thursday, 30th september,
04:36:
magnus:
it's been a few hours now. well, more than a few. alec, kit, ty and i have all been watching netflix all night. ty fell asleep quite early though, and it was adorable because kit put his head in his lap. he's currently running his fingers through ty's hair lightly so as to not disturb him.
alec turns around, setting his chin on my shoulder.
god damn that boy is adorable.
"you wanna get some sleep now?"
i agree. we're both still pretty exhausted.
ty stirs as we stand up. he tries to sit up, but kit won't allow it.
"no baby, stay asleep. you're okay."
ty smiles, leaning up only give kit a light kiss then nestling back into his lap and back to sleep.
alec walks in and sits on the edge of my bed. he looks tired, but not physically.
emotionally.
it breaks my heart to know my poor alec is this way. i want to help him. but i can't.
if the most i can do is keep him alive, then i'm ready to dedicate my own life to doing it. i am not about to lose anyone else to suicide. hell, i've already almost lost myself to it many times. so fucking many. but i'm mainly over that now. no more drugs.
just alec.
"hey baby, you ok?"
he glances up at me, his eyes seemingly screaming no.
but all that comes out is a weak 'yeah.'
i settle myself down beside him.
"i know you're not. and i know you're wide awake really, aren't you?"
"yes."
"and you're feeling shit again aren't you?"
"well, yes."
"music makes you happy, doesn't it? do you have any specific playlists that you listen to to get your emotions out?"
alec smiles, nodding. he reaches over for his phone, opening up spotify.
"i listen to these when i feel this way because it helps me cope." he shows me the playlist.
bandito - twenty one pilots
neon gravestones - twenty one pilots
leave the city - twenty one pilots
one of the drunks - panic! at the disco
far too young to die - panic! at the disco
the end of all things - panic! at the disco
triggered - chase atlantic
broken - lund
come back - matt wills
friend, please - twenty one pilots
r.i.p 2 my youth - the neighbourhood
daddy issues - the neighbourhood
burning bridges - bea miller
goner - twenty one pilots
he hits shuffle on the playlist.
"will you end my pain?
will you take my life?
will you bleed me out?
will you hang me out to dry?
will you take my soul, in the midnight rain?
while i'm falling apart,
while i'm going..."
i'm so sorry for how shit this is lmao. it's just cause it's my birthday tomorrow and i wanted to get a chapter of both my fics out before it.
anyways, as you might know, i'm going to see twenty one pilots in march. well, they announced five album signings, and one of them is where i live! so luckily, i managed to get a ticket! i'm freaking getting trench signed and meeting them holy fuuuuck
--links to all songs in alec's playlist--
https://youtu.be/VQHTROo0S8E (bandito)
https://youtu.be/5MeQ9rA2Ifg
(neon gravestones)
https://youtu.be/zDktApy8Sn0
(leave the city)
https://youtu.be/pqYM3ITfqMQ
(one of the drunks - 8d audio version)
https://youtu.be/0f71XfN_DLI
(far too young to die)
https://youtu.be/YSWIfX_MNCY
(the end of all things)
https://youtu.be/JcOCAmj3fDs
(triggered)
https://youtu.be/9uXeMhbB070
(broken)
https://youtu.be/K7bF4wfoseE
(come back)
https://youtu.be/6VfjAdYbKQ0
(friend, please)
https://youtu.be/vKH-rcO6PA8
(r.i.p 2 my youth)
https://youtu.be/_4xtFdXJP0A
(daddy issues)
https://youtu.be/iPMfsWgUB_o
(burning bridges)
https://youtu.be/3J5mE-J1WLk
(goner)