Jessica's POV
After seeing Brian's reaction to the punishment, I felt completely guilty for going through with this whole thing. While I was doing it, I didn't realize that Brian would get so upset. I thought he would laugh it off and it would all blow over quickly. Because it was part of a TV show, it all felt like one big joke. I got caught up in the moment and didn't consider the real consequences of my actions. They were all just supposed to be funny skits to get Brian to snap out of that jealous rage. But it may have backfired...
When Brian told me not to go home, I was initially disappointed because my instinct was to make things right with him. I wanted to tell him how sorry I was, but he insisted that he needed space and I had to respect that. I think that having this space was good for the two of us. Sometimes when we have arguments, it's best for us to have some time apart so we could cool off. That way we don't get caught up in the heat of the moment and say something that we'll later regret. We both just needed some time to think.
Sal told me that I could hang out at his place until this all blows over. I didn't know how long it would take but I just hoped Brian would feel better before we both went to sleep. I wanted to explain to him why I participated in this punishment. When I tried to explain myself before, Brian didn't want to listen because he was still too angry with me.
"I'm sorry I caused trouble between you two. I didn't think he would get so upset. This is all my fault. I talked you into it," Sal said.
Sal was the one who came up with this whole idea in the first place. He came to me with the idea right after I had met Seth Rollins for the first time. At that time, Brian's jealousy had reached a boiling point. Sal suggested that making a scene on TV would make Brian realize how ridiculous his jealousy was.
"Don't feel guilty. It's not your fault. I went along with it," I told him. Although we were both partially responsible or the idea, I should've never agreed to go through with something like this.
"I'm sure Brian will be fine in a few hours. He'll get over it. He always does," Sal assured me.
"I hope so. I didn't think he would get so angry either," I told Sal.
"I haven't seen him this upset over a punishment since we through a bunch of tarantulas on him," Sal said.
"I remember that. Brian was pretty messed up after that one," I said.
I started to think back and remember how Brian was reacted after the tarantula punishment. When he came home that night, he was basically traumatized and still shaking after what they had done to him. After thinking about that night, I started to feel an extra wave of guilt for being involved in this punishment. I felt so stupid and careless for being the reason that he was in this kind of emotional pain again. I'm supposed to be his best friend. I shouldn't be the one putting him through something like this. I felt like such a bitch.
"Sal, what if he breaks up with me over this? I acted like a total whore today and embarrassed him in front of all these people," I asked him.
"Jess, he's NOT going to break up with you. It's just a punishment. He's been upset with us before. He's yelled at us, and then he gets over it. That's just part of the whole deal. I wouldn't have asked you to do something like this if I thought it would put your relationship at risk," Sal promised me.
"But this whole thing is so stupid. I should be apologizing to him," I said.
I started to reach for my phone to call Brian, but Sal stopped me.
"I wouldn't do that, Jess."
"Why not? I'm the one who fucked up. I should be apologizing to him."
"Because he told you that he needed space. When he's upset, sometimes it's better to just leave him alone," Sal told me.
Knowing Brian, I had to agree with Sal. Brian can get hotheaded sometimes, getting angry and saying things he'll later regret. As much as I wanted to talk to Brian and tell him how sorry I was, I needed to respect that he wanted space.
After Sal and I sat there talking for a little while, my phone began ringing. It was Brian. I just assumed that he had finally cooled down and that he wanted to make up. But instead, Brian was completely hysterical and not making any sense.
"I'm sorry, baby. Please come back. I love you so much. Please don't do this to me," Brian said frantically.
It sounded like there were tears in his eyes. And he was speaking so quickly, I could barely comprehend what he was saying. At first, I didn't understand what he was so upset about. He was the one who told me that he needed space. And I was the one who should be apologizing to him...
"Brian, it's okay, Calm down. What are you talking about?" I asked him.
"You left me..." he said.
"I didn't leave you. You're the one who told me not to come home," I reminded him.
"But you came back. You took your stuff and stormed out," he said.
That's when I realized what was happening. Brian had a bad dream. He used to have these vivid dreams that were so intense, he thought they were real. Brian told me that he used to have these dreams while he was an active fireman. I wasn't an expert, but it seemed like he had some kind of post-traumatic stress. These dreams happened sporadically, and as far as I knew, he hasn't had these type of intense dreams in a long time.
"Sweetie, listen to me. That wasn't real. You were having a dream," I assured him.
"It was a nightmare," he corrected me.
"Baby, it's okay. I didn't leave you. Can I come home now?" I asked permission since he was the one who wanted me out of the house.
"Yes, baby. Please come home. I'm sorry I ever told you to leave."
"I'll be there in ten minutes," I promised him.
I quickly explained to Sal what happened before I left and thanked him for his hospitality. I grabbed my things and rushed out the door, wanting to get to Brian as quickly as possible.
As soon as I walked in the door, Brian grabbed me and held me so tight that I could barely breathe. I pulled away, only slightly just to look at his face. Brian had tears in his eyes. This dream must've really gotten to him.
