(Apologies for making this the longest chapter ever, lots of juicy drama though ?)
Alex pulled away from the curb clearly panicked over leaving Jack alone in the house, honestly I don't blame him, taking a big gulp I made my way up the path looking down at the floor with every step, after dragging out what felt like the longest walk of my life, my hands reached out to the door handle turning it slowly and quietly making my way into the house, looked into the room expecting to see him sat there waiting for me but he wasn't there, he wasn't downstairs.
I quickly made my way upstairs bolting all the way to my room not looking back once, this could be my lucky break, once inside I pulled out my phone and decided to call Rian having him mad at me makes me feel nauseous.
"Hello Ella" Fuck its worse than I thought he called me by my full name, he only does that when he's mad or being serious.
"I'm sorry RI" I tried to put all my girlish charms into my voice laying it on thick I could tell by his fingers drumming on the table he was caving.
"You forwgive me" I laid the cuteness on extra thick.
"NO.. YES.. yes damn you" I laughed evilly jumping to sit on my bed.
"you still at Alex's?" Rian's sentence became sharp when he got to Alex's name, I rolled my eyes what is his problem.
"Nope he just dropped me off at home to get changed for tonight" Rian's movements became rushed and his breathing deepened.
"Grab your stuff you can get ready at mine I'm on my way over" He left me no time to protest hanging up the phone, within minutes the sounds of the front door opening and Rian's voice filled the house.
"MR JACOBS ARE YOU IN HERE?" He shouted out rather angrily, I just wanted to hide in the corner in case he was but I couldn't let Rian get hurt, I bolted out of my bedroom looking sideways at the open door to my dad's office, his office is never just open.
"RIAN GET UPSTAIRS NOW" No sooner had I called that his cute little brace face came into view, he smiled slightly in relief at me being okay, he ran up the stairs to join me, I gestured towards my dads office and he pushed me behind him, walking in first, his body blocked the doorway he gasped a little in shock before pushing me backwards almost knocking to the ground, he slammed the door closed and looked down at me shock allover the both of our face, that's when I knew something was wrong.
"Rian WTF?" He quickly reacted staring at me, I tried to push past him to get into the room but he wouldn't let me he restrained my body turning me around.
"Go get your stuff" He softly whispered the order to me making sure I couldn't get in the room, I tried my best to push past him I banged on his chest tying to move him but he was in full on protector mode, I wouldn't listen to him the tears were streaming down my face I needed to know what was behind that door, Rian grabbed me roughly by the wists and shouted straight at me waking me from my panic.
"ELLA GET YOUR STUFF PLEASE" He shook me pointing me to my bedroom, I trusted him and ran into my bedroom pulling half the contents of my wardrobe randomly into a bag with some shoes and underwear, I grabbed some make up and my straightener's putting them into the bag too, for some reason my body gave out, I just sat on my bed waiting for Rian to come in, after about five minutes of lots of noise and grunts from Rian he walked back into the room taking me into his arms making me feel safe.
"Your coming to stay with me for a while my mom wont care" I didn't even question him, its what I needed right now.
I pointed towards the door needing to see what was in that room, he nodded at me seeing the need on my face, I know after everything he's done to me he wasn't worth it but he's my dad, you cant pick your family believe me.
Rian grabbed my hand and lead me in the direction of my Dad's bedroom, avoiding his study, blocking me still from going in there, I gingerly opened up the door to my dads room looking inside scared me, he lay on top of the bed wearing the same suit as last time I saw him, his hair disheveled, his eyes were open but his pupils heavily dilated almost covering the whole iris, his skin the palest white Ive ever seen, I lent onto the bed grabbing his wrist.
"Dad?" I spoke quickly shaking his arm slightly trying to get him to rouse, his pupils shook around a little bugging around his head, I reached out to touch his face, Rian drawing closer to me every inch I moved, before I had chance to blink my Dad's arm shot up and latched onto my hair pulling my ear to his mouth.
"Look what you drove me too bitch look at what YOU did to me" He screamed on the you, almost ripping my hair out, Rian grabbed onto his arms trying to get him to let go, he reluctantly agreed letting go of me.
