced and we would have to make a choice. A impossible one.
Things were hard now, new but good and we were getting through it, slowly. We did it together and had each other and that kept us going and made all the bullshit worth it.
Ryker opened his hazel eyes a minute later and looked at me fiercely. Not harsh, no. He looks at me soft. His eyes never wandered, and he watched me intently never faltering. He watched me as if asking silent questions I knew I didn't have answers to.
He silently begged me with his eyes to hold him, to kiss him, to be with him. In his eyes he showed me everything he was. The hurt, the pain, the want, the need, the yearning, the fighting, the love. All of it. He showed me it all in those hazel eyes. He bared me his body and now he showed me his soul. His spirit.
In return I felt myself melt away. I silently showed him who I was too, without words. I could never say to him what I wanted to so I couldn't bring myself to say anything to him. I had lost the strength to lie and pretend. Now all I can do is lay down and shut my mouth.
Ryker's hurt eyes filled with tears. I knew he was breaking as was I. There wasn't much fight left in me, at least not for this fight. The fight agaisnt Ryker, against fate, against love. I couldn't even remeber what I was fighting for.
What was I fighting for at this point?
Why was I even doing this?
"A why is not only a end but a new beginning. If you never question yourself you will never learn anything about yourself." Jason, my wolf, whispered in my head.
"Where have you been and when did you get so wise?" I questioned the overgrown dog.
"I have always been wise you just never listen to me, and I have been with Keagan and Ryker's wolfs in the spirit lands." He responds quickly before saying something about Keagan's wolf needing him.
Crazy dogs.
My eyes focused back in on Ryker and his beautiful face. His facial hair was present and his strong jawline rested on the bed. His lips parted as tears of despair came down his face.
"Please." He begged, his voice so broken.
"Love me or hate me, but don't lead me on. I can't take it anymore. I love you and want you to be happy, but your killing be. Please leave me, if I can't have you all then what is the point? Break my heart now because that would be better than you breaking my heart later. Please." His words were sincere and broken. He spoke them with to much passion and heartbreak.
The tears on his cheek only multiplied as tears appeared on my face. Why was I doing this to him? For what? I was hurting him the most and for what I don't know.
I always told myself that I was doing this for me. But that was a lie. I didn't hold Ryker's past actions against him. He had shown me he was truly sorry and that he was a new man. Then I told myself I was doing this to avoid heartbreak, but I was breaking my own heart now.
With Keagan I had put myself out there, sold myself to love. So why did I still insist on doing this? The answer was simple and it was sad I hadn't saw it sooner. I was scared.
Not for myself, no. I had long gotten over that I knew Ryker would die before hurting me. I was scared for him. He wanted me so badly, but he didn't really know what I had become. This might sound a bit twisted but Keagan is familiar with the kind of power I hold. He was familiar with the way it could twist somebody and what it could do to you. He knows what I am, and he is simaliar, but Ryker he isn't.
Ryker was the good one. He was so beautiful and so good it hurt. He tried so hard and never gave up. He had been angry and done bad things but it didn't compare to what I or Keagan have done. I loved Keagan just the same though I thought him strong for it. I pray that if I was to love Ryker that he would see me that way to.
I wasn't one of those cute, sweet boys you read about in books. I wasn't innocent or sweet. I was mean and angry. I was messy and dangerous, I'm angry at the world and like ripping people to shreds on weekends. I have horrible self control and see people as threats more than people.
I was punishing myself.
If I pushed Ryker it hurt me. And that's all I want to do. To make me suffer for my crimes and pay, but I was making Ryker pay to. I'm not ready go let myself be happy, that is more scary then the idea of dieing. That meant feeling and feeling meant hurting.
But love demands to be felt. It is the strongest emotion, after all.
Pain and I have always had a love hate relationship. I hated it yet craved it. It killed me and made me strong. I always chose the pain over the love. Yet the love never stopped. The darkness didn't deserve my soul. Ryker did. Keagan did, but not pain. I had chosen pain one to many times, punished myself for too long. I wanted to be happy, I wanted to choose love.
Ryker cared for me so much. If I let him see what I really was would he still want me? It could hurt him, kill him. I wasn't innocent or sweet, but I loved him.
It hit me then that he had already seen me. He knew what I was. He had seen me hurt, he had seen me angry, he had seen me kill, he had seen all that I was. He had never run before. He knew. I saw it in his eyes that he knew, he knew what I was. He knew that my heart was broken, and so was my soul and he silently promised to mend it back together.
Was I ready to say screw it. To welcome the choas and dance in it, all in the name of love.
Was I ready to choose love and except the consequences. Was it worth it. Yes. Ryker was worth anything. Any pain, any chaos, any hurt. My love for him out did all of that and always would.
