I walk out of the area as fast as I can. Tears flow down my face even as I'm wiping them away. I can't seem to stop it. My chest hurts and with it my left ring finger as well.
The same group of guys that eyed me when I walked towards the restaurant, sees me with the tears and starts to approach me, saying things like "Oh, cupcake, What's wrong?" and "Don't cry. Let us make you happy. Come here." I run from all of them. I just run.
I run all the way to the subway, to get away from those people and to get myself distracted from running.
On the subway, I think about how I just ran away from my mother banging the door at her face. I know I shouldn't have done it but her asking me to work there, has been the final straw. I snapped. It just happened. After all I thought of my meeting with mom to be like, this wasn't it.
I don't cry on the way back to my apartment. I don't even want to think about that. So, as a distraction, I count how many steps there are from the subway to me apartment. 1121 steps, totally.
At home, I shower, eat a bowl of cereal. It's actually forcing the cereal down my throat cause I'm in no mood to eat but I haven't eaten anything today. So after that, I just lie down in my bed. I am completely exhausted, weak and feels like I was beaten up.
I manage to avoid any thoughts in my mind regarding the encounter with my mother. I'm actually pretty good at closing my thoughts about something from entering my mind. I've been doing that since Hannah, so I've had a lot of practice.
but now, lying on bed, staring at the ceiling, I finally let my thoughts flow.
First off, I take my phone and search for my dad. His name pops up all over my screen and I enter the first page about him.
It's an article. Apparently, he is doing a very successful business selling cars. There are information about his wife and their 2 year old son. There's also stuff about how he came this far, about his childhood. But there are not mention of us. Nothing. I guess, Being this successful, you can't let everyone know that once you were a drunkard that ruined his family.
It says here that he was an alcoholic but he got over it on his own and has been sober now for over 3 years. That means it was right after I left.
I feel pain all over again and my finger starts to ache. So I rub my palm to ease the pain. This has always happened to me before. Whenever I'm emotionally hurt, my left ring finger hurts. I don't really know why that happens but it has been like this since I can remember. I've never thought about it much before. It's weird, I know.
My dad is living an accomplished life now with a beautiful young wife who was a model in some of his advertisements. That's how they've met and got together. They have an equally cute and chubby little boy who looks more like my father. There was a photo of them smiling happily, in that page.
I visit his car dealers website and all of it's reviews are excellent. I stop I when I see the name of his company. "Evvy". Tears sprung to my eyes as I'm remember how we named our car that.
It was actually Hannah's idea to name the car and all of us came up with different names. Finally, after debating between "Helen" and "Evvy", We decided to go with "Evvy" cause that's cute. We sold that car right after Hannah died, and dad quit from his job.
I can't believe he remembered that.
Wiping my eyes in the back of my hand, I scroll down on the page. I look at different pictures of different cars. Finally, after scanning the entire page, I find the contact numbers. I stare at it a little while longer but being afraid of what I might do, I back out of that page and keep the phone away from me, switching off the screen.
It's not cause I can't trust myself to not call him but cause I cannot deal with that pressure yet. Dealing with my mother was enough trouble for one day.
Honestly, my mom is unbelievable. She wanted me to get the job and work with her. She offered to let me come live with her even. But the other lady said that they live together. So, my mother just wanted me to crash in her place. Plus, who asks their daughter to be a prostitute.? It's bad enough that she does it, but she asks me to do it with her? Mothers don't do that. Not the sane ones anyway.
I know I'm a little broke these days but I'm not that desperate for a job. I don't want to sell my own body for money. It's not worth it.
The whole encounter with my mom pisses me off even thinking about it.
She completely let go of me when Hannah died without even trying to be there for anyone. She would take leave from work whenever she felt like it and stay home, moping around the place saying she just miss Hannah too much. At first, I pitied her and tried to fill the void of Hannah but after awhile I gave up. Sometimes, she would look at me with so much hatred for being like nothing happened. She hated me for trying to be happy again. She didn't understand that even if Hannah died, I didn't. That she still has another daughter.
All of her moping cost her her job. She got fired. I was mad at Hannah for making mom be sad and lonely but I knew it wasn't her fault. I was just looking for someone to blame everything on.
Just like how mom blamed everything on me.
I remember so well exactly how I came to stop caring about my mom.
One day she came home early from work, crying. I went over to her slouched body on the couch and knelt on the ground in front of her. I couldn't stand seeing her cry so much so I just hugged her.
I remembered how her body got tensed with my hug and she pushed me away roughly to the ground. I looked at her shocked when she looked back at me with disgust and hate. Pure hate so intense that it broke my heart to pieces. But not as much as it did with what she said just then.
