(Trigger warning: Mentions of self harm and rape in this chapter)
Kellin's POV:
Two months have passed since Vic and I got back together. It feels like much longer though. Every moment since we were official again has been perfect. Well, every moment awake that'll say. The nights, not really.
I'd been dreaming, often. I'd wake up sweating in the middle of the night because of my dreams. Either it would be of when Vic was drunk, or when he cut himself. Though it's always worse than it was in reality.
I've dreamt multiple times of him actually going through with raping me. It starts off just like it did in real life, him kissing me and eventually pushing his hand down into my pants. Though it doesn't end there like it did when it happened, it goes on. It gets worse. I'm too weak for him and Vic is too angry and can't control himself.
I just woke up from one of those dreams, a loud scream coming out of my mouth before I could stop myself. Vic woke up right away, obviously due to my screaming. I was sitting up, my eyes wide with tears threatening to fall over and my hair sticking to my sweaty forehead.
"Kels?" Vic questions in a panicked tone. Poor thing must have been scared half to death by my screaming.
"Baby? Baby what's wrong?" He ask, hurriedly sitting up in bed himself.
The tears that are threatening to fall over finally does so and I don't fight anymore to hold them back. Vic scoots over to me, holding me close to him. He wraps his arms around my body, holding me to his toned chest as I cry into the crook of his neck.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I just" I can't even manage to finish my sentence as my own sob interrupts me.
"Shh, don't apologize darling. Please just tell me what happened so that I can help." Vic tells me, carefully rocking me back and forth in his arms.
"I had a dream.." I begin, taking in a deep breath. I hadn't told Vic anything about my dreams the past weeks and I think I realize it's time to come clean about them.
"I had a dream. I actually have had similar dreams the past months. Ever since we got back together I've been spending almost all of my time with you in the days, which has made me dream about you at night. Though I'm not dreaming of the amazing boyfriend that you are, the amazing boyfriend I see every day that I'm awake. I dream about you, and in my dreams bad things are happening with you and with us.
I have two dreams that keep coming back to me. One of them I had right now when I woke you up. I dream about you raping me.." I trail off, waiting to see Vic's reaction at this.
I turn my head back to see how he reacts. His eyes are shut in what seems to be pain and when he opens them again there are unleashed tears in them, about to spill over.
"Fuck.." he mutters, dragging his hand over his face in a frustrated move and pushes his hair out of his eyes.
"I'm so sorry Kellin. I know I fucked up badly but I never realized how much I truly hurt you" He mutters, holding me close to him still.
"It's not your fault I have the dreams Vic, it's no ones fault" I tell him. I've forgiven Vic, and it isn't like he can control what I dream about.
"Have you really forgiven me for it? Because if you haven't I totally understand and maybe that's why you're having these dreams?" He ponders.
"No.. I have forgiven you I promise. I don't know why I have them and it's been driving me crazy. I just want to sleep well again."
"Tell me about them" Vic states suddenly making me look at him in confusion.
"What? Why? Vic you don't want to hear about that.."
"Sure I do. Of course it hurts me to know you have these dreams but you are my boyfriend. And right now you're going through something that I as your boyfriend won't let you go through alone. Talking about them might help, so tell me about them" He explains making a small smile form on my lips from how sweet Vic is being.
"Okay.. So the first one, the one I had tonight is you raping me like I said. It starts off like it did that night you were drunk. I don't know if you remember it but you had your hand down my pants. It didn't go any further than that in real life since I began crying and you pulled away. In the dream, you don't. You ignore my crying and force me out of my clothes, and then you, you know.." I mumble out, feeling ashamed to say this in front of Vic. It can't be fun for him to hear me say such things about him, whether it's real or not.
"Okay.. What's the other dream?" Vic asks and I nervously gulp before answering him.
"In the other.. it's like a flashback from when you hurt yourself. I see myself walking into the dorm and then I see you sitting the way you did with a blade to your arm. Though as I come closer your arms are already full of cuts. In the dream you have cut up practically your entire forearm and you're bleeding.. You're bleeding so much.." I mumble, feeling the tears start to fall from my eyes again.
"Both of the dreams just hurt so much. In one you hurt me, in the other you hurt yourself and both of them hurts so bad to have" I whine out. My voice is high pitched but raspy at the same time as my crying has started to become hysterical.
Vic holds me even tighter, something I barely thought was possible for him to do. He moves his hand over the back of my head repeatedly, soothing me.
