Disclaimer
So, this is kind of emotional. It contains some memories from Season One that quite literally hurt me while I referenced it or added it in.
Enjoy.
✦
✦
The next morning, Grace woke up to Miller shaking her. She looks up, her green eyes hopeful until she noticed the small frown on his face. The corners of her lips dip down as she runs a hand through her hair. That meant Clarke wasn't back yet. "What's up?"
"You were crying in your sleep. You don't remember that?" Miller questions, his hand reaching up to wipe away a few stray tears. Grace frowns. She didn't even realize that. She wipes at her face as memories of her nightmare from last night ran through her mind. It was of the final battle with the grounders, her goodbye to Bellamy was silent as she watched him disappear into the brawl with a final nod of his head. She couldn't stop thinking about him.
It was like there was a constant ache in her chest that never went away. She couldn't stop thinking about him. That stupid way he smirked when she got feisty or her sarcastic remarks came out before she could stop them. Or the annoyed sigh he would always make when she quickened her pace subconsciously and walked in front of them when they were hunting, or the way he would send her his bitch face when she did the exact opposite of what he said to do. That way he grabbed onto her bicep or her wrist or her hand and held it like he was afraid to let it go. The way he made her feel safe.
And now he was gone.
A fake smile grazes her lips as she drops her gaze to the bedsheets. "Right. Sorry."
Miller sighs, his hand running over the little hair on his head. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"No," Grace whispers, her eyes filling with tears. "I just want to forget."
"Yeah," he murmurs in return. "Me too."
Grace slowly pulls her legs from her blankets. "What time is it?"
Miller shrugs. "Breakfast is later on. It's fucking early."
"Sorry for waking you," Grace sighs, moving her legs so they dangle from the bunk. Miller shrugs and leans back against it, his eyes making their way to her shaky hands. He says nothing.
"I was already awake. Couldn't stop staring at that picture you made," Miller runs his hand over his head again. "Thanks, again. For that."
"Course," she whispers, slowly lowering herself to the ground. She hisses when her wrists bend an awkward way but she pushes away Miller's hands when he tries to help. "It's fine. I got it."
"You should really go to medical," Miller grumbles, his eyes on the bruises.
"Yeah, right," Grace scoffs. "Maya gave me pills already."
"And do you take them?" Miller asks, though he already knew the answer. Grace's smile falters until it's gone completely and she shakes her head. He sighs. "Grace—"
"It helps me focus, Miller," Grace runs a shaky hand through her head and wiped her eyes with two quick wipes. "Sometimes, when I'm just sitting and my mind wanders back to— back to him and everyone else we've lost and my vision gets blurry and I feel like I can't— can't breathe. So, I squeeze my fists until they hurt and then it goes away for a little while."
Miller watches the girl with a broken hearted expression. She knew it wasn't okay. She knew that causing herself harm wasn't okay, but it helped her get by. Miller didn't even know what to say besides, "stop."
She turns to him. "I can't."
"Yes, you can. Bellamy wouldn't want you doing this and you know it," Miller's voice was firm, yet reassuring. Her chest tightens and her heart felt like it had ripped itself out and rolled down several flights of stairs before being stabbed multiple times with a rusty fork.
"I know," she whispers, biting her bottom lip in an attempt to stop the sob that almost escaped. She pulls Miller into her, her face pressed firmly into his chest as his arms circled around her. Tears stream down her face as a small sob finally escapes. "I'm sorry."
Miller presses a short kiss to the top of her head. "I know, Grace. I know. Just don't do it again."
"I'll try," Grace mumbles, pulling away and dropping her gaze to the ground. She wipes her eyes and let's out a small, fake laugh. "Yeah, okay. I'm going to go get some clean clothes. I'm gonna go to psych, see if they'll let me see Clarke."
Miller nods his head, ducking down to sit on his bed. "Yeah, tell me how it goes."
Grace nods and grabs the pile of clothes Harper had picked out for her before making her way to the bathroom. "Course."
✦
The psych ward was completely white and kind of like quarantine. Grace briefly wondered how in the hell seeing only one colour all the damn time would make you even remotely sane but then she saw a desk at the end of the hallway and it left her mind.
She jogged down the insanely long hallway and stopped in front of the desk, her eyes taking in the woman sitting there. She glances up and, weirdly enough, she actually looks familiar.
