A MONSTERS HEART
Cassie's feet pounded the ground, her footfalls thudding slightly faster than the others. Her breaths shuddered out of her chest violently; she didn't stop running. Sweat beaded on her forehead and her back; she tried to ignore it and keep on running. The wind whipped against her face as she soared ahead of the group, giving her bursts of pain.
Her steps faltered. Her body was sent careening forwards and she couldn't stop it - she could only embrace the fall. Cassie braced herself for the impact with the compact land, the seconds whizzing by the closer her face came to the ground.
Thud!
Cassie's face finally met the ground. A crunch resonated throughout her very being, the wave of familiar agony tearing through her body telling her something she didn't need a doctor for: she'd broken her nose. Wet liquid sloshed down her.
Tentatively she rose, setting aside the throbbing in her nose. Gently she dabbed at the blood gushing from her nose, glaring at the group behind her. "Couldn't have warned a girl, could you?"
Her words fell on deaf ears. They all seemed focused on what Clarke was holding. Curious, Cassie wandered closer, her feet clattering against more debris on the ground. Confusion engulfed her. Sticks didn't feel like that. She gulped, taking a moment before looking down. The distinct shape and colour of the debris forced Cassie to swallow the bile rapidly rising.
They were bones.
Her eyes instantly connected to what Clarke was holding. It looked like a human skull, but with the face having been flattened and forcing the forehead upwards. Cassie had to try harder this time not to throw up. Clarke's shaking voice asked the question they were all eager to know. "What are they?"
"Whatever they are, I want to stay as far away from it as possible." Cassie's statement received nods of agreement. No one wanted to encounter what the skeleton supported.
Octavia sighed deeply, keeping her gaze away from the skull. "We are so screwed."
Cassie felt a sarcastic comment coming to the tip of her tongue - before she could give her witty reply a high pitched scream broke the silence. Jasper's scream. Instantly Clarke set off in the direction they came from, all of the others following while yelling warnings to her. Cassie wanted to follow, she really did, but the kid was as good as dead. There was no point in them getting killed too.
She sighed, spinning back to the never ending forest, putting a foot forward. She halted. She scanned the trees - they all seemed the same to her. If she wanted to get back to the camp, where there was food and water and shelter she needed a guide. And that guide came in the form of her map reading group.
"The shit I do for these people," Cassie muttered, sprinting after the others. By the time she got there, they were all frozen, their jaws hanging loose. She wouldn't find it hard to believe if they hadn't moved since they got there. All of their gazes were fixed on the same place. Brows furrowed, Cassie followed the line of sight.
There was the Mount Weather sign, the trees, the dirt. But no Jasper.
Cassie tried to appear nonchalant - on the inside she was screaming and crying. In Octavia's words, they were 'so screwed'. They could kill them in a split second. "Where's the dead kid?"
No one turned around to acknowledge her. Irritation grated within her, and she was about to speak up again when Clarke uttered three words that struck fear within Cassie.
"They took him."
"Well if no one's going to say it, I will." Cassie inhaled a deep breath, staring across the abyss. "Fuck you! You think you can spear one of us, and take him as though he's your bitch? If you think so you have another thing coming! Come out and fight us, you cowards!"
Arms wrapped around her, she hadn't even realised she was getting closer to the edge. They pulled her back, watching her carefully as she shrugged them off. She finally got a glimpse of who grabbed her. "I'm fine Finn, I'm not going to throw myself off a cliff."
They all began to walk away from the cliffs edge, and Finn fell into step beside her. She wanted to squirm under his gaze - she kept her head high. "You know," Finn smirked, sending her a cautious glance, "You shouldn't go around asking for fights with people who can throw spears from three hundred feet with pin point accuracy."
"I've fought people to survive on the Ark, trust me, I'm used to a little scuffle." Cassie brushed him off, increasing her speed so he'd no longer be able to keep up. He lengthened his stride, straining as he tried to keep up with her.
"What was it like?"
She rolled her eyes, her face blank. Cassie didn't want to tell him what it was like for fear that the ugly truth would pass her lips. As much as she had grown to love the adrenaline, she didn't love the sight of a new bruise blooming on her body, or trying to explain her split lip for the second time that week to her parents. "It hurt."
Cassie didn't need to look at Finn to know that his eyes were dancing to the many scars that had invaded her body, to the one above her eyebrow, on her hands and arms. She regretted in that moment having taken her jacket off in the blistering heat, it meant that people could openly ogle at her scars. They weren't something she liked to showcase.
Finn went to ask another question when Cassie cut him off sharply. "Look, it's not something I like talking about. If you had any respect you'd be mourning for that kid we lost back there instead of prying into my private life."
