I disengaged myself from Liz and Mykel and sat up. I leaned over and gently kissed her cheek.
"Thank you. For everything. You have no idea what you've done for me."
"You've done more than you know for me as well, Mattie, love."
I smiled gently at her teary tone and the palm she gently pressed to my cheek. I kissed it.
"We'll talk about that one day. But I'm exhausted." I looked at Mykel then. "Take me to bed?"
He nodded not saying anything. I knew where his mind was going. I hadn't responded to him earlier, and it sprouted seeds of doubt.
As Liz bid her goodnight, she handed Mykel something and he half smiled. As she closed her bedroom door, I interlaced our fingers and he led me upstairs.
"Do you want--"
"No." He looked surprised at my vehement interruption. I dragged him into my room and pulled him under the covers with me.
I kissed him then, long and hard and with all the passion I could muster. "I've lived without you once. I never want to do it again. I love you, too, Mykel. I'm so in love with you it terrifies me to my very core. But I know that I love you and I know that I need you, and I know that I don't ever want to be without you." I kissed him again, softly this time, feather light and full of both terror and promise. "I'll give you my heart, Mykel, if you promise not to break it. Its already so shattered as it is...I don't think it could handle anymore."
Mykel looked me in the eyes a moment before bringing his lips to mine.
"I give you this vow, here, tonight. I can't always promise things will be easy. But what I do swear to you Mattie, is that I'll spend my life proving to you how much you mean to me. I'll always try to make you as happy as you make me, though I don't know how I could.
"I'll try, though. Most importantly, Mattie, I love you. I'm in love with you. That means I'll never raise my hand at you in anger. I love you, but I don't own you, and I won't try and control you."
I scooted closer to him, nuzzling into his neck as his arm wound around me. "Just keep me safe. I never knew what safe could feel like until the first time I was in your arms."
He kissed my forehead and I could feel his lips smiling, and I fell asleep with his promise filling my heart.
It was four days later that Mykel came home later than normal, finding Liz and I bundled under an electric blanket on the back swing, huddled into one another, smoking a blunt.
"You maniacs. Why then hell are you out here?" There was a laugh in his question, his eyes bright.
"This is our spot," Liz said matter-of-fact, as if he should already know this.
"Well get inside, both of you, before you freeze."
"That's what the electric blanket is for, Mykel."
I smiled at her. "Come on, Liz. Let's go inside."
"Alright, so what are you so excited about?" Liz asked once we were all back in the house.
"The shop is done. I open next week!" Mykel's eyes sparkled with excitement and he bounced on the balls of his feet.
"That's fucking awesome!" Liz shouted, a smile spreading across her face in delight. "I'm so proud of you!"
Liz threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, squealing when he spun her around.
He set her down with an ornery glint and he laughed when she smacked him. "Asshat. I hate when you pick me up. So when can we see this mystery shop of yours?"
"We can head over there Saturday when you're off next. I want you to see it before it opens next Monday."
Mykel turned to me then, his smile bright and his expression happy. I kissed him.
"I'm proud of you, too. Tonight I'll show you how proud I am." I whispered the words against his cheek, hearing his breath catch. I pulled back and smiled slyly at his flushed skin. As I turned I subtly raked my fingers lightly across his crotch, and I chuckled to myself at his involuntary whimper.
"So, how about a drink?" I smiled at the look he cast me.
"Yes, how about? Only a couple, though, we have work tomorrow morning." She gave me a pointed look that told me to make sure she only had those couple. There was a sudden change in her eyes then, a flicker, and if I hadn't been paying attention, I'd have missed it.
We did end up only having two drinks a piece before Liz bid her good nights. I watched her leave before standing to follow.
She left her door open for me to proceed her, and I quietly shut it behind me. She kept her back to me as I approached, her arms crossed over her chest.
"What's the matter?" I asked her, setting my hands along her upper arms.
She shook her head and closing her eyes, took a deep breath. "Nothing, Mattie. I'll be okay."
"But you're not okay." I turned her around to face me and gently wiped her cheeks.
"Yeah. Don't mention it to Mykel, okay? It's a good day for him."
"I don't know what I'd tell him anyway. You don't wanna talk about it?"
She shook her head. "No. Not right now. I just wanna go to sleep."
I nodded. "Okay. You can always come to me, too, you know. You don't have to be the strong one all the time, either."
