"He who fights with monsters should be careful lest he thereby become a monster. And if thou gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will also gaze into thee."
—Nietzsche
23|the abyss
R I L E Y
After the doctor deemed me fit enough to go home (as in at least I wasn't going to drop dead any minute), I left the room holding a prescription for some medicine. Apparently if I rested well and drank a lot of fluids I'd be fine. I caught sight of Liam and Natalie sitting nearby and made my way towards them. Liam saw me first and started to stand up but Natalie beat him to it, rushing up and wrapping her arms around me.
"Well, you survived that episode of Mrs Henzel's cooking. I would say that I hope it's the last time that happens but we all know it's probably not." Her laugh sounded forced and her eyes kept looking to the side to avoid my gaze.
"Hey...Natalie. What really happened back there?" I narrowed my eyes suspiciously, but still trying to sound polite to not make her mad.
"Oh...I saw Jacob dancing with another girl. And uhh...that girl happened to be Maddie and I just...y'know broke down. Why are you asking me? Didn't I tell you before?"She looked into my eyes for a moment before looking away again.
"Is there anything else you want to tell me?" I asked seriously.
"NO! I mean, er, no. Really, Riley, you don't gotta worry about me." Another laugh.
"Alright." I shrugged nonchalantly, pushing any doubts to the back of my mind. An awkward cough turned out attention to Liam, who was standing a couple metres away from us, with his hands shoved in his jean pockets.
"Well? Are we gonna get you some of the medicine or not? Honestly, I don't have all day for this." He nodded towards the prescription paper I was holding impatiently.
"Wow, Liam. Is this really how you would treat a hospital patient?" I rolled my eyes sarcastically as I breezed past him.
"Glad you haven't puked up any of that spunk, Henzel." He deadpanned.
"I could never, McCoy." I shot back.
"Great. Now we're working on a last name basis." Natalie sighed from behind us.
After buying the medicine, which I realised cost five whole dollars more than it used to (*sobs sadly*, but when you've been food poisoned so many times, you eventually memorise how much medicine for this kinda stuff costs), I eventually harassed Liam enough to drive Natalie and me to our respective houses. Lucky for her, Natalie's house is not too far away and she yells an enthusiastic "see ya" before slamming the car door shut. We watch her unlock her front door and enter her house before driving away in the direction of my own neighbourhood.
"God, it seems like today will never end. What's the time Spider-Man?" I yawned, leaning my head back onto the leather headrest in the backseat.
"I'm not going to tell you if you call me Spider-man," was the childish reply.
"Alright, alright. What's the time Mr Wolf?" I ask sarcastically.
"Riley." Liam frowned at the new nickname. I kicked the back of his seat impatiently.
"God, you're hopeless. I'll check the time myself." I glance at the direction of the dashboard to see that it was already 10:30.
"OH MY GOD! LIAM DRIVE FASTER IT'S ALREADY 10:30!" I yelled in panic.
"What?" He looks at me confusedly.
"My mum said to be back before 10!" I frantically shriek as I check my phone. I had put it on mute and only now had I realised that I had five missed calls from my mother.
"Oh shit!" Now sharing my panic, Liam speeds on the suburban roads as the car shot forward from the acceleration.
By the time we reach my house, I already sense my mum's anger radiating from within the house. I frantically push the door open as I fumble for my stuff.
"Wait!" Liam stopped me, and I look back in annoyance.
"What now?" I snapped in exasperation.
"Here, take these." He shoves the remaining boxes of Krispy Kreme into my hands. I manage to give him a lopsided smile.
"Thanks. See ya!" I didn't wait for a reply before booking it towards my house. As soon as I enter the front door, all hell breaks loose.
"Honestly, Riley! Half an hour late! If I didn't like that Liam boy so much I'd ground you for eternity." Mum fumes from her seat at the dining table, looking up from her computer screen.
"Sorry mum. Here, accept this as a token of my apology." I hold out the Krispy Kreme boxes in more of a defensive than offering manner.