"I missed you," Brian said.
Even though it had only been a few hours, Brian and I always missed each other when we were apart.
"Baby... don't cry. I'm here," I assured him.
"I'm sorry... It just felt so real," he said, referring to the nightmare he just had.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked hesitantly.
I wasn't sure if he'd want to forget all about it and never mention it again. But he nodded, and we both sat on the couch to discuss it. I held onto his hand tightly, so he would know that I was there to support him and I wasn't going anywhere.
"I guess I fell asleep on the couch after I got home from set. I was thinking about how mad I was at you and the guys. I dreamt that you came storming in and took all your things. You said that you couldn't take me anymore. You were tired of me smothering you with jealousy. It took this punishment for you to realize that. I got so consumed by this nightmare, I thought it was real," he told me.
"Brian, it was just a bad dream. I would never leave you like that," I promised him.
"I'm sorry, Jessica," he said.
"Brian, what are you sorry for? You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one that should be begging for forgiveness after what I did today."
"We should talk about today," Brian said.
"I agree. But tell me how you really feel. Don't just tell me what you think I want to hear because you're afraid I'll get mad and leave you," I said.
After Brian had calmed down, I knew that we had to honestly talk about the punishment. I wanted him to actually get his feelings out, whether he was angry, upset, or even furious at me. Even if he needed to yell at me to get his feelings out, he deserved that after what I did. I didn't want him to bottle up his feelings because he was afraid of losing me. I wanted him to be able to express himself to me and tell me why he was so upset.
"Let's start from the beginning. What were you thinking when you first saw me there?" I asked him.
"Well, usually I'm so happy to see you, especially if you're looking like THAT. But obviously, this time was different. I knew you were going to be used against me. And then I got jealous when I realized that you'd be showing off your body in front of the whole crew and on TV," Brian told me.
"I get that. But that was the whole point of the punishment, to make you jealous," I explained.
"Why did you do it? Why would you purposefully try to provoke me?" he asked.
Although I didn't want him to be upset, I was glad to see that he was getting some of his frustration out.
"Because it didn't matter how many times I told you that or that you can trust me. Or that there was no reason for you to be jealous. You didn't seem to believe it. I thought that maybe putting it in the context of the show and making a joke of it would make you snap out of it," I explained to him.
"And what about Seth Rollins? You know I have issues with him and you went out of your way to flirt with him, touching his body and everything," Brian said. I knew that the Rollins bit would make him most upset. That part probably took it too far. But there was still a reason behind it.
"Brian, let me ask you something. How did you feel when I had Murray's baby? Did that make you upset?" I asked him.
"Not really. It was kind of stupid, to be honest. I know we don't want kids. And I'm pretty sure you would never date that ferret, let alone marry and have a baby with him. Those scenes were just ridiculous," he told me.
"They were all equally ridiculous, Brian. Me getting married to Murray is never going to happen. Me leaving you for a cop is never going to happen. Me getting with Seth Rollins is never going to happen," I promised him.
The entire goal of this punishment was for me to get Brian to see that his fears weren't going to come true. I'm never going to leave him like his ex-fiancé did. I'm never going to cheat on him with some other guy, whether that be a "ferret" like Murr or an athlete like Seth Rollins. I just hoped that this punishment would be able to get that message across to Brian. I never meant to hurt him. I just wanted him to see that I would never betray him by leaving or cheating on him. I'm not sure if I was convincing enough, because Brian just stared at me like he was still trying to process all of this. He began to stare intently at my arm and lightly grazed his fingers over the tattoo that was dedicated to him.
"Have you ever regretted getting that?" Brian asked me.
"Not for a second. Why would you even think that?" I asked him.
"I was thinking about the times I made you feel suffocated with my jealousy. I thought it might have given you second thoughts about getting this permanently tattooed on your body," he told me.
I was telling Brian the absolute truth. From the second I got that tattoo, I was proud to have a dedication to him on my arm. I never regretted it, even during the tough times in our relationship.
"Brian, you're not just my boyfriend. You're my best friend. The love of my life. Do you think I would've gotten this tattoo if I planned on leaving you? I'm not going anywhere, as long as you'll still have me around." I promised him.
"I'm sorry, Jess. I know you're right. I just got scared," he told me.
"You don't have to apologize. It's okay for you to get scared sometimes, but I want you to be able to talk to me about it. I'm the one that should apologize. I'm sorry that I took things too far today. I never thought it would make you this upset. If I knew you would react this way, I never would've done it," I told him.
I expected for Brian to get annoyed at the things I was doing in this punishment. But I didn't expect that my actions would make him so upset and trigger a bit of a breakdown. I felt so guilty for putting him in that state, and I wanted to do anything I could to make him feel better.
"Do you forgive me?" I asked. I would understand if he was still mad at me after all the things I did today.