Liz closed her eyes and nodded. I could see she was trying to keep it together, but I would grant her wish and leave her to sleep. I pulled her into me and wrapped my arms around her. I noticed, but did not comment on the fact that I felt her shaking, nor did I comment on how she held on tighter and just a bit longer than was necessary. I did not let go until she broke the first contact.
"Thank you, Mattie."
"I love you, Liz." I kissed her forehead and padded the tears from her cheeks one last time before filing out of the room.
When I returned to the kitchen, Mykel was finishing up the dishes. I watched him for a moment and smirked. "Don't you make a cute little housewife."
He turned around and looked at me, his eyebrow cocked, a grin of his own adorning his face.
"Did you seriously just say that to me?" He laughed and walked over to me, capturing my lips with his. I smiled and wound my arms around his neck.
When he pulled back his eyes were drawn to my shoulder. I hadn't noticed before then my shirt was wet from where Liz had set her face when I hugged her. He frowned and looked to Liz's closed door.
"What's wrong with her?"
I looked toward her room and sighed. "I don't know. She didn't want to talk."
He looked back at my shirt. "She was crying?"
"Yes, but she didn't want you to know. She said this was a happy day for you."
He didn't reply, edging past me in a beeline for her room. I blocked his path, moving quickly, my hand resting on his chest. His heart was beating at an accelerated rate.
"Mykel, no. Liz is a big girl and she wants to be alone right now. You won't get anything out of her easier by trying to force her to talk before she's ready.
"Let's just go upstairs and finish celebrating in our own way. Liz will come to one of us when she's ready."
He looked to her room one last time and nodded. He knew the truth in my words better than I, and knew full well that badgering her to talk would only make her shut down.
I lost myself in the ecstasy of his touch, of his mouth. Never before had anyone paid such vigilant attention to pleasure me. I gripped the pillow behind my head, my body taunt, as he swallowed me whole before bringing his head back up.
He was working me slowly, drawing it out until every nerve was standing on end. My hips rose to meet him, and I felt him smile around me as his hands gripped my hips, pushing me back down to the bed.
"Mykel, I'm so close," I managed to groan out. I whimpered as he pulled his mouth away, and gasped when it was replaced by his hand. The rough callouses of his palm almost drove me over the edge right then.
"Come to me, mon bonheur." He kissed along my pelvis before engulfing me in one go, sucking hard around my length, moving his throat and tongue in an expert like manner.
I came instantly and had to cut off my scream by biting down on the pillow. I hadn't the time to fully catch my breath when I felt his lube-slicked fingers enter me. I moaned deep in my throat and thrust into him, my body quivering when he hit that sensitive spot.
He stretched me, teasing me, and I was all his. He kissed me when he pushed himself inside me, and my arms and legs wound around him, anchoring me to him, to the moment.
As he held me, he was moaning my name softly in my ear, whispering such words that filled my heart and healed my battered soul.
The next morning Liz was uncharacteristically quiet on the way to work. I said nothing but kept a close eye on her. Casting her side glances that weren't as hidden as I would have liked to have thought.
She looked nervous. Her fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel. She was chewing on her lip so much it was beginning to turn red and raw.
"Liz." I touched her arm and she jumped, slightly, but I felt it.
"Liz, tell me what's going on." It was a gentle demand, but my tone was serious. I'd never seen her act like this...like...me...before.
It was close to ten a.m. and the morning traffic was still slightly jammed.
I could see her battling herself as I watched her resolve begin to crumble. She didn't say anything as she pulled off the highway and into a parking lot of an abandoned store front.
She threw the gear into park and, leaning against the wheel began to cry.
Getting out I hurried to get to her side of the car and opened the door. I knelt down beside her, my hand on her arm. She didn't jump this time, but her physical lamentation increased with my physical contact.
I half crouched, half leaned in the open car door and she fell sideways into me.
Still neither of us said anything. She couldn't do much more than grip my shirt, and my concentration was keeping us from tumbling out of the car on to the asphalt.
After a quarter hour she had calmed, but had not moved from my hold. My back and legs were on fire, but I dare not tell her to move.
In an acrobatic motion I managed to dig my cell phone from my front right pocket (the side Liz was pressed against) to call the shop.
"Hey, Linda, it's Mattie." Linda is a great girl, always willing to help out in a jam. An aging woman with graying hair who worked to keep busy. I smiled at her worried tone. We were almost half an hour late.