"what have you done dad what the hell have you done" My dad was just about to open his mouth as Rian lifted me over his shoulder and dragged me down the stairs, he balanced me and my bag in his arms, determination on his face, my dad shouted after me but I only caught the back end of it.
"ITS BECAUSE OF YOU THAT I WENT AND GO THE DR..." I was determined not to cry this time, instead I waited until Rian got out of the house and let him put me down, I silently walked over to his house him flanking me the entire time.
Once in the house I walked right up to Rian's room and into the bathroom latching it behind me, luckily Rian's parents were out and weren't about to see the awkward conversation, the sound of Rian's bedroom door closing shook through the bathroom and in a matter of seconds he was knocking on the door and calling after me.
"Ella just come out please" I felt numb like all my sentence's had collapsed, he said it he hates me, but why didn't I want to cry its like I'm not upset at all, he wasn't worth my tears, I casually walked to the bathroom door and unlatched it to a very worried Rian, he eyed me up and down cautiously clearly thinking my causal manner was crazy.
"Ella are you okay?" Rian walked forwards fighting the urge to pull me into the circle of his arms, I just smiled at him nodding.
"I'm fine honestly I don't care?" It was more of a question more like a why don't I care Rian please fix me.
"You just saw your dad almost over.. in that state and your fine he told you he hated you and your okay ?" Rian asked in disbelief shaking his head like I was mad woman, I mulled it over for a moment.
"Better to have him hit me and admit that he hates me, than to hit me when he says he loves me" Rian looked at me like I was crazy once again why didn't he get I was fine.
"I'm fine honestly I don't need him I have you" He smiled at me and dragged me into his chest, making me feel safe and secure.
"Alex too" I smiled at saying his name, it made me long to be with him again, fuck the party.
"Fuck how long do I have to get ready?" Rian looked at his phone time and announced it with a frown.
"About 45 minutes if you want to get there before Jack does his stupid thing off the night" Rian shook his head and laughed a little.
I gasped and pulled off my t'shirt and then my shorts standing in front of him in only my underwear, some times it was hard to forget we were grown up, his face flushed bright red and again he left the room awkwardly, what's with that?
I got a quick shower avoiding washing my hair because I didn't have the time, I got out dried off and grabbed one of Rian's football jerseys to wear whilst I changed, walking back into the bedroom Rian had changed clothes and was sat on the bed a pillow in his lap and a book on top of that writing, again weird, although he looked good, skinny jeans, tight t'shirt and a hoodie, okay did he rob Alex's wardrobe this isn't Rian's style..
"You look nice Rian who's the lucky girl" He blushed moving his hands up to scratch the back of his head okay this means I know her.
"OMG I KNOW HER DON'T I ! UMM IS IT LIANNE?" He rolled his eyes and shook his head, thank god all these girls have my space or I would have no idea who they were, I thought harder.
"Umm Lisa ?" He shook his head and face palmed.
"Nah if she was to go out with anyone it would have been Alex" He shrugged like it was a natural occurrence for Alex to get the girl I thought harder.
"Its Kara isn't it !!!" Happy with my choice he didn't really say yes or no so I was convinced, he continued to write whilst I rifled through my bag and limited supplies of clothing I had here.
I dragged my stuff into the bathroom not letting Rian see, I dressed quickly putting on a nice push up bra and matching panties, then a white blink 182 vest top tucked into some black high waisted shorts, I was going to finish the look with ripped tights a half cut leather jacket, a bowler hat and my red heel's, when I was happy with the outfit I plugged in my straighteners straightening my hair flat down my back and sorting my bang's so they hung to the side, I pinned it back with a single black clip.
Next my makeup, black eye liner, a little tiny bit of concealer, and I finished it off with a shiny lip gloss and some bush, happy with my outfit I slid on my hat and shoes and slid some essentials into a clutch bag, Id had this outfit planned out in my head to wear all my life and I was so glad I finally got to wear it, I walked out of the bathroom pleased I was ten minutes early.
Rian's eyes met mine and his expression comically changed his mouth dropping open so wide I felt like I was in a cartoon, I did a little shy spin for him.
"You like it?" He nodded smiling at me.