"You" She spits the word out like it was poison. She looked straight at me and said, "I wish it was you, instead of her." She got up from the couch and walked in to her bedroom, slamming the door behind her.
I stayed there without moving, unable to believe what just happened.
I knew then that just like how she lost Hannah, she lost me too. Ever since then, I didn't care as much about her.
That's why, even when she left, I quickly gave up my search. she didn't seem worthy of my efforts. The only reason I even searched for her was because I couldn't be with my dad all along.
~~*~~
A few mornings went by with no calls from the other places I sent applications to. No calls from anyone. I expected a call from my mother actually cause, well, a part of me thought she cared. She could easily get my number through Dave. But no one called me. So maybe she doesn't care about me at all.
I didn't search about my father on the internet after that first time. Even though I was so close to getting his number to call him, I stopped myself at the last minute. I don't have to go down that road yet.
I went out of my apartment a couple of times the last few days. It was for groceries or sometimes even to just get away from the close space of my apartment. I mean, I can't be in that forever. So, I just took random walks around the area.
I was on the edge thinking that I might run into Veron but thankfully, I didn't even see him anywhere. It's actually a relief.
I walked towards Martine's one day just to see if anything has change but on the outside, it all looks just the same. I know that the only reason Mrs. Diaz bought this place was to get me to go away from there and nothing else. They are a successful family. Why else would they need a restaurant that isn't even in their neighborhood"
~~*~~
Some more days pass and I sent out more applications, looking at job vacancies in the newspaper cause I really need to start working soon. After another day or two waiting, I was getting really impatient. I was really on the edge of a break down, when my phone finally rang. I answer on the second ring.
"Hello?" The line stays silent but the background noice is there. I can hear that person breathing.
"Hey. Hope? Is it?" It's a male voice.
"Yes, It's me." I smile. For awhile I thought it was a wrong number caller.
"This is from the Green Globe Supermarket. We would like to interview you for a job here" I grin to no one in particular.
"Okay sure! When should I come?" I can't hide the excitement from my voice. I'm sure he can notice that.
He laughs heartily and say, "Eager, are we? You can come down here whenever you can. Today would be good if you want the job so badly." I can hear the smile in his voice. I do want it, I want it so bad.
"Okay." I check the time and it's only 11 a.m. now. "I'll be there by 2 p.m. Is that okay?"
I have 3 hours to get ready and get there. Hope that's enough.
"Sure yes. See you then."
"Bye." I am chirpy.
I end the call and dance a little to no music but to get the excitement of action. I can't contain the happiness.
Being inside home, with nothing to do sure is so boring. I know I didn't get the job yet but at least I got an interview. That's one step closer to a job.
I shower and get dressed. I wore the same frock, I wore to that interview in the restaurant and a little makeup. I don't take much time to get dressed considering how I should probably google working at a supermarket or something. I've only ever worked in a restaurant so I have no idea how supermarkets work.
Checking myself in the mirror, I see that I look the same as I did in my first interview. Talk about deja vu. There isn't much to search about supermarkets so I just decide to go their early.
I go by subway and get there at 1.58 p.m. 2 more minutes and I'm right on time.
I check the surrounding to see what kind of an area it is. Green Globe Supermarket (People call it the GG Super) is a big supermarket, located in the middle of a very busy area. It's next to the main road so there's the constant sound of vehicles. It's closer to the subway station as well.
It's like 2 hours away from my apartment.
I take a deep breath and walk in. I'm instantly hit with the usual smell of supermarkets, more vegetable-ly. It's white everywhere, the lights, the walls, the aisles. There are so many customers in the queue to pay, some are pushing trolleys and some are just walking staring at the items in the aisle. It's like an ant house or even a bee hive. Even the buzzing noice of chatter is there. The place is actually pretty clean and neat. There are no stacks fallen on the ground or anything like that, to be seen anywhere. The place isn't gloomy. There are windows everywhere so the place is actually well lit from sunshine.
I notice the staff that's working here. All of them are wearing a uniform. Girls are wearing a white shirts with light green tight skirts that is reaching up to their knees. Their shirt is tucked in. They have white converse shoes and braided their hair. Men are wearing a white shirt and light green pants with the shirt tucked in. They have the white converse as well. The uniform looks nice, plain and simple.
I decided to ask someone where should I go for the interview. I forgot to ask for that guy name when he called me so I guess I just have to hope I won't get lost.
I asked for the office from someone who was collecting the trolleys and she pointed at a direction. Following her instructions, I walk between aisle and see that this place has so many things a regular supermarkets doesn't normally have.
