**Sean's perspective**
I hear a deep husky voice say "Sean please wake up..." I can hear the brokenness in the man's voice, but I can't really tell who it is. It doesn't sound like my dad though. I am really trying to open my eyes but I can't for some reason. I want to know who is sitting next to me. I feel a man's soft yet calloused hands. Then I feel a strong firm grip around my left hand. It takes all of my strength, but I managed to slightly and very loosely clutch my hand around the hand that is in mine.
I feel the hand slightly tense. For some reason my eyes finally decide to open. I am greeted by light that my eyes can't even comprehend. I shut them back tightly letting my eyes get used to the light through my eye lids.I slowly open my eyes and begin scanning the room around me trying to take in my surroundings. On my right is Mark sitting in the chair that is next to my bed. I turn my head trying to figure out where I am. Then it registers Mark? Wait Mark is here!
I realize by the look on Mark's face he is just as surprised as I am. He quickly presses the nurse call button. I wish he wouldn't have. I have a lot of things that I want to tell him, alone. A young beautiful woman comes running in she has long curly red hair and bright green eyes. She looks at me shocked, and then runs out into the hallway yelling for a doctor.
The doctor walks in and says that he needs to take some tests and that Mark needs to leave. I instinctively grab Mark's hand. I try to shake my head no, but I am so incredibly weak. I decide to try and talk "No don't make him leave. Please. Mark please don't leave me." I have on an oxygen mask and when I tried to talk all that came out was a ragged exhale instead of words. The man notices, and he tells the woman to go get me some water. Tears are brimming my eyes. I just woke up I would give anything for Mark to never have to leave my side.
When the woman presumably the nurse comes back in she has a cup with a straw. The doctor gently removes the mask from my face and she puts the straw up to my mouth. I try to take a drink but it proves to be harder than I previously thought. It takes all of my energy to take a drink. Once I do I realize how thirsty I actually am. I am relieved when I realize my mouth and throat are no longer as dry.
The woman gently pulls the cup away from my mouth. I inhale sharply because I had been forgetting to breathe in between sips. I repeat myself. When I say it I notice I do not sound like myself at all. My voice was hoarse and weak. I sound how I feel, horrible. The doctor agrees that Mark can stay in the room with me. After about an hour of tests everyone finally left but Mark.
"Mar-" he cuts me off by hugging me. I feel tears fall on my neck from where he is hugging me.
"Sean I thought I lost you. I'm so sorry this is all my fault. I should have came sooner." I begin to shake my head.
"Mark I need to tell you something..." Mark pulls away from me. I finally notice that he does not look like himself at all. He has horrible dark circles around his eyes. His checks have sunken in, and his eyes are bloodshot. I begin to cry "Mark I'm s....so sorry... this is all my fault that you look l...like this." I am sobbing and can barely speak, but I have a lot to tell him so I continue. "I need help... I've been cutting... I know I shouldn't have but it felt so good to have a distraction from all of the pain... It isn't your fault I'm cutting either it's just... e-everything. I need you so badly right now... please don't leave I don't want to scare you away..."
Mark leans in and gives me a giant hug. "Sean it's okay you didn't scare me away I'm right here and I'm not leaving." I nod. My head is still hung in shame. He grabs my hand and our fingers intertwine "I promise." Mark says as he is looking into my eyes. I glance down at our hands and blush. Mark does too, but he doesn't move his hand.
"Mark what did I do to deserve you? You are an amazing friend." I say to him.
He just shakes his head and says "I should be the one saying that to you." He smiles really warmly at me. I can feel myself getting drowsy it feels like I just woke up, and I really don't want to go back to sleep. It gets to the point where I can't keep my eyes open and they shut slowly.
**Mark's perspective**
I look over at Sean and he is sleeping peacefully. He looks so handsome when he sleeps. Sophie walks in with some food for Sean. She immediately sees our hands. Our fingers are still intertwined. I immediately begin to blush. She puts the food down on a table next to me. "Can I get you anything?" Sophie asks.
I replying a soft whisper, "No I'm fine thank you Sophie." She nods her head slowly starting to leave.
She turns back around then says "Make sure he eats when he wakes up. I have a feeling he will be able to go home with you in a few days." I smile and blush at the fact of her saying going home with you. Sophie giggles and leaves the room.
I glance over at the clock it is 1 am. I can feel myself drifting but I have to feed Sean dinner when he wakes up. Slowly I begin to drift off.
I shoot awake suddenly. Sean is shaking violently in his bed. There are visible beads of sweat on his forehead. "Sean! Sean!! Sean wake up!!" He stays asleep and begins clutching at his chest with his left hand. He grabs onto his gown and pulls it up. He begins gasping. I can tell he is having a panic attack, but in his sleep. I didn't even know that was possible. I begin to panic. I stand up out of my chair.
