Ashton's POV
I've never been one that was good with goodbyes. So that's why when I told Luke goodnight last night, it wasn't just goodnight. I never told him what time my flight leaves this morning just to spare us both the painful airport goodbye. I didn't want him to deal with the pain of seeing me walking away to another world.
When my alarm clock went off this morning, I didn't want to go. The suitcases I have waiting by the door are weighted with everything from this chapter that I have to carry on to the next. Does that mean I have to leave Luke behind? Physically but never emotionally or mentally. I let my fingers grasp the guitar pick that rested on my chest, bringing it up to my lips to kiss it softly before letting it go. I've been ready to leave for about twenty minutes but I'm just trying to let everything that's familiar sink into my mind before I go.
The places where my posters were, where my drums sat perfectly in the corner and my desk where I wrote all those songs about Luke. I let my fingertips run across the wood, memorizing every groove and nick that littered the surface. I looked through my bedroom window to see Luke's blinds open but his room was still dark. I smiled at the memories of all the times I snuck in and out of that window without his mother knowing. My chest tightened at the memories too, with everything flooding my brain all at once.
Could I go without saying goodbye for real? I had to, that's what I always did. I sighed and grabbed up the remaining notebook from the desk to shove it in my backpack. I slung the stupid thing over my shoulder and turned to leave my room for the last time but Michael was standing in the doorway. I watched as a single tear escaped his eye and I tried my best not to unravel right there.
"No, don't you dare do that Mikey." I said but my voice cracked miserably.
"I'm just going to be lost without having to watch over your stupid ass." He joked in an attempt to lighten everything but I had to wipe away a tear.
"Am I doing the right thing Mikey?" I asked with my small voice. I was so anxious and terrified of the decision I had made but there really isn't any going back now.
"Yes Ashton you are." He said with a stern nod. I let out a humorless laugh and pulled him into a strong hug.
"I miss you already." I mumbled into Michael's shoulder and his grip on me tightened.
"I miss you too brother." He mumbled back and I felt the tears fill my eyes but I can't cry now.
"Knock it off Mikey, I didn't want to cry." I teased slapping his shoulder. We each grabbed a suitcase but Michael left the room to give me one last final goodbye.
My teary eyes scanned the room and I couldn't help but smile at the memories. What a crazy year. Definitely one that I will never ever forget. My eyes found the window to glance at Luke's window one last time before I closed the door behind me. I rested my back against the wood to steady myself and gather my emotions before I walked down the stairs. Mentally I said a goodbye to the house that I called home and all the memories I made with the lads here.
Karen and Michael were loading the trunk if Michael's car with my belongings when I approached them. I shoved the suitcase into the trunk and slammed it shut. My hand rested against the car for a moment as I glanced around at all the familiar houses. Just as I was looking towards Calum's house, I saw him walking across the street towards us. I smiled at him and he pulled me immediately into a huge Calum hug.
"Can I come with you to the airport?" He asked with a pout and I subconsciously looked over to Luke's house.
"Yeah sure." I said before we all piled into the car and headed off towards the airport.
I watched as my life became smaller and smaller the further we drove. Of course id be back but for now I'd have to do my best to move on from what was. I sighed and twisted in my seat to face the road in front of us. All the familiar places we used to go faded away too, giving me a strangling feeling in my chest. Everything I knew was suddenly becoming memories and I just couldn't handle the pain. I checked my phone over and over just in hoping that Luke would text me but he didn't.
This was going to be so much harder than I thought. Maybe I should've asked him to come along to say goodbye. I just really hated saying goodbye.
Luke's POV
I'm a coward, I'm a fucking coward. I can't describe the pain as I watched Michael's car pull out of the driveway to take Ashton to the airport. His plane leaves at eleven even though he didn't tell me, Michael did. Ashton didn't want to have a painful goodbye which is why he didn't tell me when his flight leaves but I couldn't let last night be goodbye. I've been sitting on my bed clutching the picture of the two of us from his graduation just trying to decide whether I should go or not.
The picture was my absolute favorite picture on earth. Both of us were hugging and smiling like idiots and Ashton looked so lame in his cap and gown. I couldn't help the tears welling up in my eyes just staring at who we've become since we met. Those people that walk into your life and change everything about it, that was Ashton.
"You idiot." I mumbled and let out an empty laugh as I stroked Ashton's face in the picture. I clutched it to my chest and lied back on my bed, closing my eyes.
I heard my mom come into the room so when she took a seat on my bed I sat up to bury myself in her arms. I wasn't going to cry, I promised myself that but it was getting harder to hold it in.
"You aren't going to airport?" She asked in disbelief.
"We didn't want a sad goodbye." I explained and she shook her head. Maybe this was stupid, not saying goodbye. By looking into my moms eyes I could tell she thought so.