She has these pretty brown eyes that are extremely welcoming and kind; silky brown hair that was thrown into a bun that was so tight, Grace wondered if she felt like her skin was being ripped off from the back; and these plump lips that were growing into a smile when she saw the redhead.
"How may I help you, Grace?"
Confusion and distrust filled the girl immediately. "How do you know my name?"
The woman's smile falters briefly before it widens even more than before. Grace's eyes drift down to the woman's desk. A silver plaque displayed a name in bold letters; Isabella Byrne. Why the hell did that sound so familiar?
"Sorry," she apologizes after a brief moment. "You're one of the forty eight from the ground, it's kind of hard not to know who you are."
Embarrassment floods through her. "Right, of course. Sorry."
She smirks for just a second but it's gone seconds later and Grace isn't even sure if it had really been there. "It might help a little bit that my son won't stop talking about you."
"Son?" Grace's eyes light up in realization. That was why Byrne sounded so familiar, she's seen it printed on a guard uniform. "You're Isaac's mom?"
The woman, Isabella, nods her head. "Yeah. It's nice to meet you."
Grace stares at her when she holds out her hand, then raises her hand slowly and shakes it. "You too. He's, uh, nice."
"Yeah, well, I tried," Isabella watches the girl crack a small smile before she leans forward on her elbows. "Now, are you looking for Clarke Griffin, too?"
"How'd you know that?" Grace asks, frowning.
"Your friend Jasper was here earlier," she explains. "I'm afraid I'm going to have to tell you you can't see her either. There's no visitation allowed."
"What? Why not?" Grace demands, stepping forward. "Is she okay?"
"Her chart says she is. Apparently President Wallace isn't allowing visitors yet," seeing Grace's growing anger, she leans back slightly. "That's all I know. I really am sorry, Grace."
"It's not your fault," Grace whispers, stepping back and turning on her heel. "I'm going to go talk to the President. See you around, I guess."
✦
The talk with President Wallace didn't go well, either. He just repeated what Isabella had with a bit more detail about Clarke. He basically only told her that Clarke wasn't taking visitors until she was better, then told her to go and get some breakfast because she seemed stressed.
"Of course I'm stressed! You locked one of my best friends up and now you won't let me see her," Grace fumed. The President only folded his hands together and leaned back into his seat with a calm expression.
"I'm sorry, Grace," Dante said, eerily calm for what was happening. "There's nothing I can do right now."
Something was going on in this damn mountain, something was wrong. They must've been hiding something. Clarke wouldn't have hurt herself, not when her people needed her. Now they weren't letting people see her? It made no sense.
Grace was trying her hardest to calm down as she walked towards the mess hall. She knew everyone was there right now and all she needed to do was find Jasper, Monty, Miller, and Harper so someone could calm her down before she throat punched a guard and got herself thrown in psych with Clarke.
Actually, that wasn't a bad idea. If she turned around now she could go after the guard in the last hallway and—
"Grace!" Dammit. There went that plan. Guess she was going to have to calm down. Grace inwardly sighs before she jogs up to where Monty and Jasper were sitting, taking a seat next to Monty and nodding her head at Miller when he sat in front of her. "They let you in?"
Grace shakes her head in irritation, squeezing her fists tightly and laying them on the table in front of her, relishing in the tremor of pain it sent through her. Miller grabbed her hand and spread out her fingers, allowing her to relax. "Stop that!"
"Grace, you have to calm down," Monty said firmly, reaching over to place a comforting hand on her back.
"I'm trying," Grace glances behind her at the two guards on duty, both of the having their eyes trained firmly on her. She immediately turns back around, her eyes meeting a panicking Jasper. "You need to calm the fuck down, too."
"This is bullshit. We have every right to see her," Miller mutters. "Maybe Isaac can—"
"He can't do shit," Grace squeezes the hand not holding Millers tightly before he loosens the grip on that one too. "His mother works the front desk."
"What? That blonde woman?" Jasper asks, completely confused.
"What? No! The brunette with the pretty eyes," Grace says, all of them staring at her strangely. "What? They were pretty."
"Never mind, just close your eyes and think about something that relaxes you," Miller buts in, his hands still curled around hers. Grace snaps her eyes closed, her mind wandering as she tried to remember something that calmed her. Then, she remembered that night in the woods after the bracelets stopped working.
