"When I hear somebody talk about a horse or cow being stupid; I figure it's a sure sign that the animal has somehow outfoxed them." Tom Dorrance, True Unity: Willing Communication Between Horse & Human
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Chapter XXV – The Talk
"Mom, I need to ask you about something."
Mom was standing at the sink, rinsing off our dinner plates. She was still wearing her work pants and a button-down shirt, but she had unpinned her hair, allowing it to fall down her back. She had had a good day today, which was why I was hoping that she wouldn't freak out when I asked her this question.
Mom turned off the faucet and turned to face me, simultaneously drying her hands on a dish towel. "What the matter, hon?" she asked me.
"How do you know when you're ready to have sex with someone?"
Mom's green eyes widened to the point when I could no longer see her eyelids. Her jaw dropped, and her face paled. She looked as though she went through about six different sets of emotions before she was able to compose herself enough to answer me.
"Sara, have you ...?"
"No!" I answered quickly. "No, I was just wondering."
Mom breathed a sigh of relief. "Well, I suppose if I'm talking as a woman, and not your mom, then I would say that you're ready when you can fully trust that person, trust them with your whole self. You love them, and the person you're with brings out the very best in you.
"But as your mom, honey, don't rush into anything. And don't feel pressured at all. Take it from someone who knows. With Daddy and I, it was a whirlwind. We rushed everything, all the firsts. So much so that it was a blur a bit of the time. I wish we had waited and made things a little more special than they were.
"And as your doctor, sex leads to kids and diseases. Are you ready to be a mom? Are you ready for routine STI testing? Labour, crying, night feeds, cracked nipples, stretch marks, excess skin, a teenager who asks you terrifying questions?"
Mom was barking scary words at me rapidly. But she had answered my question. Did I fully trust Shea? Did he bring out the best in me?
I thought so, but my apprehension told me that I wasn't sure yet.
Mom sighed. "I meant what I said about birth control," she said, referencing an earlier argument that we had had about Shea. "I understand it's different. You feel different. The connection isn't normal. But pregnancy is. I'm making you an appointment." Mom then wandered off, no doubt in search of her cell phone.
Great. I had that to look forward to.
I did the same thing. I had purposely left my phone in my bag upstairs. I had been avoiding speaking to Shea after everything that had happened today. As soon as I checked my phone, I saw that I had a missed call from Shea, and a text message asking me to call him when I could.
As soon as I saw that, I could feelthe restraint in him. He had wanted to check on me, but he wasn't allowing himself to in order to keep pressure off of me. I needed to put him out of his misery and stop punishing him for his nature.
I also needed to stop being such a wuss, as my nerves were directly affecting his insecurities and I didn't want that.
I tapped his number and he answered on the first ring, like always.
"Sara," he breathed, though sounding hesitant.
"Sorry it's so late," I whispered. "I've been thinking a lot about what happened today."
"Yeah?" he murmured fearfully.
I gulped. "Sex is a really awkward thing for me to talk about because I am so new to all of this. And you're right, I need to communicate better. I'm really good at keeping my thoughts to myself."
"Yes, you are," he replied.
"I'm not ready yet," I said firmly. "But I promise to tell you when I am."
"That's okay, Sara," he assured me. "You know I will do whatever you ask, whatever you say."
I smiled. "I know."
"Sara."
"Yeah?"
"I love you, you know." His voice was soft and calm. Constant.
"I know. I love you, too," I breathed.
***
The next few weeks of our relationship could only be described as flawless. I was deliriously happy, and well aware that I was blissfully in the honeymoon period of my first real relationship.
Shea was an amazing boyfriend. He picked me up every day for school, he bought me thoughtful gifts, even if it was just a coffee from Sally's I appreciated it. Shea often sat in one of the booths at Sally's while I worked doing his homework, just so we could spend a little more time together between customers. He was also really attentive to my mom, who I believed was warming up to him little by little. He never uttered the word "lycan" and he tried to make her feel as comfortable about him as possible. And occasionally he would sleep over. Though Mom didn't know about that last part.
We hadn't done anything more than kiss, but I was feeling more and more comfortable with Shea by the day. He was so good to me that I honestly wondered what I could bring to the relationship. Shea had assured me that I brought everything just by being with him.
Shea hadn't really spoken to me much about what he was going through in the pack. There would be times when I could tell that his mind was elsewhere, and when I asked him, he brushed it off as nothing.
I wondered if, like my mom, he was afraid of scaring me off if he told me too much. I wanted to assure him that this wouldn't be the case, but I wasn't entirely sure if that was true.
My mother was one of the strongest women I knew, and yet, this had been too much for her. What would it be like for little old me?
But it was now late November, and I hadn't heard anything further about Lex since my last encounter with him. I hoped that meant that he would be staying away, or finally giving up whatever vendetta he had against Shea and me.
In the world of high school, late November meant it was time for the big away game. The entire football team, football staff, cheerleading squad, and half the student body were all getting on busses and in their cars and travelling to Charlotte.
That meant hotel rooms.
