Brace yourselves.
This one's a long one.
As promised, of course.
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January 9th
I'm sitting on the sofa reading a novel on my mobile when the smell of hot chocolate alerts me to find its source. Although I've been feeling quite nauseous these past few days, I lift my gaze from the novel and look around the sitting room. "No hot chocolate here," I tell myself and go back to reading my novel.
Having read only a few more paragraphs of this enticing tale, I feel a presence next to me. I cease reading and peer up to see Kyle's childish-self holding two mugs of hot chocolate. "I made some hot chocolate for us," he says and gestures for me to take one. I make no objections as I put down my mobile and eagerly take hold of a mug with both hands.
"What made you decide to make hot chocolate with whip cream?" I ask with a slight interest in his response. "Well, I thought it would be a nice treat considering how it's that time of the month, and it's time we discussed what's really going on," he states as he takes a seat across from me. I blow shakily on my drink before taking a sip and nodding at him to continue. "There's only so much I can tell you before I can't," he informs me with a sigh, and continues, "But I'll answer any questions I can."
"Alright." Kyle makes himself more comfortable by placing both elbows on his knees. He holds his mug in front of himself and avoids eye contact. "As you know, Thomas didn't come home to find a man's corpse in his living room." I nod my head and take another sip of my drink. Kyle mimics my movements and I watch as he drinks his chocolate.
"Liam got someone to take care of it," he says and faces me, "Now don't ask how or whom because you know I won't tell you." I lift a hand in defeat and keep my mouth shut. Kyle sighs heavily this time, takes a sip, and places his mug down on the floor. I watch as he runs a hand through his shaggy blonde hair and faces me. "The man who's after you is someone you already know," he says and I freeze.
"He wasn't interested in you before, but you... Let's just say you flirted with someone he doesn't fancy too much at the moment, and are now being used as leverage." I stare at him as if he's grown two heads and wait for him to say something. He doesn't and I'm left wondering who this person is. What the actual fuck?
I place my hot chocolate down on the floor in fear spilling it and sit back up. I lightly touch my breast and hiss at the tender state they're in. "I 'flirted' with someone and because of it this man who I apparently know wants to kill me?" I squeal in a whisper. "Well, when you put it like that, no. It's not just because you flirted," Kyle states and meets my gaze. "You got too close for his liking and he's been kept busy with others, but you wouldn't stop being you."
"You got into this mess by being yourself and associating with a certain person," he tells me and I shake my head. How can that even be possible? "I don't understand. Thi- This makes no sense, Kyle," I respond in frustration. "I know. Okay. I know," he sighs again and adds, "I wouldn't believe myself either right now, but it's the truth." Kyle grabs my hands and squeezes them. "It's all I can give you. I'm sorry you got caught up in this."
Before he gets to say anything else, my mobile rings next to me. I pick it up and see it's an unknown number. I see the call's coming from Chiswick and I decide to answer. "Hello." "Good Afternoon. I'm trying to get ahold of a Ms Vanessa Bane. Is this she?" the female on the other end ask. "Yes. Who are you?" I ask and she disregards to say, "I'll be transferring you to Dr Todd now."
I hear the same old annoying music companies put on when they put you on hold and peel my mobile away from my ear. "Who's calling you?" Kyle asks and I raise a digit at him to signal I need a minute as I get up from the sofa. "It's the Doctor," I inform Kyle and walk towards the kitchen. "Doctor Who?" Kyle asks and I shut him up with my hand. "Hello, Ms Bane, " Dr Todd says and I greet him.
"What's going on Dr Todd? Something wrong?" I ask and I hear him sigh. "Well, there seems to have been a problem with your blood work and I need you to come in to get more blood drawn. Your results worry me with the information you told me." I nod my head as if he could see me, and say, "When do you need me to come in?" "As soon as possible. Today would be best. I need to see what's making you so sick," Dr Todd replies and I bite my lip in worry.