I reach the door finally, and knock. It seems to be an office. I wait till I get a response. A short while later, the door opens and I see a cute guy wearing a light blue shirt with black trousers. He looks professional but young. Younger than Dave for sure. One look at him and I know he is the one who called me.
He smiles. "Hi! How can I help you?"
I smile back and answer. "I'm here for the uhh... interview." I feel nervous all of a sudden.
His smile disappears as he looks at me with wide eyes. Shocked. My nervousness grows and I shift from one foot to the other, restlessly.
"Hope?" He asks me finally. I nod and he look at me from head to toe taking me all in.
It not in a bad way but just out of surprise. I look at him clearly with confusion and he snaps out of looking at me.
"Sorry. It's just... I thought you were like a little girl who came to me because you couldn't find your mom or something." He scratches her head, embarrassed maybe. "You look about 15!"
How accurate. I did lose my mother when I was 15 but he doesn't need to know that.
I give a tight lipped smile. "Nope. Just for the interview."
He moves out of the doorway. "Well.. Come on in." I walk in. He indicates me to sit down and he sits on the opposite side of the table. The table is surprisingly neat and well kept.
He grabs a file from the drawer. "So Hope. Okay, if you get the job, we will ask you to come, day after tomorrow for a practice day so that you will get an idea about what kind of work there is to do around here. Which means, we will give you a call tomorrow "If" you get the job." He smiles.
He checks my file and nod along to the words there. "Your experience with waitressing won't do much good here except that you have practice with treating the customers politely. Your cleaning experience will be of use, of course. Although, don't worry, we won't be putting you in the cleaning staff. we need more staff to work."
I nod because I have no idea what to say.
"Okay, Hope. Now tell me." He keep the file aside and leans towards me, resting his elbows on the table and intertwining his hand in front of him. "Why did you move into working in supermarkets, after you worked in a restaurant?"
I think about this. "I don't have any specific reason at the time except that I need the money from a job. I checked the newspapers and there was an ad from here that read "Job Vacancy"." I shrug. He smiles at that.
"Do you think you will be able to work here?"
"I don't know for sure but I'm sure it's not something that I can't learn."
He then asks me a few more questions to check my knowledge on supermarket and I answer them with what I can. I don't try to like, lie and seem like I'm really swept of my feet by supermarkets, but I just answer each question calmly and honestly.
"Okay, so finally, Why should we give you this job?"
I know that this is "the" question that they ask from everyone at the end of every interview. Everything depends on the answer of this question, like 90%. I don't think much cause that would only make me nervous, so I just say what comes to my mind.
"Because I like the place." He looks at me confused so I explain further. "I like what I see when I look around here. The surrounding, the colors, the things, how neat and clean they are."
"How does that help this?" I can see why he is confused.
"Well.. for someone to do their job well, they should start to like doing their job. To love the job, it should be something that that person loves to do and the environment around that job should be good as well. That person should like his work place. If you hate the place, you don't want to spend time there now, do you? So far, I liked what I saw." I shrug.
I spoke my heart and if I don't get the job then maybe I don't deserve it.
The corner of his mouth turn into a faint smile. "You like the place, but what if you don't like the job?"
"Then I'll find a way to like it."
"Why?"
"Because I have to."
His eyebrows go up. "Why do you have to?"
I shrug. "Cause I really need the job." That's the truth right?
His eyebrows are still up. So I say, "I need the money."
He smiles a little. "I know there's more to this than your letting on but I will let that go."
How did he know that I was hiding something? I stare at him without saying anything.
He looks at me too. We keep on looking at each other awhile too longer. None of us saying anything, not doing anything, just looking at each others eyes. Then he sighs and look down at the file, embarrassed. My cheeks heat up as well.
"Ohhkay. This went well. We will let you know whether you got the job, tomorrow. Keep your phone close by and your fingers crossed." We stand up and he give me his hand to shake. I take it and the connection sends an electric current through my body.
We walk towards the door. "I'll get going then." I say as he opens the door and I go out into the chaos of the place.
"See you soon, hopefully." I turn around to look at him and he smiles at me.
"Yea.. Hopefully." I show my hand with my fingers crossed and he grins at me.
I turn to go but I stop midways when I remember that I still don't know his name.
I look back at him and notice for the first time that his eyes are blue.
My heart started to beat really fast.
I clear my throat and say "I don't know what I should call you or your name."
He laughs. "You don't have to call me sir or anything like that."
He looks right at my eyes. I can't take mine away from his.
"Call me Seth."