"Left turn, left turn! What the hell!", Mitch whisper/yelled from the hospital bed Brody and I were pushing. We were in a hospital hallway dressed as doctors and nurses trying to find the room with Rodriguez's body.
"Who taught you how to drive, Stevie freakn' Wonder?", Mitch asked. "You're huge man!", Brody said. "Really hard to control!", I said after Brody.
"Just get me to the morgue.", we kept pushing Mitch down the hall. "Go left. Left, left turn! Careful!", Mitch instructed. "Right here.", I told Brody. "What does that say?", he pointed to the sign beside the door. "Morgue?", I said, confused why he would ask. "Right Moruge. I got us to the Moruge!", he completely mispronounced the word.
"Nice.", I said, blankly. Mitch jumped out of the bed and we walked into the room. I shut the door behind us, standing there to keep lookout. "These disguises are awesome. I actually feel like a doctor!", I said, pulling the mask off of my face.
Mitch opened the door to where the body was and rolled it out. "Read me his toe tag.", Mitch said to Brody. "It smells like yogurt!", Brody pinched his nose and looked at the tag. "2816.", Brody said, trying to keep a distance from the body.
"Read me line 12." "Alveoli are clean.", Brody released the tag and wiped his hands on his pants. "Wait, that means that there was no smoke in the lungs. So how did he die?", I asked from the door. "That's the question. McDreamy, get over here. I need you to help me.", Mitch motioned for Brody to come back over to the table.
"Oh lord, what?", you could here the dread in Brody's voice as he walked back to Mitch. "I need you to check his taint for needle marks.", Mitch said. Brody's eyes went wide as I fought back a laugh. "You want me to check his taint?", he replied.
"Don't be a baby!", Mitch urged Brody. He went to check but back out before doing anything. "Dude, it's a taint!", he threw his hands up in the air, really not wanting to do this. "You didn't even look!", Mitch said.
"Dude, there's been gloves here the entire time time! You didn't even say anything!", I didn't even fight back a laugh this time. Brody looked back at me with a glare. He slipped the gloves on and turned back to the body.
"Oh, I'm going in!", he was honestly being so dramatic. It was adorable. "Oh it stinks!", Brody gagged at the smell, making me laugh again. "Oh there's a hole! Wait that's just his butthole.", his eyes went wide again.
"Smile.", Mitch said making Brody look up to a camera flash, his picture being taken. "Good job doc. I'm posting that!", Mitch said laughing. I busted out laughing with him doubling over in laughter. "Do not post that!", he paused for a second, "The internet is forever.", that made me laugh even harder.
"Alright, check this out.", Mitch said. "Cervical fractures of the fifth, sixth, and seventh vertebrate." "So that's how was killed. Broken neck.", I said over to Mitch. "So what? That could have happened anytime. I mean, you did jump off the ship with him, right?", Brody cut in.
"You can literally swan dive down a flight of stairs and not break that many vertebrate.", I said to him before pausing, "This was done on purpose."
"Why has no one else figured this out?", I asked. "Figured what out?", Brody turned to me and asked. "Broken neck in multiple places, no smoke in the lungs, which probably means that he died before that ship was even on fire. The reason no one has figured this out? It's murder.", I said, answering my own question.
"In which someone is covering it up. We should go interrogate those girls.", Brody finally caught on to what I was getting to. "No, those girls were too high to remember anything.", Mitch was right.
I looked out the window on the door and saw two guys coming. "Shit, someones coming!", I said running to Mitch and Brody. "Help me push him back in!", Mitch said. We pushed Rodriguez back in the freezer.
"Hide!", Brody said opening up another freezer and starting to climb in. There was no other place to hide so I climbed inside the one beside Rodriguez, shutting the door behind me. Mitch was on two tables down from me and Brody was beside him.
"This was a bad idea.", Brody whispered to the both of us. "Stop being a baby!", Mitch whispered back. "Shut up, you're going to get us caught.", I whispered down the freezer. "I'm laying on a dead old lady!", he complained again.