"Its perfect you look amazing" He spoke rather breathlessly jumping up from his bed and putting on some converse, when he had everything ready we walked down the stairs together, Rian's mom was home and she immediately flocked towards us pulling me in for a big hug.
"Hello Lorraine" I laughed and hugged her back enjoying the parental contact she was the closest thing Ive ever had to a mum I mean the woman was there for my first step/word/potty training.
"What have I said about Lorraine Ella call me Mom!" I smiled harder loving how they thought of me as there daughter.
"Yes mom sorry" She laughed pulling away from me to look at Rian.
"Dont tell me your going gay for Jack son, otherwise I can think of no logical explination for you dressing as Gaskarth?" She clucked at him taking in the extent of his outfit she's right he didn't look like Rian he looked kinda like a jock I mean on Alex it looks alternative but on Rian..
"Mom can we just go please?" Rian rolled his eyes at her trying to push past.
"Not until I get a picture of Ella looking beautiful with you looking like you stepped out Gaskarths closet." Rian wined at her stomping his feet like a small child causing me to chuckle.
"MOM" Rian shouted lorraine laughed grabbing her camera and positioned us for a few shots on the stairs, and then one hugging, she smiled to herself.
"You can call me Lorraine" She barked at Rian and then pulled me in for another hug, before licking her finger and rubbing rian's cheek, causing me to laugh violently.
"I'm going to let you go before Mr grumpy pants explodes have fun tonight kids Ill see you in the morning you tell Alex if I find out hes trashed his mothers house Ill be the first person to hand his ass to him" Rian dragged me out of the house shaking his head the entire way to the car.
"I love your mom Rian so much" Rian shook his head starting the car and driving off.
"Yeah she loves her daughter too me you and Kelly are everything to her" He caused me to smile again I'm glad he thinks of me as family that's what I love about the Dawson's.
----------------------------------
We arrived to Alex's house and I almost tucked and rolled out of the moving car, I was anxious to get in there and drink, people said it was good to forget things right, because I think I now have an idea of what my dads done to himself, dilated pupils, pale skin, fatigue, puncture marks across his veins. Fuck dad what have you done.
I hadn't even noticed Rian get out of his truck until he started to tapp on the window to get my attention.
I jumped out almost falling over my heel getting it caught on the curb, well time for my first teen party, all the stereotypical elements layed out in front of me, kids makingout outside the house, lots of red plastic cups on the floor an empty keg resting outside, I stood there overwhelmed, it was so pretty just like a bad teen show.
Rian tugged on my arm pulling me to the open front door, In my mind as we were trying to push past the masses of people I had a plan find Alex or Jack or Zack, turns out it wasn't as hard as I thought.
Jack's skunk hair was clearly visible over the crowd in the living room, his head rested on Alex's shoulder as they intimately slow danced, everyone around broke out into fits of laughter, looking more closely I noticed Jack was beyond smashed and Alex was just trying to keep him upright, I felt two strong arms lift me up into the air and practically throw me and catch me.
"PUT ME DOWN ZACK!!" I laughed at him and he put me on the ground smiling at me.
"Nice to see you Ella I missed you I will go and get you both a drink" I nodded at him Aww, I can see me and Zack becoming good friends.
"Alex noticed me letting jacks incapacitated body drop to the now empty sofa, Rian awkwardly moved to talk to Jack and Alex looked me up and down a big smile on his face.
"And what do you call this outfit then?" He wiggled his eyebrows and licked his lips taking in the entirety of my outfit.
"I was thinking blink 182 rock chick with heels bit im starting to re think the way there making my feet hurt" Alex laughed and lifted me up into the air spinning me around in his arms slightly, our lips met and we had a deep kiss, Rian's eyes on us the entire time.
"I missed you" He laughed and kissed me on the nose.
"Its only been like 2 hours and I missed you too you should have seen the house when I got back lets just say the toaster was on fire and there wasn't even any bread in it.." I gave Alex a weird look and he continued picking up a burnt condom wrapper from his pocket.
"Jack thought It would be more real warm" He tried to keep a straight face but we both laughed really hard I pulled him in for another kiss and took the condom from him sliding it into my pocket to taunt jack with when hes sober.
I noticed the full set of band equipment and amps set up towards one side of the living room I smiled at at Alex.