I looked at him now and I knew this was it. This was the kinda think you don't forget. You relive it and you either cry tears if sadness or tears of happiness. That is only ever up to you. And now it is up to me.
"No, I will never leave you again. I will never leave you alone, not again. Never again. I'm sorry I have been such a coward in the past while you have been so strong. That's one of the many reasons your so amazing. Your so strong baby, and you never give up.
Your so good, and that's one of the many reasons why I love you." I paused after I said those words and took his face in my hands while pulling him closer.
"I love you baby. I love you so much it hurts. I'll never leave you or hurt you again. I want to be with you, I want to love you each and everyday, and I will if you will have me as a mate once again. Sometimes I'm just stupid and I have problems, baby.
I don't want to hurt you, but I'm ready to chance it with you. So if you want me it won't be easy and there will be tough times, but I promise to love you forever." When I finished with my confession my heart thumped loudly in my chest and my plans were beginning to sweat.
I was nervous out of my mind. What if he said I was too late? What if he changed his mind? What if he said he didn't want me?
I looked back to him and my worries faded away. He was so beautiful then. His pretty eyes had tears in them and his face was wet with emotion. He reached up and grabbed my face, and I knew in my heart it was gonna be okay. What happened next made my tears come faster.
"Callum, there is nothing on this earth that could make me hate you or not love you. I don't deserve your heart, but I am so honored you gave it to me. No matter what happens as long as I'm with you I know I'll be okay. I love you Callum, so much." His words made my whole body seized with delight.
My smile was so big it hurt my jaw and Ryker's smile was even bigger. I cupped his face in my hands while wiping the tears from his face, his stubble scratched me as I touched him and I relished in the comfort of having him in my arms.
No lies. No pretending. Just here and now. No more insisting on fake words or unhonest silence. We were free to do as we please, to love each other without the shackles of our pain. I could tell him, in words, how much I love him and show him in kisses how much I needed him.
I looked to Ryker's lips then as he looked to mine. They were plump and wet as he licked them. My grip on his face tightened a bit as he did the alluring action. It was damn time I claimed those pretty lips.
I pulled his entire body against mine as I forced his face to mine. He came willingly and without complaint, the only noise he made was a disparate gasp.
"I love you baby." I whispered my lips only a centimeter from his.
"I love you too." It was set in stone then. There was no going back from what would happen next. This was fate it was doing what it had always intended now. Threading two lost souls back together for eternity.
I captured his lips on mine then. They were sweet, and he tasted like fruit and that weird cinnamon toothpaste he uses. Although now I loved the taste. Everything about Ryker was delicious, and now I was finally getting to enjoy his delicious taste.
I slipped my tongue into his mouth to deepen the soft kiss. Our mouths seemed to fit perfectly together, and Ryker's whole body seemed to give into mine. Our kiss was soft and loving, I was telling him how much I loved him and needed him without words. He responded with just the same amount of love and passion.
It was only when I sucked on his tongue a bit in a teasing manner did things get heated. Ryker whimpered when I gripped his hips and rolled my pelvis against his. I dominated his whole body and he submitted instantly without hesitation. It was like he knew it was always supposed to be like this.
I turned too, so I could pull his body off the bed a bit before laying him down gently. He wrapped his legs around my hips and pulled me close. My hands traveled all over his body urgently needing to feel everything that he was. To make up for the lost time and make sure he knew who he belonged to. Keagan and myself.
I memorized every inch of him as the night progressed making sure he knew how much he is loved. All that could be heard in the room was quiet I love you's and hushed whispers accompanied by needy moans.
******
Play song In The End (Mellen Gi Remix) by Tomme Profitt feat. Fleurie (until end of chapter)
My body was falling. Darkness overwhelmed me in a familiar way. In a way I hadn't seen in awhile. A type of despair I had only felt when I had first fallen throug my pillar and even now the first time didn't compare to this. It was so overwhelmingly cold that I couldn't speak nor scream.
The spinning didn't make it any better. I felt like I was going to puke but couldn't bring myself to. My entire body was shaking and it hurt to move. The kind of sharp pains shot through me that had only existed on me when my father would kick me. These were my own pains, my own cold, my own death.
When everything had finally stopped I stood in a familiar place still trying to regain my balance. The trees shook with a cold breeze and the red moon shown in the sky. The forest clearing was empty, but I felt his presence.
The air twirled, and I looked around instantly knowing what this was. It was was the day of my escape, the red moon. Only in my pillar did it exist now and it is were I am now. Summoned by someone with power over the land, my power. There is only one person who as the ability to control this world using magic that does not belong to him.
Although I can tell he can't control much considering he takes the meaning out of my magic. This world was only fifty percent of magic that other was my soul and reason. He only had so much control.
"What do you want Hagen." I called out to the dark figure I knew would soon reveal itself.