"She's not going to bite you.", Mitch retorted back. "Our drawers are empty, why'd you pick that one?", I pointed out, not helping the situation at all. "I'm the only one with a body in my drawer?!", Brody's voice went up like six octaves when he said this.
"Shh. Shut up!", Mitch looked over at him. "She smells like cheese toast and chowder.", he complained again. "You just tickled a mans taint. Who gives a shit right now!", Mitch rolled his eyes at him when something fell from the drawer above Brody.
"Something dripped on me!", he started slightly freaking out. "Shut your mouth!", Mitch said, yet again. "What is it?", another drop dripped on him as he said this. "Nothings dripping on me.", I said looking up at the drawer above me. "Listen to me, formaldehyde melts fat.", Mitch said, making me and Brody look at him.
"What?!", Brody turned to face him, shock covering his face. Honestly I was shocked too. "That's whats dripping on your face necrotic liquid fat. Now will you shut the hell up.", Mitch said. "What the hell did you just say?!", Brody was still freaking out about the fat on his face.
"Shh. Stop complaining!", I heard the door open after Mitch said this. "Guys, someones coming!", I said.
They both went quite as we listened to the conversation outside. "Rodriguez. It is him.", someone pulled the drawer beside me open and pulled Rodriguez out. "You got the fake files?", one of the guys asked.
I pulled my phone out and started to video the guys through the opened drawer. Mitch looked over at me and gave me a nod of approval.
"Relax.", one said to the other. "We're only here because you broke the neck.", I looked over at Mitch who was looking at me. I was right. I knew nobody could break that many vertebrate bones on their own.
"It's all good.", the one that broke the neck said. "Oh, shit!", I heard Brody whisper. Some of the fat had dripped down to his mouth. "Keep it together.", Mitch urged. "No!", he whispered. "Oh shit.", I whispered to myself, already knowing what was about to happen.
"That's it, I'm out!", Brody said entirely too loud but it didn't matter. He kicked open the drawer he was in and jumped out, running over to the germ x, squirting a bunch in his mouth.
When he put bottle down he looked between the two guys. "Hey, gentlemen. Now that that's over, I'm going to need those files.", he held his hand out for the files but he didn't get them.
My phone then started ringing while I was videoing the scene in front of me. "Shit!", I cursed at myself. "That must be my phone. I thought I left it in the, uh, nap room.", Brody tried to cover up but it was obvious he was lying.
Without thinking, I pushed open my drawer, knocking the guy in front of it down. I tossed the phone to Brody and jumped off the table. "Give me that phone.", the guy that was still on his feet said.
Mitch jumped out of his drawer and stood by me. Brody shook his head at the guy before being punched in the gut, making him drop the phone. "That was a cheap shot man!", Brody said doubling over.
The guy grabbed the phone and ran out of the room and down the hall. "He's got my phone!", I said to Mitch. "Lets go!", Mitch ran out of the room, Brody and I right behind him.
We ran outside, following the guy to the park. The guy jumped on a moped and took off away from us. Brody got on one and motioned for Mitch to get on behind him. They took off following the guy around the park.
I started running toward the road where he would have to drive through. I got there just in time for him to get there. I did the only thing I thought of. Facing the guy, I raised up my shirt, revealing my blue bra.
The guy lost control and crashed onto the side of the road. I ran to him and checked for the phone but he didn't have it. Brody pulled up beside me but Mitch was no longer with him. "Mitch went after the one with the phone.", I nodded and jumped on the back of the moped and he took off, driving to wherever Mitch was.
We found Mitch behind a house holding a soaking wet phone. The other guy was floating in the pool. "There goes our evidence.", Brody said.
A cop car then pulled up and an officer opened the door and stepped out. "What did I tell you Mitch?", he said shutting the door behind him. "Y'all weren't going to do anything about it.", Mitch retorted back. "Meet me in my office, all of you.", the cop then got back in his car and drove off.
Yep, we're in trouble.