"Just promise me you'll never do anything like that again. No more punishments," he pleaded.
In the past, Brian has said that he didn't want me involved in the show. When we first started dating, I told him that I couldn't promise anything. I had always been a huge fan of the show and I wanted to be a part of it. The guys and the crew always looked like they were having so much fun. But now I know better. I know that nothing on the show is worth hurting Brian like this. I've gotten it out of my system and I don't have to be a part of that world if I'm only going to cause harm to the person I care about the most.
"I promise, I won't go behind your back and get involved with any punishment or challenge. If it really bothers you that much, I won't even come to set, in case you're afraid they'll still somehow use me against you," I told him.
"I don't think we have to go that far. As long as you don't do anything behind my back or go against me like that again," Brian said.
"I promise you, Never again."
"Good."
"Now do you forgive me?"
"Yes. And I promise you that I will work on my jealousy. I should be able to control myself, and not freak out on you like I have in the past," he told me.
Brian leaned over to kiss me, and I was glad to know that things would be okay between the two of us. We were both able to acknowledge our mistakes and apologized to each other for them. I thought that the ability to openly talk about our feelings with one another showed tremendous growth in our relationship. I was just hoping that we'd be able to get back to the loving and affectionate side of our relationship, instead of having this tension constantly between us.
"You know, the irony of all of this is that I would've never been able to do this punishment if you didn't make me feel so confident all the time," I told him.
Before dating Brian, I would've never been able to go on a TV show dressed like that, because I was too self-conscious. I never felt comfortable in my own skin, but Brian changed that. He was always telling me how beautiful or sexy I was. All of his compliments have boosted my self-confidence, which gave me the confidence to be a part of the show.
"Jess, you're always sexy to me, no matter what. But just save it for me next time, okay? Especially what you did with Rollins. Do you have any idea how jealous that made me?"
"But that was all fake. But you get the real thing, baby."
Brian didn't have to say anything, but from the way his eyes widened, I knew he was interested. He picked me up in a fireman's carry and brought me into the bedroom, so we could officially make up.
After I showed Brian how sorry I was, we laid in bed, still talking about what happened that day. I could tell that Brian was still a little bit shaken up. But now his anger had turned to the guys instead of it being directed at me.
"I still can't believe the guys ever talked you into this. I'm going to get them back for this," he promised.
Out of the four guys, Brian was always the most vengeful with his punishments. He always tried to think of ways to get each guy back directly. I had often helped brainstorm ideas with him about punishments, like throwing cats onto Sal as revenge for the tarantula punishment.
"They've come to me with worse ideas," I told Brian, trying to make him feel a little better. But also, I was trying to make myself better for agreeing to be a part of this punishment in the first place. It could've been worse...
"Like what? What other ideas did they have for you?" Brian asked.
"Well, like for today. One of the suggestions was to have me pretend to be dying in a fire, but you couldn't save me," I told Brian.
I obviously didn't agree to that one. It seemed way too harsh and I didn't think it was funny at all. It was supposed to be similar to making Brian perform in front of his firehouse. That punishment made Brian feel guilty for being a TV star and not a fireman who saves people from burning buildings.
"NOOOOOOO. That's terrible. Why would anyone even think that's a good idea?" Brian asked me. He clearly didn't think it was a good idea either.
"I don't know," I shrugged.
In the past 6 years of knowing the guys, I've heard a lot of ideas for challenges and punishments that didn't work out. Because I was actually a fan of the show, the guys would sometimes ask my opinion about things the viewers might want to see. And even after everything I did today, I knew that some other things the guys suggested were crossing a line. To be fair, when I look back at what I did, most of it probably crossed a line . But I had some boundaries.
"I don't even want to think about that," Brian said, as he held me even tighter.
"Well, you never have to worry about me leaving you because that's not going to happen," I assured him.
After Brian and I talked about everything, I truly felt like we were in a better place in our relationship. This punishment encouraged us to talk about some of the things that have been bothering both of us, things we've kept bottled up. I still regret what I did because I never meant to cause Brian that kind of distress. I had to understand that Brian's jealousy was a deeper-rooted issue than either of us had even realized. The punishment was not the way to solve this issue. It was only a temporary way for me to relieve some of my frustration. But this wasn't all on Brian. I needed to work on being more sympathetic towards him and all that he's been through. I also need to work on my communication with Brian, so I can express when and why I'm upset, without needing something like this punishment to blow off steam. Ultimately, Brian and I are not perfect. We've both made mistakes throughout the course of our relationship. But when it really comes down to it, we'll always love each other, no matter what. I truly believe that the struggles we've been through will only make our relationship stronger. There was nobody else I would rather have by my side than my best friend.
A/N: I hope this chapter redeems Jess for most of you. I really appreciate anyone who's been reading or left a nice comment, because I've gotten a few harsh comments lately. Also, just wanted to warn everyone that chapters will be a little more spread out for a while, because I'm on vacation now, and then I'm back in school.