He stepped forward and the moon illuminated his sharp features with a red glow. His features were sharp, almost unnaturally so. He had a certain dark and menacing look to him although it gave of a certain amount of twisted beauty. Of a dark promise only he could make. Hagen almost seemed like the embodiment of darkness itself.
He was alluring and his dark aura made promises of twisted revenge and cold numbness. His jet black hair swept across his forehead in the light breeze. It was darker then ink and it contrasted his pale face. He was so pale that he put the winter snow to shame. His lips were full and the color of blood.
He had the three elements of darkness to him. The red blood lips, the cold, pale death, and finally the dark of night in his hair. I could only see coldness in his blank blue eyes. Although there was nothing to be shown in them they sparked a electric blue. It seemed to be the only part of him that wasn't dark. Although they even had a deadness to them.
He tilted his head up and the sharp edges of his face became more clear. His cheek bones were shape, dangerous so, and his jaw line looked to be a knife. He truly was beautiful in the darkest way possible.
Our evil Hagen
"I thought we could talk." His voice was almost playful, and his tall frame came forward a bit.
Now that I looked at him better he wasn't quite that muscular. Although I got the feeling he was stronger than he looked. He was tall and a bit curvy looking. He wore baggy cloths that suited him well. The black overcoat he wore was to big for him but fitted him in a way that wasn't size. His black jeans lead down to his boots which were laced up tight.
His legs were long and he was lanky, almost innocent looking until you felt the aura coming off of him. He kept his hands in his pockets as he walked foward in relaxed, stretched steps.
Now that I took a good look at him he looked almost twinkish?
"About what." I growled out remembering our first conversation.
"Oh, not much we just haven't talked in awhile." Hagen smiled and my blood ran cold.
He didn't really smile. It was more of a convincing yet cold impression of one. It chilled me to my bones when he did though. His teeth were perfectly white and straight, and he had dimples when he smiled. His smile was all to menacing to be cute or genuine though.
"What the hell do you want. Send me back or I'll kill you." I snarled at his seeming relaxed form.
"Don't get snappy with me Callum. I'll have you in pieces before you can blink." Hagen snapped back quickly before coming off of the tree he was leaning on.
If there was one word to describe Hagen it would be sharp. Everything about him was sharp. His face, his body. He was dangerously sharp. Pretty from a far but lethal if you get to close. The kind of thing that would pierce through your souls and then bath in your blood.
"What. Do. You. Want." I gritted out anxious to get back to my mates. I was not unwise I knew that I would loose going into a blind fight with someone I knew so little about who obviously had more power than even he knew.
"You." He answered shortly. I gave him a disgusted look, and he laughed.
"Oh don't look so horrified. Not like that. I'm not interested in you in that way. I want you for something else." He clarified with a wave of his hand.
"I'm not helping you with anything." I snarled at him watching us he grinned evily.
How could someone possibly be this dark? Even I was never this cold or dark.
"Oh come on Callum, we both know I have things you crave. I know you miss the empty cold. Those mates of yours will only break your heart. Nobody could live with someone with such darkness in them. I could take the weakness away and all the pain. Here your darkness will be harnessed and praised.
I see the dark in you. It calls out to me. I can show you things you never thought possible. You will be a King." He urged taking steps foward, his boots hitting the wet earth.
The way and smiled unerved me, and he even he seemed to believe his words.
"No, I have lived in the darkness, and it is no escape. It is just a way to pretend not to feel the pain. One day your pain will come crashing down on you. It will crush you. I see the hurt in you." I replied slowly making sure he heard the end clearly. My voice still held a sense of firm serenity.
I did see it. Nobody chooses the darkness unless they are running from something. Hagen was running from his pain like many others. Like I had been before I met my mates. I don't put myself above others because I'm out. I still gave into temptation, and I have no place to judge others. Although I am grateful I could find love.
"Then I'll have no choice but to kill you and everybody you love." He replied with a shrug seeming not effected at all. He never seemed to be.
"I won't allow that to happen." I growled in returned watching for his next move.
He only shook his head with a tilt and chuckle. He stopped after a minute and turned serious; his icy eyes watching my closely.
"Then you better prepare yourself Callum because this is war." His voice was cold and menacing, completely void of emotion. He turned and walked back into the darkness which welcomed him with open arms.
Okay so this was sugary and salty. Tell me what you thought and what you think will happen. I'm super tired so this gonna be short. Sorry half dead. I hate school.
Anywayyyyyy.
Shout out to dalekchick91 and Kittykitty406 for the support. Go show them some love. I wuv youuu.
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*Ryker stands in front of you smiling like a dumbass* eeh so please please all do that. *squeals* I'm sorry I'm just so happy *runs into Callum's arms*
Until next time wuv you all peace ❤❤😘😘✌✌