"Do you think you can work until Patrick comes in? I..." I looked down at Liz. Her face was still buried in my chest, and her fists had tightened their grip of my shirt.
"I can't really go into details, but something's going on and Liz and I can't make it in."
I smiled at Linda even though she couldn't see me. She of course would work until Patrick comes in and she hopes that everything with her favorite boss is alright.
I extended my thanks and disconnected the call. Smoothing her hair from her face I softly called her name. She didn't respond.
"Come on, Liz, scoot over. Let's go home."
Without a word she disentangled from me and slid over, allowing me to drive her home without so much as a word of protest.
She still hadn't said anything, and the whole way back to the house she kept her eyes on her hands. Every now and again I'd see fresh tear tracks down her cheeks.
We pulled into the driveway about a half an hour after we left the parking lot. I parked in the garage, killed the engine, and shut the big door. Still Liz hadn't spoken, her eyes still focused on her hands, though she seemed far away.
I didn't touch her. "Liz. Come on, Liz, let's go inside."
She looked at me then looked at the door that led from the garage into the house and back again.
"Mykel isn't home. He's at his shop. Last minute stuff or whatever before he shows us. It's just us. Come on."
I climbed out and she followed me, still silent, head bowed. I led her into the kitchen where she sat down at the table and I began a fresh pot of very strong coffee. I also dug around the freezer for a small additive. I felt that this was an occasion for it.
She drank half her cup, her hands grasping the side of the mug, searching for something solid to hold onto. Something warm to remind her she was alive.
"Liz, what's going on?" I was sitting to her left at the head of the table.
"Bradley. I saw Bradley. I didn't know he was out of prison. Though I guess I should have, I just didn't think about it. And then he walked into the coffee house yesterday."
She had never before mentioned his name, but I knew instantly to whom she referred. I felt my blood run cold.
Before I could say anything, a voice sounded from behind us. "What?"
We both jumped and turned to face where the voice came from. Neither of us heard him come home.
Liz paled. Mykel stood in the doorway, his hands clinched in fists at his side.
"How the fuck did he know where you are?"
He sounded angry and Liz tensed beside me. "Mykel, you need to take a breath." I walked up to him and placed my hand on his chest. His heart was pounding.
"Mykel," I said in low tones and his eyes flickered to me. "You need to control yourself. You're scaring your sister."
At those words his entire demeanor changed. Carefully he approached Liz and knelt down, his hands on her knees.
"Lizzy, I'm sorry. That...wasn't how that was supposed to come out."
She nodded. "I don't think he knew."
Mykel frowned. "What?"
"Bradley. I don't think he knew. This is a tourist town. Maybe he just happened to be here. The look on his face and the way he scrambled backward suggested he had no idea. He was just as taken off guard as I was." She wiped her eyes.
"But just seeing him after all this time...and with the time of year." She shook her head and closed her eyes.
I frowned as I watched the exchange. Mykel nodded and frowned, his thumbs lightly rubbing her knees.
"What are you doing home this early, anyway?" She wiped her face and forced a smile.
"I came home for lunch." Mykel stood up and kissed her forehead. "You okay? Did this happen today? Is that why you're home?"
"I don't know. And no, yesterday. I just...freaked out about it this morning."
"Is that what you were so upset about last night?" She looked at me but I shook my head. "He didn't have to say anything, Liz, you're not as good at hiding things from me as you like to believe you are."
He grinned at her and she lightly grinned back. He made himself a bowl of leftovers and popped it in the microwave before turning back to Liz. She had her head in her hands, her face obscured from our view.
Mykel finished off his lunch so quickly I wondered briefly if he tasted it. Setting the bowl in the sink, he came and knelt back down in front of Liz. "You want me to stay home?"
She shook her head. "No. You've got all these little details to finish up. Besides, Mattie here will take care of me."
He smiled and stood. "Okay. Call me if you need anything. You know that I'll come home."
She nodded. "I know. Thanks, little brother."
He kissed her forehead. "I'll be home early." Then he turned to me. "Take care of her. I love you."
I smiled as he kissed me, feeling my cheeks heat up. "I love you, too. I'll take care of her, no need to worry."
When Mykel had left a silence lapsed between us. I stood in the doorway to the kitchen, and she sat still in the kitchen chair. I studied her a moment. She held her head downcast, her hair falling into her face.