I was rooming with Cece, but I wasn't entirely sure if that meant that we would be sharing a room for the entire night. Shea and Jamie were also rooming together. Cece was sworn to secrecy, but she told me that she could get Jamie out of that room if I wanted. I hadn't decided yet.
It was Thursday. The entire school was abuzz with excitement for the game the following night. All students with written permission were excused from school the next day in order to make the three-and-a-half-hour drive to Charlotte.
It took a ton of convincing to get my mom to let me go, but now that I was on birth control, thanks to sitting through a disturbing slideshow of gonorrhoea pictures curtesy of her colleague at the clinic, she was confident that I would be responsible.
"I am so excited. I haven't been on a trip in forever," Cece excitedly gushed as we stood in line in the cafeteria.
"We're going to watch football in Charlotte, Cece," I said, bringing her back to Earth.
Cece cocked her eyebrow. "Alright, Little Miss Manhattan, we aren't all as well travelled as you."
I laughed. "Try Little Miss Upstate New York."
"Jamie wants to take me on a road trip this summer. See the Grand Canyon. I just hope everything is finally over that we might be able to get away for a few months," Cece said anxiously. It was the first time I had heard their situation mentioned in ages.
"Is everything alright?" I asked.
Cece pursed her lips. "You get the gag order thing now, right?" she asked me.
Shea had asked her not to say anything to me. I nodded. I would ask him, no matter how scary the outcome.
Cece shook off the sudden solemnity. "Do you own nice underwear?" she asked me randomly.
I immediately blushed and prayed that nobody could hear. Shea was in the cafeteria and could no doubt hear our conversation with his super sonic hearing. "Jesus, Cece," I hissed.
She rolled her eyes before taking out her phone and quickly firing off a text.
My phone buzzed.
I can easily get rid of Jamie from Shea's room. Do you own nice underwear?
Do I look like I only wear grannie panties? I fired back, hoping it would come with as much sass as I intended. Not that I often inspected my underwear drawer, but I didn't think that I had horrendous taste.
Cece snorted in humour. I have heaps, still with tags. Let me know if you want me to bring anything with me.
I momentarily considered her offer before realising something. Do you really want your brother to be seeing your underwear?
Cece froze, before dramatically gagging and laughing. "Okay, that's a firm no."
Cece was very blasé about this sort of thing, and I actually appreciated it. She calmed me and helped me to not make such a big deal out of it. Of course, I knew it was a big deal, but if I always thought of it that way then I was going to go insane with anxiety.
We paid for our food, and as we were walking over to Shea's table, I noticed Josh sitting by himself, scrolling on his phone.
Josh and Zoey were not together. The whole drama with the fight a few weeks back had only made things worse. Zoey, I thought, felt embarrassed that she had put herself between Josh and Shea. She had shown an actual emotion and was now trying to cover it up. Josh was miserable, and was constantly bumming out his friends, which was why he was by himself a lot.
I had tried to convince Shea to talk to Zoey, but I got a firm no in response. He wasn't going near Zoey and her emotions with a ten-foot pole.
Walking past Shea with my tray, I kissed him on top of his head, before continuing on to Josh's table. I felt Shea's eyes on me, but they weren't in such a jealous rage as they had been before. He knew that Josh wasn't a threat thanks to Zoey.
"I swear to God, if I play like shit again tomorrow like I have been for the past few weeks, I can kiss that scholarship goodbye. There are going to be college scouts at this game, Sara, and all I can think about is the spawn of Satan." Josh held his head in his hands.
Josh had played really poorly the last few weeks. Or, at least, according to Shea he had played poorly. Football was all still running and falling to me.
"My folks can't afford college tuition. If I don't get a full ride I might as well drop out now and become an exterminator." Josh's father owned his own small extermination business.
Zoey had really messed with Josh's head, all because she couldn't put on her big girl panties and admit that her mate was a human. She was now going to actually mess up his life because she was such a coward.
I knew Zoey would come around eventually. It would be against her nature to stay away forever. But in the meantime, she was screwing with my friend and I was over it.
I leapt up from the table in a huff and abandoned my food. I marched over to Shea's table, my eyes set firmly on Zoey who was nibbling daintily on a kale salad.
"I need to talk to you," I said, glowering at her.
In a dramatic fashion, Zoey dropped her fork and stared up at me. "Can't. Busy," she said, smiling a fake smile.
"You don't, and I'll tell Josh your dirty little secret," I threatened, earning the attention of everyone on the table. I chanced a glance at Shea, and he was watching me curiously.
Her eyes flared with anger and resentment. "Bitch, don't push me," seethed Zoey.
"Zoey," snapped Shea.
Zoey reluctantly conceded and stood up from the table. I walked out of the cafeteria and looked around, before selecting an empty classroom in the same hallway and making my way inside. Zoey followed me silently and slammed the door behind us.
I turned on her and tried to make my voice as fearsome as possible. As fearsome as a seventeen-year-old girl could be to a person who could transform themselves into a wolf. "You are screwing up Josh's entire life," I spat accusingly.
Zoey winced as I hit the one nerve I knew she had. "You don't know what you're talking about," she retorted.