"Are you guys preforming tonight??" Alex nodded a little annoyed.
"We were going to but jack can barely stand let alone play the guitar any worse than usual" I walked over to jacks guitar and strummed a few cord's, awesome.
Alex's eyes lit and he he called over Zack who had just handed Rian his beer, Zack passed me a red plastic cup and answered the question I was asking.
"Its called a first drink ever, Its a little concoction Alex had me make up for you" They both nodded at me and I let the funny smelling liquid slip down my throat taking a big swig like you would with water, I pulled the cup from my face and grimaced slightly at the after taste but I enjoyed it, the boys both stared at me in shock, Alex grabbed the cup sniffing the continence, he sipped a little and made a sick face.
"What?" My voice came out a little slurred as I asked my question.
"Ella you just drank like half a cup of tequila without any lemon or anything" Alex looked at me all shocked I just shrugged my shoulders.
"umm soo??" They just shook there heads, that look of wonder still on there face, I placed Jack's guitar back on the stand missing its feel in my hands.
"Zack I have an Idea get Rian yeah ?" Zack nodded and went off in search of Rian, who had disappeared just after Zack gave him his beer.
"How would you like to play guitar for Jack tonight?" I looked at him all shocked, he wanted me to play in front of all these people.
"Please Ella come on there has to be about 150 kids here tonight right, think how good that will be for the band do it for Rian please" His little puppy dog eyes convinced me and I picked up jacks guitar and made a few adjustments to the tuning, I'm sorry Jack but dude you suck.
"What are you waiting for gather up the guys and get me some more of this" I downed the rest of my drink getting that familiar after burn Alex again gave me a weird look but I shook him off, he saluted me and went into the kitchen bring back more beer and the boys, I strolled over to jack now he was a little more lucid and said hello.
"Hi Jacky!" He smiled at me and placed his hand almost on my face trying to pat me on my shoulder.
"ELLA WHERE DID YOU GO" I moved his hand and waved his eyes looking over me.
"DAMN IF ALEX WASN'T ON DAT SHIT THEN I WOULD BE ON.. HIM JALEX EXISTS" I laughed at jacks condition, wow he was off his face.
"I'm gonna play your guitar parts with the guys if that's okay jack ?" He nodded at me and kissed my cheek getting dribble everywhere on my face like a dog, he pushed me off the sofa towards the guys Rian was sat by his drums Zack had his Bass, I realised this was the first time I was going to see the boys preform together and I was filling in for Jack.
"OKAY GUYS !! WERE ALL TIME LOW AND ELLA IS FILLING IN FOR JACK TONIGHT BECAUSE HES IS OBVIOUSLY OFF HIS TITS THIS IS HEAD ON COLLISION BY NEW FOUND GLORY" Alex knew I could play this song with my eyes closed, he pointed at me to take lead and I went for it strumming out the cords.
I've been waiting for a good day
I've been holding back long enough
I've been hurting to tell you some things
it's not the falling of the temperature
that's making all our bones run cold
it's the breeze you make
the presence felt when you're around me, wow I'm doing it I'm in the band, I strummed along to my guitar and the crowd of kids swarmed into the living room also lining the patio outside, I know it was just performing to a few people but omfg!.
and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case, Alex's vocal was flawless I'm pretty sure I saw a few girls swoon, I felt like hitting them with Jack's guitar hum I guess I'm the jealous type.
and I'm still waiting for a good day
I think I've held this long enough
I think it's safe to tell you some things
it's not just what you say to people
and it's not the way you look at me
it's the way you present yourself
for all your worst critics to see, Getting into the flow of it I started to copy Zack and move around a little with the guitar moving to kneel by Rian at the drums, he looked so at peace when playing the drum's like the whole world fell into place for him when he had those sticks in his hands, that's how I felt about singing and playing.
and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case, Alex looked directly at me and winked going back to making eye contact with the crowd everyone was lost in the music letting there body go with it, I was letting my fingers dance pick less across the guitar strings like they were my life force.
then you were gone
you were gone
all this time you just didn't know it yet
you were gone
all this time you just didn't know it yet
you were gone, I looked over to the sofa to see Jack making out with a random blond his tongue half a mile down her throat, I bet hes licking her tonsils, I laughed to myself dancing around some more.
