Whose the king of not having a regular uploading schedule??? It's this guy!!!!!!!
Also trigger warning for needles, not too graphic at all but I'll give a warning right before it so you can skim if you need to.
Chapter Twenty
Peter's POV
I rubbed subconsciously at my ribs, which were slightly sore from experiencing the wrath of freaking Black Widow's thighs. We had all changed back into our plainclothes after whatever the hell that had been, and now I was back in Doctor Strange's office, awaiting the results of the blood test. I was in basketball shorts and my usual layered shirts, though the whole building seemed uncomfortably warm.
"So Peter, tell me about your transition so far," he said.
"Well, I came out when I was 12, and May was really cool about it from the start. May's my aunt, by the way. I live with her. Anyway I didn't come out at school, though, I just switched to a new high school and started all over. And then I was able to start testosterone when I turned 14."
He nodded his head as he jotted down a few notes on a clipboard. "And your friends, do they know?"
"Yeah, yeah they do, and they're great. One of them is actually nonbinary, which is cool. And then Ned is my token cis friend, and he's been here through all of this, so he's been really helpful." I smiled softly, realizing how much I already missed them.
"So you have a good relationship with them? Do you feel like you could talk to them if you needed anything?"
"Gosh, you sound like a therapist," I joked, forgetting that Strange wasn't exactly one for jokes.
"This is just routine, Peter," he replied flatly, eyeing me.
"Right, right..." I cleared my throat, continuing. "Yeah, yeah, definitely. I mean, I haven't told Ned that I'm, like, a superhero or whatever, but he's not really... not that I can't trust him, I'm just... not ready."
"Just like you're not ready to tell Tony that you're trans," he said, calculatingly.
"Exactly! Right, just like that..." I replied.
Strange nodded, setting his clipboard down and turning to look at a screen on the computer next to him.
"What's your t dose?"
"40 milligrams once a week. By injection."
*tw starts*
He looked up at me when I said that. "Well that explains things."
"Huh?" I asked, my stomach churning slightly at his tone. "What does that mean?"
"I mean I ran your blood, and your t levels are crazy low. As in, the testosterone isn't doing anything."
"Oh god, oh god, I knew it. This is bad, right? This explains why- oh my god," I groaned, once again grabbing my left shoulder with my right hand as I curled my legs into my chest.
"Let me guess, your monthly thing came back, yeah?" Strange asked quietly, and I could only nod in response. "It's alright, Peter. We'll just give you a higher dose. Things should sort themselves out soon, and you'll be good as new."
I watched as he pulled out a container of testosterone - much larger than the quarter sized bottles that I used at home, and a massive syringe.
"I'll give you a big dose right now, and then we'll see how that goes. If this dose works, you can either give yourself a smaller dose every day, or I can administer this larger dose once a week. It's up to you."
"Wait a second, you're gonna inject me with that?" I shrieked, watching him begin to draw up the liquid into the syringe. For some reason, though I was perfectly fine injected myself with needles, I couldn't deal with others doing in for me. "C-can't I just inject it?" I asked, though I really wasn't confident that I could manage such a large needle myself.
"You've been doing this for how many months? You'll be fine, Peter," Strange said.
It was definitely the control factor that scared me. If I was doing this myself, I would know exactly the moment that it was going to hurt. Hell, I could even drop the syringe and race out of the room if I wanted to. It was just like how other people can tickle you, but you can't tickle yourself because the surprise factor is gone. I anxiously fiddled with my thumbs as I refused to let me eyes leave the needle, just so I wouldn't be caught off guard when the inevitable finally happened.
My face was beet red, though as much as I wanted to be courageous in this moment, I was terrified. That's when Steve entered the room. He must've noticed me shaking, because he sat down beside me.
"Are you alright kid?" he asked softly.
Doctor Strange didn't seem to appreciate his presence in the room, and I watched him quickly move the testosterone bottle into a cupboard. That left only the huge syringe with the nameless yellowy liquid inside, sitting menacingly on the tray.
"Yeah, I'm- well- I have to-" I stuttered, finally just pointing to the needle.
Steve understood immediately. Or so he thought he did. "Oh dear. Spider stuff?" he asked.
