Dear Future,
In the late days of my fifteenth year, my parents were my worst enemies.
They were the only thing standing between me and a little ounce of happiness.
Sure, school was making me pretty miserable, but it was going better those days. And, besides, it was about to end.
"I've never seen them agree on something," I told Evelyn, "and it's also the first time they don't shout at each other, but together at me. It was terrible."
"Come on, Avsam," she said, "you're gonna have to try a little harder."
"You're joking right?" I smirked. "If I said one more thing, I'm afraid they would've tore my head off. There's no trying a little harder. Usually, if there is a chance of convincing them of something, I can see it. This time, well, I just don't see it."
"But I wanna see you," she said.
"Then why don't you ask your parents to come here?" I asked.
"There's just no point," she said, "they'd react the same way as yours."
"Yeah but, come to think of it, you could at least tell them about my existence, you know?"
She sighed. "I don't know how my dad would react to that. I'm scared."
"Well, this is bad, anyway," I said, "I don't see any chance of us meeting, right now."
"Never say never, right?" She said.
"Right," I said thoughtfully. Maybe there'd be a way. Maybe some day, I don't know. Maybe a miracle. Or maybe my parents just thought of me as too young to go around meeting girls in other states.
My train of thoughts was interrupted by the sound of an incoming message on Facebook. It was Andrew.
"Hey Pete, can you like this page? It's for a friend of mine."
I clicked on the link he sent me, and it redirected me to a page called 'I didn't want to let you go', with two lovers as profile picture. I scrolled down to take a look at the page's posts, and I realized the page was all about love quotes and stuff like that, mostly of someone regretting a break up and writing to the girl.
"Okay," I simply typed back, as I liked the page, unsure whether it was really for a friend, or maybe Layla had found out about the One Direction lie and had left Andrew.
So then I realized Andrew always updated his Facebook profile. So I clicked on it and, indeed, the first thing that came out in big, blue, bold text was 'Single'.
"So wait, is it a page you made?" I wrote to him.
"No, I told you, it's a friend's." He remarked.
There was no point in getting the truth out of him, so I just gave up. It was already pretty obvious that he was feeling bad about the break up. But if he wanted to keep up the cliché tough man facade, then who was I to stop him?
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
The next day at the cafeteria, as I was walking with the boys to our table, I had this urge to think of something clever to say in that moment so, as we walked by Christine, the first of the class, I said, "Look at this nerd, with her head in books even during lunch break."
Josh laughed. "Yeah, Jesus, she gives me such anxiety," he said.
I sat next to Matt, and Andrew was about to fill the spot on my right, but Josh stopped him. "Hey, I wanna sit next to Peter," he told Andrew, "you go sit on the other side."
"What? Why?" Andrew said.
"Because you're boring. All you do is say 'he's gay here, and he's a dumbass here'. Peter is funnier."
Andrew, who'd seemed down the whole time, just stayed quiet and sat next to Erasmus. "And Jesus," Josh kept talking, "wash your hands before you eat, would you?"
Everyone laughed. Andrew had pen marks all over his right hand. "You know," I said to Josh, making sure Andrew didn't hear me, "when he was a kid, he never showered. Just because his bathroom's door didn't lock. So he'd just never shower."
"Are you kidding me?" Josh said a little too loud, so I shushed him.
"Yeah," I said, "he smelled so bad. You can't even imagine."
Josh tried to hide his laughter, but couldn't.
"Peter, what the hell," a voice from behind me startled me, "What are you doing? Why are you making fun of Andrew?"
I turned around to see Amber sitting right behind me, at another table. "What do you care?" I said. "I told you we're done."
"But that's just stupid, Peter. I thought you were different."
"Yeah, and so did I. But instead, you're just like any other bitch."
I turned back to the boys. "So, Andrew," I shouted, "how's it going with Layla?"
He gulped. "We broke up," he put an uncomfortable smile on his face, "you know, it just wasn't working out."
"Oh, I see. So what happened?" I asked. "Did you tell her you don't really like One Direction and she got mad?"
"Or maybe he actually does like them," Matt said, "and she started worrying he might be gay."
And everyone laughed. Andrew nervously tried to join it, but it was no use. We were laughing at him.
"So, Pete," Josh said, his voice way softer than usual, "about that prank we played on you a few months ago—"
"Which prank?" I said, as I sipped my water.
"The one about me being gay and telling you," he explained.
"Oh, that one," I said, "well, what about it?"
"Well, first of all, I'm sorry. Second, it might've not been all that fictional of a prank."
I furrowed my brows. "What are you saying?"
"What I said may or may not actually be true," he said.
"So you're gay?" I asked, and this time he was the one to shush me.
"I'm still trying to figure it out," he said.
"But you're telling me you like dicks in your ass, aren't you?" I shouted, and everyone turned to us.
"What?" Matt said, giggling.
"He's joking," Josh shrugged.
"Ha," I shook my head no, "nice try. But weren't you just telling me you were trying to figure out if you're gay or not?"
"Peter, what the hell?" he said, his voice cracking.
"And please stop looking at me," I said, "I don't want you to get a hard on from my face."
Matt laughed along with me, but the looks on Josh, Andrew and Erasmus were the most serious I'd ever seen.
• — • — • — • — • — • — • — •
"So it was really funny," I said, "because, first, they realized Andrew stinks, and then, that Josh's gay."
Evelyn furrowed her brows. "What—"
"And gosh, it was so funny," I said, laughing, "I can't believe that bitch Amber tried to take that away from me too. I mean—"
"Peter, stop," Evelyn interrupted me, "just stop. What are you saying? What happened to you?"
"What— What do you mean?"
"You always cried about them bullying you," she said, "and now you're the bully?"
"What are you talking about, I'm not—"
"Yes. Yes, you are, Peter. Don't you see how everything you did today was borderline wrong?"
"I'm— I mean—" And that's when it came to me. Every single thing I'd said to everyone that day. How I laughed with all the wrong guys for all the wrong reasons. How I embarrassed two guys just to look cool to some others.
"Oh, God," I said, my hands starting to shake, "you're right. I— I'm sorry, I'll call you back."
I ran to the bathroom and locked myself. I could feel another panic attack coming in. I didn't want it. It was a terrible experience and I didn't want to have it ever again. I walked around the bathroom trying to calm down. Then I sat by the bath. I took a few breaths, never completing them.
That school destroyed me and everything I stood for. I tried to at least keep my personality intact after all I went through, I tried to survive the jocks but, instead, they tore me apart like a hurricane. I was starting to become what I hated and, worst of all, I didn't even realize it.
I looked up, on the washing machine, there was a blade. Mom must have left it there. I grabbed it and looked at it. I could see my reflection on it, I could see the panic in my eyes.
I brought the blade close to my right wrist with my shaky hand. The cold of the blade touching my skin, sending shivers all over my back.
I took a deep breath.
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Please, try not to hate me for this massive cliffhanger! I'm really sorry. In this chapter, we saw a different side of Peter. Hopefully, it's the last time we see it. Right?
If you liked this chapter, please VOTE and COMMENT. Until next week, ta-ta for now!
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