"Promise me that from now on, you will wake me up whenever you have a bad dream baby. I don't care if you wake me up at 3 am every night, as long as you don't have to deal with the dreams yourself" Vic tells me.
"Okay" I answer him with a sniffle.
"Do you want to go back to sleep now, or do you want to stay awake?" He asks me after a moment of silence.
"Sleep, I'm still tired" I tell Vic to which he nods.
He lies down on his back, bringing me with him so that my body is resting on top of his. Vic keeps his arms wrapped around me protectively, still moving his hand over my hair comfortingly.
"I love you so much baby" He says, placing a kiss against my forehead.
"I love you too. Thank you for not being mad at me for dreaming those things"
"It's not your fault baby, you can't control it. I just want to help as much as I can"
"You do, trust me you do. You being here helps me, you holding me helps me"
"Good.." He mumbles, kissing my forehead one more time before we fall asleep for a couple of more hours.
*
The next time I wake up I do so in peace. I do so from the sun shining into our bedroom and Vic making small grunting noises close to me.
I open my eyes to see that my hair is right under Vic's nose, and I realize that's the reason to his noises as my hair is tickling him. I put my hair behind my ear before resting my head against Vic's chest again. I let my fingers wander over his toned chest, adoring the contrast between our two skin tones. Vic's tan skin is a bit darker from the warm weather and the fact that we've spent some time on the beach. Though me being my pale self, haven't gotten tan in the slightest making the difference between our skin tone more sharp than usual.
I poke Vic's cheek, wanting him to wake up. No success. He just grunts before taking my hand in his. Instead I try to kiss his nose to wake him up, no success this time either.
With a sigh I do the last thing I can think of to wake Vic up without shouting at him. I sit up so that I'm straddling him, wiggling my butt against him. He groans underneath me as his eyes start to flutter open.
Vic finally opens his eyes completely and looks up at me. He places his hands under his head, giving me a smirk.
"Are you giving me a lap dance?" He questions, the smirk on his lips growing and I smack his chest.
"Vic! No I'm not you idiot. I'm waking you up" I whine at him.
"You sure? Cause this is the hottest way I've ever been woken up" He says. Before I can react Vic has turned us over on the bed, leaving me under him.
He grinds our hips together, making a moan escape my lips that soon is silenced by Vic's lips on mine. I wrap my arms around his neck, holding him close to me as we kiss. Vic lets his hands rest on my hips, holding them in a tight grip.
"Lap dance or not, it was definitely a great way to be woken up" Vic says to me after we pull away from the kiss. I blush a bit at his words before carefully pushing him off me and sitting up in bed.
I stretch for a bit before I get up from the bed, feeling that I should get ready for the day. Not that I have any special plans, I'm just planning on spending the day with Vic.
*
Another party is being thrown tonight, similar to the last one we all went to. It's the kind of party that every student here comes to to relax for the weekend and have some fun before it's time for another week in school.
I've dressed up in my usual pair of white skinny jeans along with a pastel blue button up shirt. I've tried fixing my hair as well but with literally no success so I'm just gonna let it be natural. I put on a bit of perfume, one that Vic has mentioned before that he loves. It smells like a mixture of roses and strawberries. According to Vic, it smells like my personality.
I stand up from the bed, just about to go look where Vic is and if he is ready to get going. Just when I do so he comes into the room, looking much different to what I suspected.
He's wearing a pair of black soft pants a v-neck t-shirt in the same color and his curly hair is put up in a messy man bun. And oh dear, why have I never seen him in a man bun before??
His arms are stuffed with different kinds of candy and similar things. He's got a bag of chips in my favorite flavor, along with two ben & jerry's, also in my favorite. He's also holding some kind of candy bag that I can't really make out what's inside.
The both of us just stand there for a while, staring at each other in confusion. I'm confused as to why Vic is dressed in those clothes, and why he's got all the candy. He must be confused as to why I'm dressed in the opposite way as to how he's dressed.
"Why are you so dressed up?" He asks me, breaking the silence.
"Why are you so dressed down? Didn't you hear about the party?"
"Yeah, so?" He asks, walking past me and sitting down on the bed, putting the laptop in front of him and putting the eatables down on the nightstand table.
"I thought you wanted to go, you like parties. I got dressed so we could go there"
"Well if you really want to go we could, I have no interest in doing so" Vic says to me.
"Me? No.. I don't like parties. I just know you do so I thought.." I mumble, looking down as I start blushing without being completely sure why I'm doing so.
