• Tyler •
The waves in the sea were calm, but nature wasn't. So the calm needed to be upturned.
Then it struck, the first lightning of the storm. The waves started to rumble and stir.
Then the storm hit; Thunder boomed over the sea turning the calm waters, uneven and scary, waves crashed and crumbled, the clouds broke and the rains were let loose. The rain hit the water like sharp rocks inflicting pain to the previously calm sea.
The blue sea had turned black.
The storm didn't pass, it only got worse. Now the sea had turned into a whirlpool of misery. There was so much misery that the before, calm sea, was nowhere to be seen.
The calm was replaced by the storm.
***
"Fuck!" I yelled, whacking a glass of water off my table. My hands were coated with paint whose colours were unknown to me and I hated it. My gaze returned to the easel with distress. I couldn't see what I was doing and it so frustrating. Something I used to do so easily was now, such a difficult task. Why can't I do anything right?
I felt around the table trying to get a hold of my paintbrush but ended up knocking half the things off it. I groaned in frustration as I grabbed fistfuls of my hair, gritting my teeth in annoyance.
I hate everything, I hate everyone, I hate myself.
My breathing started to get heavier as I felt tears burn my eyes. The temperature felt like it was rising but couldn't do anything to control it. I knew exactly what was happening. I tried to get up from where I was sitting but ended up stepping on my bad foot. My knees collided with the floor causing me to wince in pain.
Everything felt like it was closing in on me, my breaths were laboured and my movements were frantic. I wanted to call for help, I wanted to scream but when I tried nothing came out, it was useless.
I pushed my back up against the nearest wall trying to calm down but it wasn't working. It was getting hotter and hotter by the minute. In a daze, I pulled my shirt over my head.
I was scared.
I pulled my knees up to my chest, I tried to focus myself on something. I slowly rocked myself back and forth, trying to get my senses to concentrate on the movement. But it wasn't working, everything was too scattered. My breaths started becoming more rapid, I felt sweat dripping off my forehead, my body felt limp but I still tried. I was trying so hard to focus.
"Tyler!" I heard someone cry. The voice felt almost distant like they weren't really there. I heard echoes footsteps on the floor coming towards me. Whoever it was kneeled, in front of me. But it was difficult to figure out about who it was at that moment of panic. "Breath with me, Ty. Come on, deep breaths. In out." I knew who it was now; Stacy. I took in a deep, shaky breath trying to focus on the sound of her breathing. Slowly, the waves of panic and fear slipped from my body.
"I can't paint."
"What are you talking about, Ty?" Stacy said, worry lacing her words. "Everything you paint is beautiful,"
"So you claim. I've never seen them. For all I know they're just blobs of nothingness," I muttered, running a frustrated hand through my hair. "Why can't I do anything right?" My voice cracked, it made me feel so weak. So small beside my big sister. I hated it. I didn't want to cry. It made me feel so weak. I didn't want to be weak.
"Tyler, come here," she said, pulling me into a hug. My hands slowly wrapped around her as I buried my head into her shoulder. Tears slipped past my eyes drenching her sleeve with the salty water. I wanted to see again. I wanted to see what I was doing, what I was doing. I just wanted it back.
Sniffling, I pulled away from her. "I'm okay." Maybe I was lying. But then again maybe not. I'm confused. But I'm always confused.
She placed her hands on my shoulder causing me to flinch slightly. I mustered up a small smile to show her that I wasn't uncomfortable.
"Tyler, listen to me. Your paintings are amazing, they're absolutely beautiful. You don't have to believe me, but please don't put yourself down. Trust yourself, Tyler, because I do."
"Thank you, Stacy. But it's just hard," I mumbled, biting my lip looking at the ground. I hated feeling helpless.
"I'm sorry, Ty."
"It's okay." I lied.
"Hey, come with me to get some groceries." She said, softly being cautious that she wasn't to forward. I shot her a reassuring smile with a nod of my head. She was trying to get me to stop thinking. "Great! Let's get going then. Unless you wanna sit for a while, which is totally okay."
"No, no, I'm alright. Let's go, I need some air, anyways."
I'm used to the panic attacks by now. Well, not really. But the recovery after it, I can handle better.
She slowly helped me up, guiding me to my wheelchair. Usually, I try to avoid my wheelchair. I just get around the house limping mostly. My foot is basically healed and I'm getting cast off in a few days but going outside with a limp and trying to find your way around with a cane isn't the easiest thing.
My mind switched to things at school. When I'm bored I let my mind wander, which is probably not a good thing. I've gotten into trouble for it a bunch of times.
Luca was supposed to come over yesterday, but we couldn't do it since my family had plans with our cousins. I still have to ask him when we should reschedule. I really don't wanna mess up the project. Well, it was not really a project. It was more like a few questions we had to work together to complete.
Thankfully, the submission date was by the end of the month, meaning we another week to finish it.
"Are you excited to get your cast off?" She asked as she helped me into the car. I smiled, nodding. I heard her taking my wheelchair and shoving it into the back of the car. "Cool, what's up in school? I haven't really gotten time to talk to you much."
I heard Stacy fiddling with the car key as she tried to turn on the ignition. I leaned my head on the seat as I heard the soft rumble of the engine. "It's alright, I guess. Iris is great, so are the rest of her friends. I don't really talk to any of the boys. They're a bit scary. Except, maybe Luca. But, I don't really talk to him except for class stuff."
"Luca, I think I might know his sister, Angela. She's super sweet and hella popular, too." Stacy said, but I could hear the concentration in her voice. She always gets nervous when she drives. Stacy doesn't drive much. "Oh, I heard they moved here from Mexico. I'm not sure if it's the same Luca though,"
"I don't think there's any other Luca in our year. Not a very common name, now is it?" I said, sarcastically.
"True, true," she said, chuckling. "Luca's a cute name. What do you think?"
"It's a name, for crying out loud. How can a name be cute?" I asked, rolling my eyes. I really don't get girls. Well, Stacy. I don't get Stacy. Girls don't all think the same. Stacy told me that when she was drunk one day. I already knew that, but she seemed really upset so I took it more seriously. Now I'll never make the mistake of talking about the female population collectively.
"What about names like cuddles, or snuggles. They're cute right?" She pressed, with a slightly playful tone. Does she think this is funny? I think not.
"Those are names for animals. Who the hell names their child cuddles?" I asked, incredulously. Arguing with Stacy is exhausting. Usually, because she always wins, but not today.
"I don't know," she mumbled, sighing in defeat. She lost! For the first time, I won the argument. Wow, this is a moment of achievement. I did it, I have finally accomplished my purpose in life.
"You admit it! Names aren't cute!" I yelled, a satisfied grin taking over my face. "I won, you lost. I won, you lost."
"You're such a baby." She muttered, bitterly.
I stuck my tongue out at her. "Am not!"
"Wow, very mature of you, Ty." She said, a smirk evident in her tone.
"Shut up." I huffed, folding my arms over my chest. How does she still manage to win?
"I love you." She mocked, pinching my cheek. I swatted her hand away.
"Eyes on the road, missy."
She laughed. How rude.
• • •
What the actual fuck was this chapter?
I'm so sorry.
Also, the beginning was something random I was trying out. Let me know if you liked the weird metaphor thing.
-Anya