"Sweetheart? Where are you going?"
No. Go away. I want to be alone.
Grace stumbles through the forest, hand flying up to her chest as she let out a choked sob.
"Grace?" Bellamy's raspy voice comes from behind her. Grace doesn't answer, instead falling onto her knees to let out a loud sob. Her small hands start grabbing at the dirt, anything that she could get a stable grip on. "Oh, sweetheart."
He's right behind her now. He's pulling her into his arms, his strong ones restraining hers from harming herself. "Hey, hey, hey. It's okay. I got you," he coos in her ear, one hand petting her bright hair down gently and the other wrapped tightly around both of her wrists. "It's going to be okay, Grace. I got you."
Her eyes snap open a couple moments later when she feels herself relax. Just the thought of him was soothing. She could still remember how he held her close to his chest and wrapped his arms around her, her head falling back and her nose nuzzling into the skin on his neck as he whispered calming words into her ear. She just had to picture his arms around her, holding her and protecting her.
"Better?" Miller whispers.
"Better," Grace leans forward in her seat, turning to flash the guards an award winning smile and watching them visibly relax. Letting out a shaky breath, she lifts her gaze to the boys. "I'm telling you guys. Something's wrong."
"The only thing wrong is that they're locking Clarke away and not letting us see her," Jasper whispered.
"No, something bigger is happening. There has to be," Grace mumbles.
"Yeah? And what would be going on, huh?" Jasper demands, shooting a glare at Grace. She falters. She didn't know what was going on exactly, but something in her gut told her different. Jasper scoffs. "Exactly. I'm going to go see Maya. Ask her to snoop around."
✦
The next morning was even worse.
She was up almost all night trying to calm down Harper who had an extremely bad dream followed by a panic attack. Grace didn't mind helping her, of course. She's had a few of those herself, after all. She was just tired. She didn't even want to get out of bed. She did, though. When Miller woke up and tapped her shoulder, she pulled herself into a sitting position and sent him a blank look.
"Maybe you should just stay in bed," Miller frowns. "Not that you actually will because 'everyone else comes before me' and 'I'm fine' and all that other bullshit."
"Damn straight," Grace pauses. "And shut up."
Miller smiles, watching the girl swing her legs over the side of the bed and sit there for a moment, him leaning back against the bunk like the day before. "Breakfast?"
Grace sighs but nods her head.
"Isaac's been asking about you. Wants to know if you're okay," Miller says, nudging her leg slightly and watching as it swayed with the movement. Grace quirked a brow.
"Why doesn't he just ask me himself?"
"You make him nervous."
Grace let's out a tired laugh, rubbing at her eyes. "Nervous?"
"Yeah, nervous. Every time he's around you he does or says something stupid," Miller lets out a bark of laughter. "He doesn't mean to, though. He's a good guy."
"You spend a lot of time with him?" Grace asks, jumping down from her bunk and letting out a hiss from her wrists again. Miller tries to help but she yet again smacks his hands away.
"It's not like that, G. You should keep him close. We can trust him," Miller says.
"Yeah, okay," Grace nods her head and grabs the clothes on her bed, tossing the next few words over her shoulder. "Wait for me, I'll join you and Isaac for breakfast."
✦
Grace sat beside Miller, placing her plate of pancakes in front of her. She sends Isaac a small smile, pushing the back of her dress underneath her thighs and sitting down. "Good morning."
"Good morning," Isaac smiles at the girl. Miller kicks him under the table, sending him a look. "Oh, uh, I guess you met my mom yesterday?"
It sounds more like a question and Grace frowns in confusion when Miller covers his face with his hands and lets out a deep sigh. "Uh, yeah. She was nice, I guess."
"Right, right," Isaac nods. A moment of awkward silence passes the trio. Grace sighs.
"Where've you been the past few days?" Grace asks. She was desperate for some information because she hadn't seen him, but she couldn't act like she did. She quickly adds, "But you don't have to answer if it's some like, confidential guard business or something."
"Yeah, no, it's fine," Isaac dismisses, placing some of his waffles in his mouth. He chews and swallows before answering. "I was with my little sister. I had a couple days off so I volunteered at her school."
"You have a little sister? What's her name?" Grace asks, almost immediately. Miller sends her a curious look. At the mention of any sibling she usually tensed up or immediately put up her walls, but here she was acting fine.