and it feels like I'm at an all-time low
slightly bruised and broken
form our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
from our head on collision
I've never seen this side of you
another tragic case
another tragic case of feeling
bruised and broken
another tragic case and I've been
still waiting for a good day
still waiting for a good day. Alex ended the song and everyone at the party screamed out to us jumping up and down, I put down the guitar and let the masses of kids from school I didn't know tell me how cool and talented I am, Is this what fitting in felt like?, oh well shame it had to be short lived, her petite Blond frame waddled towards us everyone in the crowd parting for her, she probably felt like Jesus, the only reason they moved is they didn't want to be stamped on by her hooker heels i mean honestly those bad boys should have a tip slot.
"Oh my god you guys were actually so amazing" She laughed fakely and put her hand on my arm in a friendly way.
"I'm really sorry about everything I said before I'm not usually like that" For a moment I genuinely thought she meant it, but again that was short lived, ahh why do some pretty things ruin it all by talking.
"I mean at first I thought OMG shes an ugly little frigid Emo who's trying to steal my Alex, but now its like wow these guys are really good they could be famous and your now cool enough to be seen with me" She spoke proudly as if she was the prize you got at the carnival after spending 40 dollars working up to the best prize, I decided to play her at her game.
"OMG TWINS !! because I had similar thoughts, I was like wow look at this sanky she hoe who doesn't know the meaning of a bra trying to tell me where to go, now its like rainbows sprout where you walk and unicorns grace the land" She started jumping up and down in an obnoxious manner, doesn't she get an insult?
"OMG you actually get it !! don't you BFF'S forver you can paint my nails and drive me places and get me coffee and.." I cut her off, not noticing the entire room was silent.
"ALL THAT SOUNDS SUPER SUPER FUN!! But I think I would much rather bike to the bus stop, get a bus to the airport, get a plane ticket, wait till im at the highest altitude and jump out, then at least on my way to the ground I will have a better measly seconds of my life than being your bitch, because frankly I'm no body's bitch if anything your mine." Every single person in the room and gasped looking in the face of the former head girl, how have I done this twice??
Little did I know Alex had set the microphone up right under our little conversation and everyone in a one mile radios heard my rant, and Megan's rather noisy breakdown, one nerd Is getting more than lucky tonight.
"And that is why your my girlfriend oh and also because your sexy" Alex Lent over and kissed me deeply, I laughed at him nuzzling into his chest.
Rian threw his drum sticks to the ground and stormed off, I motioned two minutes to Alex and went after him following him all the way upstairs, Into Alex's bedroom, luckily nobody was up here, thank god I don't need to see jack naked.
Rian sat on the bed his head in his hands he sighed deeply I moved to sit down next to him.
"What is it RI?" He looked up at me directly into my eyes.
"You honestly don't know?" I shook my head and sighed, what does that even mean.
"Everyone else but you can see it Ella, my Mom, Zack, Alex, even jack and hes the slowest fucker there is" I shook my head even more what the fuck is he on about.
"Rian I really have no idea no idea at all" He sighed bringing his hands up to my shoulders.
"Then ill show you" He Lent forward, I looked down thinking he was going to like pull something out of his pockets that's when I felt it, his lips latched onto mine, his braces knocking against my teeth, fireworks just like a kiss with Alex exploded in every ending of my body then I thought of Alex, Fuck.
I pulled away looking at him in total silence, I just practically kissed my brother, and I enjoyed it as much as I enjoy kissing my boyfriend mind fuck.
"I'm sorry I just had to kiss you" I looked directly at him standing up a little.
"WHAT THE FUCK RIAN WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM MY BOYFRIEND IS YOUR BEST FRIEND??" He stood up to join me his fits balling at his sides,WHAT THE HELL.
"I DON'T CARE I LOVE YOU ELLA, IVE LOVED YOU MY ENTIRE LIFE AND I CANT STAND TO SEE YOU WITH HIM HIS HANDS ALLOVER YOU" I couldn't do this not Rian, I couldn't loose him, I loose everyone I love I cant do this.
