A/N: Here ya'll go guys, a 4k word chapter and what was promised is at the end. The next chapter will go into more details. I have plans to rip out your heart and put it back together. ;)
Also, there is a scene in the book, (you'll know what I mean when you read it), but if that didn't happen, then there is a chance that they might have met sooner. If I were to say... write an AU about that scene, then who would read it?
~Rissa
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"Cassandra?" the figure on top of me asked. He furrowed his brows and looked rather panicked. "Are you awake."
"Xavier?" I asked, my throat raw and causing him to nod. I wrenched free from his grasp and flung myself onto of him, sobbing as I hugged him. "Please, don't leave me," I begged. "Please."
Xavier wrapped his arms my body and pulled me closer to him. He placed a kiss on the side of my head as I cried into his shirt, begging him not to leave me. "I won't, I promise," he said, gently rocking me back and forth. "I won't."
I was still sobbing and trying to get closer to him, the fear still strong. I was never going to be free of him, not until one or both of us died.
The nightmares, the fears will still be there just below the surface, and sometimes, the memories will come forth and cause this.
My uncle growled, causing me to flinch but my sobs were lessening. His power filled the air, causing Xavier to tense and submit as he held onto me. "I order you to tell her everything once she calms down. Do you understand me?" he asked.
"Yes, Your Majesty," he said.
"Not a word, Cassandra Marie," my uncle warned when he saw me peeking up from Xavier's shoulder to see my uncle in the room with my aunt, two brothers, Parker and Commander standing near the doorway, peeking in. His eyes were hard, and I could see a small bit of fear in them. "He shouldn't have done that."
I set my jaw but nodded my head, deciding to give him lip in the morning. I placed my head back into the crook of his neck and took it in as I tried to stop myself from shaking.
"Ok, everyone back to bed and work," Aunt Heidi said. "We can crowd around her tomorrow and make sure that she is ok. There is nothing to see here."
"I do have her a glass of water," Dr. Trent said, "that will help her calm down."
I shook my head no. "I don't want to be all drowsy when he tells me," I croaked out. "I'll be fine in a couple of minutes."
"Are you sure?" Dr. Trent asked, causing me to nod my head. "Would you like some water?"
"Bottled," I replied.
"Of course," Dr. Trent said, and he walked away.
"Contact me if you need anything," Uncle Sebastian said. "I'll put the kids to bed."
"Tell them I am sorry for waking them up again," I said. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath.
"I will," he promised. "Tell the group that you are safe. Did you get the earpiece from them?"
"Yes," I said. I took in a deep breath, slightly relaxing. I could feel Xavier start to tense and knew that he could feel me calming down. The tears had stopped, and I had stopped shaking as I calmed down. "Change the order," I said, knowing full well that he was starting to feel the pain of breaking an order.
My uncle grumbled. "I release you from the order of telling her everything once she calms down," he said, causing Xavier to relax, slightly. "But, I order you to tell her once both you and her are in a relaxed position, and you two are not to leave the room once you are done or she tells you that she is satisfied with your answer. Do you understand?"
"Yes, Your Majesty," he said.
My uncle nodded his head. "She won't judge you, Xavier," he said, softly. "All she wants is the truth and to understand why you did what you did. It's why she doesn't look at other peoples' files except her own and the twins. You've looked at mine, haven't you?"
"You placed it out so that I could," I replied. "If you didn't want me to look at it, then you wouldn't have."
My uncle shrugged his shoulder. "True," he said. "Let them know that you are safe. Excuse me." And with that, he walked away from us as Dr. Trent came in with some waters.
'I love you,' I whispered through our link, lifting my head from where I had it to watch Dr. Trent walk over to us. 'Thank you.'
'Anything for you,' my uncle said, and I could feel him relaxing. 'I love you, too.'
"Here, I got you one as well, Alpha. I am sure that it is going to be a long night for both of you." He handed the bottles to me.
"Thanks, Doc," I said, causing him to nod his head.
"Contact me or the group if you need anything."
"I will," I promised. I closed my eyes and sighed, leaning my head against Xavier's chest, feeling relaxed and safe in his arms. I heard the door close as Dr. Trent left as well as Xavier's beating heart.
"You should contact them," Xavier said, his voice void of emotion. He didn't move from his spot, and I could tell that he wasn't really relaxed.
"You should relax and stop hiding your emotion from me," I replied. "I won't use them against you, Xavier." I shifted in his arms, causing him to tighten them around me. "Would you relax? I am not going to leave your lap, but I am thirsty and want to get comfortable."
"You're not scared of me?" he asked.