"Are those doughnuts? Awww you shouldn't have! You know I'm dieting. Was it Liam's idea or was it yours?" I watched carefully as my mother' anger slowly defused.
"It was more of a...collective decision." I muttered.
"Alright, alright. I forgive you. But just this once, ok? Don't you get the idea of blackmailing me all the time. Hang on...did you already eat some of these? RILEY? RILEY GET BACK HERE!" By then, I was already running upstairs to my room.
When I finally collapse on my bed, I realise something awful.
It's still Monday.
M A D D I E (surprise!)
It's 11:23pm and I lay in my bed thinking. Thinking about him. William. Riley's brother. Or should I say, late brother. Despite what Riley might think, I didn't kill William Henzel. At least I didn't mean to. Where do I even begin?
Back when I was still best friends with Riley, I was also dating William. At that time, I really liked him. If I'm being honest, I still do. The three of us were basically together 24/7. I didn't mean to start manipulating him, he was my first ever boyfriend and at that time I truly thought that we were destined to be together forever and ever.
But life doesn't ever go as planned. When I found out that I had leukaemia, I no longer cared about anything. So I took out my anger on William. He was the victim of so many arguments with me yelling at him for hours and hours, angry text messages at 2am in the morning because I simply felt like pissing someone off, and my constant annoyance at his existence. I accused him of cheating on me even though it was actually the other way around, I screamed at him for the smallest things, like only putting one tube of sugar in my coffee when I liked drinking it with two. It was so stupid.
I was hurt too. When I yelled at him, it didn't feel like me who was yelling. I felt like someone had taken control of my mouth and was spouting the meanest things at William.
But honestly, I feel like the real victim here is Riley. At least William found an escape through suicide, whereas Riley lives with the consequences of what I have done everyday. Sometimes I wonder how it must've felt, seeing your own twin fall apart and die inside a bit more every day. Am I sorry? Yes, yes I am. But what's the point of being sorry if you do not have the courage to say it, nor the ability to turn back time? So I kept going. I didn't stop. I figured if I was the antagonist in this screwed up society, then I might as well act out my role until the very end. Until my own blood becomes toxic. Until I die.
I lifted my head a bit and looked around my room. Clothes were everywhere. Gucci, Versace, Nike, you name it; I had it. After all, I might as well go full out with the bitchy and spoiled mean girl aesthetic. I got up and sat in front of the dresser, ignoring the pounding headache and blurry vision. Slowly, I slid off my blonde wig and touched the tufts of blonde hair I had left. The chemotherapy was taking it's toll. I'd go in for the third cycle of treatment next week.
I was no longer scared of dying. I had accepted long ago that my days were numbered. Without knowing why, I flipped open my diary and wrote and wrote and wrote. I poured out all of my feelings onto the pieces of paper. It wasn't until the paper was wet with my tears that I realised I was crying openly for the first time after William died. Before then, I had always pushed the pain into the darkest depths of my mind. More tears came, I cried until I wasn't making any noise anymore, until my sobs were silent. I cried until my chest hurt and my head felt heavy. I stand up again, wanting to lie down. But a sharper pain hits me like a tsunami and I crumple to the floor and vomit. Throughout my teary vision, I see that I have vomited a sea of red. The blood stains my white rug as the pulsing pain never stops. I cry out weakly before I feel myself fall into a dark abyss. I try to stare into it, thinking that if this was the end.
The abyss stared back.
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A/N: DUN DUN DUN!!!!!!! This is one of my longest chapters yet! Almost 1700 words (ahem, that counts as long for me, ok?) Anyways, I don't know if you actually vomit blood from leukaemia (ok after a google search, you can) but this is just my artistic flair on writing. I sense that this plot is coming to an end but I will drag it out more for the sake of my lovely readers :) I'm thinking at least 40 chapters.
Anyways, comment your thoughts! Don't be a ghost reader! I'm actually a really friendly person so pls don't be scared ;-;
Byyyeeeeee
sassyroyal xx