"I'll see what I can do," I respond hesitantly before ending the call. My face drops and I contemplate my next move. "What's wrong?" Kyle asks from the sofa and I slowly turn around. I meet his gaze as I try to form the right words to deliver the news with. "There's something wrong with me," I say motioning my hands, "Internally, I mean." Kyle's bewildered expression insinuates for me to elaborate and I do.
"My blood work came back from the lab, and the results have frazzled him up," I breathe and Kyle pops up from the sofa. "What else did he say?" he asks while walking over and I look down at the ground, "He said I need to come in to have more tests done. It could be nothing, but it could be something."
The moment I feel his hands on my arms, I feel like crying. "Please don't," I tell him as I flinch away from his touch. Sorrow crosses his features, yet as soon as it comes, it goes. "Grab your bag and coat," Kyle says and I question him with my gaze. "We're going to Chiswick." At first, I don't believe him, but then he stands there waiting for me to move.
I jump with glee and give him the tightest hug my body will allow. I rush towards my bedroom and grab my coat, bag, and exit. When I come back out, Kyle's already waiting for me in the sitting room with a knowing frown. "What's wrong?" I ask pleading to God that this isn't some sick joke. "You're forgetting something," he says and I shake my head. "Your phone genius."
He pulls it out from his coat, along with the keys to his estate. I make an o with my face and snatch my mobile from him. "Thanks! Now let's go!" I exclaim and start marching towards the door. I hear him follow behind me and say, "While you're with the doctor, make sure he gives you something for your mood swings?" I scoff and blow a raspberry at him.
--- Chiswick ---
"I'll drop you off here as I find a place to park," Kyle tells me and I nod my head. I hop out and close the door, but before I take another step, Kyle lowers the window to say, "I'll be back here before you know it." I shake my head at him and make my way inside.
I sign myself in with the receptionist and take a seat. It's not long after that my name is called and I'm taken back into one of the rooms. Before the nurse leaves, she tells me there should be no payment required unless there's any lab work done. I thank her for informing me and she leaves. I read a novel on my mobile as I wait for Dr Todd to come in and say what's wrong with me.
"Hello, Ms Bane," Dr Todd says as he walks in to shake my hand, "Thank you for coming in on such short notice." I meekly smile at him and asks why he called me in. "If I remember your situation correctly, you haven't done anything to provoke your hCG levels from spiking up. This is worrisome to me," I look at him perplexed by his words and ask, "My what levels?"
'Your Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, also known as hCG," he tells me with a smile and my expression is still the same. "They say when a female is pregnant." "Ohhhh, but what does this have to do with me?" I ask and he takes a seat. "Well, as I believe you said, you haven't had any sexual relations, therefore, you shouldn't be pregnant. Otherwise, congratulations are in order."
My stomach drops at his words. Pregnant? Me!? I'm... pregnant. I stay silent and Dr Todd speaks. "Surely you must've known by this point. Were the symptoms not obvious? The morning sickness, cramping, and fatigue not a big enough sign?" I thought there was something wrong with my period. Something wrong with me. I look down at the floor and try to make sense of it.
Everything makes so much sense. Clarity has taken place of the fog that used to rule my brain. "Tell me, when was the last time you had sex?" Dr Todd asks and I speak hardly above a whisper, "Thanksgiving." "That should put at about 6 weeks pregnant. Congratulations!" Dr Todd says in a cheery tone. "Forgive me for asking, but do you know who the father is? You seem terrified."
I nod my head at him and asks, "Is that all?" He looks taken aback but nods. "Yes. I should've known you were just pregnant. I apologize for worrying you-" he continues saying but I walk out. "Ms Bane! Ms Bane!" I hear him yell behind him as I make my way to the exit. "Ms Bane you need to take care of that baby. Not just yourself anymore!"
I barge out and make my way towards Kyle. He stands up before I reach him and questions me. "Did I hear him correctly?" he asks me almost petrified. I ignore him as well and walk out of the building. When I get outside, I hear someone running towards me and I try to spot Kyle's grey Ford. The footsteps slow as they near me until they eventually come to a halt.