"I cant do this Rian I CANT FUCKING DO THIS" Rian grabbed onto my arm trying to pull me back into the room but I shook him off.
"Ella please stay talk to me don't walk away from me please" He begged me to stay, this is a moment I will regret forever I just didn't know that yet.
"I cant do this Rian I'm sorry" I broke off from his hold and ran down the stairs, directly past a pretty brunette on her way upstairs, sliding past her and almost knocking her off the railing.
The minute my feet touched the downstairs floor I felt those familiar big arms wrapped around me, pulling me into the kitchen Zack, About ten beefy looking guys and then Alex the beanpole were waiting for me beside the keg.
"KEG STAND TIME !!" I decided to throw myself into party festivity's forgetting the kiss with Rian, I smiled at the guys.
"Okay want me to hold you into a handstand?" Alex asked I shook my head and pushed myself into a perfect handstand to demonstrate.
"I may have done a little gymnastics for a few years" All the guys laughed, I held my position with ease.
"Okay time to beat is 22 seconds Alex's personal best record, Joe will time good luck chuck" Zack instructed motioning to the walking brick wall that must be Joe.
Okay this was fun, bro's try to turn me upside down pressed a keg tap to my mouth, but thats okay I'm dancing on the ceiling, yeaah, I lasted for 27 seconds much to the displeasure of Alex, getting me a few comments about how good I must be a certain ..activity.. I rolled my eyes and flipped them off, doing a perfect one handed back hamstring flip onto my feet, I got some claps from me people around witch only served to make me blush.
"Well done baby !! also I'm loving how flexible you are" I laughed at him flicking his nose.
"I believe Mr Gaskarth you are drunk" I wobbled a little on the drunk a really weird feeling taking over me.
"I believe your a lot drunk Miss Jacobs you've drank like a quarter of a keg and a half bottle of tequila" I laughed at him looking up into his eyes my vision a little hazed.
"Ahh so this is what this feeling is I enjoy it" He laughed at me pulling me in tighter to his arms.
"Wait until tomorrow morning when your holding my hair back when I puke then you'll love it even more" We both laughed for a while dancing with each other to the music.
"Oh did Kara find Rian she had just showed up and was looking for him I sent her up right after you went to find him?" I scowled a little why would Kara want to see Rian? Why did I care?
"Nope why?" He shrugged a little.
"She just said it was super important" I gasped a little pulling away from his grip a Little.
"Super impor..." I was cut off by sentence from a very weird looking fleshy flash out of the back porch doors and then a loud splash.
"Was that?" Alex's head shot around looking into the pool, god was that something that will scar me for life.
"Yeah" Alex sighed and ran towards the pool, screaming the entire way.
"JACK WHAT THE FUCK MAN WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES" Any other time this would have been funny but my body was on auto pilot.
My legs moved from under me and lead me up the stairs, I needed to know what was so urgent, the bedroom door was closed slightly only the smallest crack showing, I peaked thought it not seeing anything, my arms automatically went out to open the door and the sight scarred me for life.
I turned around on my heel running down the stairs hearing my name being called after me, I ran out the front door of the house and decided to go to a place nobody would think to look for me, I went to the side of the pool house that couldn't be seen from the pool, and let the one shoe I had remaining fall off.
I climbed onto the roof the ruckus jack has caused giving me enough of a diversion to scale the wall and open alex's parents befroom window I climbed inside and shut it back up running automatically to sit in a corner by the curtains, resting my head on my knees, I had to sit back and catch my breath.
My mind drifted back to what I saw, Rian and Kara in bed together mid fuck, she was screaming out his name caught up in the moment, she wouldn't have noticed if something fell on her, just as I opened the door, he moaned my name, he called her Ella, he was thinking about me, at that moment I just had to leave like I wished more than anything I could have been her, why did I walk out of that room, why didn't we talk it out, I banged my palms against my head sighing deeply.
Whats a good way of getting your brain around being in love with your best friend that's been practically your brother all your life, and being in love with his best friend Alex who makes you feel weightless like your constantly lost in stereo, WHAT THE HELL DO I DO.
(Lyric's Belong To New Found Glory I Don't Own Them But A Girl Can Wish !!)