"No," I replied, instantly, causing him to relax. I handed him one of the bottles and opened the bottle that I had been given. I rolled my eyes when someone threw a rock at my window, causing Xavier to growl out a protective warning. "It's one of the Guardsmen," I said, taking a sip of my water.
"What do they want?" he asked.
"For me to confirm that I am safe or not," I replied. I turned on the earpiece and cringed when I was bombarded with questions, my head pounding. 'Would you all shut up?' I asked, sounding rather annoyed.
'Sorry, but you were taking too long,' Sergio said.
"Cass, are you ok? Do I need to call Dr. Trent back in?" Xavier asked, sounding rather worried.
"No, my group is just giving me a headache," I said. 'It doesn't mean you can throw a rock at the window, not when both Xavier and I are on edge.'
"How do you contact them?" Xavier asked. He shifted until he was leaning against the baseboard and settled in for a long night.
'Are you ok?' Hank asked. 'That was a horrible scream, worse than the time that the Princes pranked you with that lizard.'
"I have an earpiece that I was given," I said. "It acts like a pack bond." 'Yes, I am fine. A little shaken up, but I am fine.' I moved until I was comfortable and let out a happy sigh. I felt like I could fall asleep in his arms, but I knew that my uncle's command would push him to tell me everything soon.
'Are you ready for him to tell you everything?' Commander asked, causing some of the members to grumble. 'He placed his command on him,' Commander warned. 'The sooner she calms down, the sooner that the pain will start.'
'I had him change the command,' I said. 'I have calmed down.'
"How does it work?" Xavier asked.
"Like a pack bond," I said. I could feel Xavier scowl causing me to smirk. "It's an earpiece that I have in my ear," I explained. "I can either turn it on or turn it off to let people hear, that have a separate earpiece, what I need to say. If my uncle or Commander needs to, then they are able to send out a warning for all Guardsmen."
"How long is the distance?"
I shrugged. "I don't know," I said, honestly. "I think it has changed." 'How long does the distance cover?' I asked. 'Has it changed?'
'It has,' Charlie said. 'I am at the edge of the territory, near Bill's.'
"It's a long distance," I said. "Charlie is near Bill's, and I can hear him loud and clear."
Xavier nodded his head, staying silent. He was getting anxious, and I had a feeling that he needed to get everything off his chest now before he could overthink it.
'I'm going to turn it off now,' I said, causing some people to groan. 'I'll turn it back on in the morning.'
'Promise?' Sergio asked.
'Promise,' I said, turning off the earpiece. I sighed and looked up at Xavier to see him already staring down at me, his blue eyes filled sadness. I offered him a small smile, causing him to grimace as he tried to smile back at me.
"Ready?" he asked, causing me to nod my head.
"I am," I confirmed. I took his hand in mine and was happy that he didn't pull away from me. "Why did you kill your mate?"
***
Xavier opened his mouth to say something but closed it. He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat, feeling rather nervous and uncomfortable. "I think... that I need to explain some stuff first before I go into that," he said, slowly. "So that you would understand that before I tell you."
I nodded my head and pushed myself closer to him as I tried to help him calm down. I closed my eyes and took in a deep breath as I waited for him to continue with what made him the way he was.
"You know that my name is Xavier Langham, right?" he asked, causing me to nod my head. "My father was Vincent Langham, and he was very abusive." He rubbed his thumb across my arm, relaxing. "He was abusive to his pack and to his family. He had killed my mother after she had given birth to a little girl. She died, too."
His voice was void of any emotion as he talked about his sister and his mother. He sounded like he was talking about the weather, and it didn't affect him when it clearly did. He had never had the chance to grieve from his past or the death of his mother and his sister. And if he did have a chance, then he had no idea what to do.
"My father abused me more than anyone," he said. "He tried to make me like him, but I didn't want to be like him. I didn't want to beat my pack into submission. I wanted them to respect me and not fear me." He paused. "I don't know how that worked out," he admitted. "I think everyone is afraid of me."
I didn't reply. I had no idea who was afraid of him or not, but I knew that Clara wasn't afraid of him, and I knew that TJ had slowly started to trust him the longer we had been living at the pack. I squeezed his hand, reassuringly, causing him to squeeze mine back.
"When my father was killed by Rogues, it was the happiest and the scariest day of my life," he said. "I was free from a man that had made me so angry, but I was scared that I would turn into the man that I so despised. I was sixteen when I became Alpha, shifting two months after he was killed."