"Wait, Vanessa," Kyle says while taking in a small breath. I turn and face him with a stone cold expression, which hides my fury beneath. "Is it true? Are you really-" Kyle begins to ask and I snap. "Yes. It is. Now take me to see Liam or you won't live to see another day," I say with a bite. "You know I can't-" Kyle states and I grab the keys from his hand.
"Rule number 1," I say as I trot away, "don't lose focus." I press the unlock button and spot his Ford a few paces away. I hop in through the passenger side and wait for Kyle to get in as well. When he gets in, he looks quite agitated, but it'll be nothing compared to what I'll make him feel if he doesn't as I say. "You can't just show up there. You know why-" Kyle says and I reassure him.
"Rule number 2. Don't tell me what to fucking do," I bark calmly and hand him the keys. "Now drive or else this baby won't survive the night." Kyle's eyes bulge as he tries to sway my mind. "Fine, but Liam won't be happy about this." "Boo hoo for him. He's not the one carrying a child inside of him, is he?" I yell. Kyle's face contorts as he drives us to my ex-employer.
"Drive faster. It shouldn't take us more than 20 minutes to get there." He nods his head tensely as he guides us through some traffic. "You wouldn't actually abort the baby," Kyle asks me nervously as he looks at me for a quick second, "would you?" My anger keeps rising and I yell once more, "You'll have no bloody idea what I'll fucking do, nor when I do it!"
Of course, I wouldn't abort my child. He/she already has a heartbeat after four weeks, but as long as he thinks I will and continues driving me towards Liam, I don't mind making this empty threat. I'm glad I don't have to make any more threats about my unborn child, as Kyle keeps his mouth shut and drives me to Liam.
We arrive right outside the office and I instantly hop out when Kyle parks. "Vanessa!" he calls as I walk away from him and towards the building. I enter and am greeted by the same receptionist prior to my leave, Sam. "Do you have an appointment Vanessa?" she asks, but I walk away without an answer. I press the lift's button and wait for the doors to open.
I turn around and see Sam flustered at me as she heads my way. "Samantha," I address her with her full name, "you'd be smart if you didn't interrupt the important news I'm about to tell someone." She stops a few paces away and crosses her arms to say, "And what would that information be exactly?" A cynical smile makes it's way across my face and I respond, "It'll be gossip-worthy. Trust me."
At that moment, the lift doors open and I pop in. I watch as she questions what on I could be talking about as the lift's doors close. I take a breath and start to feel my anxiety kick in. I'm about to see Liam since that night. I grunt in both worry and frustration and hide my face in my hands. "What am I doing?" I ask myself, but before I have time to process much else, the lift's doors open.
I march my bed written self towards Liam's office, but I'm stopped by Mr Jackson. "Ms Bane," he coos as he walks until he's a pace away from me. "How lovely it is to see you again. You've been missed dearly." His voice makes me shiver slightly in disgust and I force a smile. "If you'll excuse me, I have important business matters to attend to," I mention as I walk past him.
I don't get too far before a hand grabs my arm and lips near my ear. "Actually, you don't, since you don't work here anymore," he chuckles at me and I bite my tongue not to say anything. I try to rip my arm out of his hold, but he squeezes tighter. "Do mind some manners darling. You're not a savage," he says and a chill is sent running through my spine.
"I'd hate to have to teach you a lesson," he whispers before letting me go. I conceal my emotion well enough and clench my fists. "Good day Mr Jackson," I say and walk towards Liam's door. I knock on the wooden door hard enough for him to hear and wait for his response. After hearing a very faint, "come in" I do so without question.
I open the door and enter before exposing any more of myself to Mr Jackson. I quickly get inside and shut the door closed. Disgust runs through my veins and I take a breath. Finally. I'm safe. My grip on the door handle is trembling and I release it taking a step back. "Vanessa?" Liam questions and I freeze. Shit. I forgot about this.
--- Liam's POV ---
I cease all my work when the girl I've fought so hard to protect the last few weeks stands before me. I called out her name thinking she might be a ghost, but when she turns around, I know she's real. She's actually here. Wait. What the hell is she doing here? He'll kill her. Shit. No. She has to leave?