"Go." she said with her hand cupping my cheek. I nodded and hopped up from the bed to hurry down the stairs and out to my car. I drove as fast as he could until I reached the airport. Deja vu played through my mind as I parked the car in a spot near where Ashton did when he dropped me off to go to New York.
I shut my door harshly and weaved around people to get through the automatic door. People were bustling around me but my eyes searched for one person only. My chest was rising and falling as I spun in a circle looking for Ashton. Finally I spotted Michael's bright hair and I took off running through the crowd. A security guard asked me to slow down which I did for a moment but then picked up my pace. I shoved myself around a few people but when I saw Ashton heading for the plane, I couldn't let him leave without saying goodbye.
My legs were growing tired but there was no way I was letting him get on that damn plane without saying the things I needed to.
"Ashton!" I called out and watched him turn around to face me with tears in his eyes. I walked fast past our friends and slung my arms around Ashton, holding him tightly.
"I was worried you wouldn't show up." He whispered in my ear and I couldn't help but laugh a little.
"I didn't want to believe you were actually going but I knew I couldn't let you go without saying goodbye Ash." I said and let my finger trace a pattern against Ashton's cheek.
"I'll be back Luke." He said softly.
"I just wanted you to know that no matter where you are, you are always the one Ashton. I want you to have the time of your life and never forget me but please just live your life." I admitted, my breathing becoming strained with emotion.
"We will be together again though Luke." He said.
"But things can change Ashton and if they do I just want you to know I love you." I said still struggling to hold in the tears. Ashton's eyes dropped to the floor then landed back on mine and a small smile touched his lips.
"Be good and don't ya miss me." He teased with his Hey There Delilah lyrics and I couldn't help but laugh.
"In two years there isn't a doubt in my mind that you'll be making history." I added with my own improve. I reached out to grab the necklace and gave it a soft kiss. "Wherever you are, I'm with you." I said lamely, making Ashton smile.
"Final boarding call to Sydney, final boarding call to Sydney." A voice sounded through the airport and Ashton looked at me sadly.
"That's me. Well I guess this is it huh?" He asked.
"I guess so." I said quietly.
"Well Luke Hemmings, you take care of yourself here okay? You can write me, call me, skype me or hell even visit but don't you dare forget me." He said with a small smile, making me swallow down more tears.
"Ashton Irwin, you enjoy your time down under and I'll be counting down the days until you come back." I said and Ashton turned to go but I stopped him. I pulled him into a tight hug and let my lips meet his. Our foreheads rested against each other for a moment but I couldn't look in his eyes.
"Goodbye Luke." He said.
"Goodbye Ash." I said with my lip quivering slightly.
With that he turned and walked towards his plane. I watched the boy with the beanie disappear before he turned around one last time before the door shut. With tears running down his cheeks and a dimpled smile, he waved at me then he was gone. Ashton and everything familiar was gone.
I don't know how but I was barely holding in the tears when I turned back to face my best friends. I pulled Michael and Calum together in a hug but I couldn't let a tear fall. But then when I thought about how I won't see Ashton everyday, I let myself cry. The two lads squeezed me tightly while I gathered the strength the leave the airport. Nothing does last forever but I wanted me and Ashton to.
Once in my car I let the tears fall freely as I drove to the one place I really wanted to go, the reservoir. I sat on the same table Ashton and I had so many times and watched the sun reflect on the water until it started to go down. I felt like my heart had been physically ripped out of my chest but I had run out of tears. I let my eyes close as I breathed in the familiar surroundings where we had made so many memories. Now that's all they were, memories.
I checked my phone over and over even though I knew there would be no texts or calls. Everything was changing for us now, no pause or rewind button to aid us. It was impossible not to smile when I thought of Ashton and how much he had changed me for the better.
Two years ago when my dad died, I never expected to gone living let alone fall in love and be happy. I suppose that it was true that a lot could change in two years. I was lucky it was for the better and these next two years could be just as good even with Ashton miles away. My mind kept replaying the night that Ashton told me he was leaving and how horribly I reacted. I acted so selfish when I yelled at him about leaving me, he felt bad about leaving too it's not like this was easy for him.
That night he promised me that he'd be back for me. Sitting in the sand making plans that I hoped would carry through but I felt like I was never going to be okay without Ashton. Everything since Ashton came into my life has been outside of the box but from the very beginning he had me wrapped around his finger.
The stars were creeping into the sky by the time I snapped back to the reality before me. Ashton was gone for two years and I had no choice but to cope with it the best I could. He's still alive and available for me to have but I felt like a part of me is missing now. So many emotions were coursing through my veins that I had no choice but to just scream. I lied back against the table and screamed at the top of my lungs until I felt them deflate. Maybe I wouldn't be alright, or maybe I would.
All I knew in this moment was I wanted to lie out here in the familiarity, under the stars and pretend that Ashton was lying beside me.