He sighed and shifted in my bed, tightening his grasp on me as if he thought I would disappear into the stillness of the morning. His heartbeat had started to slow down as he was talking as if he was slowly but surely relaxing while he talked about stuff he had never told anyone else.
I opened my eyes and looked up to see him staring at the door in my room. I took in a deep breath as I noticed his features, so dark and allure as both the light and dark fought each other with no sides winning. I could tell that he was deep in his thoughts as he tried to think of what else to say to help me understand him a little better.
Slowly, he pulled himself out of his thoughts and cleared his throat as he shook his head. His black hair moved across his head before stopping when he stopped shaking his head. He looked down and noticed that I was staring at him, his eyes bright in the darkness. He didn't say a word as we stared at each other, neither one of us backing down from the contest we were having.
Finally, Xavier looked away, licking his lips. He cleared his throat again, causing me to offer the water bottle that I had, his on the nightstand beside him. Slowly, Xavier took it from me, his fingertips grazing mine as he let go of my hand and opened the bottle.
He took some of the water and capped it before handing it back to me. "Thanks," he grunted, causing me to offer him a half smile. He cleared his throat and moved a hand through his hair and grimaced, probably not knowing what to cover next.
"When did you meet your mate?" I asked, causing him to open his eyes and stare down at me.
"I was seventeen," he said. "I had been searching through the packs for my mate and found her in one. Her name was Anne Marie Grace, and she was a daughter of a Beta of a pack who didn't like me."
"I was going to reject her," he said, keeping his gaze on me. "I was going to reject her and save her from the pain that would come with being my mate, being the mate of a so-called "killer.""
"But, you didn't."
"But, I didn't," he said. "She begged me to come back to my pack with me. She begged me to be her mate, and I was fully against it until the last day when I finally broke down and agreed that she could come with me and promised her and her father that I would not reject her."
He cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. "I promised her father that I would treat her right, and I tried to treat her right. I didn't yell at her, didn't scream at her. I respected her wishes and tried to keep her happy. I tried everything in my power to make sure that she had everything she wanted, but to her, it wasn't enough."
His heartbeat quicked as he grew angrier with each word he spewed out of his mouth. His blue eyes shone in the darkness as his wolf growled out and tried to take control of his angered human. He tightened his grip on me until it got a little uncomfortable, and his claws dug into my skin as he tried to keep himself from shifting.
Acting quickly, I twisted around until I was straddling his waist and placed both hands on his face. "Xavier, look at me and listen," I said, causing him to turn his anger filled gaze towards me. I took in a deep breath and let it out, hoping that he would follow my example and start to breathe deeply to try and relax.
Without breaking eye contact, Xavier took in a deep breath. His eyes still held that fiery look in them, but he didn't look like he would murder anyone any time soon as I stroked his cheek and waited for his grasp on my back to loosen.
Xavier looked away first and placed his head on the crook of my neck. He took in my scent as his whole body relaxed and stopped shaking. "Sorry," he grunted as I moved my hand through his hair.
"Don't be," I said, soothingly. "I've seen worse and had been through worse." I placed my cheek on the side of his head and closed my eyes as I waited for him to fully calm down again.
Xavier pulled away and stared at me with guarded eyes. He slowly blinked before clearing his throat and looking away from me, licking his lips. "She lied to her dad and told him that I had abused her," he said, finally. His voice cracked as he cleared his throat again. "I never laid a hand on her, sexually or physically."
I turned to my side again and placed my head on his chest. I didn't say a word as I waited for him to continue with his story, not caring if I needed to sleep or not. I knew that he needed to get everything off of his chest about his ex-mate.
Xavier tightened his grasp on me but didn't grab me tightly. "I thought one day we would have been able to start a family, so I let her take all her "time". I should have known that she was using me, but I didn't, not until it was too late."
He cleared his throat. "She used to have sex with other men, and I felt it day in and day out. I let her do it because I thought that I deserved all that pain, even though I didn't do anything wrong to her or to anyone."
I growled softly and pursed my lips in disgust. I hated people like her. I've had to deal with it, and I have known people that had to deal with it too.
She thought that the world owed her something when the world didn't. She sounded spoiled as if the world was her oyster, and she was the pearl.
"She sounds like a bitch," I said, causing Xavier to chuckle, darkly.
"She was," he said. He sighed and rubbed his thumb across my skin leaving goosebumps trailing up and down my skin. "She told me that she was pregnant," he said, his voice cracking. "She said that it was my child, even though we never slept with each other. I didn't care. I was happy that she was interacting with me and couldn't wait to have a kid, even when I knew that it wasn't mine."