"Hello, Liam," she says as she fidgets with her hands. "There's something I have to tell you." I pop up from my chair and motion for her to continue. She takes a breath and nods her head before walking over to me. "May I?" she asks pointing towards the chairs and I nod. I follow in her lead after she takes a seat.
"What's so important that you decided to come into my office for?" I ask her in a stern yet distant voice. She looks down at the ground as she bites her lip and then back up at me. "I'm pregnant," she says and my mind's sent into a whirlwind. Impossible. Ultimately, my mind comes to the conclusion that the wanker's slept with her already and my blood boils.
"Congratulations! Why should I care?" I ask as I grind my teeth together. Tears form within her eyes and she breathes out, "Because it's your child Liam." My eyes widen in shock and I look down at her stomach. It can't be. She can't be. She said she couldn't. "How the hell do I know you're not just lying to get my money? You don't look pregnant to me."
She scoffs at me with pain tinting her every feature. "Because, you're the only man I've ever slept with and you know damn well how I feel about your money," she spits at me. My face hardens in anger. "How long has she known? When was she going to confront me about this? She could be lying even now. There's no one I can trust. Everyone I know has betrayed me," I think to myself. I look up in time to see a tear escape and glide down her face.
She's too busy looking down at the ground to notice me restraining my resentment towards her and everyone else at the moment. She won't abort the baby if she actually bearing mine. I'll make sure of it. I'll make sure my child is cared for by me because no one else in my family seems to be able to take care of their fucking God damn selves. This child of mine will be raised in a proper home and I won't let him nor anyone take this away from me.
Silence fills the room as tears slowly stream down her face. As angry as I may be at her for getting pregnant and not telling me sooner, I can't change the past. I have to protect them both now from him because if I don't, it'll be the death of me. His men & he will kill them both. She can't know this. She can never know of the effect she has on me, but I have to risk it. I have to risk it all for my child, and for that, I'll pay for it with the rest of my life.
I'm going to have to do something I never thought was in my future. Something that scares the hell out of me and there's no room for mucking around. I'm going to have to marry her. It's the only way I can keep her on a tight leash and away from harm's way. I don't want my son to be killed before he's even been born. God, I hope it's a boy because a girl would break me to pieces.
At the reminder of my sister being with that despicable man, a growl escapes my lips and Vanessa meets my gaze. She looks absolutely petrified. "Are you fucking me right now God? She's scared of me and not of- Damn you." I think to myself as I mutter angrily towards the heavens. "I - I'm-" she begins to say but I talk over her. "You're going to marry me," I announce leaving no room for controversy, as I get up from my chair.
I can't let him hurt them. I won't. I must protect them. That's all I can think about as I walk around my desk. I won't let him get in the way of my chance at a family. "She just had to get pregnant even though she said she fucking couldn't," I bitterly mutter to myself in my head for believing her. I reach her and look down at her. Her eyes are wide with fear, yet determined to fight for something she can't have from nor with me.
It's more than just lust. It's the same look she gave me after we lasted shagged. It's the look that hides within it the possibility of love and I am not someone that deserves love after what I've put others through. After what I've made them endure. There's no hope for me left, and yet, in her eyes lies that very hope. Hope for us, redemption towards those who have wronged us, and such a vaguely familiar warmth, that I can only recall feeling when I was a sprout.
She stands up and breaks eye contact with me. She's still afraid of me, but if only she knew the horrors I was protecting her from. For this very reason, I can't love her and she can't know I fancy her more than I've ever let on. I need to put distance between us. Yes. That's it. Distance. "No you don't you fucking cunt," I say to myself in my head. I shake the thought away and speak again.
"Look at me," I whisper coldly. Distance yourself, yet protect them. "I will have what's mine, Vanessa," I tell her and step closer, but she retreats. She tries to further herself away even more to run and it nearly pains me to see her afraid of me, but I need to do this. For her. For him. I snatch her right arm and pull her against me.
