・・・ xlii ・・・
Even though it was inevitable it had seemed too sudden.
Wearing a thick gray coat and holding a large black suitcase,
Ame seemed like she was simply going on a short trip instead of moving overseas.
Before she left, Ao and Leo saw her off at the airport.
Their mother and father were there as well.
She hugged them first, exchanging a few words.
Ao noticed his father look concerned as he bent down to kiss her cheek.
A small twinge of pain came from somewhere in his chest.
Afterwards Ame turned to Leo next.
"Stop crying like a kid. You're supposed to be a senior next year," she teased as she hugged him.
Leo shook his head, rubbing his eyes.
He pulled away from her.
"It's dust. I'm not crying," Leo protested.
She laughed.
Then finally, Ame faced Ao.
For a moment, they stared silently at each other.
Then, she suddenly smiled at him.
Without waiting for his approval, Ame reached out for his hand and pulled him in a tight embrace.
・・・ xliii ・・・
Ao flinched in surprise.
He froze in his place, not knowing how to react.
He was never good with any physical contact.
But even so... he didn't pull away, however.
Ame rubbed her head on his shoulder a few times.
When she did, he could faintly smell her shampoo.
Then, Ame suddenly raised her head and whispered softly to his ear.
Five words.
"Take care of yourself, Ao."
Her tone was filled with kindness.
Gentleness.
Warmth.
When she said that,
Ao lowered his eyes to the floor.
Slowly,
reluctantly,
he raised his hand and awkwardly hugged her back.
Then, he parted his mouth in a quiet whisper.
"... You too, nee-san."
Ame pulled away and blinked in surprise.
It was the first time Ao had ever called her by that name.
After a few seconds, she grinned a wide grin.
"I will."
・・・ xliv ・・・
She left.
With a final wave of goodbye and a final smile, Fujiwara Ame disappeared through the gates.
When she did, Ao suddenly felt a strange emotion he couldn't really explain.
Sadness?
... No.
Loss?
... No.
Loneliness?
... No.
It was...
・・・ xlv ・・・
On the night that Ame finally left, Ao realized what it was.
He was washing his face on the sink.
Water dripped down his cheek,
cool and clear and lifeless and transparent.
As he stared at the running liquid, the words Ame had told him echoed in his head.
Take care of yourself, Ao, she said.
At that instance,
he finally understood what it meant.
Ame is gone.
She isn't here anymore.
He blinked very slowly, letting that thought settle.
Then, he looked up at the mirror in front of him, noticing his reflection.
There was... something wrong with his face.
Because for some reason...
For some reason...
He... was smiling.
・・・ xlvi ・・・
Ao stared at his face in the mirror, surprised.
Without a doubt, he was really smiling.
But... why?
He knew the answer, of course.
He was simply too scared to acknowledge it.
Fujiwara Ao was happy.
He was happy that she was finally gone.
He was happy that she had finally left.
Maybe now that she's away... people will finally notice that I'm here.
Maybe this time, dad will finally look at me.
Ao looked away from his reflection, shaking his head.
No. No. No.
Stop thinking like this—
But he could still feel the smile on his face.
He didn't know how to stop.
Ao covered his face with his hands.
Ah... I am a horrible person.
*note: 'nee-san' is an affectionate way of saying 'older sister' in Japanese