The rest of the evening goes by in a blur. I watch as the sky turns orange, red, purple, and then indigo before the stars come out. The third quarter moon glows overhead, and I struggle to remain awake. My body is spent from all the excitement of the day and I begin to drift off to sleep against Evan's shoulder.
Despite my drowsiness, I feel myself being lifted up and carried through phantom fields of wildflowers before being set down on something firm, yet soft. A warm woody, yet earthy smell is all that fills my senses.
Fingers brush my hair from my face, and I pry my eyes open to see Evan's silhouette through the darkness. "Go ahead and sleep. I'm going back outside with the pack for a meeting. I'll be back in an hour or two."
I moan a feeble reply before closing my eyes again. A weight is lifted off the bed, and followed by a creak from the bedroom door as he slips out.
I don't even notice him return some time later, but he certainly surprises me when I turn over the next morning and wake up next to him.
Wide-awake, I pull back with a start. "Sweet Jesus!"
Jolting up, Evan rolls over and almost topples off the edge of the bed. His golden eyes look around the room quickly before settling on me. "What? What's wrong?"
My face grows hot as soon as his eyes meet mine and I look away quickly. I had almost forgotten about Evan and wasn't expecting to wake up beside him. "Nothing."
"Bad dream?"
Yeah, I guess you could say that. I sigh, pressing my fingers to my forehead. There's a dull ache behind my eyes, but it's nothing too bothersome.
He reaches over and presses the back of his hand to my forehead. He hums. "You might have a bit of a fever."
"Great," I growl, sliding my legs over to the side of the bed.
He grabs my arm and pulls me back against him. "Hey, come stay a while and cuddle with me."
I notice his chest is bare, but the bed sheet is covering his lower body and I can't tell if he's totally naked or not. I feel my face grow hot at the thought and quickly look away. Please be wearing boxers.
His face grows worried. "Zara, are you okay?"
"I'm fine," I say, a little too forcefully. I avoid looking at him and the tantalizing image that could possibly be lurking underneath the sheets.
Peaking at him from the corner of my eye, he cocks his head as he studies my face. "Are you blushing?"
"No. Of course not. Don't be ridiculous."
He peaks an eyebrow as I chew on my bottom lip, my eyes settling on the curve of his lean hips. Following my gaze, the corners of his lips pull up. "Oh, I see the problem. You're shy."
"Am not!" I snap back. "I just don't feel comfortable sleeping beside strangers with... nothing on."
He chuckles lightly. "I'm wearing boxers, don't worry about that."
That reassures me a little bit, until his eyes look away from me and adds, "Not that I was wearing them the other times."
My breath hitches in my throat. "Wh-What other times?"
He shrugs, like it's no big deal, but there's a rosy hue on his lightly sun-kissed cheeks. "The other times I slept with you. I shifted back to my human form after you fell asleep and held you."
I cannot conceal the horror from my face and feel my jaw going slack. "You-You held me in your human form... naked... and you kept this from me the whole time?"
I can hear my voice getting higher and louder. He reaches out with one hand and tries to shush me, but I brush him off.
"Don't you know how creepy that is? I didn't even know you!"
"Zara, relax—"
"I still don't know you!"
He flinches at my accusation, and even though I know my words are true, I feel a stab of guilt after uttering it. He shouldn't have deceived me, and he definitely shouldn't have behaved that way.
"I'm sorry, just let me explain."
I back away from him, crawling off the bed. "No, this is—this is unforgiveable. Just—Just back off and leave me alone!"
As my feet touch the floor and I put my weight on them, he calls out to me before I can hurry out of the room. "You're my mate!"
I pause, my hand grasping the doorknob and about to pull the bedroom door open. I don't know what that's supposed to mean, but something within me stirs. It makes my heart skip a beat.
I'm frozen in place long enough for him to step up behind me and hold my arms in his warm hands. I feel his breath against the back of my neck, sending shivers up my spine.
Why does he always do that? I grit my teeth, trying to extinguish the sudden fire spreading through my body.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, but please give me some time to explain everything to you. I just don't want to overwhelm you."
The sincerity in his tone forces me to relax my jaw, but I'm still irritable. That's right. Supposedly, he's a wolf-shifter, and so am I. And if any of this nonsense actually holds some substance, I better be ready for it. I'm gonna pinch myself when he's not looking.