"Rebecca. We used to call her Becky but she's in her pre-teen stages so she's 'too cool' now," Isaac grins, then catches Grace's huge smile. "Would you like to come meet the kids? I know they're all very curious to meet someone who's actually seen the ground."
"Can I actually?" Grace asks, her lips curling up. What could she say? She was a sucker for kids.
"Of course," Isaac says, sending Miller a quick wink. Grace doesn't notice, she merely nods her head and starts cutting her pancakes. "I'll bring you after breakfast."
"Awesome," Grace says, glancing up at Isaac. "I have a sister, too. Her name's Avalon."
"That's a beautiful name," he comments.
"So is Rebecca."
✦
The walk to the schoolhouse was longer than anticipated. At first they were both silent, but Grace couldn't stop herself when the question left her mouth.
"Where the hell is Clarke?"
Isaac's step falters. Grace immediately raises a brow and pulls her guard up, stopping in her tracks. "You know something. Don't you?"
Isaac frowns, then gestures for Grace to move closer to the wall as someone walked past. He flashes them a smile, then his face turns serious when they pass. "Okay, if I tell you something you can't tell anyone, okay?"
"Depends on what the fuck it is," Grace glares up at the boy, watching as he let out a sigh.
"Clarke escaped," he says after a moment. Grace's brave facade falters. What? No way in hell she left without them. She wouldn't leave her people and she sure as hell wouldn't leave Grace. "Just bear with me for a minute, okay?" He pleads.
Grace crosses her arms over her chest, staring up at the boy with determination burning in her eyes. "Start talking or I break your arm. You have five minutes."
Isaac sighs once more and Grace uncrosses her arms, causing the man to flinch. "Hey, I'm on your side, alright?" Grace sends him her bitch face— she's been practicing. Bellamy would be proud. "I don't know for sure if she escaped or not, but it seemed weird how they weren't letting you inside to see her so yesterday, between classes, I did some snooping.
"The volunteering was a good cover up," he says. "I talked to my mom last night, she said there's a room on psych labeled Clarke Griffin but there window is covered and there's no employees allowed inside. It's weird. She told me she'd check and see if anyone was actually inside today, I was waiting until then to tell you."
Grace frowns, letting her guard down for just a moment. "Why would you help us?"
"Because you deserve to know what happened to your friend," Isaac frowns. Grace keeps her eyes on his, her brows furrowed. That couldn't be the only reason. Isaac looks away, running a hand through his hair. "His name was Harrison, all right? He was my best friend. He was older than me, training to be on the ground unit. He finally got up there when his suit malfunctioned."
A dark chuckle escapes his mouth. "They lied, told everyone an outsider got the jump on him so they wouldn't be at fault. I found out from someone who was up there when it happened what really happened a couple days later after I attacked him with a knife I snuck out of the mess hall," he lifts his gaze up to meet Grace's sad ones. "You deserve to know what really happened to your friend. Just like I did."
"I'm sorry," Grace mumbles, despite knowing it wasn't going to help at all.
"It was years ago," Isaac shrugs it off, stepping away from the girl. He clears his throat and turns back in the direction they were heading, trying to hide the fact that he was wiping his eyes. Something told her it wasn't that long ago. "Anyways, the school is up here. We're not far now."
"Right," Grace mumbles, moving to follow after him. Now she felt like a complete bitch.
✦
It was a few, silent moments later when Isaac stopped in front of a door. Grace glances around the corridor, noticing the letters on the walls and the colourful drawings lining one side.
Grace returns her attention to Isaac and is shocked when she sees him waving into the window with a fond smile. She finds herself smiling, pushing away the confession he had made to her when his gaze moved to her.
"Ready? I'm just warning you, they might be a bit overwhelming."
"It's fine," Grace muses, watching as Isaac slowly opened the door. He steps inside, successfully announcing his arrival with the loud steps from his heavy boots.
"Hey Ikey!" Grace heard the sweet voice before she saw the girl. She walks in to see a little girl, ranging from the ages eight to ten, with her arms wrapped securely around his waist.
"Hey Becky," Isaac muses, ruffling her hair.
"It's Rebecca," the girl emphasizes, moving away from him. Her brown eyes widen when she sees the redhead standing in the doorway. "Who's this? Is this the one you were talking about?"