She looks at me with brokenness in her eyes as our faces near each other. Anyone could tell we had it in for each other, but only a few knew why this could never be. But now that it's impossible to ignore her and cast her aside, I'm making sure everyone knows she's mine. I point towards her stomach and say, " When I say I'll have what's mine, I mean it. You and this baby are mine."
I didn't realise my grip tighten until she hisses in pain from it, but the lack of respect she showed by looking down, frustrated me more than it should've. My anger slips through the cracks and I manage to grab her face with my right hand. I look her in the eyes and respond with, "That means no one, but I am allowed to touch your godforsaken body. No. One. Vanessa."
She says and does nothing for a moment and I loosen my grip. I smile down at her hoping and somewhat knowing this will work. This'll make her listen, but I was wrong. She never listens. Not then, and certainly, not now. "I won't Liam," she spits as she hastily adds space between us. "Idiot. When will you ever learn to just listen to me?" I think to myself as my anger gets a better hold of me.
"I won't be tied down to you. I won't let you control my life. And I sure as hell won't be having your child." she starts to shout and I march towards her filled with fury running through my veins. "I'm trying to protect you!" I want to yell, but instead, I grab her by her neck. "Like hell, you won't," I raise my voice and inadvertently collide her head against the wall.
"My child just so happens to be growing inside of your despicable body," I spit at her as I inch towards her face. "If you think I'm going to let you run off to take care of him with another man, you're wrong." "How do you even know if it's going to be a he?" she asks me in a breathless manner and I smirk. Boreing into her eyes, I let her go and turn around to say, "I just know. Call it a father's intuition."
On my way back towards my desk, I beg God I didn't hurt her as badly as I felt I had. Despite my anger leading my better judgment, I look back at her in anguish, before rapidly sitting at my desk. I go back to work knowing I'm not going to be able to concentrate and see her move towards the door. Before I can bite my tongue, I say, "Oh. And don't even think about sleeping with Richard. I'll be the only one fucking you from now on."
My brother's already sleeping around with other girls and I'm letting my V get caught up in that mess. I already have enough to shield her from. "You don't get a say in my love life. You don't own me. I can be with Richard if I please," she bites back at me and I can't help the cynical laugh that comes out from within me. Oh, how wrong she is.
"But you see my dear. That's where you're wrong. I do own you. I have ever since your treacherous body decided to carry my offspring." She looks at me with distaste all over her features and I painfully smile. She may hate me, but at least she'll be safe. "And as for Richard, I know he won't want to be stuck with the whore who's carrying his brothers baby."
"He'd rather spent his time with Brooke," I reckon and raise my brow in defiance. My brother's been a reckless, gambling addict who met a girl that can actually manage him for longer than I can. Now my Vanessa wants to be caught with the likes of him? Like hell, she will. I'd kill him before he takes her away from me, and the same goes for anyone else. They're not taking her away from me, they've already taken enough.
Realising that I've been looking at her this whole time, I snap my head towards my computer. "You may go now," I tell her dismissively and she runs out slamming the door behind her. She actually ran out of my office and it broke something inside of me. She broke it so well that recollections from not long ago come crashing in like waves. My sister's death, my father's affairs, my brother's gambling, and my mother's never-ending alcoholic state.
It hurts far too much, for me to bear and I fill the air around me stiffen. Tears manage to form themselves on the brim of my eyes as the painful reminder of what I've dealt with and had to take care of haunts me. It's always been me taking care of all of them. Through everything, and I barely ever considered myself in the mix. A tear escapes and I clear my eyes with my hands. "No," I tell myself, "You have to be strong. You have to be strong. You promised her."
I gain my composure as fast as I can and get back to work. It's not long after that I hear another knock on my door. "Come in," I yell and the door opens. Francis walks in with a smirk on his face and I narrow my eyes at him. "What the fuck do you want now?" His smile only grows as he pretends to be insulted by words, and says, "Why I want nothing. You, on the other hand, want something I now have."
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