They laugh in pure joyful mirth.
I cover my ears in excruciating pain
As the sound crawls through my skin.
There smiles fade from sight,
As a strange buzzing fills my ears,
Like the shrill cry of a banshee.
They look at me, their teeth flashing,
I suppress the urge to cower,
And curl up in a lonely corner,
Hugging my arms to myself.
Anything to ward off the sounds,
Those that start off like the peals
And end up muffled like my death gong.
Sounds are like serpents strangling me.
Laughs make me nauseated.
All the happiness gets marred,
Just by my presence in the room.
The darkness and bleakness,
Hopeless feelings flood the pit of my stomach,
I run and hide, stay still, ignoring all the hands.
The arms moving to embrace me,
Or are they trying to choke me to death?
I act fast in self defence and hear cries.
Strangled voices floating far off.
The strange whispers in my head,
Don't stop though, they speak, they command.
They force my hand to do bad stuff.
And before I know it there are cold bars.
Chains keep me in place like a rabid animal.
I plead to them, tears threatening to flow.
Why can't they see and hear all I see.
I snarl instead as pure panic ensues around me.
They tether me to strange machines,
As I convulse inside, still sedated.
I feel nothing, do nothing.
The numbness more dangerous than pain.
Pain would've signaled that I was alive.
Feeling nothing feels like death.
Though it doesn't bring bliss.
Loving but not living, existing in fear.
Being different, unwanted, forsaken.
Anhedonia and apathy are my only companion.
A/N Anhedonia stands for no response to pleasurable stimulus, basically apathy... and is seen in severely depressed and schizophrenics. Here I attempt to dig into the minds of all these people.