Grace frowns slightly. First his mom, now his sister? What exactly was he saying about her? Nothing good, probably. The only she's really done was threaten him and get away from his as quickly as possible.
"Yeah, it is, Becky," Isaac chuckles as she glares at him playfully. He leans down to whisper in his ear, making sure Grace could actually hear what he said. "Be careful, she's feisty sometimes."
Grace quirked a brow, crossing her arms over chest. Isaac grins, nudging his sister. "See?"
Grace rolls her eyes but holds a soft smile as she looked down at Becky— sorry, Rebecca. She steps into the class, one hand reaching up to scratch her forearm as a blush appears on her face. She forgot there was more people there. It was a small class, twelve people at most, and they all stared at her like she was growing an extra limb she didn't know about. "Uh, hi?"
Questions spewed from the children's mouths not a second after she finished talking. They asked about everything; the trees, the dirt, the sun. They even asked about the air.
Their teacher, Miss Jenkins as the plaque on her desk said, shushes them loudly, then smiles at her. "Hello, dear. It's nice to meet you."
"It's nice to meet you all, too," Grace smiles, taking in the kids all sitting in their desks. For such small people, their stares were unusually intimidating. "I'm Grace."
"Hello Grace," the class says in unison. Rebecca gets on her tippy toes to kiss her brothers cheek. She flashes Grace a smile and then returns to what Grace assumes is her desk.
"Were you on the ground?" One kid blurts out, then slaps a hand over his mouth. He pulls it away and lets out a sheepish, "sorry."
"No, no, it's totally fine," Grace let's out a shaky laugh, then moves to stand next to Isaac who sends her a wink. "I— I was on the ground for a while, but I originally came from space."
"Space! Really?" One girl yells out. Grace chuckles but nods her head.
"Wow! So, you've seen the stars and the trees?"
Grace nods.
"Have you seen any animals?"
"A few."
"What kinds?"
A frown grazes her lips for a moment as she remembers all of the times the animals on the ground had tried to kill her. It was a stupid question and she's not sure why she was taking so long to answer it, but the thought of the ground was bringing up memories she tried so hard to shove away.
A hand is placed on the small of her back and she looks back to meet Isaac's concerned gaze. "Are you okay? You don't have to answer."
"It's okay," she whispers, moving her gaze back to the confused children and the sympathetic teacher. "Can you excuse me for just a moment? I just need to . . . clear my thoughts."
Grace wipes her moist hands on her dress, leaving the room and closing the door quickly after. She moves out of sight, moving to the right of the door where she knew no one could see her. She leans against the painted cement wall, taking her bottom lip into her mouth as she squeezes her eyes tightly. After everything she'd been through, a question about animals was going to break her?
It was just sudden, all of those questions. Grace sighs, reaching a shaky hand up to run it through her hair. The questions were going to bring up a lot of unhappy memories, but they were also going to bring up a lot of happy ones. She could push away her thoughts for a minute to answer those questions for those kids. She could do that. And maybe it would help her get it off her chest, you know? Maybe.
The sound of the door opening and some heavy boots hitting the floor snapped her out of her thoughts. She moves away from the wall, offering Isaac a soft smile. He frowns, moving towards her after shutting the door. "You don't have to do this if you're not ready. I-I told the kids that you might need some time."
Grace smiles at him, kindly. "I can do it, but only if they let me pass on some questions. Some I just . . . can't answer right now."
Isaac nods his head, his lips quirking up. "You're very strong. Did you know that?"
A pang to Grace's heart. "I've been told."
"You ready?" He asks, gesturing to the door. Grace nods.
"Ready."
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Hey! So, that was kind of new and kind of bland but I tried. I might have daily questions from now on, not sure.
Here's todays:
QOTD: what do you like best about Mount Weather Grace?
Also, I'm going to be posting something called Meraki, as another book. No, it's not promoting some random book for some other person that I just don't have votes on, it's a one shot book for all of my characters. Grace and Bellamy, Avalon, etc. I'm mostly saying this because if you notice that I skip a couple days and just go with the plot line on the show within this book, I probably wrote about those days in Meraki.
Also, I'm probably going to write about the questions the children asked in that book, write a one shot about it. Some things I reference in this book will be written in it as well, so check it out if you're interested.
Vote, comment, and may we meet again.
Gif | Isaac in the classroom with Grace