"I know my friend," I shot back, "and I know that he is stressing about how the hell he is going to get into college when all he can think about is you."
Zoey didn't say anything this time. Her facial expression hardened as she glared at me.
"Josh is talented!" I stressed. "He is sweet and kind, and a decent person who had a great shot of getting a full ride to a four-year college. But you're messing with his head and affecting his performance when you could just be with him and be happy! I don't understand it, Zoey! What is wrong with you?"
Zoey snapped. "What's wrong with me?" she seethed. "Your little mind couldn't even begin to comprehend me, us, and our way of life!"
"Enlighten me then," I challenged. I would be stunned if she could justify being such a bitch to Josh.
"My family is one of the oldest pure lycan families on the continent. Eckhart lycans came over on the freakin Mayflower. Eckharts have mated into packs all over the country, and my parents expect nothing less than an influential pairing."
Okay. Maybe I was a little stunned. Had I really just heard her use the term "pure lycan"? Was that ... was that a little racist? I mean, the only thing I could equate it to were the purebloods in the Harry Potter series. Were her parents supposed to be the Malfoys of the lycan world?
That explained why she had been so attached to Shea. She didn't really care about him, but her parents were forcing her to mate powerfully.
"We aren't meant to mate with humans," Zoey continued. "Humans don't have the capacity to love and understand one of us." Her eyes looked me up and down. "Just look at your mother," she added coldly.
I bit back a nasty retort. I was doing this for Josh, and not myself.
"Josh is just like any other teenage boy. Full of hormones that make him feel things that aren't real. And when he goes off to college next year, he'll forget all about me and screw the first sorority girl he sees." Right there. I saw Zoey crack. It was only for a split second, but goddammit I saw it. She didn't believe this crap. She wasn't some human-hating lycan supremacist. She was afraid of getting hurt. Zoey was hurting inside. Really hurting.
Oh my God, I was feeling sympathy for Zoey. "Do you believe that I would hurt Shea?" I asked her.
Zoey shrugged her shoulders. "Like mother, like daughter," she replied curtly.
I rolled my eyes. "Josh will love you if you let him," I said insistently. "I mean, you reel him in, only to treat him like he's a leper the next minute and you're still the only thing he can think about. At some point, Zoey, you've got to decide what you want and take it. You don't have to be afraid. You could be really happy if you wanted to be."
Zoey's eyes began to water, and she immediately turned away from me and looked out the window. I watched her focus on her breathing as she tried to stop herself from crying.
The door to the classroom suddenly opened. Josh, full of confidence and determination, marched into the classroom and quickly assessed us both, softening when he saw Zoey in her state.
"I don't want you fighting my battles for me, Sara," he told me, though offering me a grateful look. "Zoey, look, I know that I'm not good enough for you. I'm not super smart, I'm not rich, I'm not as good looking as some of the guys you hang out with, but goddammit, I will treat you the way you deserve to be treated," he appealed to her. "I know some part of you, deep, deepdown underneath your frosty, ice queen surface, cares about me. You wouldn't spend so much of your time going out of your way to treat me like shit if you didn't. I care about you, too. A whole damn lot."
Zoey, who hadn't looked away from the window to this point, slowly turned her head and looked at Josh. The expression on her face was nothing short of vulnerability.
I wanted to slip out of the classroom quietly to give them a moment, but then I didn't want to draw attention to myself and ruin whatever was about to happen.
"You will neverbe able to comprehend just how much I care about you, Josh," Zoey said quietly. She walked over to him calmly, stood up on her toes and kissed him softly, before leaving them both alone in the classroom.
Josh just looked at me with a bewildered expression on his face. "Fuck it," he said, after a minute of silence, throwing his hands up in the air. "I'm over it. I've got a game to prepare for and a scout to impress. I'm not going to let a flaky girl ruin this for me." He stormed towards the door before turning back to me. Just as I was about to appeal to him to give Zoey a chance, as much as it pained me, he said, "Could you please remind me of this the next time I'm whining to you about how much I like her?"
I smiled. "Sure."
----
I remember seeing a comment a lot earlier in this book about Zoey and how I was pitting two girls against each other, and I remember thinking -- "Noooo, I promise there's more to Zoey then meets the eye!" hahahaha. I just hope she can sort her stuff out ...
In re-reading this book I realised I've made at least three Harry Potter references unintentionally hahaha. I honestly wonder how often I slip them into normal conversation without even realising.
No joke, I did spend a whole day of my school holidays wrapping 36 empty boxes for school's Harry Potter book week, and I spent most of the day saying, "36?!? But last year, last year, I had 37!" Then I made pom poms out of tissue paper to look like the icing on the cake from Chamber of Secrets that Dobby drops on Mrs Mason's head hahaha.
Harry Potter gets kids reading! Fun fact, Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone was the first book I ever read. (Proper book, not counting school books and picture books). I never got why Americans called it Sorcerer's Stone though? Aren't wizards all technically sorcerers? A philosopher is a scholar.
And there I go again. Just written three paragraphs about Harry Potter.
Somebody needs to stop me.
Okay, I'm going to bed. Night guys.
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