Instantly he fell silent, just like she predicted. She pushed her legs further to prove her point further, letting the distance between them grow. Cassie wandered to the front of the group again, catching sight of Monty walking with his head bowed. He seemed to looking without seeing, a glazed appearance in his eyes. His stature was slumped, his arms dangling at his sides. He'd been nice to Cassie, he could be useful. He didn't seem to care that she could give him a black eye before he could blink.
He seemed like a nice guy. There weren't many of them on the ground. She might need a nice guy.
Thinking it through thoroughly, she wandered over to him carefully. She placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. He jumped slightly under her grip but she still held on, squeezing once again before letting go. Her feet went to propel her forward when something she hadn't planned slipped past her lips. "I get how you feel."
She didn't speak again for the rest of the walk back.
*
"Wells! Let him go!" Clarke demanded, storming closer to the scene. Cassie smiled at the sight of her frustrated, it was quite amusing. Eyes burned into the side of her skull and she spun in that direction, seeing Finn staring at her demented grin. All humour got leaked from her expression.
Cassie battled through the rest of the shrubbery, managing to finally see the scene unfolding. Wells Jaha, the Chancellors son, holding a knife to Murphy's neck as though he might actually slice the kids throat. She nearly smiled at the thought, but with the way Finn reacted earlier she kept it on the inside. "I leave you for five minutes and you go picking fights, Little Jaha. Hate to admit it but I'm some what impressed."
This time she let her grin eat her face, revealing her teeth for one of the few times she ever did. He immediately backed away from Murphy, dropping the knife from his skin. Whether it was the knowledge of Clarke's disapproval or being complimented by Cassie, she would never know. It was fun to think about sometimes.
Murphy instantly was on the offensive, clenching his fists as though he was about to punch Wells. At the same moment Cassie's body stiffened, and she shouldered her way through the crowd to force her way to Murphy.
"Enough Murphy," Bellamy warned, his eyes dark.
Cassie sneaked up behind Murphy, snaking her hands around his neck. "Yeah Murphy," she whispered into his ear, "That's enough. Unless you want me breaking your neck?"
He pushed himself out of her grip, wasting no time sending her a particularly vicious glare. She reflected it back. They had always butted heads, so she had become immune to the poison he'd shoot at her. Everyone ignored their interaction, taking a subconscious step back as if they knew that a fight could break out between the two at any moment.
"What you looking at?" Murphy spat, leering towards her. She merely crossed her arms, looking him directly in the eye as her reply flowed smoothly off of her lips.
"A sack of shit."
Almost simultaneously his jaw and fists clenched, his face becoming a mixture of anger and frustration. Adrenaline began pumping through Cassie, lighting up the grin on her face and bringing her fists forwards. Before either of them could land a hit, a high pitched squeal came from the crowd of teenagers around them. A familiar high pitched squeal.
Cassie sighed, closing her eyes momentarily. She wasn't ready for what was about to follow. A pale figure came flying out of the crowd, sprinting towards her with a speed she couldn't comprehend. She sucked in a quick breath.
Jay threw himself at Cassie, clinging to her body like a ghost desperate to remain in it's mortal body. His sudden weight knocked her a few steps back, his tightening arms around her neck cutting off her oxygen supply. The heat of his body so close to hers was almost unbearable, making sweat form immediately. His heavy breaths created a wind that attacked her ears. He mustn't get a lot of cardio, Cassie thought to herself, standing stock still. Her arms dangled awkwardly at her sides, her brain willing the boy to let go of her. She felt out of place.
She peeled him off of her body as soon as she could.
Jay couldn't hide the fleeting sadness that dashed across his face - but what else did he expect? For the Callous Cassie to be a big softy? After all of the years she spent training and being beaten to a pulp, she lost her kind side. All of her compassion and kindness and selflessness trickled out of her like the blood streaming from her wounds. The only difference was that she never ran out of blood to bleed.
Eyes trained on the pair. She felt trapped, her oxygen desperate to escape her body. Without a second thought she dragged Jay towards the edge of the forest, far away from the others. She could breathe again.
"How was it? Did you see any birds? Did you see any animals? Have you found any more sticks? I keep finding them everywhere - I just want to keep them all! I can't believe people used to take all of this," he gestured around them, the only pause for breath he'd taken since he began talking, "for granted. I'll never get over how beautiful this place is." He halted in his rant, eyes widening as he took in her swelling and bleeding nose. "Shit Cassie I think you did something to your nose."