"Uh, yeah. It's a spider thing, yeah. I'm just- that's a really big needle, yknow?" And then I remembered who I was talking to. "But I can do it. I mean, you had like six of these things in you at once when they turned you into a super soldier. If you can do that, than I can at least do one of these things..."
Steve laughed at that. "Sure, but you shouldn't compare yourself to me. There's nothing wrong with being afraid, no matter how big or small that fear is. I may be Captain America, but I'm not perfect. In fact, I swore to never say this in the home of Tony Stark, but I live in constant fear that the Russians are going to hack into the wifi and kill us all."
"You know that's not how it works, right?" I laughed.
"Just as much as you know that that needle is not going to kill you. But that doesn't mean you aren't afraid."
I nodded, taking a deep breath. "Alright. Doctor Strange, I'm ready."
The dark haired man nodded as if to say "finally," and began to use an alcohol swab to clean off a small part of my thigh.
Steve smiled at me. "You're a good kid, you know. I was really skeptical about bringing a kid in here, but I'm glad we did."
Holy shit, Captain America just gave me a compliment.
"Thanks, Steve," I said, eyes wide with awe. Is this the part where I tell him that most of my underwear has his shield printed all over it? Probably not. Instead I let my eyes wander, just in time to see the needle inches from my skin. My immediate reaction was to jerk my leg back, causing me to almost fall onto Steve. He caught me with his sturdy hands, and a wave of comfort came over me. I met his eyes and he nodded reassuringly.
"Alright, I'm really ready this time," I said softly, squeezing my eyes shut. I didn't move from Steve's grip, though I felt one of his hands move instead to hold my hand which I took gratefully.
"Hey Steve?" I managed, right as I felt a prick.
"Yeah?" he asked.
"Do you think that I should tell May that I'm Spider-Man?"
"It's all up to you, kid. Of course I think you should tell her, but don't rush into it before you're ready."
"I know. I just feel like I'm lying to her by not telling her, yknow?" I replied.
"The one thing I can tell you is that you're not lying to her. It's not like that. I didn't tell Bucky when I ran off to enlist in the army, or when I was turned into a super soldier, but that doesn't mean I was lying to him. And besides that, you did the right thing by letting us help you. She would be proud of you for that." He squeezed my hand. "Although, I can't guarantee that she won't ground you for life just to try and keep you off the streets. She'll want to protect you just as much as you think you're protecting her by not telling her what's going on."
That last part was definitely true. "Thanks, Steve. That means a lot coming from someone like you."
"Anytime, young man."
I had been so distracted by our conversation that before I knew it, Strange was tossing away the needle and putting a band-aid on my leg.
"Oh, I don't need a band-aid, Doctor Strange. I'll heal right away," I said. "Hey, wait, this is an Iron Man band-aid. I'm not five, you know!" I whined, seeing the red and gold pattern right where the needle had been.
*tw ends*
He laughed in response. "Mr. Stark only lets us keep Avengers themed band-aids in the house. Don't ask. And before I forget," he handed me a piece of paper. "Here's your new dose. I'll be gone for a few days, so just keep this up until I get back and then we'll check in again. I'll have a box of supplies brought up to your room."
"Thank you, Doctor Strange. You're literally a life saver."
"Well, that is what neurosurgeons do," he said.
Steve cleared his throat, alerting me to the fact that I was still basically sitting on top of him. I flushed bright red, wishing I had that mask to cover my face at this moment. "Oh! I'm sorry," I squeaked out as I jumped off.
"I don't mind, as long as you're happy," he said, his eyes shining. I smiled back. He had a very fatherly persona, not necessarily as a father figure to me, but to someone out there. I wondered if he would ever have kids, or if he even wanted them.
It was at that moment I realized that maybe what I had said about being afraid to tell May that I'm Spider-Man was really about my fear of telling Tony that I'm trans.
A/N:
New drinking game idea: Take a shot every time I write "yknow"
(Just kidding don't do that)
Also y'all can I just say I've been living for your comments lately, they really keep me motivated to write so thank you!! Also I've been trying to be a lot better about replying to them and stuff, so yeah keep it up.
P.S. If anyone wants to write my chemistry paper on antioxidants and free radicals I will literally have a new chapter up by midnight.