**Sean's perspective** (dream)
"Mark?" I say walking through my apartment. I know he is here. I hear Mark groan in pain. I run towards the sound. I open the bathroom door and he is standing there. I walk up behind him. "Mark?!?"
He turns around and faces me. He holds up his arms showing them to me fresh cuts are all up and down his arms. "Sean! Look what you did!! This is all your fault! You did this to me!!" He yells a manic look in his eyes.
I begin to shake because of the awful feeling that is rising in my chest. "Mark! What no?... I didn't-" before I could even finish he cuts me off.
"Yes you did!" He looks up at me all the insanity has left his face and been replaced with hurt. I cannot hold back the tears that start to fall down my face.
"Let me help you!" I say my voice cracking at the end due to the intensity of all of my emotions.
Mark shakes his head slowly. "No... no... I think you have done quite enough..." his voice sounds so broken. It makes my heart ache.
He grabs the razor off of the counter pointing it at me. "You made me feel horrible! Like it was all my fault! When really you are the one that was messed up enough in your head to do it! How's it feel to see the man you love do this to himself." He started of yelling, but by the end his voice was nothing but a whimper.
I fall to my knees next to his desperately trying to grab the razor from him. "Mark... no... please" I say feeling my anxiety rising faster and faster. "
Now you know how I felt..." he says looking down at the ground I can see tears falling to the floor by his knee. A pang of guilt makes my chest hurt even more.
I try to pick his head up for him to to look at me, but he refuses to let me pulling away. "I'm so sorry Mark... I didn't think... I didn't think about... about how this could affect you..." I say struggling to keep my voice to match what I want to say in my head. I take a deep breath. I have to calm down in order to help him.
"No Sean I'm sorry..." He slowly stands up looking into the mirror. I stand up with him confused, but the confusion didn't last long. I watch as he slowly turns to face me. His whole face is red from crying. He moves his hand up and places the razor to his neck. "You were perfectly fine without me... I messed up your whole life." I stand there unable to move. I can't help him. I begin to panic again. My breaths are broken and shallow. Mark looks me in the eyes "It's my fault..."
I watch helplessly as he slowly slides the blade across his neck. I watch as farm red begins pouring from his neck. He coughs beginning to choke on his own blood. Finally I am able to move I catch him as his feet give out from underneath him. He looks into my eyes. I place my hand over the cut in his neck. His eyes begin scanning my face rapidly. Every breath he takes is followed by couching and more blood coming out of his mouth.
I press my hand more firmly against the deep gash, but deep down I know there is nothing that I can do. "Mark stay with me. You will be okay!" I manage to get out. He looks me in the eyes and I watch as his eyes slowly roll into the back of his head. I can feel my heart pounding all through my body. I feel myself beginning to shake more and more violently. "Mark no!!" I scream loudly in utter defeat.
My eyes shoot open. Mark is shaking me violently trying to wake me up. I still can't seem to catch my breath.
Once Mark notices I'm awake, he places a gentle hand on my cheek. "Shhh Sean it's okay..." he says in a calming voice. I sit up more and throw the covers off of me because My body feels like it's on fire. Mark begins taking his thumb and softly wiping away tears I didn't even know were there. I grab my chest and look at him with fear in my eyes. Seeing him fills me with relief. I know it was just a dream, but it felt so real...
Mark continues to whisper calming things to me. I can feel myself staring to be able to breathe again. I inhale sharply, and it hurts my lungs a lot from the lack of oxygen for a few minutes. Mark pulls me into him tightly. I can feel myself getting more and more calm. I bury my head in the crook of his neck inhaling his comforting scent trying to stop shaking
"Sean?" Mark finally says softly as to not alarm me. I reluctantly pull away from his hug and look up at him. "Do you want to tell me what the nightmare was?" I can feel tears starting to brim my eyes. I shake my head no. There is no way I can relieve what I just experienced. Mark nods seeming to understand "Okay Sean that's fine." I scoot back over in the bed.
I wonder if asking him to sleep next to me will be weird, but I decide to ask anyway. "Mark? Will you lay with me?"
He smiles softly "Of course Sean." I return the smile before shifting over more in the bed to make room. He gently lays down on the bed next to me. I end up deciding to rest my head on his chest because that is the only way we could both fit on the small bed. He places his arm down wrapping around my back and his hand comes to rest on my wrist with the cuts.
I wince as he touches them "Oh crap I forgot sorry!" He says quickly pulling his hand away.
"It's okay Mark..." I smile. He gently starts rubbing his thumb in soothing circles over the cuts on my wrist being gentle as to not hurt me again.
I finally fall into a calm sleep. There is nothing else on planet Earth that could make me any happier.