Hesitantly, I ask, "What do you mean by mate?"
I'm afraid to look at him, but can't help myself. I have to look him in his eyes and make sure that he's being honest with me. I turn slightly, enough to look up over my shoulder into his golden hues.
He sighs, from relief or just trying to gather his thoughts, I'm not sure. He brushes his hand through his brown hair. "You know, like soul mates."
I can't help but wrinkle my nose. "Soul mates?"
"Yeah."
"Lemme get this straight," I say, turning around completely to face him now. He takes a step back to allow the movement, but he's still standing rather close. "You think we're soul mates?"
His eyelids close slightly in an annoyed look. "I don't think, I know."
I cross my arms. "I don't believe in soul mates."
"Why not?"
"Because those are just romantic ideologies and little girls' fantasies. The idea only exists because people choose to believe it, but there's no such thing—no evidence at all—that proves that soul mates actually exist."
"Then why did you follow me here? You can't tell me you didn't feel anything towards Cody—towards me in wolf form. You even gave me that stupid name."
I swallow, not sure how to answer that. Instead, I reply, "Cody's not a stupid name."
"Admit it," he says, closing the distance between us inch by inch, "You're aroused by me. Your body temperature spikes up, your heart races, you can't catch your breath, you have butterflies, and you shiver whenever I touch you, or my breath touches you. And that's just the sexual responses."
"Lust isn't the same thing as love, or the concept of soul mates," I utter with a shaky voice, stepping away.
"True, but the intensity of our first meeting in human form suggests otherwise. You almost shifted as a result." He reaches up runs his fingers through one of my dreads, causing my scalp to tingle and shivers to run up my spine. "You also feel safe and comforted in my arms. You trust me—"
"Not anymore," I growl under my breath. "You lied. I can't trust you anymore."
"I already apologized about that."
I swipe his hand away from my hair. "It's not enough!"
Pain etches across his facial features. He pulls away, his cheeks slowly tinting pink as his gaze lowers. He sighs. "Alright, you want the truth?"
I nod, despite the nervous tumble of my stomach.
"I didn't reveal myself at first because I was afraid of what you'd think of me. You saw me first as a wolf, how could I explain just appearing to you in human form? Would you have even believed me if I tried to explain it then?"
I hesitate, trying to remember what happened that first night. There was too much darkness, rain, thunder, and lightning. He was a guide, and that was all he was to me at that time. "You disappeared the next morning. You could have just walked up to me in human form at some point then?"
He shakes his head. "The quills, remember? I went back to the place I stashed my backpack—you know, the khaki one that you've been carrying?"
"That was yours?" I ask incredulously.
"Yeah. I hid it someplace, and when I went to find it early in the morning, I got too close to a porcupine. I can't shift with those quills still in my face—they could have shifted into my nasal cavity or something. I couldn't risk it."
My heart twists as I think about what must have been running through his mind at the time, but I can't find any words in which to say to him.
He continues, however, lowing his gaze to the floor. "I needed you then. I was so angry at myself... and embarrassed. After that, I tried to think of a way to reveal myself to you, but it's harder to think when you're in wolf form. Your wolf instincts take over then, and just trying to attend to you and your needs was a struggle."
He exhales, rubbing his face with his hand. "I was so worried to leave you alone for a minute. I know what dangers lurk in these areas, but I knew I had to find food that you could eat too. I was so angry when you had disappeared on me that one time. Seriously, what were you thinking? You could have been killed by a bear or something!"
His voice picks up in volume as the memory of my actions wash over me. "Was that the time I went off on my own, and you snuck up behind me and scared the bejeezes out of me?"
"Yes," he growls.
Flooded with guilt for being so inconsiderate and stupid, I cringe. I realize now just how foolish I had acted. He was just trying to protect me and take care of me, but how was I to know that? "I'm sorry. I didn't know. How could I know? You were a wolf and couldn't tell me anything."
His eyes soften, causing butterflies to dance again within me. He pulls me into his arms and I rest my forehead on his shoulder. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have kept this from you as long as I did. I was just scared that you would reject me. I don't know what I'd do if you did."
I nod, allowing the warmth and smell of his body to comfort me.
I still don't know a lot about him, but this little bit said more about his feelings over the last few days than I could have ever imagined.