"Kels? You know what I like way more than parties?" Vic asks, making me look at him.
"What?"
"You. I'd much rather spend alone time with my beautiful and lovely boyfriend instead of going to a college party. The place will only be filled with drunk idiots, much like me the last time we went to one. I know how much I hurt you that night, with you still having nightmares because of me. I'm not risking that happening again"
"Thank you" I whisper and give Vic a small smile which he returns.
I immediately start to undo the buttons to my shirt, making Vic let out a teasing whistle. I turn around to him and he gives me a wink that causes my cheeks to heat up again.
"Shut up.." I mumble, taking off my shirt completely.
I do the same to my jeans, taking them off which leaves me in only underwear and making Vic let out a numerous of whistles.
"Viic!" I whine, dragging out the i in his name.
"Yes baby?" He asks in faux innocence.
"Stop whistling at me" I pout, opening the drawer where Vic keeps his clothes.
"Um Kels, you do know that's my drawer" He points out, forgetting about whistling at me.
"Yep" I reply simply, continuing to dig through the drawer.
I finally find a t-shirt that doesn't looks as 'cool' as the other since it's this turquoise kind of color and pull it over my head. The shirt fitting Vic and not the little elf that is myself goes to right under my butt, covering it.
"Damn that's adorable" I hear Vic mumble from the bed.
I get on the bed next to him, crawling in under the covers to warm my bare legs. I could've just worn sweatpants but let's be real; not wearing pants and crawling in under a sheet or blanket is the best feeling. Especially now when I've recently shaved my legs making them all smooth.
I scoot closer to Vic so that I'm practically half sitting up, half lying down on top of him. He wraps his arm around my shoulders, bringing me even closer to him. He opens up the laptop and logs into Netflix.
"What do you wanna watch baby?" He asks me, letting me choose the movie which I obviously take advantage of.
"Can we watch Tangled?"
"Again?"
I give Vic a pout at this to which he immediately responds by putting on the movie I asked for, I'll always be a nerd for disney movies.
Vic reaches over to the nightstand table, grabbing the two ben & jerry's. He gives me one of them and keeps the other himself. I'm about to ask him for a spoon but I only have time to open my mouth when he hands me a spoon and I close my mouth again. He really thought of everything.
I cuddle up against Vic as the movie begin playing and we both start eating our ice cream at the same time. I hum along to the songs, knowing almost every one of them by heart. Though not being able to sing due to the ice cream I have in my mouth.
"You are so cute.." Vic mumbles as I'm humming along to 'I have a dream'. The song that I think is the highlight of the whole movie. I don't say anything to Vic's comment, just turn my head so that I can press a kiss to his cheek.
When we're about halfway through the movie the music from the party has begun getting louder, so loud that we can clearly hear it. I glance at Vic, looking if he seems to pay any attention to it. He seems to have gotten really interested in the movie and doesn't even notice my eyes on him.
"Viccy?" I begin carefully. He pauses the movie and turns his full attention to me.
"Yes baby?"
"Are you sure you don't mind being here with me? Like are you really certain that you don't want to go to the party instead"
"Baby, definitely not. I'd never give up cuddly time with you, okay? I have all kinds of junk food here, I got my pjs, I got a movie that I honestly must admit is pretty good. But most of all I have you, that's all I need to enjoy myself. I don't need a stupid party"
I blush at his words, simply because they were really cute. I put the lid on the ice cream and push away the laptop a bit. I crawl onto Vic's lap so that I'm straddling him and wrap my arms around his neck. I rest my head against his shoulder as Vic puts away his ice cream and wrap his arms around my body, holding me close to him.
"Thank you" I whisper, hugging him tight.
When we pull away from the hug I press a soft kiss against Vic's lips that he happily accepts before I turn over in his lap. I manage to do so not very gracefully, making Vic grunt as I'm pretty sure I squeeze his junk before sitting down better. When I'm finally sitting as I planned to do I'm between Vic's legs with my back against his chest and he can have his chin resting on my shoulder to see the laptop.
I bring it closer to us once again and press play. I hand Vic his ice cream and grab my own as well, continuing to eat it. I sigh in content at the whole situation.
My favorite movie, my favorite ice cream, sitting in the arms of my favorite person. It's so simple yet the best thing that Vic could have done for me, and so incredibly sweet. I'll never stop being thankful for having him in my life.
He does everything for me. He treats me like I'm his princess, and I know for sure; he truly is my prince charming that I'll live happily ever after with.
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