Ashton's POV
I swear this flight was going on forever and I already felt lost without Luke. I ran out of tears a long time ago but I ended up watching Transformers to pass the time that I wasn't asleep. No matter the time difference when I got in, I was texting Luke first thing. The sun was up when we landed and I couldn't help but feel extremely tired. Maybe it was the fact that half of me was left in Oregon.
Like a zombie I floated through the airport until I found my suitcase in the baggage claim. I lugged them behind me as I moved through the crowded airport until I saw Jade waving at me. I let myself smile at my sister before she hugged my neck tightly. I pulled back and she looked me over approvingly before she took hold of the handle on one of my suitcases.
"I'm so glad you're here, Grammy was getting so anxious." She chuckled and I smiled at the thought of seeing my Grammy again.
"Where is she?" I asked. We made it to Jade's car quickly and stuffed my luggage into the back seat before we headed on our way.
"She's at work, she told me to get you settled in and she'd be over after." Jade explained with a smile but even seeing my grandmother wouldn't take away to pain of leaving Luke.
"I can't wait to see her again." I managed to smile but Jade wasn't fooled.
"You miss him that bad already Ashy?" She asked with a bit of a smirk but it evaporated when she saw me frowning.
"I didn't think I would but I do." I admitted. Nothing more was said as we made our way into Jade's apartment. I parked my suitcases near the lounge and followed my sister into the kitchen. I took a seat at her small table and watched as she filled up the tea kettle and put it on the stove to heat up. She grabbed two mugs from the cupboard then two tea bags and sat them on the counter.
"Are you hungry?" She asked and nodded slowly. Jet lag was already kicking my ass.
"So you live by yourself?" I asked the obvious and my sister nodded.
"Well except you live here too, why don't I show you to your room?" She suggested and I nodded. We walked down the hallway to the second to last door at the end of the hall. It was oddly similar to the room at Michael's when I first moved it. The walls and furniture were bare but that was about to change I suppose.
"I love it." I smiled at Jade but the whistling of the tea kettle sent her in a hurry down the hallway. I tugged my suitcase over to my bed and rummaged through the clothes until I found my picture frame with the picture of me and Luke on New Years Eve. I smiled and hugged the picture to my chest, placing a kiss to the glass before I sat it on my bare dresser.
That trip to New York was when I knew I couldn't be without Luke. Well look at me now, thousands of miles from him. I took the guitar pick around my neck between my fingers and held it there firmly. Somehow deep down I knew life would take it's course and Luke and I were infinite.
"Is he here? Where's my Ashy?" I heard the front door shut and a familiar voice flowed through the apartment. I smiled to myself before hurrying down the hallway into the living room to see my Grammy.
It's as if time had stood still and Grammy was the same that she's always been. Her hair was white, her eyes twinkled blue and a soft smile was on her lips. I wasted no more time and rushed over to pull her into a hug. I felt a tear soak my neck as I hugged the older woman like she'd disappear if I didn't hold her.
"You've grown up so much." Her soothing accent whispered to me and I pulled back with my hands resting on her arms.
"I've missed you so much Grammy." I smiled genuinely for the first time since I left Luke and she pinched at my cheek making me giggle.
"You look so much like your father." She said and my eyes grew wide. Like my father?
"Like my father?" I asked and she nodded.
"He was a good man, just struggled a lot with losing you kids." She spoke on behalf of her former son in law and I couldn't help but smile.
"We were just about to have tea, would you like some?" I asked and led my grandmother to the kitchen.
Jade sat a mug in front of both of us but I was too busy smiling at my grandmother. Just as I opened my mouth to speak my phone vibrated in my pocket. I pulled it out to see a message from Luke and my heart immediately skipped a beat.
Lukey <3:
Miss you already..
I smiled sadly and typed back a response before turning back to my smiling Grammy. She almost smirked at me while she drank her tea slowly.
"Jade said you were smitten with that boyfriend of yours but I didn't believe her." She teased and I giggled.
"Well are you a believer now?" I asked and Grammy giggled.
"Yes and I want to hear all about him." She grinned and I took a sip of my tea before telling her all about Luke. It was hard to talk about him considering it would be a long time before I saw him again but at the same time it was relieving.
I knew my grandmother would love him like I did but hopefully one day they'd meet. Jade made me lunch before I decided to sleep off some of my exhaustion. Grammy kissed me goodnight and promised to come by tomorrow again which I was excited for. Everything was quiet while I laid in bed staring at the ceiling thinking about Luke.
I fell asleep pretending like he was right beside me and I wasn't a world away.
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Holy shit guys I cried so hard writing this
I just feel like I've been through so much with the characters in this story and now that it's winding down I'm getting emotional
Thank you for all the support. I love you all for reading
Until I update again :)