He finally finished, looking up at her expectantly with his big, blue, pure eyes. She opened and closed her mouth like a fish, unsure where to start first - no matter what she said she'd get an even longer list of questions. It would be impossible to answer them all. And his comment about her nose reminded her of the ever growing throbbing that demanded her attention. She brushed it off - she'd dealt with worse. "It was pretty shit actually." Jay appeared to say something when she lifted her finger to his lips, instantly sshing him. "Ask questions after okay?" He nodded compliantly. "No I didn't see any birds but I heard their god awful caws, saw one fucked up deer and of course I saw some more sticks they're literally everywhere you idiot."
Jay stayed silent for longer than she'd ever seen. Quietly she thanked whatever god blessed her with this gift. Instead of listing off a long list of questions she wouldn't be able to answer, he only asked one. "Why was it shit?"
A snort escaped her. It was nothing like the one she'd had with the group on the way to Mount Weather. It was one of hysteria. Another snort fled her, and soon she couldn't keep them at bay. It evolved into chaotic laughter, her body shaking up and down the sheer force of it. Jay watched as he saw the invulnerable girl crack before his eyes. "I believe the real question to ask is why it wasn't shit. I met two people who I thought maybe, just maybe, I could feel comfortable around, and one of them gets speared through the chest. I saw a kid die, Jay. And the first thing I did was run. I feel like everyone is looking at me and expecting me to cry but all I did was scream into a valley because if this nice guy can die then what's going to happen to people like me? The monsters like me! And we didn't even manage to get any food, so that kid died for nothing."
She hadn't truly realised that she was screeching until she halted for breath, feeling the air scrape down her throat. Her teeth found her lip and had begun chewing down on the damaged skin. She still had not shed a tear.
Jay stood close by, his whole body tense. The way his hand twitched told Cassie that he wanted to touch her, but didn't know if it would scare her away. She ignored the signal and collapsed at the base of a tree, leaning against the tree trunk. Exhaustion sapped at her body - all she needed was to sleep.
Minutes passed. Jay still stood in front of her, twiddling with his thumbs. Indecision was written across his face, but it vanished the moment he took a step towards her. When she didn't shy away from the action he carried on walking, until he was beside her. He collapsed next to her, resting his head in his hands.
"I'm sorry he died. But trust me when I say that death is brutal, and is indifferent to whether the people he takes are good or bad, black or white, straight or gay. He takes because he can, and he will keep on doing that for eternity." Jay remained silent once he finished his miniature speech.
A tiny smile broke out on Cassie's face. "Well if that was meant to be reassuring all I can say is try harder."
Jay chuckled, his laughter possessing him. "Hey at least I'm trying!"
Cassie shook her head, a single laugh escaping her. This was the first time that she had felt her muscles loosen since what seemed like forever - she enjoyed the relief. Despite being right next to a tree that a grounder could be hiding in, she felt herself truly relax. Cassie looked at Jay from the corner of her eye. Maybe he wouldn't be that bad to be around after all.
In order to treasure the good times, they must be ended. That abrupt end came from a blonde haired girl who marched towards the pair, staring directly at Cassie. "Are you coming?"
Cassie's muscles tensed. She crossed her arms, letting a smirk decorate itself across her face. "Coming where, Blondie?"
"To save Jasper." Clarke tapped her foot, anticipating her answer. Cassie returned Clarke's stare, a sudden wave of giggles invading her. These weren't innocent - they were twisted and laced with disbelief.
"We go after Jasper? I'm sorry Clarke, I'm not going." Cassie tried to fight the smirk off of her face as her next words left her mouth. "That kids dead."
Clarke's foot stopped tapping the ground. She let out a disbelieving laugh. "You know, when I heard people call you Callous Cassie I didn't believe them. Maybe I was wrong."
Clarke hurried off after that, leaving only the traces of her anger in her deep set footprints. The words struck a cord within Cassie - she never intended to be malicious, in fact when she gained the name in the Pit she was acting out of love and not hatred. But people let their judgements twist their views of a person to make them easier to understand. It was less work than actually learning what the true reasoning was behind their motives.
Cassie liked to think she didn't deserve the nickname.
Maybe Clarke was right.
Maybe she was just how everyone expected her to be. Cruel. Callous Cassie. A monster.
"Are you okay?" Jay reached out to touch her arm, his hand floating in the air. She had shuffled away.
She shrugged Clarke's comment off, attempting to bring her face back to it's usual expression. "Why wouldn't I be? She's just a snobby brat who whines when she doesn't get what she wants."
Jay nodded distantly at her pathetic excuse. The truth was, they both knew that she was lying. The monster had a heart.