"The room next to mine was supposed to be the baby's room, and I had made it, thinking that we would have built a little family and the baby would make us grow closer together. However, that was not the case. We grew farther and farther apart until finally one evening, I snapped."
"Anne Marie came into my bedroom one day drunk and brandishing a knife. She started to yell and cuss me out, telling me how bad of a mate I was and how I should die. She told me that the baby wasn't even mine, and she had no idea why the Moon Goddess had placed her with me. She said that I was a monster and that I should perish, and she was the one that would kill me. And, she attacked, so I killed her."
I lifted my head to stare at Xavier when he said that. I could see the hurt in his eyes as he thought back on that day.
His pain became mine, and I understood how he felt because I had been there, too. He became the monster that he swore he would never become just because she didn't want anyone to have him but herself to abuse and use his power against him and others.
"I blacked out when I killed her," he said. "The next thing I remember was being shoved into a van with only shorts on and a collar on my neck. Three figures were sitting around me with a fourth in the driver's seat. All of them were wearing hoods over their faces, and I had no idea who they were."
"When I asked, they said that they were Guardsmen and that I was requested to have an audience with the King. I asked why, and they didn't reply."
"Of course they didn't," I muttered, rolling my eyes. "What happened next?"
"I remembered being so cold in that van, and one of them placed a cape or something around my shoulders and said that if I get pneumonia, C-1-19-19 would kill them for "not taking care of the "guest" that the King had requested." The other guards chuckled and agreed, so one turned on the heater and made sure that I was warm."
I snorted, amused. It was probably someone that I knew who had said that, knowing how I felt about being transported.
He sighed and moved a hand through his hair and cleared his throat. "They transported me somewhere and lead me to Cell 20. I was eighteen at that time, and I think they had said I was considered a "Huge Threat"."
I stiffened and looked up to stare at the male before me. I studied him, closely and saw the blue-eyed frightened boy that stared at me when we first met.
Catching my realization, Xavier, slowly nodded his head, confirming my suspicion. He was the boy in the cell, the boy that I had been eager to meet but never did.
"I don't know how you did it, Cass, but you saved my life that day. I thought that I was dead. I thought what had happened would kill me or strip me from my power, but it didn't happen. Like you had told me to do on that day, I told him everything. I left nothing out until he seemed satisfied with my answer."
He studied me with those blue eyes of his, the grateful and admiration causing me to blush, but there was still this sense of fear in them.
"I tried finding you, again," he said. "I wanted to thank you and properly introduce myself, but you were never at the castle when I came by. And then, the day of the party came, and I think one of your members stopped me told me and Parker that you were there."
"I was anxious and nervous, but I wanted to meet you face to face. I wanted to see if you still thought the same and if you thought that I was a monster."
He sighed and looked down. "I wanted to thank you for saving my life that day and giving me the strength to continue living and proving that I was not a monster. I was not my father."
"Why didn't you?" I asked, softly.
"Because I heard you yelling at your uncle," he said. "And, I heard you say that he was right, that I was a monster and that I should be locked up and rot in hell. I didn't hear anything else, so I left and didn't look back. I was hurt and angry because I thought you had turned your back on me, too, and I became the cold Alpha that I was known as."
I leaned my head on his chest, guilt clawing at my heart. If I had known that he was nearby, then I wouldn't have said, but I didn't know. "You should have stayed," I said.
He chuckled, coldly. "Why?" he asked, bitterly. "So, my heart could be ripped out of my chest more?"
"No," I replied. "Because as soon as I finished saying that, I asked him about me. I asked him if I should be locked up because if you were to be locked up, then I should be locked up, too. I told him that I had killed more people than you and that I had worse anger issues than you did and that was why I kept my Wolf half sedated. I asked him that if he thought that you were a monster, then what did that make me? I killed Rouges when I was six, and I was Feral."
"After that, knowing full well that I was about to lose it on him, I shook my head, told him that I wasn't going home with him and left the party."
"To go where?" Xavier asked.
"I was going to go to the barracks, but I had decided against it at the last minute and went to my room at the castle where I had medication. After that, I went to the barracks and kicked some ass."
Xavier hesitated but nodded his head. "What I was wanting to say then was thank you," he said, finally. "So, I will say it now, thank you for saving my life and giving a will to live again."
I looked up at him and saw the sincerity in his eyes. I saw the devotion and the hope, that a man who had lost himself but found himself again, carried in his eyes.
So, I did the one thing that I had wanted to do when I first saw him in the cells on that fateful day that brought us together.
I placed my hand behind his head and gently pulled it down until my lips connected with his in a single, soft kiss.