"Liz, come on, love. Let's go sit in the living room." I reached out my hand and she took it, following me to the couch.
She hadn't let go my hand and I tugged her to me. She came willingly. She didn't cry. She didn't speak. But she clutched herself to me, holding on like I was the only thing keeping her from falling apart.
I wanted to ask her about what she'd said earlier in the kitchen, but refrained. She'd tell me if she wanted, I didn't feel right then would be a good time for questions.
She sat up slightly as she asked, "How do you love and miss someone so much your soul aches for them...when you never met them."
"Your soul knows them and mourns."
"She'd be fourteen now," Liz said with a tearful tone.
I knew of whom she spoke without having to ask. I dragged my fingers through her hair and she fell silent.
When next again she spoke, her voice was stronger, if still a bit watery. "I want a blunt. Or twelve. I'll be right back."
She stood and made her way into the bedroom before coming back and sitting down. She smiled at me, her grin garish and twisted, her eyes wet with fresh tears not yet fallen.
She concentrated on rolling the blunt but soon became frustrated as her hands were shaking too badly. Slowly I reached and pulled the small wooden box over until it was sitting in my lap. She didn't argue as I rolled it, simply rested her head in her hands.
"I've pictured this a million times, you know. Seeing him again after all this time. He's been out for a while. I went and looked it up. He lives in New York with his mom. He's not supposed to have any contact with me or he can go back to prison.
"Which is a good reason as to why he looked like he was going to shit himself as he ran out the door." I handed her the blunt. She blinked as she hit it and two tears fell lazily from her eyes. "I just thought that...I don't know," she continued, "that it wouldn't affect me so much. I mean, fuck, Mattie, it was fifteen fucking years ago."
Her voice showed her frustration. I reached and gently grasped her hand in mine before lightly kissing her knuckles.
"Just because he couldn't get to you physically doesn't mean that simply seeing him, having him stand that close to you...it doesn't mean that those things didn't affect you. No matter how much time passes."
She smiled at my paraphrasing of her own words to me after I saw my parents the week before. I knuckled the tears from her cheek with the back of my hand.
"It brings it all back. The feelings, the memories...the loss." She looked at me. "Bradley was one of my best friends. We grew up together. He beat the shit out of a guy in high school for grabbing me too hard. And then the baby.
"I named her Mattalynn. I planned on calling her Mattie." She looked at me with a watery smile as she told me this. I returned it.
No more tears fell from her eyes and she stamped the blunt out. As I rolled another she leaned heavily into my side, her head on my shoulder. I didn't mention that this slightly impeded the rolling process. Instead, I kissed the top of her head and finished what I was doing.
We smoked in silence, the warmth of our bodies creating a peace within us. We passed the weed back and forth, enjoying the calm and slight euphoria the strain spread through us.
"Thank you, Mattie," she whispered, her voice soft.
"For what?" I inhaled my hit, exhaled, and took another one before passing it back.
"For this. For...for being there."
"No thanks needed, Liz. It isn't something I think about doing. I know what it's like to suffer alone. I wouldn't want anyone I care for to feel the same way."
It was only four hours since Mykel left before he returned home. Liz was taking a shower and I was watching the timer on the oven for the pizza to finish, sitting at the kitchen table.
He smiled when he entered the kitchen. "Hi, mon bonheur." He leaned down smiling as he kissed me. "How's Liz?"
The oven timer sang out ding! and I stood to remove our dinner. "She's okay. I managed to keep her calm. She's taking a shower."
I set the pizza atop the stove. "How's everything coming with the shop? About ready to finally show us?" I began slicing the pizza, glancing at him as I did so.
He smiled and took a drink of the water bottle he pulled from the fridge. "Great. Got the last and final touches done. Ready to open up next week." His smile widened considerably as he spoke, and it stuck me, and not for the first time, nor the last, just how beautiful he is.
I smiled in return. "That's great! I can't wait to see it."
He kissed me, his lips teasing me as his tongue lightly dragged across my lips.
After dinner was consumed we curled up, the three of us, to watch a movie. I sat between them, Liz leaning on me, and I was folded into Mykel.
I smiled to myself as I felt Liz shift against me and I felt the love from them both engulf me. My smile widened when Mykel kissed my forehead and whispered that he loved me. I sighed contentedly. We three have had our fair share of traumas, but I knew that we had all found a family within each other, and that within the bond of our covenant we were walking a new path; together and toward a new beginning.