I can feel everyone's sharp gaze on me. It doesn't hurt me but somehow, I want to melt down to the ground and disappear. It's like this since I showed up this morning. Almost all of the girls are giving me dirty looks everywhere I go. Now I regret going to school today.
I walk slowly along the corridor while looking down on the floor, carefully calculating every step I am taking. I'm still figuring out how to properly walk with crutches. It's hard but I think I'm getting the hang of it.
I could hear murmurs. I know you could always hear murmurs in corridors but this one feels different. It seems like they are all talking about the same thing.
I raise my head and find out that everyone is staring at us – at me and at the guy straight across me.
"Alexander." I gasp. I stop walking as I look at him walks closer to me.
Everything changes. All the people disappear and all that are left are me and Alexander. The whole moment turns into a slow motion – he is approaching me slowly.
I could hear my heart beating so loud.
Badump.
Badump.
Badump.
Except from that, I could not hear anything else. It feels like we are in another world where only the two of us exists. It's my world.
He walks closer and closer.
My eyes are following him. They don't blink even for a second. They are just following him.
On the other hand, he is also looking at me but he looks at me as if I am someone he doesn't know. He hadn't looked at me like that before.
He is so near to me that I could even reach him if I stretch my arm out. He continues to walk. He takes a step forward and walks pass me ... away from me.
That drags me back to reality.
I could see everyone is smiling teasingly. I could hear them laughing at me.
My world brakes down into pieces. I was mistaken. He was not walking towards me – he was walking away from me.
I am stun for a couple of seconds looking at him, but then I recover immediately. I take a deep breath and continue to walk forward opposite him ... away from him.
In times of hardship, sometimes all you got to do is to move forward and act like it's not hurting even when you're dying inside. You need to move forward and move on because that is how the world goes.
"What was I expecting?" I smile to myself.
* * *
It's around six when I find myself going to the basketball gym to see if how the basketball team is doing. I think it's because this had been how my schedule used to be for quite some time. It's hard not go. My body is really aching to go there. Though Coach Mark has already informed me that I don't need to be on duty for at least two weeks, I still feel like I need to go there today. My day wouldn't be complete if I won't go there.
"Hey." Coach Mark immediately notices me standing by the door. He is smiling as he approaches me. "What are you doing here?"
"Am I not allowed to be here anymore?" I answer sarcastically.
"Of course not. How's your foot?"
"Better, I think." I shrug. "Coach, can I stay here for a while? I'm going to meet someone at seven and I don't know where else to go." My class ended earlier than usual, Erika and Toni are also busy with their own things and I am waiting for Zac to pick me up by seven. I don't know where to go alone.
"Sure. You could sit there." He points at the bench just beside us. "Come here let me help you." He carefully puts his hand on my shoulders assisting me sit on the bench.
"I'm fine Coach. Thank you." I say shyly.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah." I say as I slowly sit on the bench.
He smiles and steps away. "Water break, boys." He shouts after blowing his whistle.
"Look what we got here." Anthony says panting as he jogs towards me. "How's your foot?"
"Recovering."
He smiles. "Great. I'm glad to hear that."
He taps my shoulder before he run off to get some water. The rest of the guys also gather around me asking how I am and just some casual questions.
Coach Mark blows the whistle. "Water break is over. Let's start again."
The players immediately go inside the court and start their drills again. The boys seem to be energetic than usual. Winning the diamond cup sure made them like this.
My eyes catch Alexander running inside the court. My heart skips. I honestly forgot about him being here. I somehow want to punch myself for that.
I am trying to avoid looking at him but it's just impossible. After I laid my eyes on him, I can't look at anywhere else but him. My eyes are following him everywhere he goes.
He is very wet from his own sweat but he is still exerting all out for today's practice. His sweat is dripping. His hair is wet and his shirt is soaking but still, he looks so damn good. Is this some kind of magic?
He really loves basketball. He's crazy about it.
He carries the ball very well and he does everything to get it for himself. How can I be the ball instead?
He looks at my direction and I immediately averted my eyes and look somewhere else. I bite the insides of my cheeks and sit properly, acting like nothing is wrong.
Their practice ends around quarter to seven. I watch as each one of them gets out of the basketball court to get home. I've been sitting here alone for a while now but Alexander hasn't come out from the shower room yet. It feels like he is doing it on purpose though.
I did not know how but I am unconsciously waiting for him. Yes I am waiting for Zac to pick me up anytime now but somehow I could not make my mind to think it that way. I am here sitting alone in the cold bench inside the basketball gym.
A shadow shades my foot.
I raise my head and see the guy I am unconsciously waiting for.
"Alexander." I gasp.
He looks around. "Why are you still here?"
"I-I was waiting for... you." I say with my shaking voice. His eyebrows cross and he shrugs. He then walks away but before he could do that, I reach for his hand and grip it. "Wait. Can we talk?" I beg. "Please."
He sighs and turns to face me. "What is there left to talk about?"
"There are a lot, Alexander. A lot." I whisper the last words. I look deeply into his eyes and I've seen nothing. He is just looking back at me blankly like as if I am a stranger. "I want to hear your reasons. I'm going crazy thinking why this is happening to us." He twists his hand trying to break free but I hold him tighter with my two hands. "What's wrong with us?" My voice cracks. My vision blurs as tears come pouring from my eyes.
"First thing's first Melissa, don't go crazy on thinking what's wrong with us because there was never an us."
"What the fuck. You kissed me!"
"For the record, you kissed me." He chuckles.
I laugh painfully. "But you kissed back."
He looks at me for a while. "Yes and I regret it. Just because we kissed, it means that there is something between us." He says between clench teeth. "I should have not done that. It was a mistake."
"Why?" I said in a small voice. I don't know if he hears me. I sniff and blink to clear away my tears but it just keep on pouring down. "Why is it a mistake? I can't understand you at all."
"You don't need to understand me."
"I need to! What the fuck Alexander, why can't you give me a fucking reason?!"
He doesn't say anything but instead twisted his hand and frees himself from my grip. He turns his back and starts to walk away from me.
"Alexander!" I shout. I want to stand and run to him. If not for my injury I might have done it by now. "What do you want me to do?"
"Forget me. Hate me. I don't mind if you do it that way." He answers without looking back at me. "Good bye."